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Ok, one last time! This time at our Mt. Lebanon Outreach Teen and Family location at 666 Washington Road. If you miss this one you'll have to wait a year for another one of these festive gatherings. So far our reunion/ holiday meetings have been a big success and so much fun that we just have to do it one more time! Check our meeting locator on the left and our calendar on the right to see all of our upcoming meetings.
Whether you are a new parent or old old-timer, please come out to help us celebrate. We'll be giving away new parenting skills as usual. Those with the most PSST seniority will share first but time will be saved for everyone.
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Here are the tips that parents shared at our second Sixth Annual Reunion/ Holiday Meeting. Once again Valerie took notes. Also, once again, the food was excellent and we even thought that we should post receipes from the meeting. So if you want to post a recipe for one of those great dishes, email Lloyd. By the way, we are doing this one last time at our Mt Lebanon meeting so if you have missed the fun you have one more opportunity and that would be this Saturday morning. Check the calendar on the right and the location finders on the left.
1. Don't enable
2. Before coming to PSST my self esteem had gotten so low and I have regained it through these meetings.
3. You need to detach to avoid becoming co-dependent.
3. Don't feel guilty that you don't like your kid sometimes (who would?).
4. It's ok to admit a mistake and recoop a mistake.
5. Get a greater knowledge of the system to alleviate your fears and distrust and then you will know better how to use it to help your situation (you get the inside scoop when you come to PSST about the system and how to use it best to your teenager's advantage.)
6. The stories that others share at PSST helps me because I can relate.
7. Read the NA text book. It is very helpful especially in trying to understand recovery.
8. Do what you think is right no matter how many professionals seem to disagree.
9. Read, listen, call and find the experts and a good book is How To Control Your Out-of-control Kid: author is Bayard.
10. Decide what part of the problem is yours and what part of the problem is your teenagers.
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We are trying for some regularity for 2010. We will have special events but we will also have one time each month that postitive teens in recovery can meet together. Click here to go to CHN blog.
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Back by popular demand is another six-year reunion/ holiday party PSST. We had so much fun last week and the energy and wisdom in the room was so empowering that we want to do it again this Saturday. Doors open at 8:00 AM- Meeting to start around 9:15ish. Bring a dish if you like.
Whether you are a new parent or old old-timer, please come out to help us celebrate. We'll be giving away new parenting skills as usual. Those with the most PSST seniority will share first but time will be saved for everyone.
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"It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We sought out counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, advocates and advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles, vice-principles and school counselors and we started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy.
"After two years, two overdoses and visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and our son still didn't care."
Thanks Val and Lloyd for creating and maintaining PSST.
We enjoyed last Saturday's meeting and appreciated the advice from both the veterans and the newer parents.
Following are my thoughts on the posting.
We attended our first PSST meeting in either late 2006 or early 2007 and quite frankly we were a bit overwhelmed by it. These parents were talking about their teens using not just marijuana and alcohol but crack cocaine and heroin. Their teens were stealing and dealing to support their habits,refusing therapy and running away from treatment centers.
We felt that son was nowhere near that wild. He was 14 years old and his grades were falling fast, he was becoming a discipline problem at school and at home, he was distancing himself from our family and he was hanging out with a lot of new-found bad "friends" (NOTE: trust your first impressions here). We suspected that he was using marijuana, probably some alcohol and we knew that he was able to pick-up packs of cigarettes whenever he wanted them.
If we confronted him he was very defensive about all of these issues. School sucked, his teachers were out to get him, family was boring, we were stupid and his new "friends" were the only ones that understood him. But we just knew that our son was nowhere near as wild as these other kids, yet.
It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We sought out counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, advocates and advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles,vice-principles and school counselors and we started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy.
Our son's consistent response to all of this was "I don't care." We didn't understand or accept this but we slowly came to realize that he meant it.
After two years, two overdoses and visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and our son still didn't care.
We finally attended our second PSST meeting in May 2009. Since then we have, at least for now, saved our son's life and we have most importantly saved our own lives and our marriage.
And this is just my response to point #1.
