Quote of the Week

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Truths about Addiction
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, August 22, 2015

Click here for an insightful blog posting about one family’s experience with their son’s heroin addiction, titled “7 Truths About My Addict That Took 5 Years To Learn”.  Although the family clearly went through many years of heartbreak, the good news is that their son has been clean and sober for the past 5 years!

Below is a synopsis of the father’s “seven truths”, but I highly recommend that you read the blog posting to get the full effect of his insights.   

Parents Are Enablers
I Cannot Fix This
My Addict Is A Liar
My Addict Is A Criminal
Others Don’t Want Them Around
Life Will Not Be The Same
Homelessness May Be The Path He Chooses

A sample from the author's commentary:
I once wrote a letter to my son about using drugs. I used the analogy of him standing on the railroad tracks and a train (drugs) is blasting down the tracks and blaring its horn but he hears nothing. I told him it was my job to knock him out of the way and take the hit, that’s what fathers do. I understand now, I was wrong. All that would do would leave me dead on the tracks and he would be standing on another set of tracks the next day.

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Apartment Hunting
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, August 12, 2015

My 19-year-old son Dylan is looking for an apartment, and is hoping to share with a friend who is 20.  Both of them have juvenile records - neither has any credit history – and both have spotty work histories at minimum wage jobs.  Neither of them has a car, so they need to be near public transportation.  Dylan plans to get a job, but does not have one yet.  His friend just got a full-time job at a fast-food restaurant.  Both of them drink & get high (marijuana), but seem to be functional – they don’t live with me, thank goodness.

I suspect that many of you have had experience with your own children leasing apartments, and I’d love any tips from you.  I definitely don’t want to co-sign for a 12-month lease.   Do you have suggestions/warnings?  (And wouldn’t you just love to be their landlord?) 

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Addiction ~ a Family Disease
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Following are excerpts from Lisa Frederiksen’s interview with author Barbara Cofer Stoefen about her experiences with her daughter's drug use.  Click here for Lisa’s full interview with Barbara.  

Having a child in the throes of addiction is to experience profound grief.  . . .  We lose what they used to look like, smell like, we lose their health, we lose their companionship, we lose the pride we once had in them, we lose the very essence of them… because they truly have become someone else. Also, parents are often the target of a great amount of wrath coming from their addicted child, and it often feels we’ve lost their love too. But maybe most important of all is we lose our dreams for our child… our hope for their future. Because we doubt they have a future. And we lose all of these things over and over and over again. It’s like a wound that never heals and continues to split open.

So the family lives with daily grief, with daily loss. The family also lives with constant upset because of the havoc someone in the throes of addiction can wreak on others. There’s often middle-of-the-night phone calls, angry rants, demands, interrupted holidays, and of course the criminality that often goes hand and hand with addiction.
Oh, and there’s drama. Lots and lots of drama.   

Barbara’s recommendations for families of addicts:
1.   Know they didn’t cause it, can’t control it, can’t cure it. (Al-Anon slogan)
2.   Get support. We can’t go through this alone.
3.   Work on their own recovery. The person with the addiction isn’t the only one with problems. Everyone in the family needs to do their own part to heal.

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