Quote of the Week


"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.



PSST Tenth Anniversary / Holiday Celebration
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 24, 2013


The PSST Tenth Anniversary / Holiday Celebration will be held on Dec 7, 2013 at our Wilkinsburg meeting.  Invitees include all PSST parents (both current attendees and alumni), in addition to all Wesley Spectrum therapists and Juvenile Probation staff who have been part of the PSST family.  
 
Please put the date on your calendar, and plan to join us!  Feel free to bring a food item to share - in the past, attendees have brought holiday goodies, pastries, a hot breakfast/brunch item, fruit, crackers & cheese, chips & dips, chili, etc.


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Thanks to "our" Fabulous Interns!
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, November 23, 2013



Thanks to “our” fantastic Wesley Spectrum interns, Abby & Elizabeth, for sharing valuable information at our special PSST meeting today.  The topics discussed were improving family communication (listening and dealing with conflict) and grief education/counseling. The parents who attended were in for a surprise, because we didn’t have to choose one of the two topics, instead we experienced both!

The information was helpful, and there was a lot of sharing within the group - even role-plays! 
 

 

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Mark Your Calendars for this Special Event on Sat, Nov 23!!
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 17, 2013


Learning is . . . life's greatest adventure . . .  ~   Taylor Caldwell, American author

You are invited to attend your choice of two educational groups open to the community and PSST parents. The groups will feature the topics of how to improve family communication (listening and dealing with conflict) and grief education/counseling. The workshops are free, and will be informative and interactive in nature.

Wesley Spectrum interns Abby Temple and Elizabeth Bayley will host the groups. The groups will run from 9-11:30 at Saints Simon and Jude Church, 1607 Greentree Road, Scott Twp, PA 15220 (our usual 3rd week meeting location) on Saturday, November 23.   Please join us! 

Note:  The groups are in fulfillment of graduation requirements for a Masters in Counseling Education from Duquesne University.

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From Role Play to Real Life
Posted by:Brigitte--Sunday, November 10, 2013

At the Saturday Wexford meeting, Francois and I "volunteered" to have our specific situation depicted in a role play. As is so often the case, the role play and discussion that followed turned my thinking upside down. I came to the meeting convinced that I had arrived at a place of detachment and strength regarding my drug-abusing son. As I found out, there was much more bubbling below the surface.    

The situation involved letting our son, Pierre, know that we were not comfortable with him dropping by and hanging out at our house while he waited for his girlfriend to pick him up. We felt like prisoners in our home--following him around, having to remind him that he could not lock the door to his former bedroom, locking upstairs bedroom doors, hiding our money. Francois and I had already told him that he could not shower or sleep at our house and, although he hadn't handled that very well, he no longer asked to do those things. We now needed to let him know that we did not want him using our house as a temporary hangout.

As the role play unfolded, I realized that I was not coming from a place of love and detachment, but of anger, resentment and fear. As Francois and I continue to work on creating peace in our home and a better relationship with our other two sons, it hit me that I was trying to push Pierre away; I no longer wanted a weekly reminder that I have a son who continues to use drugs and may be involved in other, equally dangerous, activities. During the discussion, there was mention that, because of his lifestyle choices, each encounter with our son could be our last. It was difficult to hear, but also a jarring eye opener.

Pierre stopped by that afternoon. Francois and I know that a three-way conversation with Pierre is impossible, so I attempted my version of the role play when Pierre and I were sitting at the kitchen table. It went something like this:

Pierre: So what did you want to talk about?

Brigitte: Well, I just wanted to apologize for something.

Pierre: Oh yeah?

Brigitte: As you probably can tell, I am struggling with a few things lately. I have been feeling a lot of anger, fear, and disappointment in the choices you've been making and I don't think I've been handling it very well. (pause) I'm sure it hasn't been fun for you to stop by when Dad and I are following you around the house every second and acting so tense when you are here.

Pierre: I don't know why you do that anyway.