Point #2 - You may feel that some of the new techniques offered at PSST may be uncomfortable, may seem harsh, and quite frankly might not work but you know in your heart that your old methods definitely do not work. See point #18.
Point #4 - You will never get the little girl or boy you knew and loved back but you may keep them alive and have the time to get over the issues and pain that their addiction caused.
Point #5 - Do not continue to blame yourself - see Point #12.
Point #6 - We have used this and it works.
Point #9, #17 and #20 - We have not needed to resort to these but we are ready to try them if necessary.
Point #10 - Another parent advised us in one of our first meetings "It seems like you will never get through this but you will" and it is starting to come true.
Point #11 - It is crucial for parents to stay on the same page. We don't always gree but we discuss. Our discussions are none of our son's d@mn business. Failure to follow this will either confuse the kid or more likely supply them with additional ammo to manipulate you.
Point #13 - The meetings are very beneficial to us. We found that we could finally talk openly to people that know exactly what we are going through.
Point #14 - We have used this and it works. Thanks Lloyd.
Point #15 - We used this and it is wonderful to be able to enjoy our home again.
Point #19 - See Point #1.
I agree with Sally that we should continue this format in the next meeting or two to get input from some other parents.
Once again I would like to thank Val and Lloyd as well as Cathy and Kathy from Wesley Spectrum for their continued support and encouragement.
[find other posts by Sally and Rocco below]
Message from PSST parent: 8-30-09
Thanks for empowering us: 9-12-09
Sally finds the right tools to get the job done 9-15-09
Update from Sally: 9-26-09
Relapse-takes-mom-for-ride-on-emotional Roller Coaster 10-26-09
Sally, Rocco, and Cisco: To be continued. 10-26-09
Learning to unlearn 10-22-09
Rocco Sally and Cisco: the story continues.
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The tips that parents were giving to each other were so good that Val started taking notes on her Blackberry during this rare reunion meeting. We saw some faces that we haven't seen for a while. Some parents who showed up first started attending PSST five years ago. There were about 13 parent/family members present. Instead of going around the circle like we often do, we shared by who had the most PSST seniority.
1. If it seems like things aren't working out right, keep coming back to PSST and there's a good chance that things will get better.
2 Once you find yourself at a PSST meeting you can never go back, i.e., you can never go back to the old ways of interacting with your teenager because you realize that the old ways don't work anymore. You're past the point of no return and you have to move forward with the new techniques even if seems at first like it's not working.
3. Acceptance, expectations and keep the focus on yourself. For example, you may have warned your teenager that if they didn't do better in high school they would have to go to Community College. Now, you would love to see him go to Community College.
4. Admit that there are times that you don't like or feel the love towards your teenager. It's OK to admitt that and in light of what you've been through- it's very normal.
5. Hold your teenager accountable for his behavior, decisions, etc. This came up more than once.
6. It's OK to stand up to your teenager and even call the police if it feels horribly uncomfortable. It gets easier after the first time.
7. Our teenager will probably eventually be OK. We will be OK either way.
8. Go to NARANON for additional help.
9. If your teen won't get out of bed in the morning "skip the spritzers and dump the water!
10. It might not look good now but you will get through this.
11. Parents need to stay on the same page and prevent "splitting."
12. Drug addiction is a disease- but there is hope.
13 Coming to PSST makes you realize that you are not alone ("I realized once I got here- Everyone here has a teen like mine! And that was such a good feeling.")
14. Sometimes when your kid is released from an institution or treatment program he acts like a cat that just got out of a pillow case. (and then Lloyd will come for him in the middle of the night.)
15. Take time to focus on fixing the damage at home while your teen is in placement.
16. Chaos does not have to be the norm.
17. Once they are out of the house, don't invite them back.
18. A lot of things you learn in PSST don't feel right when you first try them. Keep trying.
19. Just like in any field, all counselors, therapists, and other helping professionals are not good at what they do. If you're getting advice from someone, and it feels wrong- get a second opinion. Several parents shared stories of how they were undermined by professionals and how hard it can be to find out "what to do."
