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"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.



Congratulations to our 2014 Parents of the Year !!!
Posted by:Jenn--Friday, October 10, 2014

As many of you already know, the 2014 Allegheny County Parents of the Year are our own Francois and Brigitte. Each year this award goes to the parent(s) who have used the parenting skills of PSST and who also have given back to other parents in a substantial way. 

Congratulations to this year's winners, who brought their family back from the abyss, as they faced their sons' drug use and behavioral health issues, and made some very difficult choices along the way. They have much to be proud of & grateful for, as their family has made significant progress. During their journey, Francois and Brigitte also provided very helpful advice to other parents via Yahoo Groups emails, as well as through their participation in PSST meetings and role plays. 


Since many parents were unable to attend the awards ceremony in Pittsburgh, the text of their acceptance speech is included with this posting. Just click "Read More" at the bottom of this post to read their speech. 

Brigitte:
Although Francois and I were singled out as this year’s recipients, this is a shared award among many brave and talented people. The sole reason we are even standing here today is that parents and professionals, many of them from PSST, were there to help us when we most needed it, and we are forever grateful for the guidance, empathy, and encouragement we received. 

We are the parents of three boys. When our oldest son, Pierre, was 16, we started to notice changes in his friends, grades, and attitude. By the time he was 17, we could no longer deny his behavior problems and drug use. He was volatile, stealing from family members, flunking classes and refusing to go to school. The rest of us walked on eggshells around him; he was out of our control. 

We insisted that he go to an outpatient drug program. Unfortunately, the program didn’t make much of a difference in our son’s drug use or behaviors, but it was there that Francois and I discovered a very powerful weapon, the PSST group. We went to our first meeting the next week and were shocked to find that there were so many other parents dealing with similar issues. 

Over a three year period, our son ended up in multiple placements and rehabs, two stints at a halfway house, and two years of probation. He lost his driver’s license, was arrested for possession, could not keep a job. Eventually, he was asked to leave our home because of his drug use. 

At the same time, our youngest son, Serge, who is on the autistic spectrum, was suffering from serious mental health issues and had become physically and verbally abusive. He was hospitalized 6 times in a two-year period and he was also out of our control. Our family was in crisis and falling apart. There were daily battles and power struggles. There were tears, threats, accusations, holes in the walls and broken doors, and plenty of sleepless nights. We were dealing with two out-of-control children and trying to protect our middle son from the chaos. Those were what we fondly call the dark years. 

Francois
During the dark years, though, we had a guiding light. We went regularly to PSST meetings and tried to learn the skills we were so lacking. We worked on setting firm boundaries and stopping enabling behaviors. We made tough decisions, like having our son arrested to get him into treatment. We learned from other strong, skillful parents who also made tough choices. We mourned with parents who lost their children to drug overdose. We learned from role plays and from the wisdom of the professionals. Two of the most helpful skills we learned were: 1) that strong parents can still be respectful, kind, and loving even when they hate what their child is doing and 2) parents need to take an honest look at their own behaviors and ask themselves if they are helping their kids or enabling them. All the while we were learning and growing, so were our children. 

This story has a relatively happy ending. It’s not the kind of perfect, happy ending you find in a movie. It’s a real-life happy ending. Today our oldest son is 20 and living on his own. He has been working at the same job for close to a year and is learning that his choices in life come with consequences, both good and bad. Our youngest son, now almost 17, has been home for six months after extensive treatment at a residential placement, and is doing quite well with no physical altercations. We are amazed to think of where we were three years ago and where we are now as a family. 

Our family is working to heal old wounds and resentments, to forgive and to accept, and care for each other again as a family. From the bottom of our heart, we want to thank the parents of PSST who supported us, the judges, probation officers, and police who helped keep our family safe and get our children the treatment they needed, the therapists who worked with all of us, and a special thank you to a very unique group of people: Lloyd Woodward, Val Ketter, Kathie Tagmyer and her team, and Jerry Stradford. Lastly, we thank our boys, Pierre, Jacques, and Serge, who have shown incredible perseverance and a willingness to grow and change. This award is for all of us.

8 comments:

Roxie said...

Dear Bridgette,
I met you and your husband during my son’s tumultuous period of drugs and alcohol usage. You were one of the first people to make me feel like I was not alone in dealing with my son’s addiction. The wisdom that you have instilled in parents, and the ability to be there for others, certainly deserves awarded. I am so glad you were chosen. Congratulations - and thank you.

Jenn said...

Francois & Brigitte,

Congratulations to your entire family on a job well done, on your long path to recovery!

You have been an inspiration to other PSST parents, and have been such a great example of courage, patience, and wisdom as you faced daunting odds.

Brad & Jenn

Lloyd Woodward said...

What a gracious inspirational speech! Thanks for all you two haven given to PSST!

katwoman said...

Year after year the PSST parents continue to amaze me with the remarkable progress they make ....to make a difference in the lives of their family as well as to reach out and help others! This year was no exception and the selection process must be a daunting task for the Allegheny County folks!
I was so excited that PSST had another winner and the heart felt & gracious acceptance speech that Bridgette & Francios gave brought us all to appreciate where they are today......and it was also wonderful to see the previous winners there to cheer on the 2014 POTY!

Brigitte said...

Thanks so much, Roxy. I hope all continues to go well with you and your family. I think of you often.

Jen, Lloyd, and Kathie,
Thanks to all of you. Our family wouldn't be where it is today without each of you giving us encouragement and support (and lots of patience). There should be an award for the entire group!

Wilma said...

Brigitte and Francois,

Congratulations on receiving this year's award for which are most deserving! You have been an inspiration for all of us who have been in this nightmare of living with drug-addicted teens. You both have given so much of yourselves in helping parents at meetings and in organizing the PSST Yahoo group.

Thank you for sharing your speech-I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you and your family.

Wilma

Anonymous said...

Brigitte, you hit the nail on the head when you wrote "There should be an award for the entire group!"
Every single parent who crosses the threshhold of a PSST meeting IS a POTY!
NEVERTHELESS... :-) Congratulations to two very wonderful & deserving parents who help us be the best that we can be...and...I AM COMFORTABLE WITH THAT! :-)
Cheryl

Brigitte said...

Wilma, Thank you! I hope all is well with you, Fred and Bam. It's been a while since I've heard an update from you.

Cheryl, Thanks so much. You and P. (can't remember his blog name) have been an inspiration to Pierre and I.

Brigitte

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