Wilma Does Not Waver Posted by:Sally--Monday, June 06, 2011

Today is Bam Bam's 17th birthday and he spent it at Bedrock manor. I remember 17 years ago getting the phone call from his birthgrandmother (he is adopted) that he was born. I spent the next few days back and forth to Latrobe hospital to get to know my new son. His grandmother and great-grandmother were wonderful very focused on what was best for the baby. His birthmom had many problems and was not allowed to be alone with the baby or allowed to bring him home. She had to have a plan for him. Her family already had custody of Bam Bam's sister(one year older than Bam Bam) and had their hands full with her and all of the drama surounding their mom. They wanted him to have a chance for a normal life with a mother and father. Birthmom Kandy had chosen us over two other couples and we felt so lucky and blessed.

I bonded with Grandma and Great-Grandma so on the day we went to pick him up from the hospital I walked hand in hand in with them down the hall to Kandy's room. Fortunately, she had a c-section and the lawyer had her sign the papers 72 hours after the birth. The nurses were wonderful, very thankful Bam Bam was going home with us. Kandy had been raising all kinds of he@@!! during her stay at the hospital and there was concern about the baby's safety. We had the new-baby crash course in bathing and feeding and went home with tons of formula, diapers for our new precious baby. After 7 years we were parents!!!

Fast forward 17 years and here we are at Bedrock Manor. We have a standing 5:30 appt with the counselor, get there and she isn't there. She was in court all day in another county several hours away and didn't make it back to the facility and forgot to call us. So now we have an hour to kill. Left for an hour and came back at 6:30 for family programming.

First the parents meet with Miss Lacey and she goes over what we will be working on. It is an aftercare plan for when the kids are discharged-what treatment they will have, going to NA/AA, getting a sponser, school. Then it is tougher; the kid has to name which using friends they won't hang out with, which non-using friends they will hang out with, and on and on. A couple of us mention our kids only have friends that use. In fact, my son is friends with the Olsen twins who were recently arrested at school. I think they should be on the friends not to hang out with. Then the staff brings the kids in and we are to go over the plan with them.

BamBam comes in not looking too happy but of course it's his birthday. I did wish him happy birthday. We start on the plan and he writes a couple things like SHORES for D & A in Home treatment, then when it's the meeting part of the plan he talks about how they want them to do 90 and 90 which is 90 meetings in 90 days and says he isn't doing it , its stupid he would do it in 180 days. Fred doesn't know what this is. I suggest Bam Bam explain it to his dad but he refuses. I told him he could spread it out a little if he wants to but it is important. Then we get to the school part of the plan and he asks if what he is doing there counts, and what he did in cyber should count and he might as well just get his ged if he has to do school work in the summer, and on and on. We tell him AGAIN that it all counts, he might as well do school work as he wouldn't get his ged until June 2012 when he would graduate from high school which he already knows. We weren't getting mad or anything then he says something like "this is shit" and calls me a psycho.

From here I could see it escalating into him calling me an F&&&ng B!!*%%$ch. I said I don't have to listen to that and leave the room and wait in the lobby area. He is upset, Miss Lacey comes out to talk to me. Bam Bam wants me to come back and I refused. I can hear him telling them he needs to talk to me but they won't let him out in the lobby thank goodness. I told her that if we were at home Bam Bam would be stalking me through the house . Thank goodness we were at Bedrock and not at home so he couldn't do that. I told her that I am not putting up with his disrespect. She came out a couple times to try and get me to come back but again. I refused. It's freezing in the lobby so i went outside. Lacey comes out again and asks if i could come tomorrow for a session with Miss Margarock and I told her no, i came today and its not my fault the counselor wasn't there. I am very busy at my work right now (I do have a lot of flexibility but I am not jumping through hoops to reward Bam Bam's disrespect). and was not planning on traveling back and forth to the facility on Wednesday. Bam Bam has a 9 hour pass tomorrow and the plan was for Fred to pick him up and they would do a few things together. I would go early to work but then I would leave early to spend time with Bam Bam and Fred and then we would all go to dinner for his birthday. Lacey tells me that he is crying but I am not budging.

She asks if I would do a phone session in the morning with Bam Bam and his counselor and I said I would do that. While I was outside another staff person I had met before told me that I did the right thing so I felt somewhat vindicated. She told me they tell parents they do not have to take abuse from the clients. Bam Bam never went back into the cafeteria to participate in the programming with his dad. So I don't know if he will get his 9 hour pass which he did earn. And if he does right now I don't know If I will go out with him.

So much drama. I do feel bad for him that he is not home for his birthday, however, his plan was probably to hang out and get high/drunk with his friends. And that did not happen.!

Editor: The original image of the Bam Bam birthday cake, which does not appear to be copy writed, was found at http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/bambambirthdaycake.jpg/

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