It was a beautiful spring day at the Trinity Lutheran Church in Wexford Saturday. Outside there was a lot of work going on restoring and fixing up the landscaping from a rough winter. Inside there was a lot of work going on at the PSST meeting restoring and healing parents from the distress and difficulties caused by addiction.We all would like to sincerely thank Trinity Lutheran Church for the use of their first class facilities to allow PSST to empower parents of out-of-control teenagers. This is a great example of how they have been reaching out and serving Wexford and the northern suburbs since 1845.
Val, Kathy and Lloyd were there as well as 6 parents. We were glad to have one supportive alumna checking in, a clued-in parent returning for a second round and a concerned first time parent. I remember being a bit overwhelmed at our first visit but I am very thankful that we came back.
We did some role plays:
- A teen wanting his parents to commit to a promise that he would be out of his program in no more than 90 days.
- A mom setting up a plan with her and the P.O. to reel in her out of control teen.
- A mom explaining her plan (accompanied by the P.O.) to her out of control teen.
We talked over not being distressed when we need to be the “Bad Guy” AGAIN. In fact, we want to be the “Bad Guy” because it gives us, the parent, the power. Or to provide a better connotation we like to say that it lets your teen know that there is a “New Sheriff in Town” and lets them know that we are taking back the control.
We went over the cell phone thing.
- “I want to know where my child is” VS “They lie. You don’t really know anyway.”
- “I check their call history and text messages” VS “They know. They erase what they don’t want you to see.”
- “They will need to reach me in an emergency!” VS “They know how to reach you anytime they 'need' anything. All of the kids they are with have phones.”
We noted that the phones are not cheap, that taking the phone away is a good consequence and that the phone essentially becomes just another piece of drug paraphernalia. To act quickly and save money you can call the phone service provider and have their service suspended.
Remember you as parents have the right to confiscate stuff from your minor child. When you take things away from your teen (i.e. cell phones, X-Box, computers, drug paraphernalia and drugs) lock it up. Better yet take it out of the house all together – to someone’s house that you can trust or, if necessary, to the police. I had a special file drawer in my office for my son’s “stuff” (I bagged and tagged it and alerted my Admin Assistant in case someone else found it).
DO NOT destroy or dispose of your teen’s drugs or drug paraphernalia. You are not PROTECTING them, you are ENABLING them.
Val and Lloyd explained that you can have charges on file without immediately setting a hearing date with this evidence. You can then use these charges and the possible hearing as a major consequence for your teen if they refuse treatment.
PLEASE NOTE: They also clarified for us parents with a child that is about to turn 18 that these charges will remain Juvenile Charges for 6 months.
Then, as strange as it sounds at first, we were coached as parents to AGREE WITH YOUR TEEN. Find some little thing in your discussion to agree with them. This will totally throw them off track and allow you to take back control of the conversation.
Teen: “This program is totally bullsh-t, you and that P.O. just want to keep me locked away!”
Mom (leaning forward for emphasis): “You’re right honey (Pause for the 'Huh?' effect). Nevertheless I will keep you locked away as long as it takes to make sure that you are safe and stay clean.”
Remember our two favorite words NEVERTHELESS and REGARDLESS. Try to get BUT totally out of your vocabulary. Or as one of my favorite people loves to always remind me “Everything you say after the word BUT is BS.”
Once again, I think we all would like to sincerely thank Trinity Lutheran Church for the use of their first class facilities to allow PSST to empower parents of out-of-control teenagers. This is a great example of how they have been reaching out and serving Wexford and the northern suburbs since 1845.We look forward to seeing a lot of you at our meeting next Saturday, April 17 at the PSST meeting at the Outreach Teen and Family Services located in Mt. Lebanon at 666 Washington Road (free parking in the back lot).
Guest speaker Jim Musiol of 1 Step Detect Associates (DTx) will explain drug testing, what our teens use to disguise results and get negative readings on their drug test and parental awareness of 4-20 Day. You may purchase drug tests from Jim. These are accurate drug tests used by many agencies.
Parents that attend PSST meetings receive a very reasonable price of:
$1.00 per drug test and $3.00 per 3-stick drug test – Alcohol Test will also be available.
Remember there is still Hope at PSST.
2 comments:
This is an excellent Summary. I don't know how you remembered all this; I didn't see you writing any of it down.
Thank you guys for doing all this. Can't tell you how much it helps to be able to come to this website between meetings. And just as our kids "slip" so do I, get back to bad habits, nice to have people get you back on track.
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