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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
In 2008, our oldest son had been arrested for beating up a kid and taking his iPod, along with another boy. We were totally in shock. We never imagined he would break the law, especially in this manner. We already knew he was experimenting with weed and alcohol, and was disrespectful of us at home, but we had worked with 2 different family therapists and were very involved with school counselors and school social workers. We thought we were on top of things. At about the same time, our youngest son was starting his own rebellion with weed, skipping school, bad friends, disrespect.
Between the two of them, one or the other was sneaking out of windows at night to joy ride in my car without a license, coming home drunk or high, hanging out in unsafe neighborhoods with parents that would smoke weed with them, owning a gun, and lying constantly, and we never really knew all of this was going on until after the arrest. We were manipulated at every turn, but were so overwhelmed, we didn't realize it. When we did, we had no skills to deal with it. I was humiliated, felt judged, embarrassed, sad, frightened, anxious, and had no person I could confide in -- until I found PSST, on the internet.
I
called the number and Lloyd answered. He explained how the group worked, and
urged me to come to a meeting. I was very worried I would be the only
"normal" parent in the room. I was sure if parents went to this
group, their kids must really be "bad" and the parents probably
weren't very savvy, like I thought I was. I attended a meeting and it changed
my life.
I
noticed with a bit of surprise and relief that the parents were just like me.
My sons were just like their kids, and some were actually friends of my boys. I
was no longer ashamed, and I certainly didn't feel judged. It stopped me from
feeling helpless and gave me the tools to be pro-active and in control of my
home and myself. I learned these things in the most supportive atmosphere with
the best junk food. I knew everyone understood how I felt. I had gained the
greatest friends in the process. I was hooked, and I went to every meeting,
every location, every month for a solid 2 years.
It
was at PSST that I acquired my arsenal of weapons: "I'm not comfortable
with that", "Would you like to ask me again?", "I will not
keep your secrets", "You aren't going to like what I'm going to
say" and my personal favorite "YOU'RE RIGHT! I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT
THAT!" I was shocked that they worked so well and so quickly with our
boys. Mel & I learned we were so afraid of their big reactions, that we
avoided confrontation at all costs. But the cost of doing nothing was huge.
We can't say
enough about how important PSST is for a parent in our position. I tell anyone
I meet with a similar issue to come to a meeting and read the blog. Role-plays
and insights from the group’s leaders are invaluable teaching tools. The advice
we received helped us out of limbo and into action. We had access to some of
the most empathetic, generous and truly caring mental health professionals we
have ever dealt with. We know of no other group or place that offers the help
to parents we received from PSST and we are forever grateful.
Our current status:
Our elder son Michael is living in
an apartment with his very lovely girlfriend, and continues to be enrolled in a
CCAC trade program. He is looking for a job (to supplement his landscaping job
which is very part time) and not having much success. We’ve tried to help with
advice and contacts. His response : “Thanks, I appreciate your help, but if you
help, it won’t be my accomplishment. I want to do this myself”. Wow.
Our younger son David just
graduated from high school and walked in commencement, which is something we
honestly didn’t know would happen until finals were over. He continues to work
on the line in a nice restaurant, getting more hours and gaining more
experience. He plans to go to culinary school, but we all agreed he should just
work for a while to be sure. His goal is to move into an apartment by the
spring of 2015. The worst thing I can say about him living at home is that he
doesn’t clean up after himself (his bedroom is scary) to my standards...but he
is otherwise pleasant and reasonable.
We are truly proud of both of
them.
I still use PSST-isms almost every
time I communicate with either boy, while continuing to work on myself; to not
enable, to not hover, to not sweat the small stuff, and to keep in mind that
they have their own identities and personalities and are not merely extensions
of us.
Max
Read More......
Our recent PSST meetings have had a recurring theme about creating and maintaining intimacy within the family. Click here for an article that defines intimacy and basic steps for achieving it, and here for an article that discusses how to cultivate ongoing relationships with your adult children.
