SUMMARY OF THE MAY 21 PSST MEETING IN MT LEBANON Posted by:Rocco--Friday, June 03, 2011

Saturday Morning PSST ~ May 21, 2011

We had another great turnout at the Mt Lebanon PSST Meeting on Saturday May 21 – In attendance were 19 PSST parents representing 15 families, a.k.a. Alice & Ralph, Jenn &Brad, Rose, Daisy, Sally & Rocco, Angela, Jessica, Cheryl, Becky, Wilma, Kitty, Jennifer, Candy, Brigitte & Francois and Violet.

Our PSST Pros Kathie T of Wesley Spectrum along with Michelle of Wesley-Spectrum In-Home Services and Val, Lloyd and his former intern/sidekick Rebecca from A.C. Juvenile Probation were here to share their experience and wisdom mixed with a little humor. Rebecca is moving on to an adult program. You have made a positive impact on us and our teens in the short time you have been here Rebecca. All of us at PSST wish you the very best in both your future professional and personal life. Thank you.

Jenn & Brad did a super job running today’s meeting. As usual, with such a large turn-out, we went around the room for short updates and asked those in need to let us know so we could return to them.


LET'S TALK

Alice & Ralph have two sons Norton and Ed. Their older son Norton has been in contact with them about returning home. He has explained that he is saving his money for his trip. Alice & Ralph are letting Norton know that he will still need to comply with the same home rules that he ran away from if and when he comes home. But first he will need to deal with his legal issues that he also ran from.

Their younger son Ed successfully completed his inpatient recovery program and is attending school. Ed has hit a few potholes on his road to recovery but has kept up a positive attitude and continue to move forward. He earned his driver's license, purchased a truck and is running his own landscaping business.

See Ralph's latest post Technology and Your Teen

Alice and Ralph have shown how powerful a home contract can be if used properly and have enforced it with some wisdom. Remember contracts don't need to be carved in granite, there is some wiggle room on consequences, NEVER-THE-LESS, any revisions to the contract need to be approved and made by the parents.

Thanks for being a big part of PSST Alice and Ralph.

Rose has a son Joe who is currently in an inpatient program. Joe's drug of choice is known as "Robo-Tripping". It is very hard to control because it uses legal drugs containing Dextromethorphan. DXM is a cough-suppressing ingredient found in a variety of over-the-counter cold and cough medications like Robitussin.

The abuse of cough medications including DXM can contain other ingredients, such as acetaminophen, which can be very dangerous when taken in large quantities. For example, large quantities of acetaminophen can damage the liver.

DXM is also sometimes abused with other drugs or alcohol, which can increase the dangerous physical effects.

For more information on this and other drugs click on The Partnership at Drugfree.org

Rose took a pass to give some others some time.

Thanks for continuing to attend the PSST Meetings Rose. We are here to assist you in any way we can to help your son and for you to lean on as needed.

Jenn & Brad, this week's leaders have only been with PSST for just about 5 months and they have made really great progress with their son Dylan. Dylan had entered the juvenile system earlier but now Jenn & Brad have their PSST Powers to support them in their struggle to assist Dylan in his recovery. Jenn & Brad were feeling good enough today to pass their time on to others in need.

Jenn & Brad you have come a long way in a short time. PSST will be here to help you in your next steps.

Daisy is one of our PSSTough Moms. She has helped her son Ozzie get his life back on track and continues to show him that she will do whatever it takes to keep him straight [including making Ozzie's P.O. appear out of thin air when he least expects it!] Daisy was also feeling good enough today to pass her time on to others in need.

Daisy, you are one of PSST's best examples at taking back the power in your home and helping your son. Thanks for continuing to be part of PSST

Sally & Rocco's son Cisco is continuing to do well in his recovery. It has been almost two years since Cisco first entered an inpatient recovery program voluntarily following his arrest. He has been in and out of several programs and we have made it clear to him that we will be there to support him but that we will NOT enable him in any way. Cisco is currently in a halfway house and has started to attend CCAC. He has been enjoying his weekend passes and beginning to mature as he gets more and more clean time in.

On this second anniversary of sorts we [Sally & Rocco] once more would like to sincerely thank Val, Lloyd, Kathie and Cathy and everyone else at PSST for their assistance, support and time in helping us to help our son save his life.