Brigitte: Well, as I said, it's my problem. I'm feeling a lot of distrust and worried that something might get stolen, and I am not able to get past it right now. I'm working on it, but in the meantime, I am really uncomfortable when you're here and roaming around the house.

Pierre: So?

Brigitte: Well, we love seeing you and you're welcome to come here as long as dad and I know in advance when you are coming and how long the visit will be. We just aren't comfortable with unannounced visits or having you hang out in other parts of the house. We can visit together when you are here.

Pierre: Okay, whatever. I don't really like coming here that much anyway. It's so boring here.

Brigitte: Yep, it's very boring here (resisting the temptation to add "Finally!"). By the way, are you coming for Thanksgiving?

Pierre: Only if it's here and not at Aunt _____'s house. I hate driving all the way there and staying all day.

Brigitte: Oh good, I was planning on having it here anyway so that works out well.

Pierre: Okay. Hey, I built bookshelves for my house and they look sweet.
(The visit continued with chit chat about his new place and who he is living with.)

It's amazing to me that, after three years of attending PSST, I can still be surprised by the depth of insight, compassion and strength that this group has to offer. I am so grateful for that, and also for the extra hugs and kind words!

Thank you so much--
Brigitte



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Marijuana and E-Cigs
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, October 21, 2013


Local reports from Florida, New York, and Philadelphia have reported on the trend of using electronic cigarettes to vaporize marijuana, citing concerns of parents, law makers, and law enforcement agents who worry that electronic cigarettes allow users to get high without detection. Both products are legal in some states and not in others, making enforcement even more challenging.

For the full article, click here.


Thanks to Lloyd for sharing this link!

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A Teen's View of Prescription Drug Abuse
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, October 20, 2013


(Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article.)

With his new documentary, “Out of Reach,” filmmaker Cyrus Stowe, a senior at a Dallas high school, set out to uncover the growing problem of friends sharing and abusing prescription medications in his hometown.

"I’m grateful that my film can open eyes and prompt action, and that can start with talking with your kids about medicine abuse, and safeguarding your medicine. It’s as simple as going into your bathroom, opening up your medicine cabinet and understanding the orange bottles in front of you are easy targets for abuse. Keep them safe and out of reach."

Read the rest of Stowe's account about the problem, along with his experience in making the film, by clicking here.

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Parents of the Year Speech
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, October 12, 2013

Quote from Paul & Anne's Parents of the Year acceptance speech at the Allegheny County awards ceremony, October 2013:

Please remember this in regards to our child's addiction:
    * We didn't cause it.
    * We can't control it.
    * We can't cure it.
We can't want their sobriety more than they do.  When we do, it leads to enabling behavior that is ultimately detrimental to our child's well being.

The one thing Paul & I have learned from this journey is:  Even when we can't change a situation, we can change our response to it!

We still take it one day at a time, but believe us . . .  there is hope when all seems hopeless!


2013 Allegheny County Juvenile Court Parents of the Year (full speech)



  • This is sort of like winning the prettiest person award in an ugly contest. You wish that you weren't eligible to be considered, but yet proud to be selected.
  • Thank you for this recognition, it has been added and checked off on our bucket list!  Who knew!
  • We have met so many parents throughout our journey that are so much more deserving of this award than us, but thank you.
  • There isn't a parent here tonight who didn't have a different hope and dreams for their child, but life has a way of thrusting us into situations we never dreamed we would face.
  • We stand before you this evening with a message of hope,
          o  Because frankly, sometimes, hope is all we have.
          o  But hope needs help!  It needs the assistance of perseverance.


  • We must be an advocate for our children . . . be their voice when navigating through the system.

