Allow Me to Introduce Myself
I really hate when those people interfere in your family’s private issues. I hate when you go to those stupid meetings. I hate those people thinking that they know how to handle your child better than you do. I hate it when they make you feel uncomfortable. I hate when they blame me and tell you to get rid of me.
Remember me? I make you feel comfortable. I am the one that is here to reassure you. I am the one who brought you to where you are.
Tell all of those people to go away and leave us alone.
Allow me to introduce myself:
I am your ever present Codependency. Cunning, baffling and powerful, that’s me. I have stopped thousands of people from seeking the help that they need.
I love to catch you with an element of surprise. When you least suspect it, POW, here I am.
I enjoy pretending that I am your best friend. I have always given you comfort, haven’t I? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely and confused? When you wanted to keep everything quiet, stop the debate, make it all go away, didn’t you call me? I was there right away, wasn’t I? I agreed that it was the best thing you could do.
Yeah, I might make you hurt. I might make you cry. I might make you so numb that you can’t hurt or cry. Hey, that is when I am at my best. I will give you whatever you ask for and all I ask of you is a little bit of long-term suffering.
But I’ve always been there for you, right? When you wished everything could just be like it used to be, you invited me. When you said that we could handle things by ourselves now, I was the only one who would side with you. Together we were able to ignore all of the guidance and counseling that we didn’t like or agree with.
You know people don’t always, like, take me seriously. Anxiety and stress they take seriously, headaches they take seriously and high blood pressure they take seriously. Like, how dumb are they? Don’t they know that without my help a lot of these things wouldn't be possible sometimes? Funny, they always tell me that they hate me and yet I never come in uninvited. They choose to keep me in their lives. So many people have chosen me over reality and peace. I am so much easier, ya know.
More than you hate me; I hate all those goofy twelve-step programs. Your programs, your meetings, your Higher Power; they all weaken me and I can’t function in the manner that I am accustomed to.
So for now I will just lie here quietly. You won’t hear or see me but I will always be here.
When you're ready to go it alone again; I will be ready to live your life for you. When you are ready to live your life again; I will be here, all alone. But I will be here.
So until we meet again...
...I wish you would tell all of those people to go away and leave us alone.
Editors Note: Thanks to NA for providing the basis for this piece.
Come to our next PSST Meeting and learn all about dumping your Codependency.
Tell all of Those People to Go Away and Leave Us Alone.
Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, August 18, 2011
WHAT IS THIS DISEASE OF ADDICTION?
Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, August 17, 2011
THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION 
I recently attended a recovery meeting where the leader went over the basics of what the Disease Of Addiction is. As one of our PSST parents said “I never wanted to visit the world of addiction but now that I am here; I will learn all that I can to help myself, my family and my child in our recovery.”
Following is a recap of the handout from the meeting.
Addiction is a disease which can be clearly defined and described. It is present when the use of mind altering substances causes any kind of continuing problems in any area of a person’s life. Even though their use of drugs / alcohol has harmful consequences on the individual emotionally, socially, mentally, physically and spiritually, he or she continues to use.
Addiction takes precedence over all [and devalues relationships] in life; God, family, friends, self and community.
ADDICTION IS:
1. PRIMARY – Addiction is NOT just a symptom of underlying problems, but a disease in its own right. Addiction treatment is successful, in part because it treats addiction as a primary illness.
Addiction causes mental, emotional, physical and spiritual problems – it is NOT the result them. These problems cannot be addressed, until the substance use stops. Some addicts do have emotional problems, which need treatment, but this is a separate issue from the addiction and must be treated as such.
2. PROGRESSIVE & PREDICTABLE – Once addiction starts it will get worse without treatment.
Addiction has a start and an end; addiction moves through a series of stages. If the addict stops using and then starts using again, they do not go back to the beginning, they pick up right where they left off.
Occasionally a crisis [i.e. school suspension, medical issue, job loss, arrest] may trigger a leveling off, or even an improvement, but over time and without treatment the disease of addiction will inevitably get worse. The problems that that addiction causes will become closer together, more intense and will spread into more areas of the addict’s life.
3. CHRONIC & PERMANENT – Once you have this disease you will always have it.
Addicts are able to lead normal lives, if they accept and maintain a solid program of recovery; but the disease remains present in remission and will become active again if the addict lets go of his or her sobriety program.
”One is too many; and One Thousand is never enough.” – recovery meeting saying
4. FATAL – ADDICTION KILLS, whether from a heart condition, high blood pressure, liver trouble, bleeding ulcer, suicide, overdose, car accident, bar fight or a drug deal gone bad - IF THE ADDICT CONTINUES TO USE.
Editor’s Note: There is a recovery meeting saying “Addiction will end in either Recovery, Jail, Institutionalization or Death.”
At our meeting the leader correctly pointed out that that saying can simple be shortened to “Addiction will end in either Recovery or Death.”
