Rocco’s response to Tips from the Sixth-Year PSST Reunion. Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, December 07, 2009

"It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We sought out counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, advocates and advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles, vice-principles and school counselors and we started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy.

"After two years, two overdoses and visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and our son still didn't care."

Thanks Val and Lloyd for creating and maintaining PSST.

We enjoyed last Saturday's meeting and appreciated the advice from both the veterans and the newer parents.

Following are my thoughts on the posting.

We attended our first PSST meeting in either late 2006 or early 2007 and quite frankly we were a bit overwhelmed by it. These parents were talking about their teens using not just marijuana and alcohol but crack cocaine and heroin. Their teens were stealing and dealing to support their habits,refusing therapy and running away from treatment centers.

We felt that son was nowhere near that wild. He was 14 years old and his grades were falling fast, he was becoming a discipline problem at school and at home, he was distancing himself from our family and he was hanging out with a lot of new-found bad "friends" (NOTE: trust your first impressions here). We suspected that he was using marijuana, probably some alcohol and we knew that he was able to pick-up packs of cigarettes whenever he wanted them.

If we confronted him he was very defensive about all of these issues. School sucked, his teachers were out to get him, family was boring, we were stupid and his new "friends" were the only ones that understood him. But we just knew that our son was nowhere near as wild as these other kids, yet.

It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We sought out counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, advocates and advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles,vice-principles and school counselors and we started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy.

Our son's consistent response to all of this was "I don't care." We didn't understand or accept this but we slowly came to realize that he meant it.

After two years, two overdoses and visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and our son still didn't care.

We finally attended our second PSST meeting in May 2009. Since then we have, at least for now, saved our son's life and we have most importantly saved our own lives and our marriage.

And this is just my response to point #1.

Point #2 - You may feel that some of the new techniques offered at PSST may be uncomfortable, may seem harsh, and quite frankly might not work but you know in your heart that your old methods definitely do not work. See point #18.

Point #4 - You will never get the little girl or boy you knew and loved back but you may keep them alive and have the time to get over the issues and pain that their addiction caused.

Point #5 - Do not continue to blame yourself - see Point #12.

Point #6 - We have used this and it works.

Point #9, #17 and #20 - We have not needed to resort to these but we are ready to try them if necessary.

Point #10 - Another parent advised us in one of our first meetings "It seems like you will never get through this but you will" and it is starting to come true.

Point #11 - It is crucial for parents to stay on the same page. We don't always gree but we discuss. Our discussions are none of our son's d@mn business. Failure to follow this will either confuse the kid or more likely supply them with additional ammo to manipulate you.

Point #13 - The meetings are very beneficial to us. We found that we could finally talk openly to people that know exactly what we are going through.

Point #14 - We have used this and it works. Thanks Lloyd.

Point #15 - We used this and it is wonderful to be able to enjoy our home again.

Point #19 - See Point #1.

I agree with Sally that we should continue this format in the next meeting or two to get input from some other parents.

Once again I would like to thank Val and Lloyd as well as Cathy and Kathy from Wesley Spectrum for their continued support and encouragement.

[find other posts by Sally and Rocco below]

Message from PSST parent: 8-30-09

Thanks for empowering us: 9-12-09

Sally finds the right tools to get the job done 9-15-09

Update from Sally: 9-26-09

Relapse-takes-mom-for-ride-on-emotional Roller Coaster 10-26-09

Sally, Rocco, and Cisco: To be continued. 10-26-09

Learning to unlearn 10-22-09

Rocco Sally and Cisco: the story continues.