20. Use ACT 53.
21. Perhaps the funniest advice all meeting was: If you are driving your teen to rehab and you are afraid he might run, take him the longest way possible so that he has no idea where he is but so that he believes that he is really really far away. Later, he will probably tell you that he "found a much better way to get there."
You really had to be there to get the import of some of this wisdom. It's contextual. It was a very powerful meeting. Thanks to all who showed up to lend a hand and support PSST.
Should we do again the same way next week in Wexford?
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...it's our Six Year Reunion. Everyone is welcome to bring something for the party-meeting. We hope to see some of our old timers come back to say hello! If you like you can use the comment section to say what your are bringing so that we all don't bring the same thing. Or just bring what you like because that always seemed to have worked pretty good in the past.
Whether you are 0ld-timer or new-timer please come out and help us celebrate the holidays with g ood fellowship and fun! We'll be giving away new parenting skills as usual!
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Your teenager may not be doing as well as you'd hoped he would be doing by now. Or, perhaps even when it appears that your teenager has turned the corner you are still harboring tremendous fears about relapse or about him her harming himself. Let's look at the positives for a moment. First: Has your teenager obviously turned the corner and perhaps working a good 12-step program? That's the number one thing to be thankful for. It feels like an abosulte miracle when it happens and the change can be powerful and remarkable. Perhaps your teenager has really turned the corner and is not relying on a 12-step program. OK, we wish he was working a good 12-step program but we can be really thankful if he is off drugs and doing well in life. Two: Is you teenager yet to make the decision to change himself but he is clean and sober today, perhaps in a drug treatment program or halfway house? That's a lot to be thankful for too and the miracle can happen at any time. Often it seems like Drug Treatment Professionals are really in the business of keeping the client drug-free and as safe as possible until the miracle happens. Three: Is your teenage clearly not ready to change his life but he is experiecing the consequences for his choice to actively pursue a life of drug seeking? And is he still alive? Then let's be thankful that whatever those consequences are that they might help your teenager to see the folly of the path he has chosen and, once again, let's hope for the miracle. Be careful not to rescue from the consequences as they may be the real treatment that is available for your teenager. Four: Have you changed because of your struggles with your teenager's drug proplem. Have you found growth at PSST or Naranon meetings or Brige To Hope meetings? Have you found support. Have you been able to reaize that your happiness does not hang on the success or failure of your teenagers? Then you have a lot to be thankful for too.
Remember, that 12-step rooms are jammed with miracle-stories of people really deeply immersed in addicition who find a way to arrest this fatal disease.
Happy Thanksgiving to all PSST and PSST blog readers; may you soon find even more reasons to be thankful. Thanks to each and everyone one of you for your support at PSST meetings and for following this blog.
Please feel free to post what you are thankful for this Holiday Season as a comment on this post or email your post to lloyd.woodward@court.allegheny.pa.us. Many parents like to use a pen-name or post anonymously.
Image on card is from CreataCard Gold, which I own and am licensed to use.
Ever find pills at home and wonder what your teenager is taking? 
Look up the pills yourself on Drugs.com. This is a way to look up
the very popular perscription drugs but may not help to identify street drugs like escstasy. To go to the source of the picture on the right click Pill Identification Tool provided by WebMD.
If you need to look up Ecstasy pills try Ecstasydata.org. I like this website becasue each pill pictured gives you the lab test result. MDMA is Ecstasy; however if you page through you will see that everything teens think is Ecstasy is not. Methamphetamines and other substances are also found.
Or if you want to link to pictures of street drugs and other paraphernaila try The National Institute on Chemical Dependency
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Candyland Post #2
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, November 22, 2009
In my first research on this term (see below) it appears that I missed a common reference to Candyland meaning trips with Salvia Divinorum. Like all drug terms the meanings often vary between users and localities. Clearly, a trip to Candyland refers to a drug experience of some sort but without more information it may be difficult to say exactly what drug is being used. Here is a quote from a drug user reporting on his experience on Salvia Divinorum: "I started to feel the usual effects that come with (smoked) salvia; a swirling that I best describe as someone grabbing my brain and spinning it in my head, an alternate gravity pulling me (like being in a tilt-o-whirl and sticking your head out in the center), and a distance from myself, not physically, but mentally. I looked around and my eyes got caught on it, the door. I was in a winding hallway with candycanes, gumdrops, and all sorts of sweets. The last thought that 'I' had was, 'Whoa, candyland!' I was being guided gently and slowly through the aforementioned hallway, passing little pink creatures doing various things, such as building a moose (yes, I know, weird) and flying around sprinkling powder on things. All of a sudden I was at a door guarded by two men who were, seemingly, made of candycanes."
