I know I can, I know I can, I know I can...
I have not received word from Cisco that he has cancelled the hearing and accepted the fact that his parents believe he needs to remain on probation.
This PSST Mom and this PSST Dad have reached a new level of change.
We have been taught well by Lloyd and Kathie and have gained insight from all the wonderful parents at PSST. (These people are our dear friends and probably know us better than anyone). Cisco thinks he knows us well also. Why does he want off of probation right now? Because he thinks he stands a chance at gaining the power back because he thinks the power is with Lloyd and PSST. He does not get it yet. He should not be allowed off of probation until he realizes that Mom and Dad have the power.
Rocco and Sally will stand side by side in court and state that Cisco is not ready to be off of probation.
Cisco is still contacting friends that he used drugs with. So called friends who are not in recovery and can drag him down so low and so fast that there is a good chance that he would be found dead in some God-forsaken alley.
Cisco is still impulsive and spoke (very recently) about running from placement if he knew he could get away with it. He ran three times from two other programs. When he ran he bought drugs with money from his college fund and started selling on the streets.
Cisco is still too manipulative.
He will have to learn that good things are worth waiting for and they need to be rightfully earned.
Time for Cisco's Six Month Review ~ Part II ~ Once on the PSST Track - You Never Go Back
Posted by:Sally--Friday, February 11, 2011
A PSST Mom Works On Acceptance ~ By Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, February 10, 2011
"We must be willing to leave behind the life we had envisioned for our child in order to save their life as it is."
I love this quote from the blog. We are living this right now.
Even though I know my son isn’t going to be living the life we had hoped for him I am still having a hard time accepting it.
When I see kids he goes to school with, and used to be friends with, and they are all doing the stuff a typical Junior in high school would be doing, and having fun, I ache that mine chose to get high every day, jeopardize his future by not going to school, shoplifting,etc,etc.
I’ve seen pictures on Facebook with these happy kids doing fun stuff and am sad for all of us and jealous at the same time.
Our house has basically been a prison since Christmas Eve when "Bam Bam" came home from the hospital. But last Friday we let “Bam Bam” go out with a couple of his borderline friends. (I don’t think he has any now, that he hasn’t gotten high with).
Then Sunday we were letting him watch the superbowl at a friend’s house. When I went to check; they weren’t there. The friend’s sister called her brother to see where he was and, even though she didn’t mention I was there, I think that tipped them off. Within minutes of me heading to the other location "Bam Bam" called me to say he was heading home and had been out riding around. (I Didn’t believe it but couldn’t prove otherwise.)
We let them watch the game at our house. I was tempted to drug test him even though he didn’t appear to have used but I’ve missed that before. I knew he would be tested at his evening drug rehab.
Anyway, thanks for the wonderful quotes and great information on the website/blog.
*Wilma*
Another PSST Mom Shows Her TRUE GRIT Episodes I & II
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, February 10, 2011
PSST GRIT - Episode I
Hi Sally, Thought I would share my most recent experience and insights…especially in light of a recent quote on the blog saying to the effect “take the blame, take the power…"
Elroy is now in an in-patient treatment center with 2 other teens (let’s call them X & Y) whose parents are active participants in PSST. He seemed to be adjusting fairly well… and then… he was informed that his case would be transferred to a new P.O.…
…LLOYD!
Through the grapevine he found out that X & Y also were under the umbrella of Lloyd. Elroy being a typical teen went about his way of getting the scoop on “this guy Lloyd”.
Both X & Y were in agreement…Lloyd was tough and “always votes for long-term placement”, which left Elroy shaking in his boots.
Elroy also found out through Y that, “All 3 of our parents attend that “Lloyd Group”… (I guess meaning that we are “Lloyd’s Group Groupie’s”). Elroy had a few days to chew that fat over.
Fast forward to the next visiting day….
… A “Shuman Showdown” but with a much less panicked intensity on Elroy’s part.