As stated in the first article,
“Intimacy
is a dance. It deepens or is eroded by every interaction we have.
The good news is that every interaction you have is a chance to shift onto a
positive track and deepen your connection to your loved ones.”
Read More......
The Shatterproof Challenge Pittsburgh rappelling event has been rescheduled for Tuesday, July 15. All additional information requested by the Pittsburgh
Dept of Building Inspections has been provided, and the City has approved the event. Shatterproof stresses that Over the Edge has hosted over 400
rappelling fundraisers and has an impeccable safety record. (That should make Abby feel better.)
For the initial blog posting about this event, check out this link.
Read More......
The following information is from an article published by the ABC News Medical Unit. For the complete article, click here.
According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, in 2002 there were 2.4
million toxic ingestions, and more than half of these occurred in children
younger than 6. Children aged 18 to 36 months seemed to be at the highest risk,
and in these little bodies, just one pill can be deadly.
Even more worrisome is the
fact that, after taking some of these pills, a child can appear perfectly fine
until it is too late. "Within two
hours, we have seen patients go from ingestion to death -- even after taking
only one to two pills."
Even when parents make a
habit of keeping medicines out of their children's reach, children seem to be drawn
to pill bottles when they are out for only a short amount of time. There have also been cases where
a visitor to the home drops a pill, or when children find pills on the floor in
a hotel room, in which case parents bring them to the emergency room having no
idea what they took.
For these reasons, parents should recognize the high risk of accidental
ingestions and be prepared to act. Call 911 immediately, experts say, or call
the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222. Parents should be prepared to
take their child to the hospital immediately, and bring the bottle
of whatever the child took. Importantly, new
guidelines from the American Association of Pediatrics urge against the use of
Ipecac or any other mechanism to induce vomiting.
Fortunately, once children
are in the emergency room, doctors can rapidly respond, as some medications
have antidotes, reversal agents or supportive therapy.
Below are seven common medicines that can lead
to emergencies when accidentally ingested by kids.
- heart
pills
- muscle
rubs
- prescription
pain medications
- aspirin
and oil of wintergreen
- depression
drugs
- topical blood pressure patches, eye drops, and
nasal sprays
- diabetes drugs
Read More......
We invite you to share your story with us - using, of course, "pen names" to maintain your family's anonymity. Knowing that we share many of the same experiences, heartaches and joys can be very helpful to others in the same situation. How are you coping with your child's addiction? What do you need help with? Let's support each other!
Send your story to gopsst@gmail.com.
Read More......
Happy Father's Day!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, June 12, 2014
When I was a boy of
fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man
around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had
learned in seven years.
~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi", Atlantic Monthly, 1874
Dad
© Karen K. Boyer
He never looks for
praises
He's never one to boast
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most
His dreams are seldom spoken
His wants are very few
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too
He's there.... A firm foundation
Through all our storms of life
A sturdy hand to hold to
In times of stress and strife
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.
Read More......
At a recent PSST meeting, someone
mentioned the 5 Love Languages, as presented in the book by Gary Chapman: words
of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical
touch. You may be aware that the 5
languages pertain to the relationship between husbands and wives, but you may
not know that these same languages are relevant to your relationship with your child
as well.
It’s easy to tell when a
teenager wants to be loved. Getting the message across is another matter
entirely. In addition to the obvious generation gap, many parents and children
face a sort of language barrier as well. The 5 Love languages of Teenagers is
an invaluable tool for analyzing a teen’s love language and expressing your
affections in an effective way. The search for love in a teenager’s life can
lead to disastrous results. But if you can speak the right language, the
difference can seem miraculous.