There are so many people that we'd like to thank for helping keep our son alive until he came to the realization that he had to change.  We call them, Team Cameron:

  • Sheri Magill, Act 53                              *  Lloyd Woodward
  • Kathie Tagmyer                                   *  Val Ketter
  • Justin Innocent, Wesley Spectrum / Juvenile Probation Officer
  • Elizabeth Bayley, Wesley Spectrum       *  Bob Banos
  • Judge Dwayne Woodruff                       *  Judge Borkowski

Just to give you an idea of the journey Team Cameron has traveled, here are the places we have all been to beginning in April 2008:
  • Western Psych                                      April-May 2008:
  • Pyramid Ridgeview                                May-July 2008:
  • LOTS OF OUTPATIENT REHAB AND COUNSELING
  • Shuman                                                July 5-August 2010:
  • Abraxas I                                              August 2010-February 2011:
  • Liberty Station                                       February-May 2011:
  • Shuman                                                May 2011:
  • Alpha House                                          May-August 2, 2011:
  • August 2-August 9: Ran from Alpha, relapsed
  • CLEAN DATE:            August 8, 2011
  • Allegheny County Jail                             August 9-September 2011:
  • Shuman                                                September 2011:
  • Abraxas LDP                                          September 2011-February 2012
  • Gateway YES                                         February-April 2012:
  • Liberty Station                                      April-June 2012:
  • Shuman                                               June 2012:
  • Rutter House                                        June-August 2012:
  • Shuman                                               August 2012:
  • First Step                                             August-September 2012:
  • Shuman                                               September 2012:
  • September 7, 2012:  Regained freedom after 2 years and 2 months of institutions
  • Pathways 3/4 House                              September-October 31, 2012:
  • Own Apartment in Mt. Lebanon              October 31-Present:

We came to the decision that for our son's best interest, he could never live with us again.  That was one of the most difficult decisions that we've ever been faced with.  But it was the right decision for our relationship with Cameron.

Additionally, we'd like to thank:
  • Jesse Yunker; who, without your guidance and friendship and empty bedroom!  You have provided a safe, comfortable and clean environment for Cameron so that we may rest without too much worry each night.
  • Cameron's brothers:  Jason, Brian & Aaron for welcoming him back into our family with your unconditional love and support and praise for where he is today.  Dad & I know how difficult the years were for YOU and we will NEVER forget your understanding of the decisions we made concerning your little brother.
  • And Amber and Ashlynn for being the BEST additions to our crazy family.
  • MOST IMPORTANTLY . . . PSST parents - we could not have gotten through this without your tears & laughter as we gave our updates and reached out for support, ideas or just HUGS when we were at the bottom of a very very deep hole.
Please remember this in regards to our child's addiction:
  • We didn't cause it.
  • We can't control it.
  • We can't cure it.

We can't want their sobriety more than they do.  When we do, it leads to enabling behavior that is ultimately detrimental to our child's well being.

The one thing Paul & I have learned from this journey is:  Even when we can't change a situation, we can change our response to it!

I'd like to read the Facebook post Cameron made immediately after hearing that Paul & I were chosen "Parents of the Year".

My mom just told me that her and my dad have been chosen Allegheny County Juvenile Court Parents of the Year.  I'm so happy they finally get the recognition they deserve.  Everybody tells me how great I'm doing and how far I've come, but people rarely realize the hell and embarrassment I put them and the rest of my family through.  I couldn't have accomplished everything I've done in the last 2 years without their love, support and annoying me enough to motivate myself to go do something with myself.  Love you mom and dad"

Words we never thought we'd ever hear from Cameron!

Ladies and gentlemen:  Please give a round of applause for our son, Cameron, who is now 26 months clean and successfully working the Narcotics Anonymous program.

We still take it one day at a time, but believe us . . . there is hope when all seems hopeless!
 

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The Word is Out . . .
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013


The Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Awards Ceremony was held tonight in Pittsburgh, so now it’s official!
Anne & Paul at the PSST meeting celebration


Paul & Anne are the Allegheny County Parents of the Year!  Members of their personal family, as well as members of their PSST family, were at the ceremony to show their support and pride for what this couple has achieved.  For their firm yet compassionate dealings with their son, for what they’ve been through & survived together as a family, and for their encouragement in helping others in the PSST group – they truly set an example for us all. 

