A Mom's Letter ~ Changes in Attitude and Changes in Latitude ~ by Violet, a PSST Mom Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, January 04, 2011

A Mom's Letter to the Court

I thought I would send out an update on Sal. We recently went to court, because I pressed charges on my son, which went surprisingly well.

My goal was to obtain a consent decree and a P.O., which occurred. I read my victim impact letter (see below) and the judge was very kind to me. I raised my hand to speak on several occasions and was granted all the time I needed for statement, questions and suggestions.

We are waiting to meet our P.O., so right now I feel like I am floating in the wind, which is ultimately better than floating away. Sal is home from placement so I have once again entered the hyper-vigilant state. Even with all my PSST training I do relapse from time to time.

He has been keeping busy which means I have been busy. NA meetings, counseling, the gym, I even brought him to my job, with permission of course, to work for me. I thought it was great but Sal wasn’t too happy with 4:30 A.M. wake up and of course working for free. But nevertheless he went.

He is still on track for starting college on Jan.4th, but again that is up to him to stay on track and work his recovery. Oh he still tries to rock the boat from time to time, but that boat has not capsized yet.

So for today and just for today, which is all I can ask, we are o.k.

Victim Impact Letter

Your Honor, I am here today not with malice, but as a parent desperate to make every attempt to save my son’s life by obtaining a consent decree and a P.O.

Our lives have been at the mercy of the disease of addiction. We witnessed the death of Sal’s father and my dear friend both to suicide (by guns) at the hands of this disease 2 yrs. ago. As I watched and tried unsuccessfully to intervene on their behalf, I see the same pattern occurring in my son and I will not stop trying to prevent the same outcome.

I would like to begin my story with the present. Sal is currently in a half-way house where he is doing well. I am so proud of him for he has been in rehab for this disease for about 8 months and although it has been a struggle he is still trying to work his recovery.

But now I must reflect on the past and share my concerns with this court. Sal has had a difficult time working his recovery program on his own, once out of treatment.
He was caught with drugs in school last year and was in out-patient treatment but continued to use. He spiraled out of control and ended up in Western Psych on a 302. Watching the police take him away just broke my heart. In-patient rehab was recommended but he refused to go and attempted out-patient again but began using immediately.

He continued to go down-hill. Stealing from his family. Bringing people over our house to rob us. What had my son become, someone I did not know. What had I become, sleeping with my purse, hiding all our valuables, hiding the car keys, installing security cameras. This is no way to live. This is not living. It is breaking my heart.

As his addiction progressed he would become violent and I currently have a PFA in effect. How could my son, my own flesh and blood, physically hurt me, his mother. He broke my heart.

He then violated the PFA and has indirect criminal contempt charges still pending. As I watched the police take him away in handcuffs, him lunging at him, telling me I was not his mother, he looked like a monster. I could no longer recognize my son. It broke my heart.

He spent several days in jail awaiting that hearing and as part of the order he was to go directly into placement which he did not do. After spending several days on the street he went into placement for about 80 days. When he was released he had about 3 weeks before college was to start but he started using the first day. The doors of opportunity are beginning to close. It is no longer breaking my heart, it is killing me and more important it is killing my son.

He returned into placement for about another 80 days and to help him transition was sent to a half-way house. He is to start college in Jan., and although I have mixed feelings about his readiness he cannot stay in placement forever. I want to give him every opportunity to succeed. My hope is that we get a consent decree with a P.O., and maybe that will be enough of a deterrent to help him stay clean and have a life outside of the criminal system.

I pray every day that God saves my son and as his mother if I did not do everything in my power to save his life I couldn’t live with myself. In our house there were no football games, no wrestling matches, no proms, no birthday parties, no graduation party, no vacation, no laughing, no smiling, no joking around. This disease has stolen the childhood from my son. I implore the court not to let it steal his life.

Violet