I just found this post while looking for off-grounds passes and find it very interesting. When I say during our family meetings that i'm not comfortable with my son's friend's especially a certain one I know is selling drugs out of his basement my son's counselor will tell us it is up to the friend to prove to us that he can be trustworthy. That we will have to compromise when my son comes home. However, I agree with points in this post that the friend's are triggers.
I know this as fact. The minute my son got out of the house the first time we had him in treatment (3 weeks in psych hospital, IOP , then partial) he was with his old friends and using. My husband would drive him to a friend's house and then he would always end up somewhere else. He was forbidden to go this particular friend's house and we busted him there. The only way to keep them apart is basically to keep my son on house arrest. We are early in the second round and I don't know what we are going to do.
I don't know if the counselor wants my son to think we are compromising on "Eddie" when the reality is that he probably will never try to meet with us to prove himself. I just don't know what is going to happen but the friend's issue is so important as from what I can gather he has used with every single one of them. I'm not moving so my plan right now is to keep him away for as long as possible. And I don't see why I should be expected to compromise on friends that I know are completley untrustworthy. Thanks for the helpful information.
By Wilma on Feeding the Enemy.
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Thanks Wilma for mentioning that post. If I put your comment back there I'm afraid that no one will see it so I just started a new post and linked to the original from August 17, 2009. This is a subject that all of our parents have to deal with one way or another.
I want to clarify something for parents that might have a hard time with this idea that the using peers of our teenagers are enemies. They are not our enemies. They are not our teenager's enemies either.
They are allies of the addiction that we are trying to help our teenager understand and fight. As allies of the addiction, they are the sworn enemy of the recovery process. People, places and things of the addiction are to be avoided; therefore, these peers are natural enemies of recovery and whether or not they know it they wish to derail our teen's recovery train.
If any of those peers begin their own recovery, then our teenager is an enemy of their recovery. They will always remind each other of using, although with clean time they may become reacquainted with each other. But that's not a good idea early in recovery. Period.
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