Here is a small update on Emily written by Emily's mom. Life is unpredictable and tough, just when you think you have got a hang of how it all works, it changes. I know your heart is broken, mom, but hang in there
Here is a quote that helps me at times. "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."
-Ernest Hemingway
I encourage any readers who have a bit of wisdom or a thought on this to post it.
-Ernest Hemingway
I encourage any readers who have a bit of wisdom or a thought on this to post it.
Just when I thought I could breathe a little easier, the walls came crashing down yet again. Emily AWOL'ed from her RTF, went to the nearest grocery store, stole some Nyquil and drank almost the whole bottle until she was found by the RTF staff. Even after nearly a year away from home and in the system, her cravings are obviously still strong. I am devastated. Her Consent Decree hearing is scheduled for May 3rd. This means that the charges from last year that would have been dropped, should she have successfully completed treatment at the RTF, will now go on her Juvenile record and the new charge of shoplifting will also be added. This is what I did not want for her or her future. She really did herself in this time. The sad thing? She still blames everyone except herself. She still has no remorse and takes no personal responsibility for what she did. I am furious with her. When will she stop playing the victim? When will she want to get better? EVER? I am furious. I have stopped taking her calls and have no intentions on visiting her until I see her investing in working toward making some positive changes within herself. God only knows when that will be.
2 comments:
It's always so heart-breaking when this happens. It sounds like you are working harder than Emily on her recovery. Then, you get slammed with the reality that she does she does not want to recover, no matter what you do.
We keep them alive until the miracle has a chance to happen. You've done a wonderful job of keeping her alive. The miracle just hasn't happened yet.
In some ways I think Emily is crying out for help in the only way she can. She is saying, "close my case in Juvey? Are you kidding? I can't be trusted to not have a Probation Officer right now. I might hurt myself."
It's really so much better to find that out now instead of later. Would it have been better if she had kept it all together until the Court closed her case and THEN she went about doing every drug she could get her hands on?
It's a tired old cliche, but we see time and time again that it's always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there and be at peace with the fact that you have been keeping her alive and keeping her more or less drug-free.
There's a miracle out there for Emily, she just hasn't met it yet.
Dear Emily's mom,
Your pain is so real and I cry in empathy for you and for Emily. I cry for me and my son for we have been where you are, and maybe aren't too much further along the journey than the point you are now at. I too have desperately wanted nothing more than to turn my back on my child and nurse my own pain and disappointment. I seek healing myself and wonder if I can take any more of this. But I get past this normal reaction by thinking about how young my son is. Ok he has had many birthdays, but his emotional and mental ages have not kept pace. His mental health issues, his adoption issues, his early life trauma issues, his eating disorder issues, his tobacco use issues, his street drug issues, all have stunted and slowed the normal growth of his ability to self regulate his impulses, his emotions and his decision making. As a parent, I chose not to add to his issues by abandoning him, and so I override my desires to let him sit in that institution and stew over things alone until such a day would come along when he would have overcome all his own issues and healed himself. I chose to keep visiting him through all his acting up and set backs and hateful words hurled at me because I want to always be able to look him in the eye and say to him "I have always been there for you, I am still here for you, and no matter what happens next, I will continue to be there for you". I just had to peer into my son's eyes a few days ago as he was again placed in Shuman with new felony charges for drugs and say these very words. I could say them with conviction because I knew my words were 100% true and I could see in his eyes that he too knew my words were 100% true. We were both comforted in the knowledge that the one thing he could always count on was my love. 'Being there' for him has changed its form throughout his life journey cause his needs from parenting changes. Sometimes its communicating a message of tough-love and sometimes its celebrating his minor accomplishments in spite of his major areas still needing work, but it always involves staying in relationship with him. Emily's mom, know we support you and will do what we can to help you stay strong enough to be there for Emily.
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