Part of the attractiveness of this drug for teenagers on Probation is that it is difficult to urine-screen for it.
I am going to link to several posts where drug users are referring to Salvia Divinorum's experience as a "trip to candyland" apparently because the experience itself entails halucinations that make one think of a trip to candyland.
Journey To Candyland by Dion.
Baby Zig in Candyland
Candyland
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, November 21, 2009
 Candyland: "Many users suck on lollipops (or pacifiers) to block the teethgrinding that E can cause." E being Ecstasy- the drug teens do at raves. If you follow that link look to the bottom-middle of the second page of the pamphlet. Apparently, there is also a movie being considered or in production usin  g that name. It features teens on drugs. Turn your volume up and click the link to the movie trailer on the right.
Here is another good link to the movie described as "Crystal Meth and the trip a group of teens takes when they discover the drug (sometimes it doesn't end up so well.)
There is also a song called Candyland. It sounds more like it's about sex than drugs until you realize that it's posted on a "Rave Radio" website:
Author: Aqua
Title: Lollipop (Candyman)
Posted On: 2002-08-28 00:00:00
Posted By: » El_Leader_Maximo
I Am The Candyman Coming From Bountyland
I Am The Candyman Coming From Bountyland
I Wish That You Were My Lollipop
Sweet Things I Will Never Get Enough
If You Show Me To The Sugar Tree
Will You Give Me A Sodapop For Free
Come With Me Honey
I'm Your Sweet Sugar Candyman
Run Like The Wind Fly With Me To Bountyland
Bite Me I'm Yours If You're Hungry Please Understand
This Is The End Of The Sweet Sugar Candyman
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Your Word Is My Command
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Let Us Fly To Bountyland
You Are My Lollipop Sugar Sugar Top
You Are My Lollipop Sugar Sugar Top
I Wish That I Were A Bubble Yum
Chewing On Me Baby All Day Long
I Will Be Begging For Sweet Delight
Until You Say I'm Yours Tonight
Come With Me Honey
I'm Your Sweet Sugar Candyman
Run Like The Wind Fly With Me To Bountyland
Bite Me I'm Yours If You're Hungry Please Understand
This Is The End Of The Sweet Sugar Candyman
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Your Word Is My Command
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Let Us Fly To Bountyland
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Your Word Is My Command
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Let Us Fly To Bountyland
I Am The Candyman Coming From Bountyland
I Am The Candyman Coming From Bountyland
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Your Word Is My Command
Oh My Love I Know You Are My Candyman
And Oh My Love Let Us Fly To Bountyland
You Are My Lollipop Sugar Sugar Top
You Are My Lollipop Sugar Sugar Top
Lyrics
I can still hear the deep, male voice of the stranger on the phone and his words echo in my mind. "We have your son, he is at Auberle, your son is safe. If you have any questions please call this number...."
That was a month ago and we have had some positive changes in Cisco's behavior since then but it took three stays at Shuman (one of which was combined with that stay at Auberle) before we saw a turn around.
Cisco was taken to Shuman the first time because he had a dirty urine screening while attending Gateway Rehab. He was 130 days clean and relapsed on marajauna. The courts allowed him to come home to us but he was now on home detention.
Cisco was placed at Shuman the second time because he left our home in the wee hours of the night even though he was on home detention. My husband and I believe it is necessary to show Cisco that there are consequences for violating rules so we drove him to Shuman immediately. Never the less, I really wanted him back home so I wrote down 11 ways that Cisco was positively working his recovery program. The hearing officer ruled that Cisco could return home as soon as he was set up with an electronic monitoring device. Rocco was too involved with a big project at work and could not attend this hearing. I didn't mind going alone since I was driven by this notion that Cisco should continue making progress at home where he belongs . But now I was hoping I was right and I was sweating it out.
