Our day was off to a good start. We met at the Crazy Mocha and talked with our PSST friends, we ran some errands and did other leisurely Saturday stuff.
Then the call came from Cisco who is in a juvenile placement facility. He wanted to talk about getting into an adult recovery program because it is too juvenile where he is. I know I did the right thing by agreeing with him that the juvenile placement is so different from the adult one he walked away from. It is not as structured and the juveniles are not as serious about their recovery.
Then I commended him for talking it out with the counselors and his dad and myself. I spoke with his P.O. and counselors and we will see if there is anything that can be done. At any rate Cisco knows nothing will happen until Monday.
Rocco and I are shuffling the pages of our book of life. We are in the same chapter but not on the same page. Rocco is being stoic and I am feeling emotional but we will talk it out. Meanwhile I wrote this poem to keep myself busy.
Connections
Babies are born to you or may come into your life,
As a gift from another mother; now you're a mother and a wife.
You do not know this lady who has borne your child at birth,
But you owe her all the sadness and you owe her all the mirth.
She may have had contented times when child was in her womb,
Then she bore the pains of childbirth and the sadness of the tomb-
As she placed the babe into your arms and said 'Take special care.'
You fully promised, 'I sure will'.... and got right out of there.
You felt disconnected to this mother of your child,
Though certain if they met again she'd be so very proud,
You would love him Oh, so dearly and he would grow so tall and strong,
Without an inkling of a problem, without things goin' wrong.
You had times of contentment when your child was young at home,
Then you bore the pain of teenage years as he began to roam,
Then came the illness of addiction and the sadness of the tomb,
As he ended up in placement and you stare at his empty room.
Now you feel a real connection with the mother of your son,
You feel the pain she must have felt when the relinquishment was done.
He is not hers, nor is he yours, now he belongs to his addiction,
There is only one who can help him with such a dire affliction.
If I put him in the hands of God and pray that he be safe,
I feel so strongly that he will be in a better place.
He'll get the help that he so needs to conquer this disease,
His life will once be his again and the Truth shall set him free.
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Connections - by Sally, a PSST mom
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, October 23, 2010
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4 comments:
What a great idea to write and post a poem. I glimpse some of your complex mixed feelings: the joy of adoption,the joy of parenting, the disconnect with the birth mother, the sadness and frustration of the addiction, the enigma of now feeling connected to the birth mother due to you also loosing the same baby, and yet the hope that fills the end. Sally, you remain very hopeful.
I know that writing can be healing for you. I think your poem could aide the healing of othersk, adopted or not, because of the loss that you experience when addiction steals your child.
That made me cry.....so True......so very true.
I am praying for you and Rocco and for your son. I know with God in control, there WILL be a happy ending for you all.
A PSST Friend
Sally, as an adoptive mom myself I share many of your feelings. I often wonder - would my son have turned out "better" if he had stayed with his birth family? If someone else adopted him? Obviously we will never know the true answer to that, but it doesn't matter because it isn't based in reality. I know for a fact, you and Rocco, Mel and I and everyone else are doing the best they can, and better than most - in part thanks to PSST!! Keep on going, you are amazing!! Hugs from Max!
Sally, I loved your poem. It spoke to me as an adoptive mom. We work so hard to make a good life for these kids but when adiction takes over we begin to fight a battle we never knew we would. We were going to help this child overcome the feelings of being placed in a family that was not biological. Instead,he found drugs could ease the pain for him. Thanks everyone for your comments and support. I don't know where we would be today without PSST.
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