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The Spell Has Been Broken - Part Two
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Spell Has Been Broken - Part Two

One has to Repeat Breaking the Spell every day. Your teenager will keep guilting you and tugging at your heartstrings and doing whatever he/she can do to be in control. So even when you state: The Spell Has Now Been Broken; it is something that has to be worked on every day in order for it to stay broken. I can feel the frustration in some of your comments and believe me, I've been there.

As you know in my last post, Cisco did not want us to stay for the Saturday visit and we left after 5 minutes. I did great on Saturday but on Sunday I had to remind myself to stay busy and not dwell on missing him. I did that and it was not easy but I am getting better at it each time. We went to see him on Tuesday because he called and asked if we were coming. He was a little more receptive even though he was still unhappy about the possibility of a half-way house for his next step in recovery.

When I asked if we should come out to visit this coming Saturday he said 'No, I am always in a bad mood on Saturdays, but maybe if I get to go to an N.A. meeting this week I'll want company.' So he left it open... I think he wants to see us but he is struggling because he is losing control of us.

Rocco and I talked about it. He is allowed a phone call tonight (Friday). If he calls tonight and asks us to visit on Saturday, we will go. If not, Rocco and I are going shopping for a bike rack so we can enjoy bicycling this spring; provided of course, there is an END to WINTER!

I'm sure it is very hard to be a single mom and to go through all the drama that happens with an addict but please look at the positive side about that. You do not have to agree with anyone about any decisions. You get to call all of the shots. It is nice to have someone to lean on during these troubles but when there are two parents involved both have to work hard to "be on the same page".

I like the comment about - becoming aware that your teenager has taken control - awareness is the first step in getting the control back.

Here are some suggestions of things to do to keep busy and therefore be less focused on your teen. a.) take a credit or non-credit class. b.) plan a mini vacation. c.) throw a small party. I am having a 'We Want Winter to Go Away' Party. d.) Learn something new. e.) Volunteer at your local hospital, school or church. f.) If you are single, go out on a date. g.)If you are married, go out on a date with your spouse. h.) Look up a friend who you lost contact with, then reunite. i.) I encourage you to write a post for this blog, it is very helpful to put your feelings down and your thoughts in order. Use a pen name, no one will know who you are and I bet ninety percent of the people who read this are in the same boat and will understand. I know some of the above suggestions will only work while your child is in placement, such as b.) go on a mini vacation. You can't do that and leave your teenager at home, for goodness sake. You don't know what condition your house will be in when you get back home. Just do whatever you can do, whenever you can do it, to keep your life as normal as possible. Addiction is a family disease it does affect the whole family. Hang in there.

I have to get to work now but next time I will compile a list of good reading material.


Anonymous said...

Awareness is a huge step...Also to me acceptance ia another revelation! Once I accepted that my son is an addict and has so much drama surrounding him, I learned to set boundaries for our family and our house. This helped me take my control back. That being said, I love him no matter what but I also love my life and want to enjoy it! Even if that means finding a place for him to stay so we can go on vacation! Good luck! Debby

Anonymous said...

Do you think it is a good idea to make the decision about the half-way house for our children? After all, we have to protect them and sometimes they are just not capable of making good decisions? And maybe a good gauge for deciding when or how long to visit might be remembering how much quality time your son/daughter gave you when they were home with you. Did you get to go out to a movie with them, have Sunday dinner with relatives, hang out and make cookies? Just a thought as I sit here and ponder what I will be able to watch tonight since I got my TV back!


Anonymous said...

I think I have become aware of Cisco's addiction and now I have to take that next step which you speak of, Debby, and accept it.
That is a very hard step to take. I still want to say, naw, he will outgrow this, it is a stage.... but it will sink in. I'm with you though, no matter what, you still love them.


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