Angela’s daughter Samantha has completed her inpatient recovery program and had returned to school. She had a slip up a few weeks ago. Angela and her husband Tony quickly put a stop to her behavior which included a stay at Shuman Juvenile Detention Center. They have worked with the system and have Samantha in an intensive in–home therapeutic recovery program for 15 hours per week. Samantha also attends three meetings per week. It seems as if she is responding well to this in lieu of going back into an inpatient program.

We are all very interested how the in-home treatment works.

Please keep us posted, or maybe write something for the blog, as this may be appropriate for other families.

Angela, you and Tony have shown what caring and concerned parents can accomplish in less than six months if they are willing to practice some new (and sometimes difficult) parenting skills. It's not the easy way but it is the PSST way! Thanks for being part of PSST and continuing to share your story.

Jessica is yet another great example of how, in just about 6 months, parents can turn their lives and their family around and heading in the right direction. She and her husband Roger have shown how you can go from pathologically compliant [thanks Jessica for the great description], confused and powerless to accepting the power and using it to assist their son Herman in his recovery. They have learned to assert their parental authority and work with the system to see that Herman gets the best help that they can provide.

At the same time they have taken some time for themselves and the rest of their family to get back to what "normal" families do. They have also let Herman know that they will not accept his old behaviors and it is up to him to make them comfortable.

This process does not happen over night and mistakes will be made, NEVER-THE-LESS, Jessica is seeing some real progress. She is seeing how with more and more clean time Herman is becoming more transparent and less angry. She even noticed that he is getting his sense of humor back.

I am starting to sound like a broken record, you know vinyl?, no? okay, I am starting to sound like a stuck CD, but Jessica and Roger have shown what caring and concerned parents can accomplish in less than six months if they are able to stick with some new (and sometimes difficult) parenting skills and are not afraid to question authority. Thanks for being part of and contributing so much to PSST.

Cheryl's son Andy is now in an adult half-way house. She and her husband Jim have seen an improvement in his behavior and hope that this placement will help him understand the importance of his recovery.

A while back Cheryl and Jim had to make the decision to let Andy know that they were not comfortable with him coming home. This is tough decision for any parent to make but these are the things we learn how to do at PSST. They sent a very clear message to him that they are serious about his recovery.

Once more, Cheryl, you and Jim, have shown what caring and concerned parents can accomplish in less than six months if they can make the tough decisions and work with the system to get the best care for their teenagers. Thanks to you two for being a big part of PSST.

Becky's 16 year old son Sid is back home from his in-patient recovery program. The downside is that they could not get their school district to assist them in finding an alternate school so Syd is back to his old school. The upside is that Syd is enjoying working after school and it seems to help him to keep busy. The other upside is that Becky and Tom have been working together to help themselves and their son and they are not afraid to call in "The P.O." as needed. This is a result of them doing the “uncomfortable thing” and having their teen placed on juvenile probation. It becomes a major tool in your tool box to help you help your teen stay clean.

Becky, you and Tom, have done a great deal in just a little more than six months and have turned things around. This is not always easy but we appreciate you for being a big part of PSST and we are here to support and encourage you.

Wilma's son Bam-Bam is in an inpatient recovery program Because Wilma cared enough to file Act 53 charges [with no support from her husband Fred]. Bam-Bam is not a happy camper and told Wilma that he is coming home as soon as possible. Wilma has made it clear that she is not comfortable with him coming home. She will take the next step and file charges to have Bam-Bam put on probation to make sure he gets the help that he needs [with or without Fred - maybe he will catch on some time soon].

Hang in there Wilma, you are doing all of the right things to help Bam-Bam get the tools he needs to save his life and his future. We at PSST are here to support and assist you. Thanks so much for all of the input on the blog.

Kitty's is wondering about her son Carlyle. He completed his inpatient recovery program and is back home and is doing okay. She was asking, as many of us at PSST do: "What is 'normal teenage behavior' vs 'ADHD behavior' vs 'recovery behavior?'"

In the meantime her older son let her know that he plans to stick it out in his own recovery program.

Thanks for being part of PSST Kitty. We all have similar questions about our teen's behavior and I am not exactly sure myself sometimes. I do know that we know our children better than anyone else, especially moms. As Sally reinforces with me we need to trust our feelings and feel free to question our teens [not confront them] as long as they continue to live in home. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.

