PSST Mom from Across the Border ~ Tells Her Story Posted by:Sally--Monday, January 10, 2011

PSST Welcomes Virtual Members!

I am a new "virtual" member of PSST. I found the web site about 2 weeks ago, when I was looking for a template to write a contract to negotiate our 18 year old son's return to our home (he had been out of the house for 7 1/2 weeks due to violence related to drug use).

We had two non-negotiable conditions for him to be return:

(1) get a clean quantifiable drug and alcohol screen

(2) begin drug counselling

and we wanted to write a contract with those and some basic rules.

The good news is that last Thursday our son got a clean drug screen and came home. He starts drug counseling on Tuesday. He will be subject to random drug screens as needed. So far we have not seen the need.

Its been challenging for his two brothers (his twin and brother a year younger) to adjust to having him at home...not because of anything he is doing but because for 2 months, they had our undivided attention. We have learned a lot since that son was out of the house and are making every effort to NOT go back to having the house, discussion or our time center on this son and what he does or doesn't do. So far, so good.

We found the series of articles on Top 3 Ways Teens Manipulate, VERY insightful. Boy did this son have 2 of the 3 perfected!! At present, he is not using any manipulation (overt or covert)...not even acting good to get anything. He is just being compliant. I guess 7 1/2 weeks couch surfing and being hungry the last few days of the last week, taught him something. We'll see how long he remembers the lessons.

God bless you and all those who give their time to PSST. Know that even parents up in Canada are benefiting! I pray for Cisco. - Joy Y.

Here is the contract we created ~

No Drug and Alcohol Use While Living in Our Home
Home needs to be a clean, sober and safe place for all of us.

Summary: Zero tolerance for use of chemicals, working toward abstinence from marijuana, non-intoxicating levels of alcohol (1.5 oz hard liquor / 2 beers). Begin seeing a drug & alcohol counsellor before coming home with a transition to attending weekly 12-step program (sponsor within 30 days).

1. Accept random drug & alcohol tests on 2 hours notice and provide consent for parents to see the results

a) Positive Test Results for any of the following will result in the immediate need to find alternative place to live until a detox program is completed and follow-up drug counselling is obtained
(Summary; Zero tolerance for chemical use while living at home)

· amphetamines/methamphetamine
· benzodiazepines
· cocaine
· MDMA (ecstasy)
· methadone metabolites
· opiates
· psilocybin (mushrooms)

b) Positive Test Results for cannabinoid ≥ 50 ng/ml after returning home indicates current use of marijuana
(Summary; tell us if you slip and get help, repeated slips will be considered a relapse, using but not telling us will result in needing to find another place to live)

(1) Tell us if you slip right away and get help from drug counsellor / sponsor

(2) ≥ 3 slips in a 6 week period will be considered a relapse. You may be asked to find an alternative place to live until a clean drug test is achieved

(3) If we are not told of marijuana use before the drug test and the drug test is positive, there will be a need to find an alternative place to live until a clean drug test is achieved

(c) Urine ethanol ≥ 300 ng/ml (more than 1.5 oz hard liquor / 2 beers for 150 lb male) follow up with drug counsellor. Drunkenness will result in an immediate need to find an alternative place to live. (Summary; drink in moderation / below level of intoxication)

*** Note***: REFUSAL to submit to random drug & alcohol screen will result in immediate need to find alternative place to live until results of a clean drug & alcohol screen is received


2. Make an appointment for drug and alcohol counselling before moving home then make and attend weekly appointments with a drug and alcohol counsellor (minimum 6 weeks) à transition to weekly 12-step meeting (find 12-step sponsor within 30 days)

· on-going regular weekly attendance at drug counsellor or 12-step meeting

These are the basic house rules;

ANY acts of intimidation, aggression or violence against property or people will result in an immediate need to find alternative place to live.

Possession of any knives or other weapons will result in an immediate need to find alternative place to live.

Attend school minimum 30 hours per week or work minimum 30 hours per week (pay room and board) or combination of school & work for minimum 30 hours per week.

Pay for personal purchases including own transportation (bus pass), cell phone, clothes, shoes, etc.

THE DOORS WILL BE LOCKED AT 11:20 p.m. on weeknights (Sun. – Thur.) and 1:00 a.m. on weekends (Fri. & Sat.). If you are home before that time, you can come in. Let us know before 11:00 p.m. where you are staying overnight.

Speak politely to and about others (say positive or neutral things, no criticism or ridicule)

Listen respectfully to others when they are talking.

Maintain a pleasant atmosphere around the table at meals (comments, if offered to be positive or neutral).

Have considerate and unselfish interaction with others (think of others).

RESPECT parents & siblings & RESPECT their personal property. Ask if you want to use something; accepting the answer whether it is yes or no.

Speak calmly and quietly. There is no reason for anyone (you or us) to raise our voice. If you disagree with something calmly express your opinion, respecting that the final decision rests with us in our home.

Respect that quiet is wanted in all common areas of the house (use electric guitar, computer, music, X-box, etc. only with headphones. Use of acoustic guitar in the house requires everyone’s consent).

CLEAN UP after yourself (bathroom, bedroom, family room, kitchen, etc.)

If going to bed later than brothers, either get changed outside the bedroom or sleep on the couch.

CALL to let us know the plans / if there is a change of plans.

Do chores well and without needing to be reminded.

PAY FOR ALL REPAIRS caused by damage to other’s property (even if unintentional).

Attend family counselling, when requested; this is so we can all move forward and find positive ways to resolve differences.