WHEN THE JUVENILE BECOMES AN ADULT ~ by Jim Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 10, 2011

I AM 18. I AM AN ADULT. DOES ANYBODY CARE? - Jim

As Cheryl and I (Jim) have walked life’s path with our teenage addict, Andy; we’ve learned (much to our dismay) to navigate through the Juvenile Probation system.

Although, some may think that the “system” is harsh (reference Shuman), we’ve always found that it is very understanding (sometimes too much so) and eager to provide some form of program or assistance in an attempt to put our juveniles back on the right track.

This world of forgiveness and “do-overs” creates a cocoon of false security that it will always be this way for the juveniles, no matter what they do or how much trouble they get into.

Is this wrong?

I think not, because it gives the juvenile a chance to learn from the errors of their invincible, hormone driven ways without a permanent record.

Then comes their eighteenth birthday, a day of reckoning as they “legally” pass into adulthood. They cross this threshold without seeing or feeling the removal of the cocoon, nor our ability (as parents) to effectively intercede on their behalf. It is a cruel and rude awakening.

Suddenly, all of our past warnings of what life in adult jail would be like become their reality. Andy’s endless eye rolling and heavy sighing (are you done preaching yet?) are replaced with his tears and fears.

Tears that are shed during the daily fifteen minute collect calls and having to cover his face to hide his emotional weakness from his fellow inmates. Our once supposed self proclaimed tough street kid is now nothing but a scared little boy. So far out of his element, he is often afraid to leave his cell.

The newly incarcerated “adult” spends awhile in denial that this new “burden” is going to stick and hope that somehow they will once again escape with a slap on the wrist and a pat on the bum.

Denial gives way to anger that we as parents are not rescuing our little angels as we’ve done in the past…in a large part because we cannot and another part that we will not!

Anger turns to self loathing because of their (finally, now apparent to them) stupidity to have broken the law. Finally, deep remorse sets in. They have nothing to do but expend every waking hour contemplating their future, or lack of it. Their new despair anticipating the worst possible fate leads them to periods of great depression.

I’ve never been to the Allegheny County Jail, but recently I’ve talked to enough people that have been inside to believe that it is as nasty and gruesome as it is purported to be. Andy wouldn’t even submit a visitors list to be approved because he didn’t want us to see him there.

He now realizes after experiencing the adult system that nobody in jail cares about him as an individual.

Nobody cared when they stripped searched him.

Nobody cared that he didn’t shower or brush his teeth for five days while he waited in processing.

Nobody cares that he doesn’t have basic hygiene products.

Nobody cares that they only issued one inmate jumpsuit and underwear to him.

Nobody cares that he has to do his laundry while showering and hang it in his cell to dry.

Nobody cares!

I have lived my life believing: “Everything happens for a reason, it is always for the best, it just may not seem like it at the time.”

As we continue to learn the adult justice system (again, much to our dismay), we will continue to try to help Andy to the extent that the system will allow us.

The only positive aspect to this experience may be Andy’s negative memories in jail will override his desire to break the law in the future. Andy tells us that he would rather die than live in the jail.

Lesson learned? Only time will tell.