Wilma Tells Us: Fred Comes on Board Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 25, 2011

They say that it gets worse before it gets better but its only getting worse.

I updated Bam Bam's status last week. It feels like a decade ago.

Wednesday 9-21 started like any other day-Bam Bam didn't go to school, badgered Fred for money (it started at $5) and escalated to Bam Bam punching a door with his broken hand, punching out Fred's lawn tractor-which doesn't work now and we dont' know if it can be repaired, and threatening that the next thing he punches will be Fred's face. What was different is that FRED CALLED 911.

I was terrified and elated when he called me at work to tell me he called the police. He finally DID IT! When I got home there were two squad cars and a third came shortly after. Now we had THREE COPS at our house. They said they couldn't arrest Bam all they could do was write a citation and he would have to pay restitution. I said I wanted him to go to Shuman but they said no they couldn't and had a bunch of reasons which I don't remember. In hindsight, should I have pushed them?? I don't know.

One of the officers was a former EMT and because of the violent situation that had started over really nothing and Bam Bam's psych issues he suggested calling the ambulance and having him evaluated which we agreed to.

We spent 10 HOURS at hospital number 1. Bam begged me to stay with him so I stayed with him in psych holding. I was prepared, though, to leave at the first sign of any aggression. He was the only adolescent there. When asked by the psych nurse what I wanted I told her he can't come home he needs help. She asked me several times if I was sure (I think she wanted me to change my mind) but I told her "I was not comfortable taking him home.)"

What would he do then? We had already had experience taking him home and before leaving the parking lot of the hospital Bam Bam was using abusive language and throwing things. I wasn't making that mistake again. Bam of course worked very hard at trying to change my mind but I held firm. Fred was in total agreement with Bam not coming home. He waited in the general emergency waiting area. While talking with Bam and the nurse for our interview and intake Bam Bam admitted to relapsing "once" the week before, however, based on his behavior over the last 6 weeks or so I was suspecting him of using. We had given him two urine screens that I felt he had manipulated somehow but couldn't be sure. They both came out negative.

I then bought oral saliva drug tests that Bam Bam refused. He told me I was trying to trick him! I think he knew his goose was cooked as he wouldn't be turning away from me to give a sample, I could watch him the whole time. There would be no "I can't pee in front of anybody' or Not in front of my Mom!" He also admitted to taking niacin (Fred found large white tablets in Bam's string bag when he went home to pack a few things for his stay at Hospital 2 and Bam said that was the niacin and our friend the pharmacist concurred). Bam's Bam's behavior prior to this episode was constantly needing money, hanging out with his same people, places things and of course his new "friend" Cueball who we suspect of stealing beer from us and also Bam's new $350 glasses. I called the counselor at school to see if the glasses were in Bam's locker. the locker was completely empty. She told me that kids will sell their glasses for the frames. And this is what I think happened-he either sold them for money, traded for drugs or Cueball stole them. Not matter what the truth they are gone and Bam doesn't have any glasses! When I mentioned Cue's name to the counselor she said we should be concerned that Bam Bam is associating with him.

Finally transport arrived so that we got to Hospital 2 about 12:30-1:00 Thursday morning. We were exhausted!

He was allowed to call Friday night and of course says he is o.k. there is no reason to be there, etc. I had already talked to the PA earlier in the day who brought up possible DAS (Diversion and Stabilization) program. now that Bam Bam has medical assistance there are no roadblocks to treatment that is denied under our primary insurance. Hallelujah!

Saturday I went myself to visit. I took Bam some McDonald's and he tried to work me during the whole 10-15 minute visit. I didn't bring up any possible treatment scenarios as I needed him to hear it from the staff. I just told him we had our meeting with the counselor on Sunday and see what he said. Later on Saturday I picked Fred up after the PITT game and he talked the most he's talked about all of this. One thing that was different is that he is not falling for Bam Bam's games anymore. He talked about how he let Bam Bam use him for money, rides, believing his lies. I felt sad for him but so glad that FINALLY we are together on this.

Sunday we had our family meeting with the therapist. The therapist and doctor are recommending the DAS program. Bam DOES NOT WANT THIS. He wants to come home and be with his family. that is all he needs along with maybe some rehab. he DOES NOT get that he also has mental health issues that need to be dealt with and it's the usual what do we do first? Mental health or D&A? to get dual dx treatment has been a nightmare for us and I am considering dropping his primary insurance so that we don't have so many problems getting him proper treatment.

Because of his escalating violent behavior (which he does not see) he needs to go. The therapist said that Bam is making poor decisions (drugs, alcohol, stealing, etc) not really in touch with reality, etc (I should tape these things) he strongly recommends the DAS. Fred mentioned to the therapist when we were leaving how Bam had been asking about his BB guns and without blinking an eye he said Bam was going to sell them. Fred never thought of this, wouldn't want to think this but is believing it now. Later on we went to visiting, took McDonald's, and Bam Bam was telling us he does not think he needs the DAS. He'll go back to therapy all he needs is to come home. We told him if he didn't follow the treatment plan he WAS NOT COMING home. He was shocked. Later on the nurse called twice to tell me he was agitated, had punched something and was asking for something to calm him down and again that she had to call the doc. What Bam didn't tell us earlier was that he had told staff and patients that he didn't agree with anything that was recommended and that he was going to scale the fence (i'd like to see this) and run off. What that got him was level 2, not allowed to leave the unit.

Also on Sunday Bam is getting text messages from somebody he owes $20. I texted back "???" and this kid texted back that Bam should bring the $20 to school Monday Hmm, wonder what that's for??? Today the kid texted "YO" so I guess he's going to be waiting awhile before he gets paid back!

Today, Monday. Bam's ACT 53 went without a hitch. His case was continued and we didn't have to appear before the judge. The judge didn't even want to hear the gory details so it was uneventful.

Fred and I filled out a juvenile court allegation form to press charges against Bam Bam for this latest episode. This time it's both of us, not just me and hopefully Bam Bam will get probation. We both really think he needs the added court supervision. He is getting more out of control.

I also talked with the social worker at the hospital and a referral was sent to the DAS program even though as of yesterday Bam said he wouldn't go. DAS is voluntary so he is going to have to agree. i did let her know that if he refuses he is not coming home and cyf will then have to get involved. If he does agree I am also working on alternative transportation from one place to the other. Yesterday we were told that we have to get him there. however, we have had him in the car trying to jump out, throwing things, grabbing the steering wheel so I told the social worker that I don't think we can safely be expected to transport him unless he was unconscious and/or handcuffed in the back seat! I am working on private ambulance which of course our primary insurance doesn't cover but Gateway might. The Social worker also said she will look into alternatives.

So that is where we are today.

Wilma