If you go to the website http://www.5lovelanguages.com/, look
under the words Discover your Love Language, where you will see the words Click
Here to Begin. You and your spouse can choose
to do the profile for yourselves, but you can also choose to do it for “My
Child”. In either case, the assessment
will score your rankings of the 5 Love Languages. You will see the following if you
choose to do the assessment for your child:
The Love Language Profile for Teenagers is designed to give you
a thorough analysis of your teenager’s emotional communication preference. It
will single out their primary love language, what it means, and how you can use
it to better understand them during this stage of their life. Invite them to
take the assessment and share their results with you. Not only will you show
them that you care, but that you are also striving to be a better parent.
You may want to first take the profile yourself, selecting the
statements you believe most accurately describe your teen. Then once they have
also taken the assessment, compare your results with theirs. This can make for
a lively and constructive conversation.
Read More......
What do gravel, puppy chow, lemon drop, spice, molly, purple
drank, and bromo dragonfly all have in common?
Their innocuous names are in direct contrast to their
possible side effects. Yes, they can
make their users feel happy, excitable, perhaps even euphoric. Yet they can also lead to hallucinations, paranoia,
seizures, convulsions, aggressive behavior, emergency room visits, even
death.
These drugs are all part of the emerging drug scene. According to the Regional Organized Crime
Information Center:
New drugs are
emerging at an unprecedented rate as manufacturers of “legal high” products use
new chemicals to replace those that are banned. These new chemicals take the
place of heroin, morphine, and amphetamines. These drugs are highly accessible,
touted as legal, and perceived as safe. However,
despite the popularity in designer drugs and legal high products, the abuse of
heroin and prescription painkiller medication is still trending throughout the
country.
If you want to increase your awareness about these drugs, click here for more information about emerging drug trends and the dangers they pose to our children and our communities.
Read More......
Our own Adventurous
Abby is going to rappel from the side of the Westin at Liberty Center in
Pittsburgh on June 25th. Abby
is looking forward to this as a thrilling opportunity (most of us would
consider it to be terrifying!) to participate in the nationwide Shatterproof
Challenge. The Challenge will raise
awareness and funds for Shatterproof, a 501(c) organization devoted to ending
the stigma of addiction; providing families with critical information and
support; bringing evidence-based approaches to bear on prevention, treatment
and recovery; and changing public policy.
Shatterproof has an impressive list of board advisors & partner
organizations (including the Clinton Foundation, Marriott International, and
the National Hockey League).
Read More......
Happy Mother's Day
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, May 10, 2014
In whatever way you can, no matter how difficult your family's situation may be right now, try to find a way to celebrate your love of life and of your family!! (You owe it to yourself.)
Read More......
Why Mothers Cry
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, May 05, 2014
"Why are you crying?" he asked his Mom.
"Because I am a mother," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom hugged him and said, "You never will."
Later, the little boy asked his father
why mother cried for no reason.
"All mothers cry for no reason"
was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man
still wondering why mothers cry.
So he finally asked God,
"God, why do mothers cry so easily?"
God said, "You see son,
when I made mothers, they had to be special.
I made their shoulders strong enough
to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave them an inner strength to
endure childbirth and the rejection
that many times comes from their children.
I gave them a hardiness that allows
them to keep going on when everyone else gives up,
and to take care of their families through sickness
and fatigue without complaining.
I gave them the sensitivity to love their
children under all circumstances,
even when their child has hurt them very badly.
This same sensitivity helps them to
make a child's boo-boo feel better,
and helps them share a teenager's anxieties and fears.
I gave them a tear to shed,
It's theirs exclusively to use whenever it is needed.
It is their only weakness.
It is a tear for mankind."
Author
Unknown
Read More......
One of our PSST dads shared the following at a recent PSST meeting:
Over the years, most men accumulate a lot of tools
in their toolboxes. It seems like you
can never have too many tools for doing work around the house. Before PSST, I had only one tool in my
toolbox for dealing with my child’s addiction.
It was a hammer. I used that
hammer for everything. With PSST, I now
have many tools in my toolbox, and I am better-prepared to deal with the
challenges that life sends my way.
Add to your toolbox – come to a
PSST meeting to share and learn, or read some of the role-plays or articles on
this blog. Help to save your child’s
life, and perhaps save your own life in the process!
