Drugs and Alcohol are Equal Opportunity Destroyers
”One of the most difficult things to accept as a parent is that we do not have control of our children. Once we can accept that, we can look for ways in which we can help them to avoid self-defeating behaviors.
As long as parents think they can bribe the child to not use drugs or control him with threats and punishments, they will not look for what they can do that can be effective."
PSST is here to help parents determine if your child has a drug or alcohol problem, how to stop enabling and codependent behavior and how to assist you to help your child. If you even suspect that your teen is using drugs or alcohol please come and talk with us at one of our meetings. Try the links that are posted on the PSST Website.
Following is a condensed version of an article by Dr. Twerski. To read the entire article click on the title below:
Substance Abuse in Adolescents: Detection, Treatment and Prevention - an article by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski 
Use of mood-altering chemical among adolescents is at an all time high. It is important for parents to know that a drug is a drug is a drug.
Parents may have a false sense of security, “He’s only using alcohol,” or “He’s only using marijuana, not cocaine.”
Which youngsters are at risk of getting into trouble with alcohol or drugs?
All of them!
Chemicals are an “equal opportunity destroyer.”
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No parent wants to suspect their child of drug use, but parents must remain alert. The following warning signs are “red flags.”
They do not mean that your youngster is using drugs, but they should raise suspicion.
Family
Change in attitude towards parents and siblings
Isolating in one’s room
Lying
Breaking curfew, sneaking out at night
Blaming others for irresponsible behavior
Selling possessions
Stealing
Strange, secret telephone calls
Has money but no job
Physically or verbally violent
A variety of excuses for improper behavior
School
Drop in grades or achievement levels
Skipping classes or days of school
Dropping out of extra-curricular activities
Defiance of teachers
Breaking rules and regulations
Excessive sleepiness
Fights and confrontations
Frequent suspensions
Changes in Behavior
Withdrawn, overly quiet
New "friends" (trust your intuition here)
Confused, disoriented
Odor of alcohol or too much perfume, cologne or after shave
Erratic eating and sleeping patterns
Poor hygiene
Overly defensive
Easily upset
Mood changes
Started using street language
Dilate pupils
Reddened eyes
Nervous, agitated, trouble sitting still
Religious Behavior
Decreased attendance
Ignores rules
Cynical, skeptical
Legal
Underage Drinking
Accidents
Careless driving, Driving while under the influence
Possession of drugs
Selling drugs
Thefts, shoplifting
The Role of the Family
One of the most difficult things to accept is that we do not have control of our children. Once we accept that, we can look for ways in which we can help them to avoid self-defeating behaviors. As long as parents think they can bribe the child to not use drugs or control him with threats and punishments, they will not look for what they can do that can be effective.
If parents suspect that their child may be using drugs, they should promptly consult an expert in drug treatment. The warning signs listed above are not evidence that the child is using drugs, and are just things that should heighten the parents’ awareness. What to do next should be advised by an expert in the field.
There are many competent psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, ministers, priests and rabbis who have not been trained in the understanding and management of substance abuse, and their well-intentioned advice may be misguided.
An expert in substance abuse problems can help the parents in their relationship to the child, and tell them what is and what is not effective.
If an adolescent uses drugs, he may still maintain a relationship with his parents, but he may also be very defiant. The parents may be shocked to discover that they cannot exert any authority over him.
“Should we insist on urine tests? What if he refuses to go? What can we do when he does not come home until 3AM? Can we lock the door and leave a 15 year old on the street? What can we do when he throws obscenities at us? How do we protect our other children from being harmed by his behavior? If I know he is selling drugs, should I report him to the police?”
These and many other questions arise, which obviously are too complex to be addressed in this article.
Again, guidance from an expert in substance abuse is crucial.
It is understandable that parents may beat themselves up with “What did we do wrong?”
This is futile.
Their teens may opt for the high of drugs even if they had the most loving, caring parents. Instead of focusing on the past, the parents should accept expert guidance and refocus on what they should do now.
It is important for parents to become knowledgeable about drugs. What are the dangers of marijuana? What is Ecstasy? What is Oxycontin? When and how should I discuss alcohol and drug issuess with my teen?
Summary
Parents! There is no quick fix and there are no simple answers to the following commonly asked questions.
How can I tell if my child is drinking excessively or using drugs?
- If some warning signs are present, consult an expert in substance abuse treatment. Read the recommended material.
What constitutes effective treatment?
- This varies. It will depend on the evaluation by a competent addiction therapist.
What can parents do to be helpful in a child’s recovery?
- Attend family support groups (like PSST), get competent counseling, and read the recommended material
What can parents do to prevent their child from abusing drugs/alcohol?
- Read up on effective parenting techniques. Make the home a truly spiritual home.
Modern society has diluted and even eliminated traditional values. The parenting techniques of previous generations may not be strong enough to enable children to withstand the temptations of modern society.
If we realize the dangers to which our children are exposed, we can adopt techniques that will strengthen them so that they will be able to cope with today’s challenges.
Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.
Founder and Medical Director Emeritus
Gateway Rehabilitation Center
Copyright © Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski. All Rights Reserved. 
As noted above PSST is here to help parents determine if your child has a drug or alcohol problem, how to stop enabling and codependent behavior and how to assist you to help your child.
If you even suspect that your teen is using drugs or alcohol please come and talk with us at one of our meetings. Try the links that are posted on the PSST Website.
Dr. Twerski reccomends the following reading material that can help parents become more knowledgeable about alcohol and drugs.
The following books and pamphlets are available from Hazelden Foundation, 1-800-328-9000.
How to Tell When Kids are in Trouble with Alcohol/Drugs
Raising Drug-Free Kids in a Drug-Filled World (Perkins & Perkins)
Points for Parents Perplexed about Drugs (Hancock)
Parents, It’s Not Your Fault (Skoglund)
Setting Limits (Lafountain)
Addictive Thinking (Twerski)
When Your Teen is in Treatment (Perkins & Perkins)
The Truth about Pot (Baum)
Choices and Consequences (Schaefer)
Helping Your Chemically Dependent Teenager Recover (Cohen)
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Drugs and Alcohol are Equal Opportunity Destroyers
Posted by:Rocco--Friday, October 15, 2010
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1 comment:
Here's my favorite part from Dr. Twerski's article:
"Traditional psychiatric or psychological treatment is ineffective as long as the person is using drugs. The idea of psychotherapy to determine why he is using drugs is erroneous. After abstinence is achieved, therapy with someone trained in drug addiction treatment can be helpful."
Over and over I run into parents who, knowing that their teen has dual issues, e.g., both psychological and addiction, decides to try to treat the psychological issues first. "We have to find out why he is using drugs, and address that before we can expect him to stop."
The treatment with the Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or Therapist is not going to work if the teenager continues to abuse drugs. For example, certain anti-depressants work to raise the available amount of Seratonin in the brain and marijuana lowers Seratonin causing depression. The one undermines the effectiveness of the other.
No matter what causes the drug problem in the beginning drugs are self-reinforcing. Therefore, even if we could isolate the exact cause and that is practically impossible, now that there is a drug habbit, addressing that cause would not make the drug problem go away.
Great post Rocco. It's good that you provided a link back to his complete article and I hope people take the time to click to Dr. Twerski's web page for more information.
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