|
|
Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Can it only be a month since I shared our latest Bam Bam update? You think how much more can I take, and find out more than you ever thought possible.
On April 9th Bam was placed in a brand new day/evening program with state-of-the art GPS tracking on his ankle. After his first day in the program, where he was tracked all over a questionable area, his P.O. and the program put him on strict supervision for at least 30 days. Well, here we are 30 days later and things are worse. Or maybe better, depending on how you look at it.
During this last month Bam Bam was discharged from his dual diagnosis program for lack of progress. He had a preliminary appointment with Wesley Spectrum with a therapist and was scheduled to meet with the psychiatrist for medication management later this month. He did get a job where he actually worked, and I thought maybe he is making some positive progress. Well, on April 19th after a stressful evening with Bam, a friend of his called to tell me that Bam was threatening suicide. Fred asked him if he was thinking of suicide and Bam Bam answered yes. I had no choice but to call 911 for an ambulance. The police and ambulance arrived. Bam Bam said he wasn't going to hurt himself and was very angry and agitated that I called for help. However, we take suicide threats very seriously. The friend who called us experienced a close family member's suicide, and I trusted that when he called he was very concerned about Bam.
Now maybe Bam was using this as an attention getting tactic, but I was not taking any chances. Bam Bam was verbally abusive to the EMT's and police. They asked what I wanted and I said he needed to be evaluated at the hospital. Bam was not cooperating, so the police were going to take him in the squad car. Bam gave them some trouble and spit on one of the officers. The cops were not happy. They had a taser to Bam's back while escorting him to the car and told us that they were very close to tasering him. Bam was told charges would be forthcoming for spitting on the police officer. After several hours at the ER it was determined Bam was not a danger to himself or anyone else, so we all went home.
Bam had also been having issues at his day/evening program involving his GPS bracelet and being disrespectful to staff. Bam earned a 24 hour sanction at Shuman resort the next weekend, April 28-29. In the meantime Bam has been going back to his old tricks to leave school early, to which he added that his GPS needed charged so he had to go home. I finally called his intrepid P.O. who said that Bam was to stay in school and he would work out the GPS charging issue with the day/evening program. Well, guess what? The program said they were showing the GPS was 90% charged! It appeared that Bam just wanted to come home. During this week, he also let our family therapist know that he only needed about a 44% in all of his classes to graduate, so he wasn't doing any work. Meanwhile, the judge sent him home because he felt it was important that Bam graduate. However, with the attendance issues, not working on his graduation project, etc, graduation wasn't looking like it was going to happen!
Now we are at last weekend (can it only be a week??). Friday Bam goes to the nurse's office claiming he has tunnel vision from his medication and needs to come home from school, so Fred picks him up. I talk to the school nurse to see what the heck is going on, and we review how many times in the last few weeks he has been to the nurse's office and came home from school. His vitals were all normal but he insisted that he needed to come home. However, he was just fine to cut grass for money from his dad and went to work.
The next day he went to community service, did a short mandatory job shadow with his uncle and came home. I'm thinking we are going to have a quiet evening. Hah! By 6 p.m. Bam is badgering me that he needs to get a haircut (nothing is open but he has to argue about it anyway), then he starts on the prom he was supposed to go to tonight, then he calls his case manager saying he has to have a meeting with his group member for his grad project. Now, that was a possibility as the students are presenting projects beginning this week, so he gets a window and Fred takes Bam to a house where I KNOW THIS GIRL DOES NOT LIVE. Something was just not right, so I had checked on the address and confirmed that this girl's family DOES NOT LIVE HERE. I pick Bam up less than two hours later – the drive is 5 minutes or less, and he vomits on himself in the car. He makes NO ATTEMPT to get out of the car, open the window, nothing. He was out of it. I knew something was wrong. The next day I call this house and they do not know who this girl is. I confront Bam and he tells me this is an aunt's house and the crazy uncle answered the phone! You have got to be kidding me, am I that stupid?
A short time later, Fred is leaving the house with Bam and they tell me that Bam got a window to go back to this house and work on the project. What!??? I would not have known about this except I unexpectedly saw them leaving. Less than an hour later, Fred brings Bam back home, and in less than ten minutes Bam is vomiting on his bedroom floor and then goes to sleep (passes out?). Fred has gone out and when he returns I go to this house and demand to know who lives there and what the heck did my son take? I discover (and I'm not surprised) that no girl lives there, instead it is some kid I don't know. He tells me he stole a bottle of vodka from his dad and that Bam had been drinking. I tell him if I have to call for an ambulance for Bam, then the police will be at his house. The father is not home, which I can tell as there is no car in the garage or driveway. An uncle is there and kind of confused and this kid is worried. I am scared, wondering how much Bam drank in so short a time. And did he take anything else?