Read More......
Power
of Intention, Wisdom & Hope
You are invited to attend an evening of presentations, specifically
designed to educate and support parents (and other family members) who are dealing with the challenges of adolescent drug and alcohol abuse.
Sponsored by the Pittsburgh-based Little Wings of Hope charitable
organization, this event features speakers from Caron Treatment Centers,
Gateway Rehabilitation Center, Little Wings of Hope Foundation, and Parent
Survival Skills Training (PSST). Topics
include: Recognizing the Face of Addiction, Signs & Symptoms, Prevention, Tips
for Parents, and Treatment Options.
Lloyd Woodward and our 2013 PSST Parents of the Year (“Jim &
Cheryl”) are among the presenters at this event!
Date: Tuesday, April
29, 2014
Time: 7:00 pm - 9:00
pm
Location: St. Elizabeth
Ann Seton Church Hall, 330 3rd Avenue, Carnegie, PA
Notes: Parking is
available, and light refreshments will be provided.
If you plan to attend, click here
to go to the Little Wings of Hope website, where you will find the Registration
Link.
Read More......
The FDA recently approved a
new opioid pain medication called Zohydro ER,
which is intended for patients dealing with chronic pain. It is the first prescription
narcotic that provides a pure dose of hydrocodone. Already there is controversy surrounding this
new medication, given its potential for abuse. For an article from Forbes.com about this
topic, click here. Below
are 2 quotes from the article that highlight some of the major issues fueling
the controversy.
Senator Joe Manchin of
West Virginia, who is fighting the FDA’s approval of this new drug, states:
“The prescription drug
epidemic has already damaged and destroyed the lives of far too many
individuals and families, and hydrocodone is one of the most abused substances
out there. The last thing we need is a drug on the market with 10 times the
hydrocodone of Vicodin and Lortab, with the capability of killing an individual
in just two tablets.”
Dr. Ethan Weiner shares
an opposing opinion, saying:
“Although these drugs
have significant abuse potential, that does not negate the fact that there are
significant numbers of people suffering chronic pain who cannot live a
functional – or even a remotely tolerable – life without them.
Read More......
As a short recap, Dylan was
released home in January from a placement (his fifth), soon after his
successful graduation from high school.
At home, he began to struggle. He
was hanging around with friends he shouldn’t have been seeing, ending up at
places different from his agreed-upon destinations, sneaking alcohol, becoming
verbally combative with his parents, and otherwise having difficulty dealing
with his newfound “freedom”. Within 5
weeks, he found himself back in court.
At court, Dylan was offered the opportunity to come home,
but instead he requested a halfway house.
Maybe he knew that he would not be successful at home. After working with Dylan for the past 3
years, the judge seems to have a pretty good handle on what’s right for Dylan,
and she ordered him to be placed at “Halfway House”.
Dylan has been at Halfway House
for 6 weeks now. We think of it as
supervised independent living. He is
doing his own laundry, keeping his room neat (what a concept!), and helping
with the cooking. He got a job right
away at a fast food restaurant. He was
worried that he wouldn’t like it (i.e., that it would be “uncool”), but instead
he finds that he is happy to be working, enjoying the people interactions, and
excited about the prospect of earning & saving money. He enjoys his
coworkers, and even says that almost all the customers are really nice.
His therapist at Halfway House
is fantastic, and the therapeutic environment seems to be stronger than at his other
placements. Intervention seems to focus
on more than just correcting the immediate behavior problem, but also on
discovering the underlying issues behind the behavior, and tackling those issues
head-on. For a teen who normally can
barely sit still, it’s amazing to learn that Dylan is now using meditation and
writing to deal with his anger/resentment issues. He also found an NA sponsor
that he seems to be happy with, and he’s attending a local church on Sundays. Naturally, his irritation with authority and difficulty
in abiding by rules has not disappeared, but he seems to be handling himself
better.
