Technology and Your Teen by Ralph Kramden Posted by:Sally--Monday, May 23, 2011

Alice and I continue to help our teen son, Ed, through his recovery. He still has that “drug mind”, as I have come to call it, but is building up clean time and collecting key tags from his NA meeting.

One thing that helps us to help Ed is technology. However, I want to say right up front: technology is not going to save your teen, or in some cases even make a difference.

Do not use technology to become more co-dependent with your teen’s problem, either. But instead, think of technology as a tool, like a fork or hammer, which can sometimes help you. (Getting food to your mouth or hitting your thumb so hard it turns purple are both good examples of tools helping us?)

Why am I even writing about tools and technology?

We all know that cell phones for most of our teens are just drug deal paraphernalia. Teens can easily use technology to enable their addictions or as a tool of bad behavior, and use it better than we can. On the surface, it would seem that technology is a losing game and we should shun it.

However, it is, once again, not our fault.

Consider this:

- Your teen has never lived in a time when cell phones were not everywhere. Your teen has never lived in a time when the Internet did not exist.

- Your teen has never lived in a time when banking and financial transactions were not performed “on line”, instead of waiting “in line” at the bank.

- Your teen has never lived in a time when multiple layers of communication satellites didn’t circle the earth for commercial and retail user purposes.

In short, your teen knows today’s technology because she has always lived with it. So, let’s explore a few technologies that we can use to help us or help our teens!


BANKING

I have written before about Ed’s restriction against carrying cash.

His contract says that he is not allowed to carry ANY cash.

Some other parents and PO’s have cash amount restrictions in their contracts too. Such as, “may not carry more than $20 cash” can be found in the sample contract on this site.

It’s based upon the principle that drug dealers still want cash or merchandise for drug purchases.

It’s a false sense of security, but is a retardant for the easy drug deal issue – “the guy was just there and I gave him $20 and he gave me this baggie; honest dad”.

Alice and I also restrict ourselves from holding or keeping in the house any significant cash. But, Ed is a micro entrepreneur, running his own business. How can we restrict his cash to $0?

Technology has come to our aid. Ed has a credit card that we fund and control. Any cash from his business is turned over to us, and any purchases Ed wants to make for personal use or business are put on the credit card.

Today’s technology is also helping us. A credit card is accepted in millions of locations today: McDonald’s and every other fast food store, Sheetz (all gas stations and convenience stores), Home Depot and hardware stores, movie theaters, arcades, game stores, movie rental stations, XBOX live, restaurants, grocery stores, vending machines, and many other places that Ed likes to visit.

We can see every purchase amount, store, and location. We can put a hold on the card or only fund it with as much money as Ed needs, also. It is working well.

Ed doesn’t like the restrictions and having to ask for his own money. We do have to initiate transfers and controls. But, Ed does not have to worry about carrying any cash. And Alice and I feel better about Ed not being tempted by cash in his pocket.

I can even fund his card from a smart cell phone or the Internet when he frequently runs out of money.

There are a few small caveats still with this technology.

First, some companies charge expensive fees to use or reload credit cards. Stay away from these.

Also, having a credit card makes it just a pinch easier for Ed to “social engineer” the retail staff into thinking he is an adult.

But if your teen is like Ed, he is already really smart at both “socially engineering” people and business. It just may not be manipulating the parents and selling drugs anymore for Ed. So, we let that slide.

I only know about two banks that are really good at teen credit cards, so I will only mention those two. There are probably others out there.

One of these two has recently won awards for its customer service, so I stopped looking when we found a winner. If you know an institution or retailer, please add to this article. If you are a bank or organization and want the PSST parents to test your card on our tough teens, also help us to help you, by recommending your card.

It is worth repeating: Stay away from cards that have fees!

There are many of those kinds of cards out there, but that is not what you want. Both of these sources are reliable banking institutions, are free, and specialize in teen cards.

Both of these also allow the parents to turn off the ATM/cash feature of the cards.

USAA Federal Savings Bank youth prepaid card at https://www.usaa.com/inet/pages/youth_prepaid_spending_card_main

Wachovia student banking Visa Buxx card at https://www.visaprepaidprocessing.com/Wachovia/VisaBuxx/Pages/Home.aspx


CELL PHONES

As mentioned above, if you read this web site or come to PSST meetings, you know that almost every parent has discovered that their teen’s cell phone is a D-D-D: Drug Deal Device.

Teen addicts use them to make deals, learn to talk in code, and use them to hide their location and activities from their parents.

Again, natural parenting says, “Danger! Danger!” But, this piece of technology has also weaved it's way into our lives. We “need” these devices to communicate with the family or arrange family schedules or, in Ed’s case, receive business calls!

Not to fear. I have learned from my friends at PSST some valuable technology tips. And we now welcome Ed to use our/the business's cell phone. We even pay for the non-business calls.

