Some days, it’s just hard.
We are school shopping again (not for clothes but for a school).
The school records are such a mess. My son has attended five high schools in the past four years and has been in summer schools in three juvenile detention locations over the past two summers.
I know that I just had that file with the final grades/transcripts from each school a few months ago and now...
...it is nowhere to be found.
So in trying to find it, I am digging through boxes that contain the records of everything that happened at each school, mental health placement and court case.
The papers trigger vivid memories of the drugs, the violence, the daily failures to attend to school work or even attend school, the attempted therapeutic interventions, the years of driving to visit him where ever he was.
How tempting it is to just throw my hands up and say I have endured enough, I have done enough. He is turning 18 soon, isn’t this supposed to be over then?
The painful memories these papers hold have me curled into a ball on the floor rocking myself for comfort.
When I come across the little hand written note from him thanking me for ‘believing in him when it didn’t look so good’, it too was a rough emotional jolt. Did I need that reminder of how important his parents' love is to him when I am busy feeling frustrated and angry?
I reach out to someone for a little help, for I cannot open one more file of memories.
Thankfully, the guidance counselor from his last school faxes me the copies of the other schools' transcripts.
Such relief. I can put the boxes of days gone by away, throw some water on my face and head out the door to see if the next school I talk to can help this young man to graduate.
In his own way, he longs for normalcy and so do I.
So do I.
Back to Shopping for a School! By Lindy Lou; A PSST Parent
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I can empathize with how you are feeling. I have just experienced the same feelings preparing for my son to come home for his first home pass. I had to thoroughly clean his room to make sure I hadn't missed anything the first twenty times I cleaned it since he's been in rehab. Seeing the notes he had written to me, the holes in his walls, and damaged furniture in his bedroom brought back all the pain I had struggled through. Time does heal, but the truth can slap you in the face. I, too, long for normalcy. God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I have to keep repeating that to myself, and have faith.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sally--I very much understand and empathize. You are the light in your son's darkness and, yes, though it is very difficult, you have endured and continue to navigate well. The closing of your post is very hopeful and focused -- you are hanging on and moving forward.
I have the volumes, too, that I have had to dig back through and understand the pain it can stir up.
My son, also, had attended multiple "alternative" schools throughout his high school career, ending up back at his "home" school; very difficult time for him, his dad and me, but he did complete his requirements and graduated this past school year. Indeed, he was very, very proud of that diploma and actually carried it around for awhile, lol. There is hope!
Prayers for strength are sent your way. Take care.
Post a Comment