Just for Today - That's Good Enough written by Violet Posted by:Sally--Monday, June 27, 2011

JUST FOR TODAY ~ By Violet
As I return from another placement to visit Sal, I am full of emotion, again. Nothing in my upbringing has prepared me for this battle which I am in. These waters for me are uncharted. Doubt creeps in, dulling my senses. There is no certainty of success only trial and error. It's just that the errors in this fight can bring death and I am so fearful of that end for my child. At times I feel I am the Lone (or maybe Lonely) Ranger in this struggle. I sure could use Tonto, right about now.

Sal’s new rehab is YFC#3 in Trough Creek State Park about 2 ½ -3 hours from here. It is surrounded by the forest and lakes, quite scenic. The program is different than the others he’s been to, and I am hopeful that will be a good thing for him. They seem to focus on the body as well as the mind.

When I see Sal, the first time in 3 weeks, he hugs me. No, I mean with his arms around me not at his side and his body stiff as a statue. I felt life in him as we hugged. It’s been years since I felt that. Of course I do what mothers of addicts do best, cry. But this time is was not out of sadness.

We talked a little about his recovery in the beginning but I have learned not to make every moment a teachable one. I find, at times, I learn more by watching his mannerism and listening to his thoughts which I am pleased to say he had some. My gut, which is my best gauge, tells me he was being real. And for today that is good enough.

He has gained some weight and I can no longer see the bones in his face. His eyes are crystal clear with a spark in them as we talked of his goals. He looked me in the eye when we talked. He was respectful and thankful that I came.

This is not the child I once knew, nor is it the addict I have come to know so well, but someone who is just developing.

I know I have heard these things before but something is different about him, in a good way. I do understand it is easier in treatment than on the outside but I liked what I saw and more importantly what I felt and for today that’s good enough.

No this isn’t the life I dreamed for us. I wallow in that now and then. I cry for the memories we missed. I cry that we only have each other. I cry for the people we have lost in this battle. I cry out of fear and uncertainty.

But today I cry out of happiness. And once again, for today that’s just good enough.

Violet