Bam Bam is Out of Control
I just spent 4 days in heaven (the beach) and came back to he!!. Bam Bam was discharged from placement on July 1st and it has been a roller coaster ride.
He has not been following any of the recommendations of his discharge. He doesn't participate in any recovery activities such as going to 12 step meetings. He doesn't think he needs to do this. He stopped going to counseling even though according to the ACT 53 case manager he can't do this. He initially refused to return to his psychiatrist for medication management when she called him out as exhibiting drug seeking behavior when he started trying to dictate what medication to take. I tried to find him a new psychiatrist but it was virtually impossible to find an adolescent psychiatrist that participates with our insurance. His dad stepped up the plate and got him back in with the former psych (while I was away) when Bam realized he wouldn't be able to get any medication for his ADHD and anxiety. I did take him to the doc appt as Fred doesn't know or understand the different meds.
Bam is also hanging out with all of his old friends and a new one that my gut is telling me is trouble. He also still hangs out at Eddie's house a lot. And he is planning to go to Homecoming with a female friend of his who is always stealing her mom's car, staying out all night and generally causing her parents much grief. Two years ago after homecoming I found out later she and her two girlfriends had gotten hold of a couple "handles" and were so drunk that one of the boys thought that one of the girls was going to die. She is the friend I always suspected of bringing vodka in water bottles to Bam's 15th birthday party.
So much for avoiding people, places and things.
Last month at a meeting with our agency svc coordinator Bam stated that he wanted to be independent from us. All three of us looked at him like he'd grown another head! He said he just wanted to be independent so we couldn't make him go to court. I told him he would need a full-time job and to find an apartment. He reminded me he was only 17 but I told him that didn't matter he would not be living with us. After this incident I told him he would have to find his own doctor. I have done two home 12-substance drug tests that have been negative. He had refused to do them at Juvenile Court which was the stipulation at his last hearing but we compromised with the case manager to do them at home. He is supposed to give the sample in front of his dad but he turns his back to him. I think he is up to something but not sure what. I had given him an alcohol test and the color change was only on the sides of the test strip making me suspicious that he didn't saturate the test strip thoroughly but I am sure he was drinking.
He started school last week and has hardly been in school. Day 1 he was there all day. Day 2 he was having trouble with his hand so Fred picked him up from school and took him to the e.r. for an x-ray. Lo and behold he had a hand fracture that had started to heal. As near as we can figure this was from him punching a storm door the day he had asked for independence and then I told him he wasn't selling his clothes for spending money. He was really pi$$t that day. He took a brand new shirt with tags that didn't fit him and ripped it in half. I had told him that day and before that he wasn't selling clothes that he did not purchase for spending money for who knows what. Days 3 & 4 he went to school but then went to the principal’s office wanting to come home after he'd been in school an hour or so. He'd been having anxiety attacks. The principal felt since it was a medical problem Fred needed to bring him home. This was how Fred got him into the psych office. Day 5 Psych appointment and then didn't go to school. He wanted to go back to his old school for senior year and we agreed. Went through the whole process to re-enroll him, the counselors worked it so he could be a senior and would graduate with his class. He texted me last week he wasn't going back to his old ways, he likes school. However, today he told me he wants to go our school's alternative program for school. And I have to mention also that when he isn't getting his way about anything he tells me he isn't going to school, so I tell him he will need a full-time job and apartment. He was supposed to start a job last week but has to wait until the hand is fully healed. Also can't take gym (he has to take 11 and 12 gym) due to the broken hand. He also needs/wants money all the time!
Today I accidentally discovered the back screen door to our basement was open. When I went to check it out I discovered that the inside back door was unlocked. Now, we always keep our doors locked so someone (Bam Bam???) left it open for himself or someone else. Fred checked his beer supply - he had left half a case in the basement fridge not thinking about anything - and it was gone. Bam Bam denies any knowledge of it. This is the second time in a month this has happened. Do these kids think we are so stupid not to notice a whole 1/2 case of beer is missing?? After the first time we didn't keep a key by the basement door so Bam and his friends couldn't go in or out that way. We think he used the key by our front door upstairs to unlock the basement. I was at the beach and Fred doesn’t have a clue how long the door was unlocked and the beer was gone. We also haven't noticed anything else missing. However, Fred has an extensive sports collection so I think it would be difficult to tell if anything is missing. I think he finally is going to be more careful. He hardly ever drinks beer but on these two occasions he was careless. I am for changing the locks but Fred doesn't think a key is floating around out there. We will see. Also while I was gone Bam wanted in my bedroom (I keep the door locked at all times - even though you can pop it with a bobby pin, it is a deterrent especially when we are home.) He told Fred he wanted a necklace and that it would be o.k. with me. Fortunately, Fred didn't fall for that story. I don't know how many times I have to tell him Bam is not allowed in the bedroom - I keep things hidden in there from Bam Bam. I also have some jewelry missing (fortunately only one good pair of earrings) that hasn't surfaced and, after catching Bam in my jewelry box last year, I think he stole some of it but of course I have no proof. Brigitte, if you are reading this, I know I would like it if Bam had an ankle bracelet to keep him out of my room!!!
And lastly, I think he was involved in shoplifting a pair of pants recently. He came home and asked his dad for $37 for pants his friend Cueball picked up for him but there was no receipt or bag. And of course Fred gave him the money. We both are suspicious of this incident but again have no solid proof.
So, we wait. His ACT 53 hearing is September 26th so I can only hope that the judge keeps his case open. Bam worries about going to court and being sent away again so that is the only leverage I have right now. I hope that it is enough.
Wilma
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