What technology is helping us to help Ed? Two important things:

First, Ed’s phone is fixed (no, not like the dog that can’t have puppies). Well, maybe a little like that. He can’t call or text anyone that we don’t put into the phone’s “fixed dialing”, OK-to-call list. This frustrates Ed sometimes, even legitimately when he can’t return a call to a business prospect.

But that is too bad.

We will add any legitimate number to his callable list whenever he asks. And that way, we always know who he can call on the device.

Some wireless companies provide this and some do not. Several pay-as-you-go services do. But most importantly, it is often not documented. You may have to call your phone’s customer service to find out or activate it.

It is often called “fixed dialing.”

Second, if you know of, or suspect dangerous activity on your teen’s cell phone, report it lost or stolen.

The wireless telephone company will suspend all activity on the phone, making it worthless to your teen and the drug dealers, until you call and report it “found” again.

This is a WIN all the way around, if you ask me. You can ground the phone with one quick call. With some providers, you can do this by making a simple call from your own cell phone or on the provider’s web site.

More family-friendly or parent-friendly features are coming from some wireless companies, as younger and younger children are getting cell phones.

Uploaded pictures, phone call records and the like are available on most major wireless companies’ customer web sites.

One feature that I have not been able to find anywhere, and may only exists for the wireless carriers or law enforcement: copies of text messages.

If anyone knows how to get these routinely on-line without needing to look at a cell phone that may have been erased, please reply to this article.

Still, expect more technology to come with cell phones, including pocket computers in the phone.

Of course, some of the new technology is not going to benefit us, but rather the teen addict or drug dealers. So, be sure to look for ways to turn off features that are dangerous or avoid phones or features that are unhealthy for your teen.

As always, reserve the right to have the phone stored in a known place in your house, check the call logs and texts, prohibit private calls, prohibit the erasing of texts or logs, and ground the phone, if needed.

Remember, it’s your phone. And, “No, you cannot buy your own phone while living in my house, either.” is OK to say, if you need to.

It’s your house and your rules.


TRACKING DEVICES

This technology may seem to be a bit far out for some parents, like the hover craft or jet rocket backpack in the 1960’s.

However, let me tell you that I can find the truck that Ed uses for his business any time of the day, including latitude, longitude, speed if moving, and street address while I’m on the Internet, or check the electronic bread crumbs that it left for the last day or week.

What’s more, Ed knows this and helped install the device that does this. And it costs me less than a cell phone bill.

Obviously, the price of personal, cell phone assisted GPS tracking devices has become reasonable as more people start to use them to safeguard their cars, trucks, personal items, pets, and, yes, hunting dogs, all the while basic cell phone technology keeps dropping in price.

What is this thing?

It’s a device smaller than a pack of cigarettes containing a GPS (global positioning system) which knows its exact location and speed at all times.

It also has a cell phone text message system. When asked by a central computer, the device texts its information and the computer stores it for the owner to query.

If the device’s battery is unplugged or powered off, the device sends its information and alert status.

All the rest is just pretty maps, location and power alerts sent to my cell phone, and logs of the bread crumbs.

These devices won’t be right for everyone, and never use them to become more co-dependant upon your teen’s problems.

But for Ed, I described it as an additional “trust” mechanism. He has the freedom to go any place that he tells us (and any other place, but I don’t remind him of that). If he says he is at certain place, the tracking device can verify it for him.

Of course, I am reminded of when President Reagan said, “Trust but verify.”

There are a number of companies selling these types of devices.

Of the two big names, you will need to skip LoJack. LoJack does not support coverage in Allegheny County.

The other big name is Zoom-bak, and has good coverage in Western Pennsylvania.

Look for sales or heavily discounted devices from retail outlets instead of purchasing on the web site.

Devices retail for $100, but I have seen them discounted to $50.

The service plan is around $13 per month. The Zoom-bak web site is www.zoombak.com .

A company called Live View GPS also makes these devices and has reasonable service plans around $20 per month. Their devices, however, are around $250 to $400. Their web site is www.liveviewgps.com/ .

There are other vendors in this market, and I want to make the same offer as above: If you have experience with these, please add to this article.
If you are a vendor and want PSST parents to test your device with REAL teens, bring it on.

Finally, a section on tracking devices shouldn’t go without a mention of cell phones.

All modern cell phones have a cell site positioning system in them.

Yes, your teen’s cell phone knows where it is even if you don’t know where your teen is or he doesn’t remember where he left it.

Some bigger cell phone providers have picked up on this and have family or phone location services. These services are usually $5 to $15 per month per family or phone, and provide very good location services.

Sprint and Verizon both offer this service, and maybe others.

One caveat with these services is that most teens know about cell phone location and either disable the phone’s location service (which can usually be disabled for all but 911 calls) or forward their phone and leave it in a safe location to circumvent truly nefarious activity location. This service may still be helpful to some parents and can be a less expensive alternative.

I hope you have enjoyed this technology side track.

It isn’t your fault that your teen knows more about this technology than you do, NEVER-THE-LESS, you can use it too, when you need it.

Do you remember vinyl records and tapes? Your teen probably doesn’t. But they were once cool, new technology, too.

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