Quote of the Week

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, February 02, 2011

"When are they going to get it?"

"I wonder if they are ever going to really change? "

"I have tried pleading, begging, getting angry, being extra polite and tried making deals with them."

"If they would just listen to me, follow my plan and do what I ask them to, things would be better off for everyone."

"Why can’t they just think logically?"

"They are so-o-o-o-o-o-o frustrating. I guess it’s ‘cause they are just parents. They don’t get it."

"What is a kid supposed to do?"

You CANNOT want your teen’s recovery more than they want it. If you do; you give your teen the power back.

You cannot do their recovery program for them, as much as you wish you could.

Remember - Recovery is not a cure. Recovery is a lifelong process. It begins in treatment, but it doesn't end when treatment ends. How far your teen goes in their recovery is really up to them. It is a choice to change their lifestyle.

To put it another way recovery is like dieting. Dieting helps you take off weight. But diets come to an end. Once you reach your goal weight it is now up to you to keep the additional weight off. If you do not change your lifestyle you will be on your next diet in short order. No one can want it more than you do and no one can do it for you.

Initial recovery can take years. It can be a very difficult process for both your child and for you to handle on your own. Your child is an addict and a master manipulator. You as a parent will have your doubts and your weak moments and, on occasion, your son or daughter may play on them. They use guilt and other manipulative tactics to persuade parents and other family members to continue enabling them in their behaviors.

Falling back into this trap will inevitably lead to frustration, worry, anger, sleepless nights, and all manner of toxic behaviors in attempting to deal with addiction/co-dependency problems.

If you feel you are falling back into co-dependent behavior try the following:

You don’t need to give instant answers – it is okay to tell your son or daughter that you need to think about it or to discuss it further. Impulsive responses now may lead to regrets later.

Go to meetings – try PSST or your local chapter of Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or Alateen.

Join a home group – find a meeting you feel comfortable with and attend on a regular basis.

Find a sponsor – find someone at the meeting that you feel at ease with and exchange phone numbers – agree to call each other as needed in a crisis or just to talk.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help – talk to your spouse, partner, minister or a co-worker or friend that you can trust.

Get counseling / therapy as required – get professional help (note that if a counselor makes you feel uncomfortable - try another one – one size does not fit all)

Get active (in the program) – helping others in recovery will help you.

"One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so it will be worth remembering."


Sally said...

Thanks.... Today, I will live only for today...and no instant answers :-)

Joy Y. said...

Recovery is very much like a diet.

As a dietitian, my clients are puzzled that I will not put them on a diet, even when they come to me with significant weight to lose. When they ask me "why not?", I reply "if you go ON a diet...then at some point, that means you will OFF the diet.". They usually think for a bit then they ask how I can help them. I reply "I can teach you what kind of changes you can make in your lifestyle...the rest is up to you".


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