Living with Beaver: The Beginning Parts 1-3 by June Cleaver; A PSST Mom Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Having been born in the 50's, a show I enjoyed was Leave It to Beaver. For those of you who haven't heard or viewed the show, it was about June and Ward Cleaver and their two sons Wally and Beaver. Those two young scamps got into so much trouble!! Once, Beaver actually tried to cut his own hair. Oh, my! was he in trouble 'when his father came home'.

Ward Cleaver often wore a suit while lounging around the house waiting for supper, and reading a newspaper. June Cleaver wore a dress, pearls, and high heels everyday around the house, doing housework and cooking. Going out to shop required that a hat and gloves be added to her ensemble.

Let's fast forward to 2010 and I will now assume the role of June. Ward is such an old-fashioned name that it just won't suffice; I will call my ex-husband Dick. That's a nice wholesome name, (for someone that isn't so wholesome). Our family doesn't have a 'Wally', but I do indeed have a 'Beaver' that gets into some incredible predicaments. Beaver also has a drug addiction and multiple mental illnesses.

I am going to share with you our life from my perspective.
We are a single parent family that does not have a positive support team from Dick, the father figure. June is disabled with multiple diagnoses, and suffers from frequent pancreatic attacks. The monthly income comes from Social Security disability, a small part time job, and child support. Now that Beaver is in a rehabilitation facility, Dick took June back to court to have the child support discontinued until little Beaver comes home. The judge is making Dick pay $100 in arrears a month to June, which amounts to $46.03 every two weeks. Yippee, June can buy gas to visit Beaver!

The maternal extended family is spread out, and no one remains in the immediate area. The paternal extended family is in the Penn Hills area. Any support comes from the maternal family via phone calls, and they are mainly from Beaver's Uncle Fred who lives in Johnstown. The rest of the family is 'turned off' because they have to admit someone in their immediate family has not only a drug addiction but also a mental illness.
Please note: Mental Illness does NOT = mental retardation!! Beaver is quite smart, and has definite plans for his future.

Stay tuned for the next post............"Living with Beaver: The Beginning Part 2

Living with Beaver: The Beginning Part 2 by June Cleaver; A PSST Mom
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 10, 2010



I am going to share a little bit about Dick, so you'll get an idea of what Beaver and June had to endure.

Dick is a functioning alcoholic that - just for fun - smokes a little weed too. What June and Beaver heard everyday when Dick got home from work was footsteps coming up the stairs, the refrigerator door opening, and the sound of a pop top being cracked open. The funny thing about this--Dick never missed work because of his drinking. This was one positive thing I could say about Dick....
Growing up, Beaver would make Dick angry doing what little boys do best; breaking something and trying to hide the evidence, talking back, etc. These types of behaviors would enrage Dick, probably because he was drinking. There were times when June would leave the house with Beaver, promising herself she'd never come back after one of these confrontations. Realizing the lack of available finances and somewhere to actually go, (and the big one "FEAR"), would always bring them back home.

One very dark, stormy [thunder and lightening] kind of night had Beaver scrambling up the big oak tree in the front yard in his bare feet. Beaver would not come down because of fear of his father going to beat him. June went out into the yard and told Beaver that when the garage door went up, and she pulled her car out, to run down and get in. That night we temporarily went to a friend's home, but Dick tracked us down. For fear that he would come to the friend's home, we again came back home. The reason poor Beaver was so afraid? Beaver was continually curious about a ‘clicking’ sound his father would make when he was outside and was always on the lookout for what this might be. Well, little Beaver got lucky! Beaver found a lighter and a marijuana pipe Dick had been using. Beaver grabbed it off the wall outside and came running up the steps with it. “Here, hide this! I finally found what Dad (Dick) was doing, and he’s going to be coming after me!” Beaver yelled. June was lying on the couch with an afghan over her legs, and caught the paraphernalia as Beaver ran past and into his room. Sure enough, Dick was right behind him. Dick burst into little Beaver’s room, and instead of being embarrassed that Beaver had discovered he was a marijuana smoker, Dick began yelling at Beaver! “How dare you go into my private stuff? How dare you take something that isn’t yours?” yelled Dick. And thus Beaver became afraid.

Poor Beaver had to endure many episodes like the one June just told, just different scenarios. Beatings with a push broom, horribly sarcastic gut-wrenching comments about Beaver's personality, appearance, etc. When Beaver was grade school age, whenever June would reprimand him regarding his lack of attention to homework or some other non-school issue, Dick would appear and seem to gather strength from what June was saying and give it back to Beaver ten-fold. It got so that June would not say anything of a reprimanding nature in front of Dick so Beaver wouldn't get an unreasonable punishment. June would sometimes have to whisper things to Beaver, so Dick wouldn't hear. Sometimes reprimands need to be made immediately. Remember-we've fast-forwarded from the 50's and 'waiting until your dad gets home'.

Next post............Living with Beaver: On Our Own

Living with Beaver: On Our Own by June Cleaver; A PSST Mom
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Beaver saw Dick punch June in the back. June was actually on the phone with Dick's mother once when this occurred. This too happened the week that Dick was on vacation.

The sadness in all this: Beaver has blocked all this from his mind. The therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists say he does not remember any of these things happening. Is this a blessing?