Candy’s daughter Tori has been in a halfway house for about 5-12 months. Tori still has an issue about following rules and regulations but she has been clean for 9-1/2 months. Toriis about to be discharged and is planning on getting an apartment in the same town as the halfway house. Candy is "cautiously Optimistic" about Tori's chances at success but knows that she has a much better chance at making a life for herself than last summer when Candy and her husband stood up in court several times to make sure that their daughter received the help she needed to save her life.

Candy, you and Aaron have been on this long strange trip almost as long as Sally and I and we can both see positive improvements and a possibility of a future for our kids. We have worked hard with our PSST Pros at Juvenile Probation and Wesley Spectrum to see that our teens received the best chance that we could provide for them to work their recovery. It is not over but we can both relax a bit more than we did last summer. Thanks for sticking with us and remember we are there for you when needed.

LET'S TALK A LITTLE MORE...

We try to save time at our PSST Meetings for those who need to share a little more about what is happening, good and bad. If you attend a meeting please don't be shy about speaking up here. Remember we are here to help you, not judge you.

Brigitte and Francoise's son Pierre returned home following 3 weeks in an inpatient recovery program. Pierre has recently relapsed and is in Shuman awaiting a hearing. He claims that his younger brother Jacques was using in front of him. Of course Jacques denies it.

Brigitte used her best new parenting skills and took immediate action not just with Pierre but also with Jacques. She contacted the parents of Jacques 5 friends and had the parents agree to testing them. They came up positive and the parents agreed to sanctions on them.

This is great Brigitte. Thank goodness most of the other families seemed ready to cooperate with you on being proactive. Unfortunately this is not always the case with other parents of our teen's friends. Many of them are either in denial, afraid to take action or they just don't seem to care.

In the mean time Brigitte has her hands full dealing with her youngest son who has hit an emotional low.

Pierre was doing pretty well in his recovery he but recently seemed to have gone backwards with people, places and things.

We discussed how our children in recovery not only grieve the loss of their old "friends" but they also grieve the loss of their power in their home and over their family.

This grieving can appear as anger/resentment towards the parents especially when they are visiting their child in an inpatient facility. They see that they are losing their control of their parents and that things are going to be different when they return home. Don't let this worry you, in fact accept the blame/the power.

If they tell you that it is all your fault that they are "in here" do not hesitate to agree with them. "Yes, I did put you in here and I will continue to do whatever it takes to help you with your recovery / to keep you safe / to save your life . Remember, while your child is in a recovery program is the best time to let them know that you are taking back the power and will not be manipulated. Allow them to act out so that their counselors will understand them better and work with them.

Brigitte and Francoise are awarded the PSSTrophey for being proactive and for taking back the power in their home. You two are a great addition to the PSST parents. Thanks for sharing with us.

Violet's son Sal came home from his halfway house in time to begin college in January. He was staying on campus but coming home every weekend to visit his P.O. His P.O. would also pay random visits to Sal at college.
Sal did pretty good and maintained his studies but he has recently relapsed on benzo's and K-2. He has a hearing with a judge on Tuesday and will remain in Shuman Juvenile Center until he is placed in another recovery program.

Sal tried his best to manipulate his mom with "K-2 is not in my contract" and "If you don't speak-up in court I will probably just get some outpatient program" and the standard "You know that I am the only one who can work my program. You can't work my program". Violet was not buying any of Sal's manipulation. She retorted "And you can't work my program! I will speak up in court and I will do whatever it takes to save your life." Violet is frustrated [I know the feeling myself] and has invested too much in the last few years to give up on her son's recovery.

Way to be Violet. You have come a long way since you began PSST. You are one of the best examples of a parent being on board for the long term. See Violet's update; Violet Stands Up to the Challenge

Jennifer's 17 year old son Maxwell began using marijuana around age 14. He has shown all of the usual addictive behaviors but his anger problem became a serious issue. Maxwell has been through a recovery program, was attending meetings and had a job that his dad arranged for him. Like so many of our teens Maxwell has a really hard time staying away from people, place and things that feed his addiction [especially his "friends" a.k.a. "the only people who understand and care about him". Yep most of us at PSST have heard about our teen's "friends" and they do care about him as long as he wants use with them or supply them.

Maxwell is also a master manipulator. A real bad sign for our teens in recovery is when they give you the lecture about how they do not need to attend meetings or have a sponsor and that they can handle their recovery better on their own.

Besides manipulating and returning to his old "friends" Maxwell also managed to lose his job, total his car, miss his curfews, break all the rules and basically escalate the chaos in his home.