I go out and buy a breathalyzer and test Bam and he has an initial .04 several hours after drinking. He demands to be tested again, so I test him twice more and he tests at .03 both times. Despite the overwhelming evidence, he continues to tell me he has not had anything to drink or taken anything. In the meantime, for two days he has been giving us reasons why he had tunnel vision in school and says that someone slipped something in his coffee, then it's that a kid slipped weed into a candy peep – nothing made any sense and he just compounded lie after lie. Does he even believe his own lies?? I feel he is setting the stage so that if he tests positive for anything he will be the innocent victim. Of course Bam does not want me to report ANYTHING to ANYBODY.
The next day I e-mail Bam's P.O. and all service providers. Bam Bam has the guardian angel of unlimited chances, so I'm thinking that he will still be allowed to go to the prom and get some sort of sanction. So when his P.O. calls me to discuss what's been going on, I am surprised. He tells me that he has scheduled a walk-in detention hearing for the following day. Bam is a liability now and WILL NOT be allowed to go to prom (what have I been saying for a month??). He tells me that Bam has been calling/texting to tell him that yes he did drink and HE SMOKED WEED at some point over the weekend. Of course the days change with each telling, but Bam is convinced by being honest he will get a free pass to do as he pleases. NOT THIS TIME!
His P.O. has left Bam a message to call him after school, but Bam can't wait that long and finds out that he has the detention hearing. He gets very agitated so goes to the counselor's office and tells the counselor he is in trouble, upset, feels like he wants to kill someone or punch something. He calms down and goes back to class. I have a message from the counselor and when I call her back, Bam is back in the office demanding to go home. She tells me that he is calm and wants to go home, but she feels that he is about to explode and is concerned about what will happen when he goes home. I also have a conversation with his therapist who expresses similar concerns. I am also extremely worried about what could happen if he goes home, so I call his P.O. who approves admission to Shuman that day.
Fred and I pick Bam up from school and don't tell him he is not going home until we are leaving school property. Bam is furious! I am driving, Fred is in the back seat and Bam is ranting. He does not stop. He is texting people, then he calls the P.O. and he is crying, pleading, wanting to go home, promising NOTHING will happen but it is very clear to Fred and me there is NO WAY we can take him home. I just know that if we take him home, the police will be involved in some way and it will not end well. Meanwhile, Bam is becoming more and more agitated, yelling, crying, pounding the dashboard.
As many of you know, the road to Shuman is under construction and not an easy drive. Well, now we are all yelling, telling Bam to just stop, which of course he's not, then I start having difficulty breathing, I feel like I'm going to pass out, my vision is going dark. I have to pull over (now we are on 28 and there is NOWHERE really to pull over) to switch to Fred driving. I call 911 as I am afraid I am having a heart attack or an asthma attack, I don't know what, but I feel awful. We meet the paramedics at zone 5 police station where I get oxygen and evaluated, and they determine I am hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack. At least Bam has stopped his tirade. Fred told me later that Bam was actually worried. I am pretty stable so we take Bam up the hill to Shuman. I tell Fred he has to take him in (usually I have the honors of admitting him).
On the way home, the director of the day/evening program calls to tell me that they have had concerns about Bam. On several occasions he has been to the program with dilated pupils, they are concerned that he is not taking his prescription medications as prescribed (I have been worrying about that myself – we have caught him cheeking it on several occasions). He actually had been telling them over the weekend how he suspects that he was drugged, and she felt that he was setting up a story so that if he tested positive he would be innocent – exactly the feeling I had. I felt vindicated somehow that I wasn't crazy.
The next day, Tuesday, Bam is detained and now has a hearing before his judge. Placement is the recommendation and this is what I have felt Bam has needed for months, but we have had to follow the guidelines. Also, in addition to his guardian angel of many chances, he also has the judge of many chances. And maybe this is what was supposed to happen. Bam has been given so many chances and now he has proven that he really needs to be out of our home, out of the community, and that he needs to be in a residential placement where he can get the help and treatment he needs. So now we wait until next Tuesday. Lucky Bam's police charges are not as severe as the police officer originally said he was filing, but these are more serious than the ones we filed, so they will have more "teeth" when Bam goes before his judge.
