A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53 - PART 2
PEBBLES HAS HER DAY IN COURT by Betty
Pebbles' mom, Betty, sent this follow up to her previous post.
To see the original post click here: A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53
Pebbles hearing was on Monday. She did decide to attend. And we all went together as a happy family.
Pebbles has already spent 28 days at Gateway and (1) whole day at Pyramid. They MADE me pick her up since she refused to eat and has a eating diagnosis they did not want to be responsible for.
So Abraxas was there and spoke with her and Barney and me. It sounded as if they they had a wonderful program for girls that Pebbles could benefit from.
Unfortunately, they did not accept her either because of her history of cutting and she has scars on her arm. So as we went in to see the judge Act 53 had no recommendations to give him.
Since then we did press charges so that after she did her rehab stay she would then have a probation officer to answer to for a longer period of time. She was handcuffed and taken to Shuman to be held until the probation office can find a place to meet her needs.
We were in shock!
I have recovered better than Barney.
Barney is very afraid she is going to be placed with a Wards facility. Barney is a police officer and deals with a particular one in our area that he is not impressed with to say the least.
Our older daughter was put in Wards Independent living (which meant at that time, living independently in your very own apartment that she picked out). She was not supervised AT ALL. She did not attend school, get a part time job, see a therapist, go to NA, or have even one "mandatory" urine test. The apartment was a party place for teens. She left when she caught it on fire.
I think giving them an apartment is no longer part of the program options. Thank God, at least I hope not.
It looks as if they are looking for something more for severe mental issues with an element of D&A. Something I have not prepared myself for.
My husband wants to drop the charges before she ends up in something he doesn't want or have control of. I guess I would rather keep the charges and have her come home with an ankle bracelet and on probation.
And then we can continue to live in our made up asylum.
How could this go so wrong?
A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53 - PART 2
Posted by:Rocco--Friday, March 09, 2012
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5 comments:
Betty,
I am so sorry to hear of your problems with placing your daughter. However, she is not in your home causing chaos and for that you can be grateful. I would not drop the charges. With probation you have so much more support and options than dealing with Pebbles yourselves. I am not surprised to hear of the underlying mental health issues as I think most of our kids have both mental health and d&a issues. My son has ADHD, Oppositional Defiant, Depression and Anxiety. He is on six psychiatric medications and still wants to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs.
He almost went to Abraxas in November but because I worked like a dog to get him a new psychiatrist and therapist before his hearing we had to go with the recommendations of the new program which was outpatient once a week. He really needed in-patient but with ACT 53 we had to also go with what our insurance companies would approve. with probation there are so many more options for treatment and I am confident they will find a program suitable for your daughter. From what you've written and the fact Pebbles is under 18 I would think an in-patient facility is where she will be headed.
Take care and know you are not alone.
Wilma
Most of us have been in your shoes & can relate to your pain & confusion. Can you come to a PSST meeting? There is so much help available at these meetings - support from other parents, as well as probation & other professionals.
Jenn
After a few days of feeling as if I was in a fog, my cousin offered to stop by my house on her way home from work and pray with me. For those of you who believe in the power of prayer, you understand how much of a difference this has made. I woke up the following day clear headed and able to look at some of the options we had. Also I was blessed with several people from different counseling centers coming into my life to talk with me, explain things to me and give me suggestions and options to consider. In addition, we, including Pebbles, saw the benefit of her being placed in Shuman for the week. She was placed in a facility where we know where she is and she is safe. She has had time to think about her issues and how she plans on dealing with them and what direction she wants her life to go. She never said anything in anger towards me during our visits or phone conversations about filing the Act 53 or the charges. She has told us if we didn't file the charges and she did not end up in Shuman she would not be in the mind set she is in. And we agree. So things do not always go the way you plan and you may deal with a curve ball you never expected. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing after all. I believe in prayer. In fact, several of my friends and family including Pebbles are all praying this evening at 8:00 p.m to thank God in numbers for getting us this far and guiding us through the following days ahead of us. What has happened so far was not all so wrong after all. It just took some time to realize that.
Betty
Betty,
Thanks for your update - so glad to hear that your & your family are finding your way through this stressful situation! Interestingly, one of the suggestions from a parent at Saturday's PSST meeting, for those struggling with their child's behavior & addiction problems, was prayer.
The road to recovery can be so very stressful, like a roller coaster ride with its hopeful highs and its devastating lows. It's a tough journey, and no one should ever feel that they have to do it alone. Those of us parents who go to PSST meetings find support from each other & from the professionals who attend. Many also find help through prayer, supportive family members, and this blog.
Stay strong!
Jenn
Alot has happened since that first hearing with Pebbles. She was placed at Mars Home for a month. During that month she received some counseling but the majority of it was spent on what would be set up for Pebbles to go to for out-patient support. There were quite a few things set up to help Pebbles with her issues. However, Pebbles obviously was not on board with the plans. Not long after coming home with an ankle bracelet did old attitudes begin. Having a pity party for herself, complaining of being bored and lonely, excuses for doing minimal 12 step recovery work. Was not allowed a cell phone unless taking a bus to therapy or meetings. Nor allowed internet access unless supervised. However, a sympathetic neighbor (adult) gave her an Ipod to use to text friends.(Whole other story). From the time she was able to contact friends she was more secretive. By 3 wks home her father found her drunk and passed out. At first he thought she was dead! This was at 11:00 a.m. and I left at 9a.m. for work. That's a lot of drinking in a very short period of time. A friend of hers brought her alcohol and later I found out xanax. We called her p.o., had a warrant faxed to the police station and she was handcuffed and sent back to Shuman. When I came home for lunch and found out about the situation, I cried and asked why? Her reply was, "because of you." I was too hard on her, never satisfied, blah, blah blah. Thank God for what I have learned about this disease and not to take her answer personally. In fact, I don't know why I even asked her, why? Having said that my head knows that is what addiction is telling her. My heart though is hurt and heart broken. It's been over 3 weeks and she is still at Shuman being interviewed for placement for a much longer & intense placement. We warned her the last time we would not visit and pick up her collect calls several times per day like the last time. We haven't either. We spoke to her maybe 3 times. Once was her birthday. There is a hearing scheduled that I already have a medical procedure scheduled at the same time and I am going to take care of myself. Barney is going to the hearing. In fact, with the state of mind this last espisode has put me in, the less I am involved the better. Barney is taking over as much as possible. It's not easy giving up control but a personal defect I need to work on. This much control or attempt to control has made me ill. It may be one of the reasons Pebbles has remained ill too. We were informed one night by Shuman, Pebbles was taken to WPIC due to concern for her safety. We did not go nor have we been informed whether she was admitted or sent back to Shuman. Barney hasn't called to find out. He feels either way she is safe and alive and better off than here at home. There is a void in my life because I am addicted to her. But I am going to Nar Anon meetings,making phone calls reading PSST, meditating and listening to encouraging CD's to cope. It does help. She is 18 now. Far from the adult the law says she is but I need to focus more on myself. It's been a long time since I have and it's a challange. I ponder whether it was easier to stay obssessed with my girls addiction and their problems then my own. It's quiet at home. Something I yearned for; but uncomfortable with. It's foreign to me. However, as much as I hope Pebbles works on her problems, I hope the same for myself. Then one day we will even be a healthier family with a healthier relationship. I want to be able to say one day that,"If it wasn't for all the pain and grief addiction put us though, we wouldn't have been BLESSED with where we are today! That would be so nice.
Pebble's Mom, Betty
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