Addictive behavior pushes family relations to the maximum limits. It takes some time before parents realize that logic and common sense don't work. Some parents never understand that addictive behavior causes tunnel vision. The ONLY thing an addict can consistently focus on is where can I find my next high. It does not mean that the addict doesn't love their parents, care about their family or even that they don't understand that they are making the wrong choice. Their addiction will tell them they need to do whatever they need to do to feed their addiction, and then they can clear up the rest of that family stuff.

Some parents like Maxwell's dad tend to shrink away from being a parent of an addict and will continue to "walk on eggshells" so they don't "add to the chaos". Some parents take on the "just wait until you are 18 and I throw you out" role and tend to raise the chaos levels. [HINT: Neither of these methods help.]

Other parents like Jennifer look for outside help on how to deal with their out of control teen [this is not always the comfortable thing to do]. They find that working with professionals takes a big burden off of their shoulders.

Jennifer is continuing to look for help and is working with the professionals to have her son placed into a recovery program and is doing everything else that she can to save his life and her family. PSST is here to support and assist you Jennifer. You are now heading the right direction and things will improve.

NOTE TO PARENTS: Relapse happens. It is not the end of the road, it is a big pothole in the road. You may need to stop and change your tire and maybe even replace the wheel. Then you can get back on the road and moving forward in a short time. When relapse happens get professional help. This is why Sally and I have stood up in court to keep our 18 son on juvenile probation. The help has been there for us when we asked.

LET'S PLAY

We had enough time [thanks to Jenn & Brad's leadership] to do a role play.

ROLE PLAY - A son discussing his upcoming hearing with his mom and his burrito eating dad.

Violet played the son, Sally played the mom and Ralph was the burrito eating dad.

Son: (Shouting from his bedroom) MOM! Come here a minute I need to talk to you!

Mom: If you need to talk come down to the kitchen. We can talk there.
[this is a minor but important parental power point - get your teen out of their territory and into your territory to talk]

Son: C'mon, is this going to be another of your rants? I need to talk to you about what my PD [public defender] just talked about.

Mom: I just want to make sure that I hear you clearly and understand you.

Son: Okay, listen, my PD says that this hearing is really simple. It is not a big deal and at the most all I would need to do is some intensive outpatient, stay in school and get a job. I can still live here at home.

Mom: Did he really? That is really encouraging isn't it? How does that work?

Son: Mom, it is no big deal. Relapse happens you know. K-2 is not in our home contract and it is not even illegal. He said if you just be quiet and don't say anything at the hearing that we can be in and out in no time.

Mom: Really? Listen honey I can't...

Son: Don't screw this thing up mom. There is no reason for you to even come to court.

Dad: [looking in the refrigerator] Yea, give him a break. He is doing his best working his program.

Mom: Are you both done? Let me know when it is my turn to talk.

Son: What?

Dad; [still looking in the refrigerator] Hey, I was just looking for my burrito.

Mom: [looking directly at the son and ignoring the dad] Honey you and your PD have some good points, never the less, I...

Son: There you go again with that PSST talk.

Mom: Is it my turn to talk or do you want to go on some more?

Son: I am not comfortable with that PSST cr@p!

Mom: Never the less, when I go into to court I will do whatever it takes to keep you working your program...

Son: I am working my program mom! I am the only one working my program! I am the only one who can work my program! I don't need you to work my program!

Mom: [waiting for the Son to finish - do not attempt to talk over your teen]: You're right. I cannot work your program and you cannot work my program!

When we get to court I will work my program and my program is to do whatever I can do to get you the help you need to help yourself. Then we will let the judge decide who is right.

You let your PD know that you want to work your program and that I will work my program, okay? Do we need to discuss this anymore?

Son: No.

Mom: Good, now help your dad find his burrito.

REMEMBER: Bing your teen into your territory for discussions, listen carefully to what they are saying, do not talk over your teen, if they interrupt you - stop talking and wait until they are done - ask them if they have anything else to add and then continue with your original point [do not let them manipulate you off of your subject], try to find an agreement point with something they are saying; never the less; stick to your point, never belittle your teen and do not be distracted by dads looking for burritos.

FINAL COMMENTS

We try to save enough time for everyone who wants to make a final comment. This is the only place where we ask for no discussion due to time constraint.