So this Mother's Day weekend I am hoping that my child will be going away next week. His actions last weekend have made it even more clear that, to save his life, he needs to go away. And that is really hard as a mother, to feel this way about the child I waited so long for, to want him gone. But that is what he needs - what we all need - to save him and our family.
So for today, we have peace in our home and Bam is safe.
Wilma
Read More......
Yesterday, as I was feasting on an early Mother's Day dinner, cooked and served by my oldest son, Pierre, I reflected on the events of one short year ago.
I vividly remember Francois and I sitting dejectedly in a PSST meeting the day before Mother's Day. Pierre had just been picked up and handcuffed at school and taken to Shuman for violating his probation. He was only one month home from a short-term placement and was already back to using weed. He revealed that his younger brother was using at the house in front of him and was the reason for his relapse. (We found out later this wasn't completely true but didn't know it at the time.) Our youngest son, who has special needs, was being bullied at school and came home with a bloody lip. I remember making a comment about dreading Mother's Day the next day because I felt like a complete failure of a mother.
The PSST members did what they always do best. They lifted us up with their sincere words of comfort and encouragement. They gave us warm hugs and let us know that, not only were we terrific parents, but that we were not alone. Several phoned during the week to check in and sent e-mails to continue to show their support.
Fast forward to yesterday. Francois and I are sitting down to dinner with all three of our boys. Pierre is on a home pass from his placement and was due to go back in a few hours. I had an incredible feeling of peace and joy at being able to enjoy this simple gesture of sharing food together. The setting was light years away from the horrible scenes that took place in our house only one year ago. Each day seems to creep forward towards a better life. We don't know where the future will lead for any of our children, but living with hope is so much better than living in despair.
Thank you to everyone at PSST for sharing your stories, strength and courage with us. We would not have had that beautiful dinner without all of your support.
Happy Mother's Day to all of us!!
Read More......
 Invisible Mother
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mum. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature - but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mum gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Thank you to all the Mums who are looking down and smiling at the cathedrals they helped to build. And to all the wonderful mothers out there - God bless and keep you. Happy Mother's Day!
Read More......
Sad News
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, April 26, 2012
It saddens me to tell you that Kathie T just lost her mother today. Our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to Kathie & her family. Kathie has been there for so many of us – through some of the most difficult times in our lives – so it’s not surprising that she holds such a special place in our hearts. For anyone who wishes to join the PSST family in expressing our condolences, please click here to send an email with your interest and/or your suggestions. Click on "Read More" for funeral home information.
Marion Weber arrangements:
Rusiewicz Funeral Home
1400 Fifth Avenue
Arnold, PA 15068
Read More......
Thanks to Wilma for submitting this article!
Teens Getting Drunk on Hand Sanitizer
Teens have found a new way to become intoxicated, using a commonly found household product – hand sanitizer. While a bottle of vodka is 80-proof, liquid hand sanitizer is 120-proof. This issue has public health officials worried, as a few squirts of hand sanitizer could equal a couple of shots of hard liquor. Doctors say that ingesting hand sanitizer can produce the same side effects as consuming large amounts of alcohol – slurred speech, unresponsiveness, possibly falling into a coma state. Long-term use could lead to brain, liver and kidney damage. For the full article, click here.
Read More......
We have attended a few of your meetings in the past, I need to get back to them to know that I am not alone…
My story began two years ago- my son started using marijuana. Then the troubles began……
He started stealing from our house, stealing from his siblings-on to stealing from Greentree pool, locker room at school.-You know the story….
We have been through Ridgeview, Gateway Aliquippa in patient, Gateway Outpatient, Mercy Behavioral, WPIC program, Abraxas DNA in Erie….
THe had just got out of Abraxas on February 14th- We truly thought he was “fixed” – he was getting good grades, participated in the program fully with good marks. We saw such an improvement, even my fiancé thought this time was it!
He went back to Keystone Oaks- AWESOME grades, lots of Bravo emails from Teachers and principals.
He fails a test- positive for Marijuana- okay- we can deal with this. The outpatient team at Gateway and his PO said he could have a chance since he was doing so good.
A few weeks later he takes my car- gets a GPS ankle bracelet on 4/3 thru vision quest.
4/4 comes- he seems okay- another bravo call from vice principal.
I am cooking dinner, as it is done I go to tell him its done, he is NOT in his room. As I am coming down the steps the phone is ringing it is Vision Quest- My son is shown to be on Saw Mill Run Blvd- HE TOOK MY CAR AGAIN.
He cut the bracelet off and thru out the window.
Our search begins- (mind you, I just had surgery too) Our car now reported stolen, he is only 15.
