Wilma Wonders - When Did My Son Begin Using Posted by:Sally--Friday, June 03, 2011

I recently had someone ask me "when did it start or I suspect it started" regarding Bam Bam's use of weed and whatever else he was doing.

So I gave it some thought and here is what I came up with.
At the end of 9th grade, end of May 2009, Bam Bam was avoiding all of his friends. He finished up school and spent about the next 8 weeks or so not going anywhere. He spent all of his waking moments on xbox live playing video games with his cyber friends from all over the country. I was really worried about this.Was he becoming "that kid" who ends up living in the basement and never going out again? Fred was glad because he didn't have to worry about what Bam Bam was up to and we didn't have kids in and out of our house feeding and watering them all summer. Also at this time Bam Bam decided to take a break from tennis clinics after playing for the high school boys team and doing a good job that spring. The friends would call even stop by to check on him but Bam Bam didn't budge. I had even called the mother of one his good friend's and she didn't know of any event that occurred but her son was also worried about him. I suspected that he was avoiding them because he didn't want to smoke weed or whatever else the kids were doing. A few months prior to this I had seen a text message from one friend asking him if he wanted to smoke and Bam Bam replied he didn't do that. He adamantly denied that the reason he never left the house was to avoid his friends. he said he just didn't want to go out. So I worried and fought with him when his talking on xbox would wake me up at night while I was trying to sleep.
Then about the beginning of August he started hanging out with his friends again. initially it was his old friends couple of who I knew had tried weed but I wasn't too concerned because didn't Bam Bam tell them he didn't do that? And don't teenagers experiement and try things?? The mom I spoke to earlier in the summer had confirmed this with her daughter (the girl's brother would confide in the sister who would pass on any pertinent info to the mom.) and I was relieved. At this point he still had some contact with some of the 'good" kids that i knew and knew the families.
Then he started hanging out a lot at Eddie's house. He would go after school and didn't resume tennis clinics. Fred was glad because, of course, all the kids weren't at our house.
Then his behavior started getting worse. i attributed this to ADHD and a teenager with hormones. Homecoming October 2010 was a stressful event. I was glad he was going, doing something normal teens do. Shoudn't this be fun?? However, his behavior was awful- very touchy when I'd ask simple questions like what color is the dress? Why do I need to know?? I did realize boys don't understand it's all about the girl, the dress, the flowers, etc. but I didn't know if his reaction was "normal" or "over the top". I found out later that that night the kids had been drinking and smoking pot. The boys had been worried that Bam Bam's date, Pebbles, was dying because she was throwing up so much after drinking a lot from a "handle." (which I found out was a bottle of booze with a handle - I was learning a lot). Another mom told her son they should have called for help. They waited until the early hours of the morning to call Pebble's mom. She was o.k., and is actually a very good athlete. And I do like her but, of course, I don't trust her.
Later that month we witnessed Bam-Bam's first major explosion. It resulted in his punching a door and breaking his hand. In January the mom of the friend I mentioned earlier confirmed with me that Bam Bam was smoking weed. I immediately called his psychiatrist (med management) and made an appointment to meet with his therapist. I confronted Bam Bam about the weed smoking at the therapist appointment. He of course downplayed it all and after we left was furious that I confronted him there and not at home. I wanted to be in a place with a professional as I knew he would be working on talking his way out of it but he did admit to smoking weed. Through "D" day in December of 2010 (his admission to a psych hospital for 3 weeks) his behavior worsened, more door punches, explosive behavior, secrecy, room fresheners - all the signs that your child is using/abusing drugs. I didn't know this until after he was hospitalized in December 2010 and I did my research and found PSST. In November 2010 we had him to the hospital twice. Once just to be drug tested which cost me $700! We also had an occasion where we had to call the police. Then on December 2 Bam Bam was once again supposed to be at Eddies and Fred gets a phone call that Bam Bam was picked up for shoplifting and to come and get him. Fred picks him up and they are arguing in the car so Bam Bam gets out. Fred comes home but gets worried about Bam Bam so goes back out and finds him walking on the road in the freezing cold and brings him home. Bam Bam is full of riteous indignation. He wasn't shoplifting the other kid put the stuff in his pocket ( a light bulb and cheap pair of head phones). The 18 year had a can of compressed air. Eddie didn't have anything so no parents called for him (He is either 15 or 16 years old). The store didn't call the police so the 18 year was released and as Bam Bam was 16 a parent had to pick him up. Fred signed some papers and they left. About a month later we get a letter addressed to Bam Bam's parents that we owe $160 in damages relating to this incident. I didn't fight it as I figured whatever Fred signed (and he didn't know what he signed) it was probably accepting responsibility for Bam Bam's actions.
The morning of December 3rd Bam Bam refused to go to school. I called the police and he became enraged, running around the house throwing stuff, threatening to kill himself, threatening me. Finally the police get there. Bam Bam is transported to a community hospital and then transferred to the psych hospital. After 3 weeks he comes home and we begin the next phase of this journey. MST, outpatient rehab, ACT 53 and now in-patient rehab.

Would things have been different if he didn't begin his friendship with Eddie?? That is where I know he met up with a lot of the kids that became his new using "friends". There is no parental supervision ( I discovered) and also from meeting the dad a couple times I think the parents don't really care what is going on in their basement. Kids coming and going and not knowing who is there or what is going on. And then of course we find out the kids don't always stay there and he's out with kids I have no idea who they are, where they are from and some of them are several years older.
Or, was this Bam Bam's destiny and if not through Eddie he still would have become addicted/dependent? He still kept some old friends but they were the ones that I know did use or try stuff. He stopped hanging out with the good influence friends. I also discovered some kids that had been friends in middle school that he wasn't supposed to be with were back in his life and social circle.
I'll never know the answer to that and I try not to dwell on it but can't help wondering what if?

Wilma