At 2:30 today, Rocco and I were just settling in to a quiet Labor Day. Rocco had some yard work he wanted to finish and I had six hard questions to answer for a business class I am taking.
We did not expect the phone call we received. Our son, Cisco was just sent four hours away this Friday to a placement facility because of his relapse. He has not yet earned phone privileges so Rocco looked surprised when he heard our son's voice at the other end of the line. Cisco said he was kicked out of the facility and walked eight miles to the next town. Can we pick him up at the Sunoco station? Later we found out he did not get kicked out but signed himself out because he found the program impossibly difficult; the facility did not want him to leave.
Well, we called Lloyd and Kathie, and both of them answered immediately
;-)
They both show such dedication.
The two men I admire the most; Rocco and Lloyd put a plan into action. Rocco said he and I were going to head toward the Sunoco station to save time since it is a four hour trip - one way. Lloyd would call the people who run the placement facility to get the full story, then fax info to the local police to ask their help. There was a possibility that we would get Cisco back into the facility and not have to make the complete trip but we headed in that general direction.
The proactive Kathie was already looking into other possible placements for Cisco and making sure we were fairing okay.
Lloyd somehow located the local P.O. in the town where Cisco was and he became involved (this by the way was above and beyond his call of duty). He offered to head to the Sunoco and sit with Cisco until we arrived.I was scared when this local P.O. called to say that there was no sign of Cisco at the Sunoco and the clerk there thought she saw someone who fit the description of our son heading toward the next town and possibly the bus station. As it turns out the P.O. found Cisco asleep in the very nearby wooded area!
Cisco got in our car and we had dinner and headed toward home with the next stop being Shuman. We need to find a good fit for Cisco. Kathie wants to go over his profile and wants me to provide her with his educational IEP to see what placement will help Cisco have the best chance at success. Rocco will go to the hearing this Wednesday. I did fine all the way there and back and certainly made sure I softly but firmly explained to Cisco that some day in the future he will be welcomed back into our home as long as he is clean and sober.
Rocco and I hugged Cisco at Shuman and asked him to do well. When it was all over I broke down and cried. Why is he having such a hard time doing what he should do? Many flashbacks of our younger and most precious Cisco came flooding into my memory. I had to remind myself that those days are gone. He is who he is today.Rocco is not having any trouble detaching. He said maybe if I remind myself of some of the things he has done to get himself in trouble it may help me feel better. Actually that does help a little.
I thought about some very admirable PSST mom's who are doing this alone. Mom's who do not presently have a strong and helpful 'Rocco' in their lives. I am in awe by these mom's because I can be strong for a while when I really need to and hopefully I can be strong when most needed to be. I just cannot keep that up consistently, it is not natural for me. These mom's are learning the PSST lessons well and they are having many successes. They work full time and draw from an inner strength. I admire them and learn from them. When I was a young feminist, taking engineering classes, I felt strongly that women could do anything that men could do. I still feel that I would be just as good as any male mechanical engineer since I am good at math and good at logic but I don't think like a man in other ways. My nurturing side makes it impossible to detach enough. I sense that I cannot let my needs or wants get in the way of Cisco's need for a program to recover in. I am so thankful that Rocco will go to the hearing and be there for both of us. It is better that way.
2 comments:
You guys were there when Cisco needed you. You immediately acted to keep him safe. The two of you complement each other and at the same time, Sally, you reach out in your post to single moms to share your strength and hope.
I think your power comes in part from knowing where you are not strong.
Of course, it wasn't right that you found this out from Cisco first, instead of from the treatment facility; however, you both are able to look past that and not get stuck on blaming or become obsessed with our imperfect world. You just want to see Cisco get better.
Your positive soft spoken message to Cisco that he can come home when he gets the upper hand on this drug problem is powerful. The ride home was not the time to lecture him and you guys didn't try to do that.
I like Rocco's point that thinking of the things Cisco has done can keep you strong. You were both able to chuckle the other day, when Rocco suggested that it was almost worth the price of Cisco's phone to just have it around to read the texts when you feel like you need to be stronger.
Thanks for the kind words. I think I get more inspiration from both of you than the other way around :-).
Great Teamwork! Hopefully Cisco will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.... My Best to all of you! Debby
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