Rules and contracts Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, June 23, 2010

We have a request by Rocco to cover rules and contracts at our July 3rd meeting. Soon, Cisco will probably be released back home. In preparation for our July 3rd meeting I have some thoughts to share with your on this topic.

If you have a rule you can't or don't want to enforce, then don't have it. Try to prioritize the important things and then try not to over-control in other areas. Remember, every moment cannot be a teaching moment. There is an art to also relaxing and enjoying your teenager. Try to cultivate that art. Your teen is funny, charming, clever, bold, and caring. Build on his strengths. Are contracts important? Yes, essential, but other things are important too. Find humor. It will heal.

One of the most important things about contracts is that you have to write them down. It's not necessary to write down contracts in all families, but when you have control issues, drug problems, and /or Juvenile Court youth, suddenly writing things down becomes really key.

When sanctioning, use only as much power as necessary to get the teenagers behavior back on track. Power helps you most when you only use it when you have to use it. Use the technique "now" (when possible) to enforce rules without using punishment.



When your teenager balks at the rules that you come up with and/ acts outraged that you dare attempt to write down rules, agree with your teen, "yes, it's true, these rules are really going to be a challenge for you- you might have trouble with this contract." Don't try to defend why you need these rules. Most of them, curfew, get approval for where and with whom you spend time, clean your room are self-explanatory anyways.

We have several posts on rules and contracts. I will post links to two here.

Rules of the Road posted by Ken Thursday, July 19, 2007

Home Contract by Caron Foundation posted Tuesday, May 06, 2008