5. TREATABLE – The addict who is willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober can be given the necessary tools to maintain sobriety.
Editor’s Note: The addict is THE ONLY ONE that can work his or her recovery program. Parents, spouses, partners, children, family and friends can assist and support the addict – very often they want recovery more than the addict does – but you cannot work the program for them.
SIGNS & SYMPTOMS Following are signs and symptoms of the disease of addiction:
1. TOLERANCE – The state of progressively decreasing responsiveness to a drug. This results in the need to use increasingly greater amounts of drugs to obtain the desired effects.
Tolerance results in physical alterations to the central nervous system and the liver to function while under the influence of the substance.
2. WITHDRAWAL or abstinence syndrome. The physical symptoms relating to a declining amount of a substance in the body; this begins when the level of the drug in the body declines, not just when the substance is removed.
3. CRAVING & COMPULSION – The chain of thoughts, feelings and behaviors which tend to progress in severity and intensity unless they are interrupted. The following is a representation of that chain:
Dreaming > Conscious Thoughts > Arguments with self about using > Intrusive thoughts about using > Daydreams about the pleasurable aspects of using > Obsessive Thinking > Plotting to Use > Experiencing Powerful Withdrawal > Getting the Drug and Using It
Cravings begin at "Dreaming Level" and will progress over days, or weeks, until it sticks at the “Obsessive Thinking > Plotting to Use” Levels. This is where the addict must make their choice to put their recovery tools in place to stop their relapse process [i.e. attend meetings and ask for help / contact their sponsor] or to complete the chain and eventually relapse.
4. LOSS OF CONTROL
5. CONTINUED USE DESPITE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES - This is the hallmark of what it means to have the disease of addiction.
6. DENIAL / DISTORTED THINKING -- This is an addict’s defense mechanism to convince/justify to themselves that whatever it takes to procure the drug is normal and is worth the time and money invested. Denial allows them to put their addiction ahead of their family, friends, work and social responsibilities.
7. BLACKOUTS
GOOD NEWS: THERE IS HELP HERE FOR PARENTS & GUARDIANS
Please be aware that this is a very serious and potentially deadly situation that you and your child are involved in.
If you know, or even suspect, that your teenager is using controlled substances please attend one of our meetings or seek help with another group, facility or agency.
This is not something that you should attempt to resolve on your own. The longer that you wait to find assistance the more serious the consequences may be for you and your child.
Understand that your child's life and their future are more important than your community social standing, what your family, friends, boss or co-workers might say or think about you, your child's High School activities and graduation, and what college they may attend.
Many of us here at PSST once used these same excuses to delay looking for the help that our children needed.
PSST is here to EMPOWER YOU, THE PARENTS of teenage substance abusers with the support, information, skills and techniques a parent needs to help their teenager to save their life.
While there are no quick fixes, at the PSST Meetings we learn from other parents and professionals how to cure our codependency and how to end our enabling behavior.
An Update on Bam Bam ~ By Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Monday, August 15, 2011
WHAT BAM BAM DID THIS SUMMER
As you may know my son Bam Bam was released after 60 days on July 1st. He had been placed into an in-patient recovery facility through ACT 53 . His discharge instructions included that he attend 90 meetings in 90 days. His counselor said she would be happy if he did at least three a week. He hasn't gone to any.
His 2nd ACT 53 hearing in July court-ordered him to mandatory, random drug tests at Juvenile court. I was ecstatic that I wouldn't have to administer them. However, when I took him to the first one (he didn't give me any trouble going downtown to court) he couldn't provide a sample even though there was a male screener with him. He told one of the workers to just to mark him as positive rather than wait.. She told him is she did it would show positive for 6 drugs.
He said he didn't care.
He then became belligerent with me. He was getting mad because he had to wait (only one person ahead of him) which was unavoidable as one of the workers was having problems with the camera.
There were a few other minor issues that got him more agitated. I had it and told him I was leaving and he could find his own way home. He followed me out and I noticed a deputy sort of following us probably thinking a fight was going to break out!
We called the act 53 case manager from the lobby and she said that if Bam provided a sample with a trusted male witness (he decided he could do this in front of his dad) or would consent to a blood test (he refused) we could do that.
However, the judge will know at the next hearing in September that he refused at court. So far he has had one 12 panel test and one weed only test and they have been negative. I intend to also screen for alcohol.
He is hanging out with his same friends and I'm sure at same places though they have been "going fishing" a lot. I did see a photo on his friend, Eddie's, Facebook showing him with a fish down by the river so maybe they are really fishing at least some of the times.
Bam's dad, Fred, spends a lot of time chauffeuring Bam and his friends around as they all don't drive.
Today Bam called home very upset to tell his dad that one of his friend's who was here this afternoon stole beer from our basement refrigerator (Fred had not removed it but did count it yesterday so he knew that this kid, I'll call him Celo, took 11 beers). I have told Fred his beer should be locked up but.....
