Last week I was thinking about all the positive changes that happened in my life in the past year. I am very grateful that my son is back in my life and grateful for his recovery. I called my son’s PO, Lloyd Woodward to thank him for his help and support. Lloyd asked me to write about my experiences with my son on the PSST website because other parents dealing with their teen’s addiction need to hear a successful story. Due to confidentially, I will refer to my son as Stevo.
Even though Stevo’s mother and I separated when he was young, Stevo visited me on weekends and during the summer. We were close and had a good relationship. I became aware of Stevo’s drug abuse when he was 14. The police came to my home to notify me that Stevo was caught smoking weed at the skate board park and that he was no longer allowed at the park. Stevo lost privileges and I lost trust. He visited less and less at my home, and eventually the visits stopped all together. Stevo began running away as his drug use took over his life. I had no contact with him for about a year and a half. During that time I had no peace of mind. I could not be happy because I did not know what was happening with my son. I know how addiction can take over you life because I am in recovery. I also knew that his drug use would eventually cause him trouble with the law or worse.
Last spring, I received a letter from the Pyramid Ridgeview Treatment Facility that Stevo was in their program. I tried to contact him there but was unable to obtain any information. I hired an attorney to help me track him down. The attorney put me in touch with Stevo’s PO, Lloyd Woodward. I was very relieved that Stevo was safe, in treatment and in the system. I met with Lloyd at his office. I was totally honest with Lloyd about my current situation, addiction and recovery. He allowed me to write Stevo who by then was in a court ordered placement at Abraxas. My letter was returned unopened. I then contacted Stevo’s therapist at Abraxas and was permitted a 6 hour visit with Stevo. I was very surprised with the change in his appearance. He was taller, heavier, and covered with tattoos and piercings. When we hugged it was the best I felt for the passed 3 years. That visit went well but when the time came for the next visit, Stevo had runaway. When he was picked up 16 hours later, he had cut his wrist and was facing additional charges. Abraxas gave him a second chance and he was allowed to remain in their program. The visits continued and slowly Stevo began filling in the blanks about his activities during the years we were apart.
During the visits I tried to keep him focused “on leaving the past in the past”, “doing the next best thing” and “moving forward”. His attitude started to change which was the first step in his recovery. He was able to admit he had a problem and had no power over it. He became more respectful and showed gratitude for the chance to change his life. Towards the end of his stay at Abraxas, Stevo was permitted two weekend visit to my home which went very well. Even though I believed Stevo was ready to be discharged to my home, PO Woodward recommended to the court that Stevo be step-downed to the Liberty Station Halfway House.
Stevo initially had difficulty accepting his placement at Liberty Station. His behavior was up and down. He did successfully complete his GED while there and became involved in the Life’s Work Program. At the end of January he was successfully discharged to my home. I made a commitment to PO Woodward that I would support Stevo by making sure he completed 90 Recovery Related Activities in 90 Days. Stevo did more than the 90 Activities. He attended the Intensive Outpatient Program at the Irene Stacy Center 3 time a week for 3 hours a day and voluntarily extended his time there. He and I attended N/A Meetings together and at times had to walk several miles in the snow to get there.
WOW - I am grateful that I was able to reconnect with my son. I am surprised how far we have come in the past year. I now trust Stevo. I am no longer worried that when he goes out that he will not come back. He stays away from the people, places and things that will cause him to relapse. Our conversations still focus on “doing the right thing” and “not picking up”. I have less fear now and more hope for the future. The fears I still have are that of any parent of a 17 year old. Things are not perfect of course. I would like Stevo to find a job that he likes and we are still working on “accepting life on life’s terms.”
I am grateful for all the support Stevo and I have received from PO Woodward, and his Supervisor Val Ketter, Abraxas, Liberty Station, Life’s Work and the family therapists from WSS.
Gratitude for My Sons Recovery by a Grateful Father
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, June 08, 2010
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4 comments:
It is so nice to hear a success story. Thank you, 'Grateful Father' for sharing this well-written story with us. I wish you and 'Stevo' much continued success in recovery.
Thanks very much for this post. It's true that we often don't realize how many of our teenagers change their lives for the better, especially when parents, probation officers, family therapists, counselors and real-life recovering people from 12-step programs work together. At one point, no one would have given Stevo much of a chance. Mental health issues, drug abuse and recidivating criminal behaviors: that's a hard combination of problems. Still, against all odds, Stevo came out on top. Not at first though, before the picture got brighter it got much darker- even after you first came back into the picture. While Steveo struggled you remained patient and positive.
It's tough for a parent to step up to the plate, especially when you have been out of the game for a while. But you came back into the picture, admitted that you made some mistakes, and that you wanted to make amends. That's a powerful message of love to send a teenager.
After all, don't we all make mistakes? When we can admit our errors and try to make amends, we give our teen a blueprint of how responsible people live, learn, and love each other. We teach our teenagers what to do when they make mistakes.
Of course, the credit goes to Stevo; he worked hard to change his life and to do the right thing- one day at a time. Nevertheless, you and the other two parents in Stevo's life all played important roles. I'm sure that you are all very proud of Stevo.
Your story gives hope to all our readers. Thanks again.
As a mom of a teen(specifically, 18-yo adult male), who is struggling with multiple issues that include substance dependence, I can understand the difficult path you face and appreciate your post. Thanks so much for sharing. Your testimonial does give hope and it is positive to see the trust you have regained and that you are rebuilding your relationship with your son. Keep up the good work!
I, too , have a dual diagnosis for my son. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me a thread of hope. I will be positive and always be there for my son even though the path is definitely a rocky one!
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