WILMA WONDERS about WEEK 2 OF BAM BAM’S ACT 53 PLACEMENT AT BEDROCK MANOR Posted by:Sally--Friday, June 03, 2011

What a week! Bam Bam has been doing everything he can to get kicked out of Bedrock Manor. He told us on Sunday that someone told him that we could get him out even though he is court ordered to be there. I did confirm with Betty that yes I do have legal custody but if Bam Bam’s behavior got him to the point where he was asked to leave Bedrock Manor we would go to Plan b, c or d and he would not come home. As I’ve said before he cannot come home, not yet when he would not be able to cope with the triggers at home and in our community. And his behavior is not acceptable and of course he can be threatening. On Tuesday the fearless Act 53 coordinator, Betty, met with Bam Bam and his counselor, Ann Margrock.

Tuesday night Fred and I went for our family meeting. Bam Bam was calm even pleasant. Prior to the meeting his counselor told us that he was told in no uncertain terms when he met with Betty and her that his behavior would not get him home but would in fact result in other less pleasant (for him) consequences. She said his behavior was much better that day and he even smiled a genuine smile. What a miracle! He also was saying he’s just going to get his GED but they told him he should just work on school work towards his diploma as he couldn’t get his GED until June 2012 when he would graduate. I already knew this from his Guidance Counselor at his home school but he obviously didn’t remember this. However, he still has to do school work at Bedrock Manor. He was being non-compliant so he wasn’t earning any brownie points. I also had a call on Tuesday from cyberschool about his work not being done and that they were going to be sending out a truancy letter. He had some classes where he hadn’t done any work since March. He would pick and choose what to work on even though we all were telling him “this is not what you are supposed to be doing.” I brought this up to Ann Margrock as Bedrock Manor was supposed to have informed cyber school but we agreed that the information hadn’t gotten to his cyber teacher yet that he was in placement. Cyberschool is withdrawing him and we already got the labels to send everything back. Just a note here that this isn’t always the best option even though at the time it seemed to be our ONLY OPTION.
When Bam Bam joined us we talked a little about when he comes home (why do we have to talk about that now all the time??!!) and his friends. He can’t understand why we don’t like his friend Eddie Haskell who I have been finding out has in own little drug empire running out of his basement. On our A,B, C peer list Eddie is on the D list. (We were working on this in MST which is closing this Friday.) The counselor suggested that Eddie would have to prove himself to us the parents before any contact between the two. I have to say I am not on board with this idea yet. We discovered that Eddie was at our house when we weren’t home a few weeks ago. Bam Bam said he wasn’t but we told him we have undisputed evidence that he was in our home so Bam Bam said we must have hidden cameras in the house!!! How Big Brother of us!!! I had also said that I would speak with the parents of any friends he would see on his return home and Bam Bam and Fred thought this was a little harsh. Bam Bam thought it would send red flags and cause trouble for his good friend, Dino’s, parents who may not know he has smoked (supposedly in the past) and drinks. I don’t see a problem with talking to the parents so I’m on my own on this. All four us also talked a little about the school thing. Anyway, we get through the meeting and now its time for family programming. We go into the cafeteria and Fred is on alert because the chairs are arranged in a circle and this can only mean on thing-talking about feelings!! We find out the topic is communication so he leaves to sit in the car. I tell the guest speaker that I’ll just be mad on the way home and she said don’t bother getting upset about it , not worth it so I took her advice on the drive home and kept my blood pressure under control. Parents are brought in and then our wonderful off-spring. The evening counselor tells me that Bam Bam is refusing to come to the program did I want her to try and persuade him but I said no it’s not worth it. That is just what he wants anyway is someone to try and talk him into it and I’m not playing. So I stayed. Initially I was the only single attendee but another boy left the communication circle so then there were two of us on our own.

Wednesday night we get a call from Bam Bam ( I was surprised as I didn’t think he had phone privileges) and of course he’s getting tiers for nothing, everyone is against him, he’ll go to any other rehab, if I don’t get him out he’ll run (which I would like to see as I don’t think he would know how to get home from there.), his medicine isn’t working, they changed his sleep meds now he can’t sleep, etc, etc, etc. He got a lot in in 10 minutes. He did remain calm, though, and didn’t use any profanity with me. I told him I would talk to Ann Margrock on Thursday. So this morning I call and guess what? He has used profanity against one of the staff, earned three tiers yesterday, isn’t happy, not cooperating, wasn’t supposed to be able to call so that is getting looked into and told her I’m getting him into another rehab. Not the same kid from Tuesday. And I’m not surprised. I’m just glad it’s not happening at home.
I do feel better than I did now that I know if he succeeds in his quest to get kicked out of Bedrock Manor he isn’t coming home but will be referred somewhere else. And I’m not bringing him home. We have our alternative plans and I will follow through. For right now this is not the best place for him to be. He will be 17 in a few weeks and that is hard thinking of him spending his birthday in placement but he did put himself there and I have to remember I am trying to save him so I am determined to not be sad he is there but be happy that he is alive.

Wilma