Usually when Dylan starts at a
new program, he is angry & uncommunicative with his parents, but not this
time. He has been calling us regularly, and we have visited him quite a
few times. He doesn’t think he wants any home passes, but he is
interested in having offsite passes to play soccer for the local travel team,
where we will watch and cheer on the team.
That’s good enough for now.
Much as we’d prefer that Dylan live at home, that option is only truly possible in some alternate
universe. It’s not what will work for
him right now. Dylan will be 18 years
old in another month, and we realize that he may never live at home again. Attending PSST meetings, where we have learned so much from the experts as well as other parents, has helped us to accept that reality. We are so grateful for the progress that Dylan has been making towards becoming independent, responsible, and free of drugs/alcohol. He has had a lot of crucial help and guidance along the way.
Brad & Jenn
Read More......
Click here and here to read the story of a father’s struggle to deal with his
son’s heroin addiction. Below are two
quotes from David Cooke’s story.
When it comes to addiction there are two victims, the addict who
battles with their disease and the families who struggle to understand, cope,
and live a normal life. Many parents
commit every ounce of love, time, energy in their quest to save, help, and cure
their child to the point where they often have so little left to give
themselves or to the point where it nearly destroys them. It is as if the
addiction has taken control over two sets of lives.
I learned how to build boundaries around [my son’s] addiction
and define a path for me that helped me live, celebrate, and enjoy my
live. Though I may never be a complete
peace with the threat, pain, and loss of his addiction all around me, I have
learned that his choices do not define me, his decisions cannot stop me, and
his addiction will not destroy me.
Read More......
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article about talking with your teenager.
Psychologist and author Dr. James Dobson
tells parents that the teenage years can be filled with uncomfortable silences.
He writes, “the same kid who used to talk a mile a minute and ask a million
questions has now reduced his vocabulary to nine monosyllabic phrases- "I
dunno," "Maybe," "I forget," "Huh?"
"No!" "Nope," "Yeah," "Who--me?" and
"He did it." Giving teens non-threatening opportunities to talk is
the key to conversation.
Read the rest of this article by clicking here.
Read More......
The Butterfly
A
man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared in the cocoon.
The man sat and watched the butterfly
for several hours as it struggled
to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped
as if it couldn't go any further.
So
the man decided
to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped
off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily
but…
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body.
Neither happened.
In fact the
butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling
around.
It was never
able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand:
The
restricting cocoon
and the
struggle required by the butterfly
to get through the opening
was a way of
forcing the fluid from the body into the wings
so that it
would be ready for flight.
Life is full of struggles. These struggles hone our skills
and make us strong. If we enable someone else, we take away these challenges, and unknowingly
perpetuate codependency. We may be well-meaning, but our good intentions
rarely result in good outcomes.
It is painful to watch a loved one struggle
with drugs, alcohol, and/or life's daily challenges. However, it’s not our job
to solve their problems. It is their job. Our job is to stand by in support and love.
Thanks to "Mike & Carol" for recommending this story!
Read More......
NEWS FLASH!!
Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, March 11, 2014
There
will be a public meeting of the Allegheny County Drug and Alcohol Planning
Council on Wednesday, March 12 at 5:00 p.m. at the Allegheny County Human
Services Building, One Smithfield St, Pittsburgh, PA.
Guest
speakers on the topic of Vivitrol will be Dr. Chris Davis, practitioner from
York, PA and Joanne Komer from Alkermes (the biopharmaceutical company that makes Vivitrol). Vivitrol is
a prescription injectable medicine used to treat opioid and alcohol dependence.
Read More......
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing the link to a Diane Rehm radio show segment titled “What’s Behind The Sharp Rise In Heroin Use In The U.S.” By clicking here , you can either listen to the show or read the full transcript.
Below are some excerpts from the show’s transcript. In this show, host Diane Rehm interviews Dr. Wilson Compton (deputy director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse at the National Institutes of Health), Barry Meier (author of "Painkiller: A Wonder Drug's Trail of Addiction and Death"), and Jeff Deeney (a social worker and recovering heroin addict).
