Quote of the Week

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Devil.......or the Angel ~ By June
Posted by:Sally--Monday, August 15, 2011

PSSTarious! (PSSTarious refers to a certain type of humor found funny to members of PSST) ~ L.W.

I am once again trying to listen to the "Learned Ones" to regain my sanity. Take 30 minutes a day just for you. Meditate, listen to music, and read........... "Hm", I think to myself. "Read............that sounds like a perfect idea!"

I begin perusing the books around the house and stumble across the book...............

"1001 Things to do With Duct Tape" Slowly, methodically...............

I begin to flip the pages.

As I stated before, I am just beginning to regain my sanity.

Therefore, I am not responsible for the thinking process that began to occur in my brain.

"Duct tape-- boy wouldn’t that hold the Beaver’s mouth shut” I chuckle to myself, sort of, and then an angel and a devil inexplicably appear on my shoulders.

“Go ahead, do it” Junette the devil urges. “You can tell him it’s a new way to shave. Yeah, it’ll take all the facial hair off in one fell swoop. Do it, do it, do it” Junette says gleefully. “Think of the silence, think of the pleasure of removing it, think of……….”

“STOP!” cries Junie the angel. “Remember the parents that taped their toddler to the wall last year? Think of all the trouble they caused for themselves. Posting it on Facebook like they were proud of it. Tsk-Tsk! They should be ashamed of themselves. Beaver will begin to learn to filter what comes out of his mouth, and change takes a long time to happen. Baby steps, June, baby steps” the angel Junie exhorts.

“Posting it on Facebook” I mused. “That would be terrible to have Beaver’s mouth taped shut; let alone posting it on Facebook................”

And this is where I learned meditation. I seriously pondered this, briefly, but I did: I heard the sound of applause, and the television trucks arriving outside my home to film "The mother who dared do what others only could dream about." The Star Trek theme music began to play……… The chanting began “June for President”………

And then I heard, loud and clear, and very much in the present, “It’s your fault, It’s ALL your fault……………!” from the Beaver.

I will state for the record that single parents, or any caretaker of recovering addicts, are not responsible for the thoughts that occur between their ears.

Remember Judge, thinking and doing are two different things.


Sally said...

Hi June,

I really like this little post. First of all, we all know as parents and caregivers of addicts how truly serious our situations are. And it is good to laugh a little at ourselves and how we think and process all this serious stuff.

Secondly, I smile, because you have had some tough times in the past with little Beaver and it does me good to have you see the lighter side of it. His mouthing off is minor compared to some of his other actions which you dealt with prior to this.

Back to the way we process information: Sometimes I wonder about myself because I have such a large and varying sense of emotions. When Cisco is away in placement, I miss him so much. Then when I get a taste of having him home for a day or two my life is somewhat tumultuous and I want him to leave. Oh yes, then comes the guilt and even embarrassment because my child is not at home with me. Others must wonder, what is wrong with that woman that they had to take her child away from her. As you can see I deal with a lot of emotions and those are only the tip of the iceberg.

I always have to wait for my emotional dust to settle and then I
build Cisco's future on the concrete foundation that comes from my intellect and logic and the intellect and logic of all those who help us at PSST.

Thank you again June, for the great post.

Lloyd Woodward said...

PSSTarious! (PSSTarious refers to a certain type of humor found funny to members of PSST)

Wilma said...

I LOVE this!! You expressed my thoughts exactly. I think you have come up with #1002 uses for duct tape. Sometimes I think if I hear "It's your fault" or "your crazy" (though I did just recently agree with that one) one more time I am getting out of Dodge!
And Sally, I can relate to how you feel when they are gone but then they come home and even on the first day I have been ready to send him away again. I've cried many tears wishing that he could live somewhere else but feeling so so guilty because somewhere in this addicted. combative, oppositional teenager is my beautiful baby boy and how could i want to send him away???
I actually know one person who lives on a farm in Iowa and had serious thoughts of seeing if Bam could go there to live. But of course they recently had their third child so I never followed up on this option.
So we just take it a day at a time hoping and praying for clean time. Bam's recent drug tests have been negative but I am uneasy that he may be using something that doesn't show up. Time will tell.

Again, thank you both for your wonderful posts.



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