After we get home we notice our safe is gone- it has my fiancés gun in it. He is a retired Nacotics officer(yes, what a coincidence )
Along with our laptop.
We had searched and searched for a week and a half every sighting that someone would call us about – we ended up there too late.
My oldest son got a call he was at burger king- he ran up there- held his brother, called me- I called 911- He kicked him and ran.
We are off again….
A few days later we get a call from Pittsburgh Police that our car was found near PNC park- and was towed
Come to find out the engine is blown!
Well two more days go by – I get a call at 2am from Baldwin Police- they have him.
HOWEVER – he has now stolen a truck of a person that went into a convenient store and left vehicle running. He also wrecked the truck into another vehicle and was caught with his friend at eat n park where they walked on the check.
He told Baldwin officers where he sold the gun- to a not so good kid! The police recovered the gun AMEN!
My son had court last week – verdict postponed until May 15th when the final charges come thru from Baldwin.
I am hearing that he may get sent to Abraxas LDP for 8 months and his drivers license could be suspended for 6 years!
Do you have any advice? I feel like a failure. The PO and Judge of course have tried to re assure us that we have done everything we can. We have been so involved in his recovery however I guess you just feel like something is missing as a parent.
He is the sweetest kid, I am almost thinking there is just something mentally wrong with him.
He does have ADD/ADHD- His father was an addict- he passed away 2 years ago. He was my son's hero of course… K-
Read More......
FDA Hears Testimony About Making an Overdose Antidote Nonprescription
Read mor
e:
Read More......
Today's Agenda
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, April 16, 2012
 Julie and Alicia finish Internship. Surprise announcement. Val Ketter stopping by.
Kathie's Wesley Spectrum Team was named Allegheny County program of the year! And of course it was extra nice cause Val was back!!!!! More information will be forthcoming soon.
 Today we had a cake for Kathie's team and recognized Kathie and Justin. Jocelyn couldn't make it today. Kathie also teams with Chris, Ray and Jerome.
It doesn't always come easy for therapists to let other therapists have input into their cases; however, the team approach, some call it triage, is an idea whose time has come. Kathie is a pioneer for this new approach and we believe that therapists that agree to allow Kathie to have input will benefit in the long run. And of course, it's really all about the benefit that the client will realize.
Now it's official: Juvenile Probation like's Kathie's team approach so much that Kathie and all her team is recognized as "Program of the Year." Congratulations to Kathie's team for a job well done.
Julie ran the meeting. Both Julie (Juvenile Probation Intern) and Alicia (Wesley Spectrum: "Kathie's Team") are finishing their internships. Both will be missed very much. I worked more closely with Julie but I noticed Alicia attending a lot of PSST and always willing to take on assignments. We wish them both good luck in their careers.
Type rest of the post here
Read More......
PSST All-time Hits List
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, April 16, 2012
 |
| These links don't work but the ones on the right do. |
For a while, our Most Popular Posts for last 7 days is changed to PSST all-time hit's list. These are our ten most visited posts ever. If you wish to link to any visit our strip on the right where we usually post the last seven days most popular.
Even though featuring the All-time hit's list is temporary, I was thinking of changing it to Most popular last 30 days. As you might have guessed, that's our three choices: last seven, last 30, or All-time. Let us know what you think.
If there are any of the all time hits that you haven't read, now's an easy time to catch a link!
Congratulations to Rocco for posting the most popular post! K2! And still, this issue is of growing importance. By the way, did we tell you that Juvenile Probation can now test for K2, and there are tests out there that parents can buy?
And then Max, way to go with the Wexford Recap. What it is about that recap that has brought in 2, 314 page views?
It's very well-written, it's informative and it's entertaining. And yet, we have other "recaps" some written by Max and some by Rocco that are also well-written, informative and entertaining. I read it over and I must say there's a bit of a mystery on this one. How wonderful that even on the internet, or maybe especially on the internet, you can still find mystery!
Wilma, there is quite an interest in your Nature verse Nurture also. It's a short post but very well-written. And I quite agree that you probably could not have prevented this. I think that could be said for non-adoptive parents as well.
I'm not surprised that Mary Chalburg's post was widely read. Mary was much loved and admired by people everywhere.
All in all, one thing that the All-time Hits List really hits home is the point that our little blog reaches a lot of people. Let's all give ourselves a hand. Our group of parents have provided the material and our group of parents have promoted our blog. It's an accomplishment in which we can be proud. And the nice thing too is that it sort of has a life of it's own.
Read More......