It took us about a week to get the phone line set up for the home detention monitor. There was no guarantee that it would keep Cisco from going out at night but we still thought it was the best solution. Rocco and I picked Cisco up on a Sunday. Cisco was happy to be out in the cold fresh air and talked about his stay and about returning to school and his recovery program. He had been doing well in school but now had some catching up to do. We were beginning to see a positive change in attitude but there was yet another episode in store.
It was only a couple of days before Cisco chose to violate our rule and visit a friend after school. He understood that he was supposed to come directly home from school but he did not expect his dad and I would be home early that day. He got angry when we questioned his whereabouts. This short visit to his friend probably would have been dismissed by us if he had been honest about where he was. But we quickly realized after making a few phone calls that he had lied. Now we were wondering where he really had been. Cisco was sitting at the computer listening to his loud music when Rocco calmly asked him questions to get to the bottom of this. Cisco told him to go away and turned up the volume trying to end the discussion. Rocco pulled the plug out of the computer and began to take it away. Cisco got up and pushed him up against the wall. Rocco asked me to call the 9-1-1 and I did. Cisco was still angry when the police arrived but calmed himself down. After we consulted with his P.O. he found himself once again going back to Shuman without much resistance, this time in the back of a police car. This was his third violation in less than a month and this time we thought that there was no doubt that Cisco would be put in placement.
We spent that evening preparing ourselves for this. But to our surprised Cisco's P.O. called the day before his hearing and asked us if we wanted Cisco to be put in placement or to come home. Since the altercation was against him I felt that Rocco should ‘call the shots' and I told him I would back up his choice 100%.
It really did not take Rocco long to decide that it would be best to try to convince the court that Cisco should be home. Cisco had for the most part been positively working his recovery program and following his consent agreement. This time we added three stipulations that Cisco must make in order to come back home.
1) He would continue to follow all the rules of his original contract.
2) The computer and all his music on it would be removed from the house.
3) Cisco is on a Consent Decree and we asked that he would admit on record to a misdemeanor from this spring (This was not part of his original consent agreement). This needed to be done for two reasons. A) Cisco needed to publicly admit that he did something wrong. B) If it is ever necessary to go back to court and have Cisco placed there is no need to prove anything thru a hearing because the courts have his admission on record.
Once again we got our wish and the morning of Cisco’s hearing we met with both the public defender and Cisco’s P.O. The Public Defender insisted that Cisco should not admit to anything even to the point of going into placement. The P.O. told us to stick with our conviction that without an admission that Cisco could not come home. This chess match continued until the time that we were being seated in the hearing room. The Public Defender finally gave in and asked us what Cisco would need to admit to. After getting Cisco’s concurrence and some discussions with the Hearing Officer, followed by a stern lecture and a warning that his next violation would be sent directly to court, Cisco was allowed to come home with us. Straight from court this time!
In the past, Cisco felt that we were just waiting for, even setting him up to fail and that we really did not want him to live with us. But Rocco and I both had our chance in court to advocate for Cisco and to let him know that we want him home as long as he follows some basic rules.
Along with all the recovery things Cisco has been doing in the past; Cisco is also being polite and less self centered. He is acting more responsible at home and in school. He is participating in many more family activities and now it is obvious that he CARES about himself and those who he loves.
When a family member changes it sets the whole family in motion and now both Rocco and I need to change our ways. We must still stand very firm and define clear boundaries for him but we need to start trusting him a little bit more each day. Our family has evolved into something finer. Editor Note: You can read all of Sally's posts to date: #1: Message from PSST parent: 8-30-09
#2: Thanks for empowering us. 9-12-09 #3: Sally finds the right tools to get the job done: 9-15-09#4: Update from Sally: 9-26-09#5: Relapse Takes Mom for a Ride on an Emotional Roller Coaster 10-17-09. #6: Sally, Rocco, & Cisco: To Be Continued. 10-26-09Also Rocco posted this Learning to Unlearn 10-22-09
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Relapse Blog with information and discussion