Addiction:
. . . heroin's one of the most addictive substances that we know. All substances that are abused can be addictive. It's remarkable that people don't think marijuana's addictive, and yet something like 9 percent of people that start smoking marijuana will end up being addicted to it. For heroin, it's more like about a quarter from the studies that we've seen so far.
. . . over time people develop a habit to that, so they enjoy it. And
they want to do it again. So what we find is that the behavior patterns get set
up over and over. People form memories, and their judgment changes. Their
decision making changes. So they make decisions that they never would've made
elsewhere in their lives because of the drug seeking and the pleasure that
these drugs start out with.
. . .
there are cross effects among the different substances. It's not at all
unusual for a heroin addict to also have problems with stimulants like cocaine
or amphetamine. And alcohol would be very typical. We also see tobacco use
being an extraordinarily common addiction among substance users. And it turns
out that the tobacco is what will kill an awful lot of them.
Overdose:
Well, unfortunately, heroin overdose
is remarkably easy, and it's unexpected. Very few people intentionally are
trying to kill themselves. So they use
either a larger quantity, or heroin may be mixed with other substances that can
make it more potent and more likely to stop your breathing. . . . Fortunately, if medical care can be
received at that time, there are potent blockers of opioid receptors . . . that
can reverse the effects within seconds and wake people up.
Relapse & Recovery:
But what happens when people relapse
are a number of factors. It can be stress in their lives, whether that's social
stress or emotional stress or physical stress. One of the main predictors of relapse though
is sampling the drug itself. So people think, oh, I'll just have one, and that
might be safe. But it turns out that even a very low dosage can prime the body
and prime the brain to want more and more.
So what would you say
to someone out there who is currently in recovery, but tempted? I would say to reach out and use whatever
your networks of recovery support are. .
. . rely on the people that you have in
recovery to go to meetings, to seek support, to share what you’re feeling.
Read More......
"Wax Weed"
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thanks to Wilma for sharing this information about wax weed.
Experts warn parents of a new form of marijuana that is 10 times more potent than your average marijuana. It’s called butane honey (or hash) oil, BHO, wax, or dab. It is extracted from the most powerful part of the marijuana plant, and can be made using common household items.
" . . . the amount of THC it contains makes it powerfully psychoactive. Although not life-threatening, a very large dose of BHO can lead to vomiting in addition to anxiety, paranoia and other psychological issues that can persist for days."
The process of extracting BHO is also very dangerous. " . . . fires and explosions caused by these makeshift labs have become so common that the U.S. Fire Administration issued a warning about . . . the BHO labs’ threat to public safety."
For more information, click
here and here.
Read More......
The End of a Chapter
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, February 13, 2014
Dylan is back in Shuman.
Dylan was home from placement for 31 days. Apparently that’s all he could take. Maybe he hasn’t changed (for the better) as much as we had thought. Maybe home was the wrong place for him to be, with the lure of old friends and old habits, and a strong desire to “make up for lost time” while he was in placement.
As soon as he came home, he started bumming
cigarettes from friends. He was hooked
immediately – the draw of nicotine was like a siren’s call. We were not overly surprised by that, and
thought at least it was better than weed or pills or alcohol.
Dylan met many of his Probation & home
contract conditions. He spent more time
at home than we expected, generally with one friend who we think was a
reasonably good influence. He quickly
found a part-time job at Hollister at the mall, although we were disappointed
at how slowly they were bringing him on board.
He did relaxing teen activities such as playing basketball at the rec
center, playing videogames, watching movies, texting and skyping his friends. He was also doing some more “grown-up”
activities, such as very basic cooking, doing his laundry, and doing some
chores around the house to earn some spending money. Surprisingly, he met curfew, except for the
night that he was 3 hours late, and we had to pick him up in Bridgeville under
questionable circumstances. On Super
Bowl Sunday, someone posted a video on his Facebook page, showing Dylan
drinking a shot at a friend’s house, which Dylan denied until his P.O. pointed
out that the video was public. The P.O.
placed him on 2 weeks’ house arrest.