Today (Monday) we were back in court for Bam Bam's review hearing. Well, if he would have followed the rules of his consent decree he would have been OFF probation today and not even had to appear. However, with Bam Bam nothing ever goes the "usual" way.
Since our last update we have been on a wild roller coaster ride – one with all the loops and dips! Bam had gotten off EHM on February 24th and was back on by March 2nd! As you all know from the last post he worked REALLY hard to get back on. So for two weeks Bam was doing o.k., then on March 16th . . . FREEDOM!!! He played it cool that Friday and came home on time for curfew. The next day he went job hunting with his Wesley Spectrum therapist and – miracle of miracles – had a job interview scheduled for the next day.
However, life in Bedrock doesn't stay rosy for too long. That night, St. Patty's Day, Bam came home past his court appointed curfew. I told him I wanted to alcohol test him but he refused. At some point during the night (watch out anybody with a weak stomach, as this is GROSS) Bam vomited both in his bed and between his bed and the wall. He did get up the next day to go to his interview and got the job! However, he did not clean up the mess in his room and I refused. I did however alcohol test the vomit and it tested positive for alcohol. Fred took him to the interview and then dropped him off somewhere afterwards, so Bam did not get home until about 9 p.m. The two of them cleaned up the disgusting mess!
Another week goes by with more curfew infractions. Bam was going to have a weekend sanction at Shuman, but got a break so that he could go to work at his new job. Bam has been diligently going to work (supposedly) and then the weekend rolls around again. He tells us he is working all weekend. Saturday Fred drops him off at a local market so Bam's friend can pick him up and drive him to work. Later that evening he texts me – can I pick him up at 11, as he is working longer to make some extra cash. Of course I'll pick him up on my way home, I'm not going to interfere with him making some much needed cash! I'm driving to pick him up and he calls to tell me he has a ride home, hmm, suspicious, so I keep on going to see if he really comes out of the store. Well, about ten minutes later my sister calls to ask if I knew Bam was at HER house a good 35-40 minutes away, and there is no way Bam will make it home before curfew. I ask who he is with and it's his latest good friend, an older kid I strongly suspect is a drug dealer. She tells me my brother-in law found a water bottle that smelled like alcohol and the odor of weed around this kid's car. Bam comes home late, his friend dropping him off away from the house so he wouldn't have to confront me.
The next day Bam is too sick to go to community service, so he blows it off. The next week is filled with more consent decree infractions – missing school, breaking curfew and TESTING POSITIVE FOR WEED. Almost everyday he is "too sick" for school but just fine for hanging out with friends, having to work on "projects" for school and, of course, work. This time he is definitely going to Shuman for a weekend retreat – a wise person once said they always get another chance! Thursday rolls around and Bam is too sick for school, so I offer to take him to the doctor or ER but he refused. I inform probation and am told he has to go to the doctor or he will be going before his judge! Well that got him moving, and I get him to go to the doctor where he is told since he is too sick for school, he shouldn't be doing anything else. And no note for school, which I really was o.k. with, as for years I'm always working on getting the notes for excused absences for school. Meanwhile, Fred is also sick. I actually thought he might be having a heart attack, but he refused to go to the doctor so I just had to pray it was just a virus. I couldn't take much more!
Bam says he just has to go to work. I refuse to take him, so he leaves the house on foot and says his "friend" will take him to work. About an hour later he texts me that he is off at 6, his friend Bob is picking him up, and then he is going out to eat. During these last two weeks, Fred has been giving Bam money for his dinner breaks at work. Nothing has been adding up about this job, so I decide to stake out the store. Well, 6 o'clock rolls around with no Bam Bam sighting. I go into the store and try to see if I can see his name on a schedule in the restricted employee area. Fortunately, I wasn't busted while doing my recon, but I came up empty. When I was leaving a man asked if I needed help, so I decided to just ask if Bam had worked that day. WELL, Bam had called off (or came in person, I wasn't sure which). This guy then asks if I'm o.k. because the week before Bam had called off because one of his parents was in the hospital!! Nobody was in the hospital! I learn that Bam Bam has not worked a single minute at this place. He has not gone through any orientation or training. This gentleman was on the fence about whether or not to give him another chance, as here is this kid calling off before he has even earned one penny, and what would happen if he was truly scheduled to work a register! I was furious! For two weeks he had been telling us, his p.o., and service providers that he's been working. How ingenious – the perfect cover to hide whatever he was really up to.
 Later I stopped at the local market to see if his friend who supposedly took him to work was working, and was going to ask if he had taken Bam to work earlier. Well, this kid isn't working so I leave. I'm getting in my car and lo and behold there is Bam sitting in the passenger seat of the car parked next to mine. The look on his face was priceless – guilt and surprise! He thought I was at home! I went over and asked him if he wanted to go home with me – no, of course. His good friend Eddie (of the social hosting house) was slinking in the back seat. Since I didn't know the driver, I took the liberty of getting his license plate in case I needed it for future reference. Little did I know I'd need it the next day.
Friday rolls around and Bam is just fine to go to school. This is the day he is going on his weekend retreat at Shuman, so he is going early if he doesn't go to school, after school or after his school activity. What he doesn't know is that, because of the continued shenanigans, he is having a detention hearing Monday morning. Of course I get a phone call that he needs money brought to school for dinner when his team is coming back to school later, so I graciously take $10 to school. Well, a little after 2:30 I get a call from the coach that Bam is not on the activity bus. I go home and he didn't come home on the school bus so he is MIA. What else could I do but call the cops! While the local police are at the house taking down information and running the license plate I got the night before, Bam Bam calls asking for a ride at 7:00 when he gets back to the school!! Fred hands the phone to the cop, who lets Bam know we all know he is not where he says he is, and if he doesn't get home in a half hour they will have to start going to his friend's houses looking for him, and that if they have to take him to Shuman he will be there a lot longer! I guess it made an impact on Bam because he was home within the half hour, smelling like weed with the overpowering smell of cigarette smoke. Fred and I take him to Shuman without further incident. We visited twice and on the first visit I confronted him about the job. He said he had to lie so he could get money from his dad. Fortunately on Monday he was detained until his hearing today.
And now, today. The hearing went the way we thought it would go. Bam's judge does not like to send kids to placement and his PD is a tigress working at getting this kid off! Probation recommended a new day/evening program that includes 24/7 gps monitoring, ACT 53 closed, and the judge accepted the program recommendation. ACT 53 made a statement that Bam needs long-term placement. I made the same statement, also saying that I am fearful for his life as he is mixing his 6 prescription meds with the illegal stuff. His P.O. gave the judge a very good detailed account of the last few months. What surprised me was the judge saying he feels Bam most likely needs placement, BUT he wants to give him a chance to finish school, so he went with the new program. The judge was really irritable with Bam and actually testy through the whole proceeding. Bam's PD made sure to get in the record that Bam is accepted to college and planning to go. I was happy that ACT 53 and I were able to get our views into the record also. I don't think it helped Bam's case that he had been detained at Shuman for over a week, but it helped us.
Bam is being sprung from Shuman tomorrow by the new program and we all will meet at their location tomorrow. He has to stay for awhile for programming and then we pick him up, so he will be home tomorrow night.
 This is it for Bam. If he is unsuccessful in this program, he is going to go to placement. And his judge is on board with this, which was a huge development today.
Now we will see if Bam begins to take responsibility for his actions and can make this work for himself.
Read More......
This true story complete with interviews of the prime players highlights the importance of hereditary factors. This is a compelling story of interest to everyone but perhaps with special importance for parents of adoptive families.
Read More......
 This has been a particularly painful week for our family.
After a prolonged series of outbursts, threats, shoving, and verbal abuse that led to 4 CACTIS visits, school interventions, psych. evaluations, wrap around services, and finally, a police visit, Francois and I made a decision. We decided to have our yougest son, Serge, age 14, admitted to a local psychiatric hospital. We don't know how long he will be there or if he will need further treatment at a DAS program. All we know right now is that things feel very, very dark. On Saturday, we will go to visit Serge and from there we will visit Pierre, our oldest son, who is in placement for drugs.
This is not the kind of family life any of us ever imagine when we are holding our babies and envisioning their future. And yet, here we are, facing some of the most difficult decisions we could imagine. We ask for your prayers, thoughts, advice, whatever. We hope we can find the wisdom to make the right decisions for our boys and the strength to help see them through. Then we need to stand back up, brush ourselves off, and keep going.
Brigitte
Read More......
Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.
--Lao-tzu
A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.
Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.
When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.
Am I overlooking the simple solution?
You are reading from the book Today's Gift (Daily Meditations for Families) by Anonymous. This is the book from which thousands enjoy a Thought for the Day each day on Hazelden's homepage.
Read More......
 The Rabbit family has finally seen the light and crossed over to the other side. No, we did not die, but quite the opposite, we decided to resume living our lives. On Monday, Roger and I, despite having a few more months of probation left, requested that Herman's case be officially closed . Yes, we his parents requested that Herman be cut free from probation earlier, and face real life with real consequences. It was the next logical step as far as a treatment modality.
Herman has been playing a game of cops and robbers with us since he started smoking spice in October 2010. Although I am embarrassed to say, I did take pride in becoming somewhat of an expert in catching him, however I realized that this game would go on indefinitely with no real winners, only losers. Spice, his current drug of choice, is extremely dangerous, as well as difficult and somewhat expensive to urine screen. It has a 72 hour window, with a constantly growing list of new cannaboid metabolites that cannot be tested for at present. Plus at $7.50 per test, I was looking at a minimum of $15 per week to screen him, along with the tedious work in researching the various tests to keep current with the new JW metabolites as they surface. He has yet to truly test positive for it, or at least so in a court worthy way.
Our marriage and family, (we actually do have four other children, a son 19, twin daughters 16, and a son 15), was really neglected and hurting from the 5 1/2 years of living this chaotic life with Herman. He is 18,and will be 19 in a little more than 5 months. By every standard, we have done all that we could do for him. Also, as I have come to realize, probation itself can eventually become a form of enabling. Herman was on probation for 18 months, a consent decree for 1 year, and actual probation for 6 months. Only 4 months of that probation, split up into two separate 2 month intervals, 2 years apart, was spent living outside of a placement.
I learned very early on that Herman needed to feel the "heat". In the beginning, the stays at Shuman and the various placements were indicated at the time. But as in running, if you continue to run the same course with out changing anything, your body becomes complacent and adjusts to the routine. It becomes easy, unless you challenge yourself. The end result is being in the state of stagnation or a plateau in your fitness level. This principle can also be applied to Herman. The foundation for recovery has been laid through all the various Shuman stays and placements over the past 3 1/2 years, but at this juncture, these placements are no longer productive and could be classified as the easy route. I believe that we are presently at the point of diminishing returns as far as Shuman, and any future placements. Herman is at a plateau of sorts. It's time for a change in the routine, in order to challenge Herman to move on to the next level and feel some heat. This means showing him the way out of our home to live his life independently, without the support of probation, and deal with the world from which we have been protecting him.
It was funny how this whole thing evolved, because asking Lloyd and his mighty team to cut Herman free was inconceivable to us as little as two weeks ago. But as we PSST parents know, a lot can happen in two weeks. To refresh your memory, Herman has had a plethora of treatment since 2009, probably earning enough hours to get his PhD in rehab (not recovery). He had been gone from our home for 1 year (3 consecutive placements), and returned home on 1/12/2012. We knew that relapse was very, very, likely, but wanted to give Herman a shot at living in our home with controls in place. Within 3 hours of being home, the first reveal (actually we never believed him from the start) was that he had no intentions on working a recovery program. That started the whole "Balloonatic" period, because we felt living with a non-recovering Herman was like we were living with a huge Macy's parade balloon. He admitted to relapsing on spice within the first 13 days at home, and spent a weekend in Shuman. Herman has since retracted all of his admissions of spice use, which was another reason for us to stop playing this game with him and move on to the next phase.
Our top notch PO, Lloyd, tested Herman last week for spice. His test was a S-L-O-W negative, whose line was almost invisible. Although not court worthy, it was categorized as an "informal" positive. I decided to take matters into my own hands, and ordered my own "value pack" of K2 Spice Dip Screens, the exact type that probation uses. For $187.50, I had 25 chances to bust Herman. I was not thinking much beyond that, just that I wanted to catch him. On St. Patrick's Day, my plain brown parcel arrived. My trusty Labrador Retriever, Shuman, lived up to her title and retrieved it first, although she partially chewed up the box in the process. Thankfully the tests remained intact. So after this rough start, I decided to get a baseline as to how a true negative really reacts, and test myself. My negative line was almost immediate, and although lighter than the control, was significantly darker and more intact than Herman's phantom test line. In my mind the suspicions of him smoking spice were confirmed.
We tested Herman later that night, due to more suspicion, and once again, his test was a very slow, very faint negative. We feel he has been using intermittently since getting home in January. It was then that Herman, Roger and I had our own epiphanies. Herman was livid that I had the audacity to surprise him with my own spice test, and had not one, but twenty four of them! He knew I was on a mission to bust him, and it was only a matter of time. Roger and I also realized that I was possibly very close to getting a court worthy positive test and or spice evidence, and then what ? Another stay at Shuman, and yet another placement, or 3/4 house? We knew that was not the answer, but something we had hoped we would never have to do, asking Herman to leave, was the correct answer. Herman then asked me the next day, to get him off of probation, because "he was done". He could no longer stand living in our home with all of my testing and delusional suspicions, especially since he was doing nothing wrong. He wanted me to "stop clinging" to the hope of him working any recovery program. Herman said he wanted to move out, live on the streets, sell drugs, whatever it takes to make it and be on his own. I think I surprised him 24 hours later on Monday, when I told him he was off probation, and he now needs to vacate the premises in 30 days.
Herman was shocked and befuddled, saying he was being a bit "rash" in previously saying that he wanted to leave immediately, he "thought he would have more time on probation". It was priceless, because now he thinks I've really gone crazy, and I believe that is always a good way to keep someone on their toes. He was confused, since I fought so long to get and keep probation, and went to all those crazy PSST meetings... and then this?? It was too much for him to wrap his head around immediately. Now that he sees we are dead serious, Herman is stepping it up. We have given him 30 days notice to leave. He wants to sign up for the military, and since he has a GED, he needs 9 more college level courses to be eligible to officially sign. Roger and I are still in discussion about letting him stay until July to get the 9 credits to enlist in the Marines, if not Herman said he will live in a cheap motel. If Herman decides on the Army Reserves, he will be required to sign a lease in 30 days. The home contract is still in effect, and I still have 23 more K2 tests, plus about 24 THC tests on hand. Herman could also be kicked out before the 30 days is up. If so, he still has his in home D&A therapist to aid him in obtaining assistance, and a new place to live. I will then donate my leftover tests to the newly established PSST "Herman Spice Testing Scholarship", for any parent to use on their child.
Even though we could not get him to buy into recovery, we were able to prepare Herman for life by helping him begin to develop an appreciation for the value of hard work and delayed gratification. We require him to work at least 32-36 hours per week (2 part time jobs) and earn 16 credits (6 of which are college level), while living free of charge in our home. We forced him to hand over all his paychecks, and the result is that he has a nice chunk of money saved. He also learned budgeting and how to use the Quicken money management computer program. Herman is doing well in his college courses so far also. Plus with all of treatment he was exposed to, he could probably run his own group if he ever gets clean.
So far, he has talked to an Army recruiter, but they are no longer taking anyone into active duty. The reserves are his only option, and they called and said that they want him. Herman decided that working 3 jobs ( he is counting the reserves as 1 job, since they require 7 hours per week) to make ends meet is not what he wants .Therefore, he does not want to live in his own apartment This surprised me because just the other day he told his D&A in home therapist and me, that the only reason why he wants his own apartment is to be able to drink and smoke weed. Today he spoke on the phone with a Marine recruiter, and was told a sergeant would call our home soon. Herman wants the structure, financial benefits, and lack of financial responsibility for daily living expenses of the Marines. He said if he is going to be treated like crap, he might as well get paid adequately for it. He said he wants to leave for for boot camp as soon as possible. I told Herman that a dishonorable discharge from the military is not the same as an FTA from a placement, it was lifetime negative consequence. Both his D&A counselor and I feel that this could be a real possibility, and told him so. Herman said this would never happen. I found it also interesting when he said that all of his placements, which exiled him from his friends, plus the boot camp like quality of his last placement, compounded with our "martial law" state at home helped pave the way for his decision to join the military. Herman said he is definitely enlisting, saying if the Marines do not want him, the Army Reserves do. Funny, but five years ago, I would have never thought of the military as a way to keep anyone safe, but I am encouraging Herman to enlist. In my mind it is the best shot that he has at this point.
When I look back, I see things through very different eyes than I did at my first PSST meeting back in 2010. Back then, I thought of PSST as standing for Pushing.Someone Swiftly into Treatment. Now I know it is much more than that, although the swift treatment was definitely necessary. Roger and I would have buried Herman at the rate he was spiraling downwards. The placements, if anything, got Herman out of our home, giving our family some respite. Through the 13 months of placements, we know he was clean for 7 of them. Although not consecutive, it was still a feat he was never able to sustain before. Most importantly, Roger and I made some very wonderful friends at PSST, and learned some extremely valuable, tried and true, Survival Skills.
So there you have it so far. Herman still needs to enlist, or get a lease on an apartment, so this story is far from over. One thing is for sure, I know that we would have never been able to get this far in our journey without all of you walking along with us.
Lloyd, Kathy, Val and Jocelyn, you are true gems. I still plan on keeping you as "favorites" in my cell phone, just as a reminder of all the people who are always rooting for us as we continue in our journey. You taught Roger and me well, and we are very grateful for all that you have done.
Read More......
|
|
