Summary - PSST Meeting Dec 18, 2010 - SUPPORT, LOVE & NEVERTHELESS Posted by:Rocco--Monday, December 27, 2010

Summary of Dec 18 PSST Seventh Anniversary Meeting in Mt Lebanon


Recovery in Progress - Building a Super PSSTeam Part III

The turnout for PSST’s Seventh Anniversary / Holiday Celebration in Mt. Lebanon was wonderful.

We had Val and Lloyd from Allegheny County Juvenile Probation, Kathie and Jocelyn from Wesley Spectrum and 23 amazing parents and one sister.

Together we continue to build a Super PSSTeam.

The 23 parents and one sister representing 16 families are known here on the blog as Jessica & Roger, Becky & Tom, June, Max, Daisy, Alice and her daughter Trixie, Sally & Rocco, Candy, Jane, Lindy Lou, Cheryl & Jim, Angela & Tony, and our newest PSST Parents Wilma & Fred, Cagney, Maddie & David and Emma.

FIRST BREAKFAST: We started our final PSST 7th Anniversary / Holiday Celebration an hour early with a wonderful variety of Alice's delicious Peanut Butter Globs (that we need the recipe for), cakes, cookies, chili, clementines (thanks Lindy) and more. We had time to meet and greet each other and to socialize before the start of the meeting (once we found a room large enough to handle the crowd).

Thanks to everybody for the great food and the even greater company.

TIME OUT

Hey, what happened to the time? Do you have any time? Where did the time go? Where did the year go? Can I have a little of your time? I just need a little time. Do you have a few seconds to spare? Ugh! I am out of time. Time out…

…due to the Holidays, a short bout of the flu, and a few last minute cantankerous customers I do sincerely apologize dear readers for this very late and short summary of an excellent meeting.


TIME IN

Each of the parents had an opportunity to discuss their own situation and issues. We talked about how we can handle our troubled teenagers that are at home, our teenagers that are about to return home and about when it is time to tell our teen that it is time to leave home.

Each of these can be a tough situation.

If you are not sure but you suspect drug or alcohol use by your child click on “TIME TO ACT!” and read through the steps. Attend the next PSST Meeting and we will guide you through the ways to deal with your teen and keep order in your home. The sooner you can attend a meeting the sooner you can get the situation under control.

If your troubled child is living at home you need to provide a clear set of rules on how they are to behave and what is expected of them. If they break the rules you need to provide appropriate consequences (consequences that you know that you can follow through with). These can be as simple as grounding them, taking away privileges, cell phones, computer access and i-pods or they can be as serious as having charges filed against them.

One of the key things your teen will need to agree to, is random drug testing. When you come to a PSST Meeting we can explain where you can get the various test kits at a reasonable price.

If your child has left home on their own and is asking to come back home you must insist on their agreement to the same rules and consequences as above. Written contracts are a big help here. One of the rules must be that, prior to their return; they enter a treatment program and are professionally evaluated. This is probably one of the hardest things to hold them to. They will always promise you that they will enter the program as soon as they are allowed to come back home. Stick to it and insist that they enter the program first.

If your teen is in an inpatient recovery program they will relentlessly insist on why they should be home. Before they come home for good; try a few home passes, if offered. Click on Lloyd’s post “Have a Home Pass or Off Grounds Pass with Teen in Placement”

Remember that the one and only purpose of the Home Pass should be that your teen's home time is to be spent with you and your family. This is the time for them to begin to reconnect and heal your relationships. A Home Pass is not to be a time for your teen to have friends over, talk to their friends on the phone or chat on the computer.

Very important: Do not be afraid to share with their counselors how the visit went – good or bad. This will help them in their evaluation of your teen.

If your teen is about to complete their inpatient recovery program and return home; Congratulations! Now spend the last few weeks while they are still in the program getting your family ready for their return. Follow the same steps above about setting clear rules, expected behaviors and consequences. Be strong and insist on the terms being spelled out in a written contract. Do not expect your child to readily agree to all of the terms. That’s okay.

If they are going to act out then let them do it while they are in their program and they are under the care of professional counseling. Remember that the terms of their contract can be modified by you at any time depending on their behavior – good or bad.

And then we have the case of your child acting out at home and it's time to go. Your child will not follow our rules, refuses counseling and/or may be using. They may or may not have completed a recovery program. The time to act is NOW not the next time they are caught in the act.

If your child is a minor there are options like Act 53 (asking the Court to declare your child to be in need of involuntary drug and/or alcohol treatment services) or for you to file charges to have them placed on probation. Come to a PSST Meeting for further advice on how to do this.

PSSTip: Never throw away drugs or drug paraphernalia that you find – this is evidence – bag it, date it and either lock it in a safe place or take to a trusted friend/family member or to the local police.

If your child is already on probation and has a consent decree do not hesitate to work with your probation officer and have them sanctioned. If your teen cooperates you can drive them to Shuman Center. If they do not want to cooperate call your local police and have them taken to Shuman Center.

If your child is no longer a minor you need to tell them that it is time for them to leave. They may leave willingly or you may need to engage the local police to escort them out. If necessary get a Protection from Abuse Order (PFA). Click on “The Allegheny County DA’s web site explaining the PFA”

Always consider your safety and the safety of your family first.

If and when they ask to come back home (and if you have left that possibility open) you will need to follow the steps above.

Time to Take Immediate Action

Both suicide threats and attempts should always be taken very seriously.

The threat of suicide can be frightening enough to cause some parents to “walk on eggshells” and to give their child whatever they want.

PLEASE NOTE: Even if you feel that your child’s suicide threat is nothing more than a manipulative tactic you need to IMMEDIATELY take them to the nearest emergency room for an evaluation.