After their speech at the ceremony, their son (now 26 months clean) joined them at the front of the room to give them hugs – such a fitting and heartwarming gesture. 




Lloyd, Val, Cam, Anne, Paul & others at the
Allegheny County Awards Ceremony


Justin is the Probation Officer Rookie of the Year!  His supervisor nominated him based on his ability to pick up his new job duties so quickly and efficiently, his dedication to his work, and his willingness to help the organization in whatever capacity he was needed.

 
 
 

Congratulations to all of these deserving individuals!


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Addiction & Loss
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013

Thanks to "Wilma" for sending us the following article about a documentary film focused on heroin addiction. 
Using her own money and donations from friends, Rachele Morelli commissioned a film detailing how her son became a heroin addict, as well as the impact of his death on his family and friends.  She has distributed it free to school districts throughout Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania.  http://triblive.com/mobile/4846199-96/film-morelli-heroin

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Resources for You!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013


Thanks to "Mary Canary" for sending us information on the following resources for parents and their communities:

"Out of Reach" is a special documentary created by a teen filmmaker who captures the issue of teen prescription drug abuse.   This site provides information about how to share the full film and an accompanying "Out of Reach" toolkit with friends, schools, communities, families and more.  http://medicineabuseproject.org/resources/out-of-reach-medicine-abuse-through-the-eyes-of-a-teen
 
The Partnership at Drugfree.org is one of the helpful links featured in the right column of this PSST blog.  This site offers numerous videos, toolkits, and guides for parents on such topics as connecting with your teen, how to spot drug & alcohol use, how to prevent drug & alcohol use, etc.  You can find these resources at http://theparenttoolkit.org/
 
The Parents360 Rx Action Toolkit is a new community education resource that can be used by professionals from law enforcement, prevention and treatment, as well as by any concerned adults who want to share information about medicine abuse with their friends, family, neighbors and organizations to which they belong.  Check out this toolkit at http://pact360.org/  if you would like to promote its use in your community.
 
 

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Parent of the Year announced at PSST this Saturday at Eastern District Office!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Come celebrate with us!

This is our annual Award. The actual award will be given on Thursday, October 10th at the Allegheny County Awards get together at 550 Fifth Ave., downtown Pittsburgh starting at 6:00 PM. All parents are welcome; but this Saturday is just for us! Cake anyone?

Our Parents of the Year were nominated by both parents and staff. We do not have an official way of nominating but people do approach Kathie and I and tell us who they think should have it.

Each year this award usually goes to one of our PSST parents who has both used the parenting skills of PSST and who also has given back to the PSST group in a substantial way. It was another year of tough choices as so many parents in our group stood out. 

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The Serenity Prayer With A Twist By Ed
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Serenity Prayer With A Twist
By Ed

As a parent and longtime volunteer at Gateway Rehabilitation Center Greentree in the Family Night Program for families of adolescents having substance abuse problems, I have observed many family members, including myself, who have found Serenity while surviving in the midst of all of the chaos surrounding their loved one’s addiction, and many more who have not. It has often baffled me as to why some can find it, and many, many others just cannot.

While reflecting upon the Serenity Prayer recently, I was struck by one of those thoughts that immediately elicit the mental response, “Surely, someone has thought of this before now!”. But, I have never seen or heard it expressed in just this way, so here it is.

Perhaps the first two lines of the Serenity Prayer became reversed somewhere along the way.

That is to say that possibly…........

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.”

should read……….

“God grant me the Courage to change those things I can,
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
and Wisdom to know the difference.”

Now, why in the world would that kind of a twist in the Serenity Prayer occur to anyone? I think that this is why...



The Serenity Prayer in its original order, as we are used to seeing it, seems to be a bit passive. In other words, we are asking God to grant or give us Serenity, Courage and Wisdom with no particular stated effort on our part.

Well, does the old saying “God helps those that help themselves.” have any validity, or not? I believe that it does, and should be taken into consideration when praying the Serenity Prayer.

