The Prodigal is not a "happy camper" today. I think he is starting to realize (duh!) that we are / may be actually serious that to live at home he cannot use drugs (even "just" weed), as a lifestyle.
Here is my take on what I think his thought process has been since coming home in January (after being out of the house for 2 months because of his drug use);
he didn't use drugs at first because he was given random drug screens and he was afraid of being thrown out of the house again. The rules were if the results were positive for any chemicals he would be thrown out immediately; and 3 sequential positive tests for weed / THC and he would need to find someplace else to live until the drug tests were negative, then he would need to re-negotiate the terms for coming home again.
Then, as time went on, he would probably take a toke or two of weed here and there and hope it was below the level to be detected on tests or that the tests would be far enough apart that the levels would go down before we asked for a test. That worked for a while.
he started blazing occasionally and diluting his urine samples (it took me a bit to catch on)
once he got caught diluting his urine samples, he tried to actually stop weed which lasted a bit
THEN he started taking a toke here and there, hoping the TCH was was below the level to be detected and acting civilized. He calculated that as long as he was "nice" we wouldn't do drug tests or if they were positive, we wouldn't make a big deal about it, because we kept telling him how glad we were that he was home (and in his mind the "real" issue that got him thrown out of the house in November 2010 was his bad behaviour, not his drug use).
THEN 10 days ago, he stayed out of the house for several days (first time AWOL since coming home). He didn't call, we had no idea where he was. When he finally did come home, he was given a urine specimen container and told not dilute it. He decided to tell us ahead of time that "THC would pop up" and had positive test #1. [He would have had previously positive tests but had been diluting his urine specimens for a few weeks. We started asking for morning urine specimens because they should be dark yellow in colour!] Note: he only told us that the drug test would be positive only because the contract we made with him to move home says that if he doesn't tell us before we do the test and the results are positive for any drugs, that he would be immediately out of the house.The test being positive was "strike one" of a "three strikes you're out" policy that was written into his contract when he returned home.
he knew he would be given another urine test this past Tuesday (1 week later), and did his best to stay off weed so he would get a negative test, but went AWOL again on Monday night. He didn't call, didn't message and we had no idea if was safe or what.
he came home yesterday, was given a urine specimen container, he decided to tell us (again) that "THC would pop up" (positive test #2).
He was told he needed to see his drug counsellor Wednesday or Thursday of this week AND that he was expected to get a negative drug test in 10 days to remain living at home.
He was told if that test in 10 days is positive (i.e. positive test #3) he would be asked to find someplace to live until he got a negative drug screen and we renegotiated the terms for him to move back home.
I think for the very first time, The Prodigal is starting to realize that we are prepared to (in his mind, "may") carry through with what we have been saying from the beginning i.e. "to live at home you have to (1) remain in drug counselling or be involved in attending a 12 step program AND (2) you need to continue to have and pass random drug screens
Update on the Prodigal ~ By Joy Y
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, May 19, 2011
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3 comments:
Thank you for the update on your son. We know the real changes start to occur when the teenage drug user realizes that his parents will indeed follow through on the consequences.
I wish you the best and keep us posted.
I agree with Sally. I know from my own experience that deep down my son DOES want to live at home, as any AWOL experience isn't as fun as it seems at first. Part of the reason for AWOL adventures is the knowledge that they can come home to their own bed, shower, food, etc. Stay strong and follow through with your contract! When Prodigal Son realizes you aren't kidding, and that he can't just "pop in" when he feels like it, you will see some real change. Best of luck!
Thanks Max and Sally. He stayed overnight at a friends's last night and when he came home before work, I asked him if he "blazed". He said "why would I do that, because you're gonna throw me out of the house next week if I do!!". So, for now, he "gets it".
The Prodigal's high school graduation is in two weeks and he just got a new (good) part time job, so I don't think he will jeopardize living at home currently. 6 months ago I would have thought there was NO way he would graduate this year, so we have made some progress.
I appreciate your support to stay strong and follow through. If keep telling myself that if he blazes and gets thrown out it is not on me that he fails to graduate and/or loses his job.
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