Theme #3: I'm not going to do [whatever you told them to do}
Note: Special PSST bonus points and/ or a prize to anyone who can correctly count the number of twists that Dad uses in this role-play. How many agreements does Dad twist? Bring your number into our next PSST meeting to receive your bonus points.
Dad: I need you to pee in this cup; I want to get a clean urine screen on our records for you Son.
Teen: You gotta be kidden me!
Dad: I know, I know, it does sound a little strange; I'm pretty confidant that your clean, but nevertheless, I need a screen.
Teen: What have I done to deserve this crap?!
Dad: You think I should only test you if I feel suspicious, you know, if I see a sign of some sort that you might be using.
Teen: Ya. This isn't fair.
Dad: Well, I guess in some ways Son, this isn't fair. I guess I'm not even trying to be fair like that.
Teen: Well, that's not fair.
Dad: No it's not fair. You're right. Regardless, this is what I need and I need you do do it now Son.
Teen: I'm not doing that.
Dad: You're not going to cooperate?
Teen: You heard me. I'm done with that crap.
Dad: Your mind is made up on this then.
Teen: Right. You heard me. Now leave me alone please I got things to do today.
Dad: So, I think I got it.
Teen. This conversation is over.
Dad: Yes, you're right, this conversation is almost over. You don't care what I do, you don't care what the consequences are. It doesn't matter to you if you loose your cell phone, the computer, if I ground you- you just don't care and you're not going to give me a sample of your urine to test no matter what the consequences are. I hear you...so let's just get that part our of the way.
Teen: Why do you have to be such a prick? It's all this little game for you isn't it? Just a [bleep bleep] game, huh?
Dad: Well, there are rules to follow here Son, just like in a game- that is correct.
Teen: So, I loose my cell phone if I'm don't pee?
Dad: Yep. I'm sorry. The rules here, just like what I hope is a very serious game, is that if you don't cooperate with helping us know that you are clean, and I still think you are clean or at least I hope so, but now I guess I'm not as sure of that as I was a few minutes ago, but we need to know, so if you won't help us with that one- just stay home- don't go out- give us the cell phone or we'll turn it off, in which case it's going to be harder for you to get it back, no friends over, no computer and no TV privileges.
Teen: All that for one little Pee?
Dad: All that for just one little donation that you could probably do easily enough- but only if you chose to, and right now as I said, you don't give a rat's bum about all this restrictions, you've just decided that this is unfair and you won't cooperate.
Teen: Oh yeah like I don't care about my cell phone do I? I'll Pee OK?
Dad: OK.
Teen: But I don't have to go right now.
Dad: It can be hard to Pee on demand. Sometimes you need a little time.
Teen: I have to go out somewhere- I'll Pee when I get back.
Dad: That's not going to work for me son.
Teen: glaring
Dad: I know that would for some reason that I don't have to understand, be easier for you Son. But I need it now or else just stay home, surrender the phone, stay off the computer and the TV please and then you can call me when you can pee but I would prefer that you stay in this room with me until you can.
Teen: If I don't?
Dad: Well, it's going to cause me to start to doubt you Son. I don't know that exactly that is going to mean for you but it's a good question- a very good question. I'll talk to your Mom about that one. It' all about trust you know.
Teen: What if I'm not clean?
Dad: Good question Son. Not sure. That would surprise me. I'm not prepared for that one- I just assumed you would be clean. I guess it won't be good for you though.
Teen: What if I'm honest with you about it- so that you don't even have to test me- then you could give me one chance right?
Dad: Well, if your honest that could make things feel better I think.
Teen: What do you mean, "feel better?" I have a feeling I'm not going to feel to good about all this.
Dad: Right, me either. Poor choice of words on my part. I just meant that I'm starting to feel pretty suspicious about things right now; I'm no longer confident that you are clean so if you get honest with me, that would be a good start to rebuilding some trust, which is going to definitely take time to rebuild- we've been down this road before Son, right? Sometimes you'll take the denial thing pretty far you know what I mean.
Teen: OK, I smoked. But only once. Like three weeks ago. It probably isn't even still in my urine, but I'll tell you anyway.
Dad: I'm disappointed Son.
Teen: See? I'm honest and it doesn't help.
Dad: You're right. The honesty thing doesn't always get you out of trouble, doesn't it? Sucks, huh?
Teen: Ya, I wonder why I even try being honest.
Dad: I wonder about that one too- good question.
Dad: Why didn't you just take the chance? Maybe you were clean if it was three weeks ago?
Teen: Cause I wanted to be honest.
Dad: That's good Son, that is a good place to start. Good for you. I just thought that you were so angry that I was testing that being honest was the last thing on your mind. You know how we are when we are angry?
Teen: Well, that and the fact that I knew I'd be caught.
Dad: But three weeks? Couldn't you be clean?
Teen: I don't think so, maybe it was more than once you know, and I don't remember how long ago I smoked but it's not every day or anything.
Dad: I think you being honest is important. Don't put yourself down here man, anyone can make a mistake it's what you do when you make the mistake that sometimes makes the difference and I'm surprised that you are honest about it- you know a year ago you woulda lied like a rug for weeks before you got honest. Remember?
Teen: Ya.
Dad: Well the honesty thing is good. Let's keep going with that. How did you come across weed cause it seems like none of your friends use right now. That's why I'm surprised.
on and on as this leads to either more disclosure or less at which point Dad can challenge Son about this big honesty thing
after all that honesty about what when and whom goes down we come to the p test again.
Dad: So let's get that P test done Son.
Teen: Still, you want to test me? But I was honest?
Dad: Yeah, you were honest. And that's good. Now we'll test just like I said we would 20 minutes ago. Is there a problem with that?
Teen: I don't see the point.
Dad: You're right.
Teen: I am?
Dad: Yes, after what you just went through with me, and you shared a lot here, I don't expect that you would see the point. Nevertheless, I need this urine screen done- lets' get this over with Son.
Teen: Give me one good reason why?
Dad: OK. I don't think you'll think this is a good reason Son but I'm just not comfortable skipping the urine screen. I need to get this done, OK?
Teen: Why aren't you comfortable?
Dad: None of it will make sense to you Son. I'm just not comfortable skipping it. Let's get r done! You know, part of it is that I need to see that you're going to cooperate. That's important to me Son, but I don't think that makes any sense to you.
Teen: OK, OK, I get it Dad. What's going to happen to me?
Dad: Good question. You want to talk about that - I agree- let's get this urine done first, then we'll talk.
Why does Dad insist that we still get a Pee-test?
1. It puts Dad in control. He does need to see that his Son will cooperate.
2. Son might be dirty for something besides marijuana. That will be good to know if that is happening.
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1 comment:
I saw an agreement with a twist on a sign down at Juvenile Court:
"I'll be happy to wait on you, just as soon as you're done with your cell phone call."
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