PEOPLE, PLACES & THINGS Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, January 27, 2011

People, Places and Things

Our teens in recovery are told to stay away from any people, places and things that will remind them of using.

- Party pals, friends they used with (even if they have been clean for a month), or friends that supplied them.

- Parks, parking lots, schools, convenience stores, certain streets or corners, alleys or other places that they associate with copping, picking up or using.

- Clips, pipes, tubes, socket wrenches, bongs, spoons, stems, vials, lighters, cocktail glasses...

There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut."

Staying away from “friends” is one of the biggest arguments we get from our teenagers in recovery. Until they can give up their people, places and things they are not serious about their recovery. When you confront them about their contact with them they will tell you:

“How do you expect me to give up my friends?”

“They are the only ones that I can talk to.”

“They are the only ones that understand me and won’t judge me?”

“I’m the one that got them to use.”

“Who are you to judge my friends?”

We had this discussion at our Family-Anonymous meeting on Tuesday night. Some wondered how long it would take, if ever, for our kids to “get it”.

Miss Deb summed it up in a way that hit home with a few of us. She reminded us that our children not only can do this but that they have already done this once. This is something she said she reminds the kids of in their sessions.

When our children made the choice to start using tobacco/drugs/alcohol they made the choice to leave behind their friends, the places they hung out and the things that they used together.

They left the people; these were friends that they probably had for most of their young lives.

They left the places; the gyms, the athletic fields, churches, auditoriums, dance and martial arts studios, skating rinks and scout meetings.

They left the things: balls, bats, karate uniforms, shin guards, dance outfits, skates, scout uniforms, musical instruments and their dreams.

They had no trouble leaving any of these people, places or things.

They didn’t have their parent’s help.

They didn’t have counselors to guide them.

They didn’t have meetings to explain the steps to change their lifestyle. They didn’t have booklets and websites telling them where and when their “meetings” to buy and to use were held.

They had no problem reaching out and finding people to help them and advise them on their lifestyle choice.

They didn’t have sponsors to reach out to and talk with when they felt an urge to return to their old ways and to stop using.

They didn’t have transportation issues; they could find their way to “meetings”, even in the middle of the night, to buy and to use.

They didn’t have trouble figuring out methods of financing their habits; they cheated, manipulated, coerced, lied, begged, borrowed and stole with the worst of them.

All on their own, without anyone’s assistance, they were able to give up on all of their people, places and things so that they could slip into the world of substance abuse.

So the next time your son or daughter in recovery tells you how hard it is to give up their “friends” feel free to remind them that they already know how to, they already have the experience and that now they have all the resources in place to help them.

RECOVERY IS NOT FOR WIMPS

Recovery is not a cure. Recovery is a lifelong process. It begins in treatment, but it doesn't end when treatment ends. How far your teen goes in their recovery is really up to them.

Recovery is a family process. Like their adolescent, families damaged by addiction can take a couple of years to recover. They will need to change their behavior and rebuild their lifestyle as they go through the recovery process with their child.

It can seem like a very long process but a real commitment to the recovery process can strengthen your family’s well being. The discipline of recovery can bring significant benefit that will help all family members.

Recovery is tough to handle alone. Like any other life threatening disease addiction recovery is somewhere between difficult to impossible to handle on your own. Addiction and recovery can be so consuming that families sometimes lose track of their other needs. Relationships are strained, hopelessness sets in and families can be pulled apart. Because addiction and recovery affects the whole family, it is absolutely necessary to look for professional help and counseling for the whole family.

Look for specialized groups for parents and siblings of the recovering teen in your area. These groups may be offered through your school or church, a family service agency or through your local chapter of Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or Alateen.

Parent Survival Skills Training (PSST) is here for all parents, and care-takers, to get the help they need to assist their teens in their recovery. We are made up of parents of teenage substance abusers and addicts who have been, or are going through, what you are going through. We have the assistance of professional counselors and probation officials. We are not here to judge you; we are here to help you.
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