"I have seen the future, and it's very much like the present, only longer" ~ Woody Allen
Preparing to Launch...
...5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - Wait, I am not comfortable with that!
I apologize in advance if I start to ramble...
We found out yesterday that Bam Bam is most likely going to be discharged from Bedrock Manor in a couple of weeks. And this is prior to his ACT 53 hearing. Apparently, this is how it can be. I haven't called the ACT 53 coordinator yet to discuss this latest development even though I know he can't stay there forever.
I was devastated. I was hoping for at least 90 days. His counselor feels he has made so much progress and that if nothing negative happens she is recommending discharge to home before 4th of July. I said I didn't feel comfortable with him coming home yet. Fred (continuing to hone his enabling skills) agrees with whatever the facility recommendations are and won't argue with them. She asked where I thought he could go so I mentioned a half-way house, Glade Run, self-referral to Outside-In,(anywhere but here)! I'm open to suggestions.
Unfortunately we don't have any relatives that would be able to take him for a month or so. She didn't think Outside-In was an appropriate place as he would be just finishing the program at Bedrock Manor, the 1/2 way house was a possibility and she wasn't sold on Glade Run. Our HSAO service coordinator was also at this meeting and she will help also with the next step. The counselor's recommendation is that Bam Bam come home, we will have a written plan with the rules, referral to SHORES for D&A and possibly re-open MST.
I said that I Would Not go back to the way things were BEFORE.
Several times when I mentioned certain things the counselor would say that that was before and now we are going forward. We all have to compromise. I said what about property damage and she agreed that is not acceptable.
I brought up that when there is a disagreement Bam Bam doesn't go to his own room to cool off he stalks me through the house and usually punches something (though so far it hasn't been me).
Well then we can call for crisis team (they make it all sound so simple, don't they. I told her that we've tried that and it didn't work but she repeats, once more, that that was BEFORE. And so it went.
All I can think of is I will again be locking my bedroom door everyday, sleeping with my purse, not carrying money. Bam Bam will not be allowed to be home alone and I'll have to take a harder look at possible valuables that I don't want to disappear. I may need a bigger safe. At least I've had the drug dog to check for any hidden drug stashes.
Fred and I are not on the same page with everything and Bam Bam works this. Also, Fred is retired and he is the one who is home during the day and will be responsible for implementing the home program and supervision. He thought we were too hard the first time around when Bam Bam came home so this time I think he is going to be all for less restrictive measures.
And this arrangement didn't work too well BEFORE.
Prior to the meeting the facility nurse stopped me to tell me that Bam Bam's medication was changed yet again yesterday. Bam Bam is constantly complaining that his ADHD medication isn't working, he complained about the Prozac so he started a new med yesterday and was already complaining about it.
How can he be sent home if his medication isn't even stabilized???
Medications and dosages have been changed at least as many times as weeks he has been in placement. A week hasn't gone by that he hasn't seen the doctor at least once sometimes more for some ailment or other.
I'm sure he isn't the only kid that does this however this is his behavior at home and it apparently hasn't changed. Is it another manipulation??
We are assured that all aftercare appointments will be made before discharge. This has to happen because in our life BEFORE when Bam Bam was discharged from the psych hospital in December 2010 the hospital had not made a single aftercare appointment so we went home with nothing. There were no smiling faces then.
Now its time for the family programming.
There are two male speakers and we have a full house. At this meeting some kids were there even though their parents weren't. The two speakers are recovering addicts and they shared their stories with us. I couldn't stop crying.
The second speaker said that when he was in about 8th grade he felt he was on a balance beam and his "good friends" were on one side and the "using friends" on the other and he was balancing between the two groups. Unfortunately, he fell into the "using friends" group and now is on probation until 2014 and has been through many programs. He is clean and very grateful that he is alive. He added that he had many friends who are not alive due to their drug use.
I'm hoping the kids took something away from these stories especially my kid. I liked the balance beam analogy as this is where Bam Bam was after 9th grade and he of course went with the using "friends", his best "friends" now.
I know for now he is clean, however, he thinks he can hang out with the same people and not use even if they are. He thinks these "friends" won't pressure him to use again.