As you probably know, Habitat for Humanity facilitates the building of homes for folks who, otherwise, could not afford to acquire a home of their own. However, each recipient of Habitat’s charitable work must, themselves, complete a required number of hours of work on their home in order to receive the benefits provided by Habitat. Plain and simple, if they do not help, then they do not receive. This perpetrates a kind of “sweat equity”, if you will, creating more of a sense of ownership and responsibility.

My experience in working with family members of adolescents with substance abuse problems has been that those who have been pro-active in their approach to the issues involved are the ones who have had the most success in finding the frequently elusive Serenity. Summoning the Courage to change the things that they could has been, for them, a giant step in their search for Serenity. They have chose to act first in making needed changes, and have been rewarded with more Serenity sooner than those who have not.

So, what changes have they made, those who have, indeed, found some of this elusive Serenity? Well, they have changed themselves. They have changed by choosing to react differently to the addictive behaviors of others, more calmly and more reasonably, in a more thoughtful manner. And, they have changed by choosing to eliminate their own enabling behaviors, both active and passive.

Take Courage and change those things that you can, and just feel the Serenity come rolling in. That’s the Wisdom!

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Are You Having Trouble Leaving a Comment?
Posted by:Rocco--Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Are You Having Trouble Leaving a Comment?

[I just noticed that this post is the most widely read this week; therefore, I have updated the email link and reposted it as current. I think the comments are still helpful. It was originally Posted by:Rocco -- Sunday, October 10, 2010] L. Woodward

We have received some feedback lately that people are/are not able to leave comments on the various posts. It seems to be running about 50/50. Sometimes we have heard if you log off and then log back on a second time it works.

The easier solution is to look to the top right of the PSST Blog right underneath "Search This Blog." Go to the "E-mail your story to gopsst@gmail.com" and e-mail your comments to us.

We want to hear from you so please keep sending in your comments, questions, observations or a personal experieince that you would like to share. If you want to listed under a pen name or as anonymous just let us know in your e-mail.

Thanks!

(Click "Read More" so that you can read the comments.- R)

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Gaming (or what does People, Places and Things mean?)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, September 15, 2013

Click to see source
At our Wexford meeting the question came up, "Our Son is obsessed with Internet Gaming. Should we allow him to continue gaming once he is discharged from the rehab?"

No doubt if your son was obsessed with gaming he certainly played games high. Probably his preferred method of playing internet games was high. While we can all debate the value or problems associated with internet gaming by teenagers who sometimes prefer the dazzling screen action over going outside on a nice sunny day, one thing appears certain: gaming will be a trigger for the addict who is trying to stay clean post discharge from a drug rehab. He will not be able to play without feeling urges to abuse drugs.

Therefore, one approach is to ask for a 90-day commitment prior to discharge to refrain from all game playing. After the first 90 days we could have a discussion about "limited play."

A second approach was to limit game playing right from the start, using internet gaming on Saturday only (for example) and then only if all other recovery and behavior goals are met. This second approach trades some triggering on Saturdays in hopes of getting a more-highly motivated youth Sunday through Friday.



There is no single recommended method. Knowing your teenager is important. It is also important to know what you are willing to enforce. For example, if you know that you are going to cave in and allow gaming anyway once your youth gets home then it's better not to make it part of the contract. If you do make it part of the contract and your teenager realizes that you have caved on that item it sends a message that the contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

At the point of our role-play we did at PSST, release was not imminent. Because there was weeks before discharge it allowed the parents to just express that they were "NOT COMFORTABLE" with the gaming. They did not yet make a final decision on gaming, but it's starting to not look to good for gaming and of course the teenager is beginning to panic. This gave the parents to a chance to practice one of our basic parenting tools, "I'm not comfortable with that."

