Quote of the Week


"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.



When the going gets weird, The weird....get green food coloring
Posted by:Sally--Monday, March 08, 2010

Contributed by an anonymous single mom

When I first realized that drug testing was going to be yet another part of my single-mom job description, I really wanted a do over, because well—yuck.

I’m still waiting for my “17 again” reprieve, but I did figure out a way to use the past even if I never get to revisit it. Here’s what happened:


In the beginning, I thought that the whole "single mom of a teenage son" situation meant that this new opportunity for life experience would be too weird to handle properly. Then I remembered the good old days when my biggest problem seemed to be my plumbing. What I learned from that mess was about to serve me in fresh ways, back then my plumber had me use green dye tablets to see if the water from my toilet tank was migrating to the bowl. You can imagine my joy when I realized that I could use food coloring, leftover from cookies and craft projects, in much more inventive ways. And you know what they say; it really is good to create new memories with your child.

So, here’s the process: I turn off the water to the house first. It’s an old house, and I’m the only one who knows where the valve is. I do this for two reasons. First, I eliminate the flushing and refilling problem. Second, I do not want to get him mad when he inevitably isn’t as interested in this version of family time as I am, but I do know that he’ll want to get a shower eventually. So I tell him, “I can turn on the water as soon as you fill the cup,” as if I won’t have the ability to find or move the water valve until the cup gives the missing skills back to me. Perfect.

I flush the toilets after turning off the valve to remove as much water in the tank and bowl as possible. That’s probably just overkill. Like the Chicago River on St. Patrick’s Day, one flush by your offspring probably isn’t going to get rid of all that green. But I digress. Just like any plumber would tell you, coloring toilet water only requires a few drops in the tank and bowl of every toilet, which makes me grateful for my more modest circumstances and limited number of bathrooms.

So, I hope that if the going gets weird for you, you can use this handy tip to make family memories you’ll never forget either. Note, if you get bored, change colors. Just think of what you could do on President’s Day even in a 1 1/2 bath home. Or maybe there’s a scrapbooking opportunity here. I haven’t thought it through.

Comment From The Editor:

Thank you for the very interesting idea for the single moms in our group when they need to give their teenage son a urine drug test. A.) Locate the main water valve and turn it off. B.) Place 3-4 drops of food coloring in each toilet bowl and toilet tank. C.) flush the toilet(s) in your house to empty the tank D.) Be prepared for an unhappy teenager who will cooperate only because you promise him the use of the shower. E) If you get a positive reading on the test; seek the help which your son needs. Sally

2 comments:

Lloyd Woodward said...

Wow! That was brilliant. Thanks anonymous single mom.

Lloyd Woodward said...

I have several thoughts about this testing technique. First, it is brilliant, especially if your teen refuses to give you urine for testing.

Second, you cannot tell if the urine is the right temp. Most cups today that you use for urine testing will have a temperature reading and that helps to know that the urine came from inside the teen's body, rather than it being switched with someone else's urine. While it is true that single Mom's might not have anyone to "see" that the urine is in fact the teenagers, that's why they put temp readings on the cups.

Third, teenagers are very clever. Even if you have a cup with a temp reading, or even if you have someone standing there to "see" that it is the teen's urine, it is still important to pay attention to the teen's behavior for signs that they are abusing drugs.

Fourth, some substances won't show up in a urine screen anyway.

Fifth, there is something symbolically powerful about having enough control over your teenager so that he will comply with urine testing. It means that you have a certain amount of control over him and you both understand that.

Last, as in any parenting technique, it is important to know your teenager when deciding which strategy to use. Some teens don't care as much about showers. Some teens aren't as concerned about where they urinate. Some teens might pull the time-tested "I have to crap" ploy to dissuade you from testing.

In summary, the above method is very good especially for teens that will refuse to complete a urine screen. It does show that the parent has some control over the situation; however, it may not be as good as regular urine testing for the above reasons, e.g., you cannot read the temp and apparently your teen still refuses to accept that you can drug test him at any point.

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