We had talked about one friend in particular who I know is selling drugs out of his house and the counselor suggested that "Eddie" would have to come and talk to us in person and prove himself. Right now there is now way in he!!??& that I want Bam Bam to be around this kid. We had forbidden him to see this kid BEFORE but of course we busted him hanging out with this kid anyway.
So what is the point?
I can't monitor him 24/7 and once he gets freedom back I know he is headed straight to Eddie. I would be VERY surprised if he gives this kid up at least right now.
Also, at family programming a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about driving Bam Bam tells me that most of his friends drive better when they are high! And I'm supposed to feel comfortable about him being out with them? I'm supposed to let him learn to drive?
Well, maybe he can learn to drive but once he gets his license he will have to get his own car and his own insurance. Could be he'll be driving when he's 18.
We had a discussion several months ago where I told Bam Bam that he couldn't get his permit as long as he had a positive drug screen and he told me this wasn't fair.
Just because its positive doesn't mean he JUST smoked for goodness sake!
Don't I know it doesn't matter if you test positive if you get caught by the police if you weren't actually smoking right then?
I truly believe just being in our community, at least right now, is the biggest trigger of all. He is going to have to get a job but I don't think that's likely to happen immediately. The one place that would have his "in" job is the store where he was caught shoplifting - so that is off the table.
Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Wilma
Preparing to Launch Bam-Bam - by Wilma, a PSST Mom
Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, June 16, 2011
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3 comments:
Wilma: I know the feeling. It seems like some of these counselors can't wait to get our kids out of the program. As far as driving goes, there is No Reason for them to have a learner's permit. Sally and I made it clear to Cisco that we wouldn't consider him driving until he was clean, his anger problem was resolved and he attended school on a regular basis - the last thing this world needs is another doped-up, dumb, angry driver! Cisco is turning 19 and has his learner's permit now but we agree with you in that the only way he will drive is when he can afford to buy his own car and his own insurance. Hang in there Wilma - we can reserve some time for you to talk about this at this week's PSST Meeting.
Rocco,
Thanks for your great comment and support.
I LOVE the Woody Allen quote.
You and Sally are a few years ahead of me in all of this and I truly appreciate all of your wise words of wisdom.
See you Saturday.
Wilma, I really feel your pain having gone through all that you are going through. I agree with you that there are few programs and persons within them who really deal with the complexity of our kids. Each field wishes to isolate and treat just the problem they specialize in without treating the whole kid. I can also empathize with you in not being on quite the same page as your other half. That makes it much harder to help your son. However, I found that there does come a point when the more 'permissive' parent does get fed up and then the way becomes easier for all your PSST training to kick in. When me son was on the cusp of doing better, I started to push him and push him hard. I mean if the phone number of the forbidden friend was coming up on the phone (which I could track on the internet site of the phone company)then I wanted answers and he was going to get consequenced... This was upsetting to my hubby, but he was in the fed up mode so left me to it. My thinking was, if you are going to mess up, oh son of mine, do it now when I can send you Shuman at the drop of the hat. Shuman didn't result from my son calling his drug dealing friend that time, but it did hammer home the point that my son was not where anyone thought he should be. Yes we set our sights on aiming for better behavior, but we monitor progress in that direction that by looking at the reality of what is happening at the moment. If my son, as he did, gave lame excuses and evasive explanations about a phone call, then he was not working his program in ways that were making progress and needed more services. Such things are ammunition to get the help our children need because this is the 'proof' that cannot be denied by anyone. (like your sniff-tested house, which is brilliant). We are then armed with unshakable knowledge to confront and hold accountable the support services that are saying future speak based on wishes and their intent, not our reality. The services must give us ladders to climb on, for we can see the rooftop we would like to be standing on someday, but we cannot jump up there, we need ladders. Since the services bill themselves as providing ladders to us, then I tend to hold the services accountable when the ladder is not in place and they want to walk away. Its all exhausting. But saving our child and our families is critically important to us or we would not engage in all this. Keep strong Wilma. We are with you. You do not walk alone.
Lindy Lou
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