Not only is this tool good for addressing the topic of gaming, but it is good structuring in general. In other words, it shows that it matters whether or not the parent feels comfortable. Too often the comfortability level of the parents have meant nothing. If there is an argument about whether or not Johnny can go out, the debate focuses on what Johnny says he is going to do, who Johnny says he is going to hang out with, and whether or not the parents can trust Johnny to do that. It sort of goes unspoken that the parents are not really comfortable, but if they can't prove that something bad is going to happen they sort of have to give Johnny the benefit of the doubt.

Somehow as parents we have bought into the premise that if we can't really "prove" that a certain thing is bad, then it would be unfair if we did not allow our teenager to go ahead and try it. Therefore, we argue about it. And our teenagers are relentless debaters and more often than not, we lose the debate.

On the other hand if the premise weren't about proving anything, but was rather about whether or not parents felt comfortable then there would be no argument (except in certain circumstances where things could change to the point where a parent would feel more comfortable.)

Note: Feeling "uncomfortable" is not exactly the same as feeling "Not Comfortable." Saying, "I'm not comfortable with that" carries more weight than saying "I'm uncomfortable with that." Being uncomfortable is riding a water ride at Kennywood and now your socks and underwear are damp. Instead, looking your teen in the eye and stating "I'm Not Comfortable with that," and putting the emphasis on "Not" is stronger. Either will work, but one is stronger.

The following role-play was inspired by the one we did at PSST; however, this went in a somewhat different direction than that one did. As is so often the case, once I start writing a role-play the characters seem to have a mind of their own and I just go with it.

Mom: I'm Not Comfortable with the idea that you will be discharged from this drug rehab, and go back to your obsession with gaming.

Teen: You mean I can't play x-box? Why?

Mom: I'm just not comfortable with it.

Teen: Well if I'm being punished then, at least give me a reason. I mean I agreed to come here, now I'm being punished.

Mom: OK, OK, you are right.

CTeen: I am?

Mom: Yes, you are- you deserve a reason but all I'm saying is that you won't like the reason.

Teen: Well, what is it?

Mom: Parent leans in, [lowers her voice, looks her son right in the eye]"Son, I'm NOT comfortable with you returning to People, Places or Things of your addiction."

Teen: What? that's stupid!

Mom: Yes, I suppose it is stupid in some ways.

Teen: If you agree that it's stupid, then why?

Mom: I just think that this whole addiction thing has taken us through the looking glass and lot's of things just seem ridiculous now, nevertheless, I am Not Comfortable with you returning to People, places and things of your addiction!

Teen: That's stupid. Mom, I got high a lot right here in our house. Right up in my room, in the bathroom, and in the basement. Does that mean I can't go in the bathroom to take a crap anymore cause if that's what you're thinking I got to find a new place to take a dump, don't I?

Mom: Yes, that is an excellent point.

Teen: It is?

Mom: Yes, because it shows how ridiculous this whole thing has become. I can't expect that you don't use the bathroom can I?

Teen: I hope not.

Mom: So, you're saying that since I can't stop or control you from going back to some of your People, Places and Things that I shouldn't try to stop you from returning to any of them?

Teen: Yes, that's what I'm saying. Don't try to work my program for me.

Mom: OK, there's another good point. Regardless, I have to tell you I am Not Comfortable with you going back to gaming after you discharge from here.

Teen: So what? I'm going to game anyway.

Mom: I'm not comfortable with that.

Teen: So what?

Mom: Well, I was hoping that while you were in here you'd made significant changes.

Teen: I have! Ask my counselor if you don't believe me! I've made tons of changes, for crying out loud, I'm Community Leader here now, you know that right?

Mom: Yes, I know that Son and I'm very proud of you for all that you've done in here. Still, I'm disappointed too.

Teen: Oh geeze, there really is no pleasing you. You'll always find something to complain about.

Mom: Yes I am good at that somtimes, huh?

Teen: [rolls eyes] Let's hear it, what are you disappointed about?

Mom: Well, it never used to matter to you what I was not comfortable about. If I told you not to bring your friends over you'd do it anyway. If I told you to lower your music, you would refuse. Remember?