Terrific summer weather and Dick was on vacation all week. June was in bed reading a book, and Beaver was in his room watching television. Dick came into the room, climbed onto the bed, and began making his sarcastic, degrading comments to June. "You're so fat, who would want you? Why do you read books, think they'll make you smart?" June had enough, and whacked Dick on the arm with her paperback. Boy, did Dick get mad! Dick grabbed June by the arm and yanked her out of bed. June's arm really hurt! Beaver came out of his room to see what was going on, but closed the door when he heard Dick yelling. June went into the living room to sit on the couch, and Dick followed along yelling all the while. Dick stood in front of June yelling about who knows what, and June calmly got up and went over beside Dick and got the phone. June sat back on the couch, with the phone placed beside her face up. Dick continued to rant. June turned the phone on, dialed "9", dialed "1", then dialed "1". June realized that this worked on television, but stranger things have happened. Lo and behold, it worked! The 911 dispatch heard a disturbance and sent the police. June answered the door crying and saying she had made a mistake. The police officers convinced June that the right thing was done, and succeeded in getting June and Beaver to pack bags for themselves and to leave the house until Dick was out.

Beaver and June's story is a little lengthier, but I think you get the idea. It turns out that Dick had torn a ligament in June's arm, and she needed to have surgery. It also turns out that blood is thicker than water. Even though Dick's mother had actually heard June being punched on a few occasions, she still felt it necessary to threaten June's life, as did Dick's evil sisters. Multiple death threats do not make a comfortable home life, but June tried to make things as even keel as possible. June got a P.F.A. against Dick, and subsequently had it extended, after she received a letter in the mail from Dick where he requested that June get the shotguns back that the police had removed from the house, assuring her that "I promise I won't shoot you".

Beaver and June began to build their life together. Beaver was 11, almost 12 years old when this occurred. At first all was good; they got involved with church and their youth activities, scouting was continued, and Beaver began to grow up.

Then Dick and his horrible sociopathic [my opinion only] behavior worsened.

Living with Beaver: The Beginning of the Downslide

In retrospect, Beaver had begun to show signs of mental illness around second grade. June felt that Beaver was just trying to get out of doing his work, whether it is school or something around the home. June feels very ashamed that she was not more alert to thinking ‘outside the box’. After all, aren’t all our children born perfect?

The teachers certainly never brought anything to June’s attention, even though June called for quite a few meetings to try to solve the ‘problem’. June was very active in Beaver’s school, and outside school activities. June felt it was important to assist in providing the very best experiences as possible for little Beaver and all his buddies. June was PTO vice-president, Cubmaster and Den Leader for Beaver and 50 other little boys, and room mother for all grades up through middle school. The fourth grade teacher’s only help was saying that “she is never wrong, and all children hit the fourth grade brick wall”. May I add that she once taught something incorrectly in science, and Beaver answered the question correctly on the test? June called and questioned why it was marked wrong, and showed Miss Twit that Beaver had answered it correctly. The response June received was “that is not how I taught it therefore he answered it wrong”. Isn’t that great that we have teachers that are so sure about their subject matter?

If only someone had stopped, and evaluated little Beaver. He had begun showing signs of ADD and OCD but no one noticed. Beaver’s schoolwork and grades started to go downhill.

In middle school, June’s involvement was becoming limited due to medical reasons. Nonetheless, June’s presence was known and acknowledged by many of the school children, and her finger was still into the ‘behind the scenes’ of the daily grind of the school.

When Beaver was in fifth grade the principal called and requested a meeting with her, June, the school social worker, and Beaver’s teachers. June was not anxious at all to attend this meeting because she knew almost everyone in attendance. The bell began to toll as one-by-one the teacher’s all showed June how “stupid” little Beaver was…including the principal. “He has begun to be a discipline problem because he is never on task, he never has his assignments completed [although I made sure everything was completed the night before], he never has his supplies, etc.” were some of the comments. By the end of the meeting June was in tears. June finally spoke up, “do any of you know how hard it is to sit here and listen to each one of you say extremely negative things about your son?” They were a bit taken back, and apologized for coming across that way.

It turns out that Beaver had begun to be embarrassed to have ANY type of attention drawn to him. That included walking up to the front of the class and turning in homework assignments, raising his hand in class, being the last to leave the classroom, or being called on, or-worse yet, teased about something by the teacher. Beaver was happier to just stuff all papers into his folder without any rhyme or reason to them, and not turn in homework, than stand out in any way.

Unbeknownst to June, although everyone else was not listening – the social worker, Miss Dove, was. Miss Dove called June to suggest some things that might be tried to see if they would help Beaver. June was so grateful for someone to offer help instead of just stating a problem and telling her to fix it.

Beaver’s circle of friends expanded very little throughout fifth and sixth grade. The ‘new’ friends all tested Beaver in some way. Beaver was so excited to have a new friend that he was very willing to do whatever was asked of him. Consequences of actions were not words in Beaver’s book. As a result, Beaver had some unsettling experiences in what June thought were ‘safe’ activities, such as boy scouts.

Beaver experienced what many do in our animal kingdom; the weakest are often the prey.

The saddest of all – Dick did not attend any of Beaver’s school functions or out of school activities. When June retired from scouts [7 or 8 years later] she was approached by scout parents who said, “I didn’t know there was a father for Beaver!” The only thing Dick did attend was T-ball, which Beaver hated because the kids teased him for his lack of running ability. And boy, Dick wasn’t very proud of Beaver at all for that.

Next post: Living with Beaver: The Downslide Continues