TWO TIRED TRAVELERS TAKE TIME TO REST UP Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, June 15, 2011

CISCO'S SAGA CONTINUES

When we left off the other night Sally and I did not know where Cisco was, who he was with or what his plans were. We knew there was not much else we could do. We had texted him several times with no response. We let him know that we would be at our regular Tuesday meeting and we hoped he would be there.

"The P.O." did not quit.


"The P.O." called us early Tuesday morning to let us know that he had made contact with Cisco and that Cisco would see us later in the morning. Cisco was good to his word and returned home somewhat embarrassed and feeling stupid [his words]. He asked if he could go back to Second Run for our meeting. As we promised him we didn't lecture him [too much] on the way. We also did not buy him cigarettes or stop at McDonald's when he asked.

When we got back to Second Run, Cisco was surprised to see the concern and the feelings of relief expressed by his housemates. They gave him the 'talking to' that we usually gave: "Why didn't you talk to us first?" "Don't you trust us?" "Why didn't you answer our texts? We wanted you to come back." "Don't go doing something stupid." "You know we got your back."

Sally, Cisco and I had our meeting with his counselors Tom and Clair. Tom is very good at reaching Cisco. Most of the meeting was about Cisco receiving more freedom and trust from his program and his parents; getting more chances to develop his life skills and opportunities to return the trust. Tom told him that nobody expected perfection but that we were looking for good choices, openness and honesty. Tom made the observation that the main reason that he drug tested Cisco was what he perceived as a recent trend of Cisco's lack of honesty and openness as well as some bad choices.

In a brief summary, Tom explained how using is just the climax of the relapse process. That overconfidence, deception, cheating and lying are the building blocks of the relapse process. He added that Cisco had already laid the foundations of his relapse in the last few weeks; that his using was just the capping off of his relapse.

He asked Cisco how he felt after using again?

Cisco replied "It felt like sh*t."

Tom said quietly "That's good, that's good. Now how does feeling like sh*t help you?"

Cisco wasn't sure.

Tom and Clair explained how his honesty about his relapse now gave Cisco a small window of opportunity to become completely honest; how he had just a brief time, before the window closed, to tell us what happened. Not just the night before but for the last few weeks. Where he was, what he was doing and who he was with.

Cisco opened up a little and explained some of what he had been up to. Tom challenged Cisco again. He explained that this was not the time to give us little bits of qualified details of what was going on. The window was now open but he needed to tell as much as he could before it shut. Cisco opened up one more time and Tom challenged him again and reminded him that omitting information was a form of dishonesty also. Cisco told a little more and Tom asked Sally what she thought about her son's honesty. Sally looked Cisco in the eye and told him that she had heard it all before and [asking him to look her in the eye] told him that quite frankly he was not telling the whole truth. Tom told Cisco that if nothing else; the least he could tell us is that he is "not ready to be completely honest" at this time.

He assured Cisco that he wanted to keep working with him but that he would need to go back into a rehab facility for a few weeks and that then he would need to reapply for Second Run. Then his housemates would need to interview him, be assured that he was serious about his recovery, and vote him back into the house. Tom said, if they voted him in, that Cisco would be starting at square one again and that he would not rush the program. He would need to do it step by step. Cisco agreed that this was a good plan.

At this time Cisco is to be evaluated for voluntary admission to an inpatient facility [his housemates voted to let him stay at Second Run until then. ]

As Sally noted; Cisco has a large tool box with a lot of shiny tools that he has worked for for the last two years; now he needs to get serious and use them. Or as Tom noted Cisco is a big boy and is much too large for anyone to carry anymore.

Sally and I see real progress in this latest episode:

- Cisco ran, not so much to get away from his program but because he was drug tested and knew he would show positive. He admitted that he felt shame for using and "it made him feel like sh*t."
As Tom said "That's good..." It has been a long time since Cisco has felt shame for using.

- Cisco came back quickly and faced his housemates and owned up to what he did.

- Cisco is voluntarily going into an inpatient rehab.

- Cisco wants to stay with his recovery program.

Sally and I are feeling good on how we handled this together. We are going back to our remodeling projects, our yard work, our classes and our Summer of 2011 [and our PSST Meetings].

We, once again, extend our thanks to the Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Program, PSST, Wesley Spectrum and Cisco's Halfway House, his housemates and especially his counselors, Tom and Clair.

This story will be continued, I am sure.