Teen: Yeah, but I was using then.

Mom: True. Regardless, I am not comfortable with you returning to gaming for the first 90 days after your discharge and that apparently means nothing to you, just like before. You know in some ways I'm not so sure that you've really changed that much. OH sure hold on, I am very proud of you for being Community Leader. I just wish I saw more of a commitment from you to follow rules and to accept my being in charge- especially when you don't agree with the rules or if you don't like th rules. But instead, I think we are going to bump heads a lot, do you think I'm wrong?

This can go on and on. The point is that mom is going to have this discussion about whether or not her teen has changed and Jeanne Ann from Gateway, who sat in our Wexford meeting, pointed out that it's important to have the discussion with the teen about whether or not the teen has changed. And remember too that if it appears that the teen has not really changed some strong consideration should be given to not coming right home after rehab but going to a halfway house first.

Teen: Well if you think you're calling all the shots after I get out I got a news flash for you Mom!

Mom: Oh?

Teen: You're not coming up with a bunch of new rules cause I'm not going to even pretend that I'm going along with that! Look, I came here, I became Community Leader and now I'm better, and I get to come home and resume my F***ing life!!! And you're not going to stop me. I won't do drugs but I'm doing it my way, you understand?

Mom: Oh I hear you. Loud and clear.

Teen: [glares]

Mom:: I'm glad we had that out.

Teen: Why?

Mom: Because you told me where you stand. I like that. You're right too, there's no sense in pretending that things have change.

Teen: Things have changed! I'm done with drugs.

Mom: Well that part I'm very happy about. But I mean things between you and me. You did what you wanted to do no matter what I said before, and now you are honest enough to clue me in that none of that part has changed.

Teen: No, that's no what I said! You're putting words in my mouth!

Mom: I'm sorry?

Teen: I will follow your rules completely as long as they make sense, but I'm not following the stupid ones.

Mom: OK, so that is a little different, you are willing to follow the rules that you agree with. OK, well Son I've got to be as honest with you as you've been with me, OK?

Teen: What?

Mom: I'm Not Comfortable with you coming straight home after rehab. I think we need to talk halfway houses.

Teen: Are you F***ing crazy?

Mom: Yes, probably I am but also you used to use all that profanity at home before rehab. Son, I'm Not Comfortable with that language either. That's another thing I had hoped you would change.

Teen: OK OK, see that's rule that makes sense, I'll watch the way I talk to you, but halfway house now that's not even recommended by my therapist! Do you realize that I'm Community Leader here?

Mom: You mentioned it, yes.

Teen: Well you can't do this to me! I'm definitely playing my X-box when I get home!

Mom: I'm not comfortable with you coming straight home.

Teen: What? Where did that come from?

Mom: I just think you're going to need more help and you and I are going to bump heads a LOT!

Teen: OK, OK, I'll limit the gaming like on Mondays I will not game at all; OK you happy with that? You are such a [pause] wait I won't say it right now, but gee whiz Mom I think if you don't ease up I am going to have to go back to getting high just to deal with YOU!

Mom: Good point!

Teen: What?

Mom: Well I am a trigger for you too. Look, honey I'm going to tour that halfway house, I'm thinking that this is too important not to trust my gut on this one and I'm just NOT Comfortable.

Teen: OK, look I won't hardly game at all, just on weekends if that makes you happy but please Mom, please do not say anything to my counselor about a halfway house. Please, I'm begging you please promise me that you'll keep this between us? OK?

Mom: Exactly! Because honey that's what just what I used to do! I used to not tell you father, your grandparents, your teachers or your friend's parents that I was worried sick about your growing drug problem. I was wrong. I was really wrong and that was such a big mistake. Today, I'm Not Comfortable keeping secrets. So yes, I will be speaking with your therapist.

Teen: I'm so done talking to you. You need help. You need to go see someone I'm going back to the unit.

Mom: OK, well we'll talk about this later! Bye honey...

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