Rose: "My son Joe is near the end of his recovery program. I need to prepare my house and myself for his return. I do not think that a halfway house is the right idea for Joe. I want him home with a contract, attending an outpatient program and on juvenile probation. Probation is my safety net. Now his dad has come back into the picture. He wants Joe off of probation so that he can move to North Carolina with him and start a job he has lined up for him. That makes me feel uncomfortable. After all that I have been through with Joe for almost two years - to just let him off of probation and let him leave makes me fear for him."

Wilma: "Writing my story on the blog is great therapy. Thanks to everyone for their comments and advice."

Editor's Note: Wilma is right; writing is great therapy and it is a help to other parents out there with similar issues. Thanks for contributing Wilma.

If anyone has anything to share please forward it to sallyservives@gmail.com


Jessica: "I get my 6 month chip for attending PSST. In the 6 months I have been coming to PSST meetings I have learned not to put the horse before the cart. I felt we needed PSST to push Herman into his recovery program but PSST is for Parental Survival. We need to be a big part of our teen's recovery but we also need to sometimes sit back and let the system work for us."

Sally: "Like the quote on the PSST Home Page said 'Superman is not a hero, he is indestructible. Regular people doing extraordinary things are my heroes.' All of you PSST Parents are my heroes - you are destructible but you are doing extraordinary things!"

Alice & Ralph's son Ed had a glitch with his home contract but he handled well. He accepted his punishment and he dealt with it.
"He has started his landscaping business, earned his drivers license and has a pick-up truck. We created a driving contract including a tracking device on his truck. It also includes a clause concerning no driving while intoxicated or high. If for some reason he finds himself drunk or high he is to call us to pick him up with no immediate questions or consequences. The next morning we will deal with his relapse.

Ed's best recovery aid is keeping busy."

A VERY CLASSY MOVE: Ed's recovery facility know about Ed's lawn-care business and presented him with a refurbished lawn tractor. They wanted him to know how proud they are of him and really wanted to wish him the best in his clean life. [We are hoping that Ralph will do a post on the details of this]"

Jenn "Violet, You say you are confused and you don't know what you want for Sal. But you really do know what you want, you want Sal to have a chance for a clean life and you will continue to help him achieve that. You just need a little time to gather you thoughts together and to vocalize them."

Violet "I would like to thank everyone in the juvenile probation system and PSST. I want to remember the good things that Sal has accomplished so far. So many time we forget to tell our kids we understand what they are going through and about the good things they have done. Sal is getting better but he is not done yet. It will take a little bit longer, but he is alive because what we have done so far. Thank you."

Wilma "I attended a presentation at Ambridge High School this week. They showed the parents actual drugs and drug paraphernalia to watch for. They explained to them what is happening with drugs in all of our neighborhoods and schools. It was very informative but they really had no advice on what the parents could do to get help for themselves and their children. The parents had no idea on where to go for this help. I feel extremely lucky to live in Allegheny County and appreciate the juvenile probation program and PSST."

Candy: "Parents need to realize that teens using drugs are playing a deadly game. Addiction can kill. We need to work with our kids in recovery but we need to learn to accept progression and not perfection from them."

Editor's Note: Thanks Candy for the new PSST Bumper Sticker:

--EXPECT PROGRESSION NOT PERFECTION--

Jennifer: "I am really having a hard time handling the pressure of my son's addiction. It has ruined our home. I need help"

Editor's Note: That what PSST is here for Jennifer, we are here to help you and your family - please keep coming to our meetings.

Kitty: "Don't put extra pressure on yourselves about recovery, don't worry about even one day at a time, do it one minute at a time."

Michelle (Wesley Spectrum): "Parents: hold your service providers accountable."

JUST THANKS

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and their thoughts and their advice and just thanks for being here. You are helping not just yourselves - you are reaching out and helping a lot of other people. Thanks to Lloyd and Val for creating PSST and to Allegheny County Juvenile Probation for supporting it - you are saving lives. Thanks to Kathy T and Justin and Jocelyn and Cathy and Michelle and all of the other at Wesley Spectrum for supporting us.

If I missed anything, or misinterpreted anything, or misspelled anything, that is par for the course - please let me know and I will do my best to correct it.

Please feel free to give us some feed-back either in the comment section below this article or by e-mailing to sallyservives@gmail.com

COME AND TRY PSST - ITS FREE - NO COST - NO COMMITMENT - WE ARE NOT HERE TO JUDGE YOU - WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU