UPDATE ON BAM-BAM - By Wilma
Since the meeting was canceled due to the bad weather conditions here is Bam's update for this week....This week I relapsed-Bam Bam had been using his dad's cell phone as his had been damaged after a swim in the toilet. Fred will let Bam use his phone when Bam's is out of commission but Bam switches out the sim card so that his friends call him on his own number. I was checking to make sure Bam had put Fred's card back in the phone and saw there were text messages Bam forgot to erase. I couldn't help myself-I looked at them.
And did not like what I found.
Bam-Bam had some texts going back and forth about purchasing/selling alcohol and wanting to buy an e-cigarette since he is not allowed to smoke at home. For those who hadn't heard Bam Bam is on home detention.
Finally on Thursday he got the ankle braclet. I confronted Bam about the texts and of course he is the innocent party and he isn't buying anything but this kid is thinking Bam is selling and THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
Nothing is going on! I'm not so sure.
Just two months ago Bam Bam was contracting by text messsaging to purchase vodka (Pinnacle Whipped) and we found the state store bag, receipt and a water bottle of the stuff BUT he was innocent! He was just "holding" it for someone.
According to him "It was all a misunderstanding." Don't think so.
I was upset with myself for caving in to the temptation of checking the phone. I want to get out of constantly feeling like I have to check the phone, his room, his bags. If he messes up again the consequences are steeper. He has home detention right now and is on probation even though we haven't yet heard from his probation officer. And in five months he will be eighteen.
Today he has a couple kids coming over to study for midterms (they really are next week) so for now I will take that at face value. And as always hoping for the best.
Wilma
4 comments:
Wilma,
When I first started reading your post, I thought you meant that you relapsed by somehow enabling Bam. I can empathize with the feeling of going backwards, slipping back into the anxiety mode that accompanies certain triggers like texts or Facebook . BUT, Bam is on EHM, and is still in his world for about 8 hours a day. The EHM only keeps him in your home for the remaining 16 hours.
You are the one who will provide Bam's PO the important progress reports on his behavior. You still need to be alert, and also trust your gut. I like this line from the movie "Little Fockers" , Robert Dinero says something like "privacy unless foul play is suspected. Also you pay for the phone. Some workplaces have a policy where they can read emails in company accounts. This is your. "company account".
You have valid concerns when it comes to Bam and alcohol / weed.. His friends most likely still believe he can sell. ( puts a whole new spin on "privatizing liquor sales) If Bam is foolish enough to posses any drugs or alcohol, with you as his mother with your PSST training/detective skills, and be under a Consent Decree, Then he is asking for a higher level of care, and possibly an all inclusive trip to Shuman .
I would have not gotten Herman into all the fine "resorts" with doing all the detective work. I am still working undercover.
Please take time to take care of yourself , you are doing a great job.
Jessica,
Unfortunately I am also still working undercover. This morning I checked Bam's phone and found some incriminating texts from yesterday for example thanking someone for some booze. Also, in looking in his garbage can I found one of those little baggies and it has some residue that smells like, guess what, WEED! Also, he has a bunch of bottles where he is spitting out chew mixing it with whatever liquid is in the bottle (I am working on stopping this) but interestingly there was a water bottle that did not come from our house. It smelled like it could have had liquor in it but the wintergreen chew makes it very hard to tell. Also, last night Bam brought me an emply bottle of sky vodka that he claims he JUST found hidden in his closet from A LONG time ago. Fred told him about the discoveries and Bam swears it was the girls from Friday night.
Friday night he had some friends over-Fred had approved this as I was not going to be home but the threatening storm kept me home-but I didn't see them come into the house. Three girls and and a boy. It was supposed to be two girls. Since we do not allow cigaretee smoking in our house the kids were going outside to the street to smoke and maybe something else? Also, Fred told me he noticed the girls going into the bathroom a lot. I had been in my "batgirl cave" and came out occasionally to check up on them. I warned Bam that I might be checking bags, purses, etc and he told them. However, I didn't check anybody. After today's discoveries I told Fred that if Bam has anybody over (again I just found out today is another study day Fred approved)we will have to be the jailors and inspect bags, bottles, purses though I'm for not having anything allowed in the house and having them empty pockets, check shoes, etc. Anything else we need to look for?? Of course Fred doesn't have the stomach for this.
Also, this morning I was checking Facebook and discovered that Bam is in touch with one of his birth-brothers (Bam is adopted) and the brother was arrested at 16 for armed robbery. AT first I didn't make the name connection but then a light bulb went off when I connected the name and city where this kid lives. Th brother also had mention of being in placements. They are both on house arrest. It's interesting that Bam doesn't elaborate on what his EHM for.
Thanks for your wise words and support.
Wilma
P.S.
Bam Bam has pictures of himself with his ankle bracelet on facebook. Must be a status symbol. He obviously is not thinking about potential employers, his p.o., his future college or anything else.
Wilma
Bam Bam is still in that stage where he thinks he is invincible - pretty typical for a teenager, right? He is getting all the comforts of home, plus the desired “comforts” from his friends. How could life be sweeter? But that old clock keeps ticking away, and the calendar days & months will wind down until he is 18. He clearly does not realize how precarious his position is right now, as I am sure very few addicted teens do – they are just so proud of themselves for maintaining the status quo and getting away with so much. But when they have a PSST parent like you, who practices tough love, they will find that there is a price to pay eventually.
Jenn
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