Please leave any comments to On the Road Again - Summary of Sally and Rocco's Personal PSST Meeting below. I made an error and I can't find any way to fix it other than just start comments here and close them on the original post. Sorry... These posts by Sally, Rocco and about Cisco have become the mainstay of our blog. Thanks for keeping us all updated.
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Ooops- problem with blogger
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, September 26, 2010
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2 comments:
When Cisco is inpatient and you are detaching with love and avoiding the manipulative traps he sets, time is on your side. Even his friends are helping out by not being there for him. I know you said some of them are good friends but we never really know how good and anyway they send him a strong message that if he does this stuff he won't get their attention.
That is good for him to know.
He can't start an argument with you because you are agreeing with him too much.
He says he will get high when he gets out and I think he is really saying "this place forces recovery on me- tough- I'm not buying it." But he remains there so he is buying some of it.
I believe that while there are no guarantees, that all the clean inpatient time you bought for Cisco has to matter.
You are so right: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and while it hurts to discover this over and over you can't cure it for him.
So, you can focus on yourselves and that's what I see that you are doing. I agree that helping others creates a kind of karma that comes back to you. "You have to give it away in order to keep it.12-step." That's what you guys do.
Even writing this all down for us to read is giving it away. I hope you can keep the returns forever no matter what choices Cisco makes.
Some times it is very, very hard to detach; even when one is detaching with love. When Cisco was getting frustrated and feeling sorry for himself my first instinct was to try to 'fix it'. I felt sorry for him also. I was sitting between Cisco and Rocco. Cisco was complaining and Rocco was nudging me and tapping my arm. This I know was Rocco's warning signal that I was getting sucked in to Cisco's manipulation. I quickly came to my senses and when Cisco said,"Maybe I'll walk away from here(this placement), I don't care what happens to me if I do". I replied "That is you choice, you may want to think of the consequences" I acted nonchalant. We left shortly after that and I had a sick feeling in my stomach, I don't want him to walk out of the program. I care.
I'll have to repeat the following to myself, again and again:
Only when addicted teens are faced with real consequences can they start to make a change.
(Tough love... is tough on mom's too).
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