At home, Dylan was generally busy, and did his
best to avoid or ignore us most of the time.
It was difficult to get his attention to talk about his future
plans. He became an increasingly
reluctant participant in family therapy.
He had occasional outbursts of anger when he didn’t get his way, at
times becoming verbally abusive as he had in his past. As the judge said at his hearing, he is a little
too old to be having temper tantrums.
We had a few nice moments as a family during
the past 31 days. There were some casual
conversations during car rides together, and once he even voluntarily joined us
for a movie we were watching at home. We
all shared in his high school graduation day – he was happy, and we have
smiling family photos to remember the day.
It was still a mixed-message day – during dinner after graduation, he
was distracted and impatient, and spent half of the time outside the restaurant
talking to friends on his phone.
For his father’s birthday, we enjoyed going
out to a movie and dinner. At home we sang
“happy birthday” as we shared our traditional birthday cake, a chocolate chip
cookie cake. We felt like a normal
family that day. The next day, Dylan turned
into a monster. He wanted to go to a high
school basketball game with his father, who said that he would take him, but
only if he left his cigarettes at home since tobacco products are not permitted
on school property. Dylan insisted that was
not acceptable to him, and it escalated from there. He became demanding, unreasonable,
threatening in posture and language, and verbally abusive. We called the police, who took Dylan to
Shuman.
We really thought that we could provide an
environment where Dylan could succeed.
We also thought that Dylan was committed to succeeding, and that he had
learned the skills to do that. What we
found is that we were working at it much harder than he was. Not that we were perfect, or as strong as we
would have liked to be.
As a wise PSST parent shared at one of our
meetings, change only takes place when the pain of remaining the same is
greater than the pain of the change.
We go back to court next week to find out the
next step in Dylan’s journey. We think
that supervised independent living will be best for him. As some other PSST families have learned,
sometimes our teens just cannot live at home.
At this sad juncture, as we clean up Dylan’s
room in preparation for the next step in his future, I find this quote
comforting:
"Every new beginning comes from
some other beginning's end." ~ Seneca
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Thank you to Cheryl and Roxie for sending the following links:
Cheryl sent the link to this blog, provocatively titled "Phillip Seymour Hoffman did not have choice or free will and neither do you". When forwarding the link, Cheryl said, "This is one of the best written blogs on mental health & addiction I have
ever read. It is lengthy but well worth the read and complete
understanding that addicts need treatment without shame and blame."
Roxie’s
recommends Acrobaddict. Roxie writes, "With the
onslaught of the fentanyl-laced heroin-induced deaths in our region, and the
recent overdose of iconic actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman, an eye-opening book
has come to the forefront that helps non-users understand the addict and his
demons entitled Acrobaddict."
Roxie reviewed the book this way: "The title is
self-explanatory. The athletic author, acrobat Joe Putignano, pours out his
heart and soul to describe his descent into Hell and eventual rise to Heaven as
a recovering heroin addict. His strive for perfection led to him use heroin
obsessively, with the inability to function on a daily basis without the
substance. His sobriety eventually resulted in his career as a clean and rising
star of Cirque du Soleil. He briefly talks about his book on YouTube at the
link: Acrobaddict."
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I
am a drug user. I need help.
Don’t
solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don’t
lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue, whether I’m loaded or sober. It may
make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don’t
accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me keeping them, even
though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.
Don’t keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.
Don’t
lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping
me.
Don’t
allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don’t
cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the
crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above
all, don’t run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets
worse as my using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for
recovery. Find NAR-ANON, whose groups exist to help the families of drug
abusers.
I
need help — from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who
found recovery in NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, and from God.
Your
User
Thanks to "Carol" & "Mike" for sharing this.
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