“Mom…you got to tell that 'Lloyd guy' that if I work hard at this program and do everything I am supposed to do….you will tell that 'Lloyd guy' that I can come home!"
"I heard from Y that his parents may as well be 2 of you! All os you do whatever the P.O. tells you to do.”
I let him vent for a while, and then pulled in the reins and leaned closer to him across the table…..
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…let’s get the facts straight here!
Who do you think stood up in court and said you could not come home?
Who do you think stood up and told the judge that you need treatment?
Who do you think ratted you out on the fact that you were not complying with the stipulations of your Consent Decree?
Who do you think hauled out your drug paraphernalia from our home and filed charges?
Whose name is listed as the petitioner?
Who do you think told the judge that you were drinking? 
Who do you think informed your P.O. that you were searching for information about how long Vicodin stays in your system?
So tell me Elroy, just how does that make me a P.O. Puppet?”
At this point Elroy was leaning so far back on his chair, a breath blown in his direction would have sent him on the floor.
A short pause later he said, “Well you got me there.” Knowing Elroy…..this just means “Give me a day or two to come up with a comeback.”
I told him, “Of course I want you home, but I need to feel comfortable with my decision. I want you home when I know you have the tools and the ability to make good, healthy decisions for yourself. So rather than put the cart before the horse, you need to think about what you need to do to make me comfortable. So, shuffle those cards and deal(with it)…let’s finish this card game.”
We parents do have the power, we have always had it, we just have to choose to use it.
Editor's Note: We also need to learn HOW to use it. Come to PSST and we will show you.
My experience is that it does help me feel as if I am gaining back some of the control of my life that I had lost.
I can’t tell you how good that has made me feel…. worthy of being dubbed one of “Charlie’s Angels”!
************************************
PSST GRIT - Episode II
This could also be titled: Enabling is your own worst enemy in your fight to help your child.
Sitting with my son Elroy passing the time playing cards during a recent visit, Elroy was trying to fill me in on the in’s and out’s of his program.
Explaining the “levels” and privileges that go along with each increase in status, as well as what you had to do…or not do… in order to achieve these new “levels”.
Acquiring a consistent daily point value based on behavior is all part of this process. Elroy said that some of the kids were also demoted a level and a week was added on to their “sentence” for serious infractions. I asked him for examples. He said, “Well, getting caught smoking or being caught with “chew”.
I said, “Smoking….how do they get cigarettes?” Elroy said, “Some parents bring them in.” Shocked, I then in turn asked, “Well, don’t you think the parents know the consequences….an extra week added to their stay?” Elroy said, “I guess.”
A thought sparked in my mind and out shot, “Well, if their parents knew the consequences, I guess that means that they either don’t want them home, or they are not ready to have them home.”
Replaying that conversation in my head on the long drive home that night, I realized that enabling my son by either choosing to ignore the problem (so much easier than doing something about it), choosing not to speak up, choosing to keep secrets, choosing to allow myself to be worn to a nub so that I just caved into his demands out of pure exhaustion….all were sabotaging my efforts to help him.
My enabling him was feeding his illness and I had become my own worst enemy!
Acknowledging that realization to myself, hopefully will be the first step, of many, in my own recovery.
I see myself as an airplane that had been sitting on the run way…. being fueled up with tools I have learned through PSST and the support of my PSST Posse, add in a can or two of fuel cleaner (some insights of my own)….and I have been cleared for take-off.
I know that there is a chance that the engines are likely to sputter, may need to return back to the same run way because there has been a malfunction on takeoff, turbulence will surely be encountered, a detour or two will most likely occur, or even perhaps an emergency landing may be needed……..but the trays are up, my seat is in the upright position, I know where the emergency exits are, and I know there will be oxygen available should I need it.
So, I have fastened my seatbelt with the knowledge that I have a flight plan and Air Traffic Control is always available.