If they are truly suicidal they will receive the help they need. If the child was merely using the threat as a manipulative tactic to get their way, the trips to the E.R. and the evaluation will tend to discourage them from using this as a tactic in the future.

Never ignore or minimize a suicide threat or a suicide attempt.

Please feel free to attend a PSST Meeting to discuss any of these situations. There is no cost or obligation.

PSST is here to assist and support concerned parents to take the power back, to regain control of their teens, their home and their own lives. The meetings are a place where you can talk openly with professionals and other parents about your own situation. We understand where you are at because we have been in a similar place. You will notice a lot of us nodding in agreement with you.

A note to new parents attending their first PSST Meeting: The first meeting may seem a bit overwhelming and you might feel a little uncomfortable. That is okay. Sally and I felt that way when we attended our first meeting three years ago. We now wish that we would have stuck it out longer. Regardless, we were happy to return two years later for our second meeting and find acceptance as well as a lot of support, wisdom and understanding. Our family is now healing, we are hopeful and heading in the right direction.

We had some final discussion for those who needed it and some final comments.

A COUPLE OF LOOSE ENDS

Jessica and Roger have a 16 year old son Herman who probably should have spent a little more time in his inpatient recovery program or transitioned home through a halfway house. Either way he was not ready to return home and has been acting out for the last few weeks. Unfortunately despite their parental intuition that Herman was not ready the “experts” told them he was. It also seems as if the “experts” are still undermining their efforts to get their son under their control.

Jessica noted that one of her problems is that she is "Pathologically Compliant to Authority Figures". I believe this holds true for a lot of us parents going though something like this for the first time. Nevertheless, do not be afraid to disagree with the “experts” and voice your concerns strongly.

Jessica spoke with Herman’s teachers and they agreed that he is hanging with the wrong friends. She checked his cell phone and found some disturbing messages. Jessica advised that you may need to go to urbandictionary.com in able to translate some of your teen’s messages.

When she confronted Herman with the text message he first, of course, denied it and then tried to explain how he dialed, and sent, the message “accidently” because his phone was in his back pocket. To her amazement, and amusement, he then tried to demonstrate how this is possible.

PSSTip: If you manage to get hold of your teen’s cell phone and find disturbing messages:

1. Forward these messages to your own phone. This way you have a copy of the message and a date of when you found it.

2. Confiscate the cell phone (even if it is their phone and they paid for it) and keep it as evidence.

Lloyd explained that yet another tool for when our teens act out is a Walk-in Detention Hearing.

If your child is on probation and is out of your control then you can contact their probation officer and tell them you need a Walk-in Detention Hearing at Shuman Center. One of two things will happen. Your child will either be released home with certain restrictions, or they will be detained at Shuman until appropriate action can be determined. Either way the Walk-in Detention Hearing will send your child a clear message.

Jane did not get exactly the result that she hoped for at her son Elroy’s hearing. Elroy was returned home. As soon as he got home his father George caved in to Elroy. He was ready, willing and able to immediately begin enabling Elroy – allowing him onto Facebook and to hang out with his old “friends”.

Jane has worked very hard over the last half year to get her son the help that he needs.

George, like many parents of teen drug abusers, doesn’t want to, or can’t, face up to what it takes to help his child. Their favorite mantra is “They will be 18 soon and then they will be on their own!” Unfortunately this does nothing to help the child or heal their family. Their child will end up like most addicts – in an institution, in jail or dead.

Fortunately Jane still has the Juvenile System on her side and, as Val noted, the Judge warned Elroy that he will be back in Shuman Center as soon as he screws up one time. It typically will not take our teens all that long to screw up. And then even George doesn’t get to supersede the Judge.

On a more pleasant note Alice’s son Ed is in a much better place than he was one year ago. Ralph could not make it to this meeting because he and Ed were attending their monthly father-son church function.

Editor’s Note: Daisy, if you really want to take notes please feel free. There was a lot to remember. If I missed anything, anybody, or got something wrong or you just want to comment please do so at the bottom of this post or send your comments to sallyservives@gmail.com

I am just about OUT OF TIME

Thanks to our Super PSST Pros for putting this program together and being there for us parents.

Thanks again to all who attended this meeting. It was outstanding to see how many concerned parents there are. When you look around the room you will see a lot of other parents that understand where you are coming from.

Our sincere thanks to Outreach Teen and Family Services for the use of their First Class Facilities.

Just One More Thought Before This Year Ends

From Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought

Suffering Can Bring Us Together - "It may be selfish of me, but I cannot agree with a recovering person who said, 'I curse whoever invented these **** drugs!'

If it had not been for mind-altering chemicals, how would I ever have met and come to know so many wonderful people?

I am an avid reader, so I could have spent all my nonworking time exploring many interesting subjects. While that would have increased my knowledge, it would not have provided the emotional enrichment that comes from sharing with people in recovery.

No history, philosophy, or even theology book has the warmth of a sincere hug. The Twelve Step fellowships provide more character development than books and lectures. Nor is the opportunity to give or receive help as readily available as in the fellowships. Coming to these experiences through chemical dependence is quite costly.

Yet suffering can bring people together more than anything else.

While we may wish we had never encountered the chemicals that have been so injurious, let's not forget that mutual suffering has brought us close to one another."

While Sally and I truly wish that none of us ever had to suffer through what we went through this year (and that our children were merely working through “normal” teenage issues); we are sincerely thankful that we had the opportunity to meet such loving and caring people that we never would have met otherwise. We feel truly blest to know you all and call you friends.

The next Parent Survival Skills Training (PSST) meeting is Saturday, January 8 from 9:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. at the Trinity Lutheran Church 2500 Brandt School Road, Wexford, PA 15090


C'mon in and join us.
Our PSST meetings are open to all parents who are serious about making a difference in their children’s life.





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