They went out the back basement door so Fred didn't see them. Now, Bam said he didn't know about it. I'm not so sure but Fred believes him [of course]. However, now there is no key kept by the back door and ALL backpacks will be checked at the front door.
Bam is scheduled to go back to school at his home school as a senior at the beginning of September. I am hoping this works out as Cyber-School was a miserable failure.
EDITOR'S NOTE / OPINION: I do not know of a case of a child abusing drugs [including our son Cisco] that is able to handle the demands of Cyber-School. Don't waste your time.
We have a had few minor issues lately and Bam has been very good about following his curfew.
His 16-year old cousin that he is close to was arrested last week for possession. Bam said he needs to talk to "Cool J" to help keep him out of trouble but it's a little late for that. Maybe he will be joining some of our PSST campers soon.
Anyway, that is where we are for today. 
Unfortunately, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope it stays on!
The Devil.......or the Angel ~ By June
Posted by:Sally--Monday, August 15, 2011
PSSTarious! (PSSTarious refers to a certain type of humor found funny to members of PSST) ~ L.W.
I am once again trying to listen to the "Learned Ones" to regain my sanity. Take 30 minutes a day just for you. Meditate, listen to music, and read........... "Hm", I think to myself. "Read............that sounds like a perfect idea!"
I begin perusing the books around the house and stumble across the book...............
"1001 Things to do With Duct Tape" Slowly, methodically...............
I begin to flip the pages.
As I stated before, I am just beginning to regain my sanity.
Therefore, I am not responsible for the thinking process that began to occur in my brain.
"Duct tape-- boy wouldn’t that hold the Beaver’s mouth shut” I chuckle to myself, sort of, and then an angel and a devil inexplicably appear on my shoulders.
“Go ahead, do it” Junette the devil urges. “You can tell him it’s a new way to shave. Yeah, it’ll take all the facial hair off in one fell swoop. Do it, do it, do it” Junette says gleefully. “Think of the silence, think of the pleasure of removing it, think of……….”
“STOP!” cries Junie the angel. “Remember the parents that taped their toddler to the wall last year? Think of all the trouble they caused for themselves. Posting it on Facebook like they were proud of it. Tsk-Tsk! They should be ashamed of themselves. Beaver will begin to learn to filter what comes out of his mouth, and change takes a long time to happen. Baby steps, June, baby steps” the angel Junie exhorts.
“Posting it on Facebook” I mused. “That would be terrible to have Beaver’s mouth taped shut; let alone posting it on Facebook................”
And this is where I learned meditation. I seriously pondered this, briefly, but I did: I heard the sound of applause, and the television trucks arriving outside my home to film "The mother who dared do what others only could dream about." The Star Trek theme music began to play……… The chanting began “June for President”………
And then I heard, loud and clear, and very much in the present, “It’s your fault, It’s ALL your fault……………!” from the Beaver.
I will state for the record that single parents, or any caretaker of recovering addicts, are not responsible for the thoughts that occur between their ears.
Remember Judge, thinking and doing are two different things.
Walking the Tightrope ~ by Brigette
Posted by:Sally--Monday, August 15, 2011
"I'm up on the tight wire, one side's ice and one is fire..." - Leon Russell
We got home from the PSST meeting yesterday and, lo and behold, I looked in the mirror and saw a 5 of diamonds. Damn, I thought for sure it was an Ace of Spades two days ago. (Lloyd's excellent post: Indian Poker Anyone?)
Francois and I were walking a very thin tightrope with Pierre, afraid of the other D word (depression). Having had a brother who committed suicide from depression, another brother who spent most of his adult life behind bars because of struggles with schizophrenia and alcoholism, and depression running in both families, I have an intense fear of missing something with Pierre. To the point, that I didn't want to cause more stress in his life.
So, Pierre was home for two days and we overlooked him missing two NA meetings. We didn't react right away when he took the car for a drive at 11:00 at night.
I know-- it sounds crazy to me as I'm writing this.
After all our PSST training, we knew better. Somehow, we thought Pierre's story would be different. After all, he did so well at the YES program, right? He must have all the tools and motivation to make the right choices, so why add more stress to his life?
I am glad that no one (Lloyd) sugar-coated the truth at yesterday's meeting. We were on our way to enabling Pierre quicker than you can say Indian Poker. It took someone compassionate, yet bold, to state the truth clearly.
So, we went home from the meeting and took the car from Pierre. After Pierre blew off some steam and returned to the discussion, Francois went over the contract with him again and reiterated our expectations.
We will continue to address his mental health needs, but as one wise shaman said (you know who you are) "The depression will still be there, the accountability is another issue."
We are going to have weak moments and moments of doubt and fear. We are asking each of you in PSST to continue to hold us accountable as we need to hold Pierre accountable.
We will not agree with everything that is suggested, but we will listen and continue to evaluate our behaviors and actions. Thank you!!!
Brigitte and Francois
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