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Time for Cisco's Six Month Review ~ Part I ~ PSST Mom Reaches a New Level of Change
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Change comes hard for me.
I have been attending the PSST meetings long enough that I know what I should and should not do. I know how not to enable. I understand how manipulative an addict can be.
At the meetings I can easily point out what the other parents should do to get their child on track.
Now, enter Cisco and my emotions come into play and my logic temporarily goes out the window. I think Cisco used to count on me caving and doing things his way because he instinctively knew that my love for him would turn me into a marshmallow.
Well this is not Burger King anymore and I do not like marshmallows.
The issue at hand is that it is time for Cisco's six month probation review. When his Public Defender called him, Cisco jumped at the chance to say YES! when asked if he wanted to get off of probation.
It was not a good sign that Cisco took this upon himself and did not consider that it should be a group decision of Cisco, Jerry; director of the recovery facility Cisco is in, Lloyd; Cisco's PO, Kathy; Cisco's Therapist and both Rocco and myself. As it stands only 1/6 of the people involved feels that Cisco should be released from probation at this time. The other 5/6 of us thinks he needs to be on probation until he finishes his program and accepts his recovery.
Rocco and I took Cisco to apply for his driver's permit last Saturday. This is one of Cisco's goals he is working on. The line was long and Rocco and I took advantage of this time with Cisco to discuss the upcoming hearing. We made sure we let Cisco know that we were "not comfortable" with allowing him to be off of probation at this time. In fact, I felt it was necessary to tell him emphatically that we would do every thing in our power to keep him on probation until he completes his recovery program that he is currently in.
Cisco clearly heard our message and understood that we were serious; this was obvious because he transformed into the completely obnoxious and ungrateful Cisco.
Little did he suspect that by becoming ungrateful he was simply affirming our convictions about keeping him on probation.
We filled a lot of the visiting time by letting him drive with his crisp and new permit. He drove very well, had great control of the vehicle and had a nice mix of confidence and caution. I chose to sit in the back seat with my seatbelt secured while Rocco became the driving trainer. It was so pleasant to witness father and son at this moment. Rocco was calmly giving just enough instructions and Cisco was attentive and following rules of the road. (When one has an addictive son it is a treat to witness them following any rules whatsoever.)
The day went on but Cisco still had a chip on his shoulder because we would not budge on our decision to fight to keep him on probation. We allowed for some of his moodiness but did not give in to any important things. For instance, he asked if a friend could come over to visit and we did not cave at this.
He was getting crankier so I asked if he wanted (an early) return to his recovery facility. He answered yes but then quickly changed his mind and said he needed to get to an NA meeting. Rocco started the car so we could get Cisco there on time. Cisco sat on the porch stoop and smoked a cigarette. I stood and watched cautiously because Cisco was not in a good mood.
He was weighing things out. I could almost see the gears working in his mind. He knew we would fight in court and we were successful when we did this last time. It was dawning on him that he was surely going to be in his recovery program for several more months. I stood several feet away, arms folded and silent.
He asked me if I would call Lloyd if he ran. I quietly but firmly said yes I will.
The smoke from his cigarette blew downward and out of his nostrils. He hung his head and rubbed his hands through his shortly cropped hair.
Suddenly, he got up and walked to the car; we were on our way. He decided he needed to go to the NA meeting.
He was in a better mood after the meeting. We went to a restaurant for some dessert and Cisco commented that he felt sure that he would be able to finish his program. It is difficult for him to realize that he still needs probation. He said he would call the PD on Monday.
(The PD was not ready to give up yet. Sally needs to rejuvenate at her knitting club! So my story continues tomorrow.)
The teenagers of PSST parents generally end up with way too much power. Where does it all start?
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, February 05, 2011
This commercial shows us the child's early grab for power and how natural it is that children reach out for it. Children vary. In some, the force is strong from the very beginning.
Happy Superbowl to all PSST parents everywhere. :-)
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