Over the years we have collected/shared hard-won information, skills, and techniques a parent needs to help a teenager with a drug problem save his own life. (CLICK ON THE LOGO ABOVE to return to the home-page for this blog.)
Why We Are Here and Disclaimer
Welcome First Time Visitors! (Click Rainbow)
UPCOMING MEETINGS **** PSST meetings will be discontinued for the next several months. Once we have determined a re-start date for the meetings, we will post that information on this website. ****
Check the calendar on the right for the date and location of our next Saturday morning meeting. Meetings are held from 9-11:30am. The first Saturday of the month we meet at the Eastern Probation Office in Wilkinsburg; the second Saturday is at Trinity Lutheran Church in Wexford; and the third Saturday is at Sts Simon and Jude School in Greentree.
We always hope to see new parents in attendance. If you've been thinking about coming to one of our meetings, why not make this the one?
Please click on thumbnail maps below for directions.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, January 04, 2012
The better our teenagers do on probation, in recovery, and in their lives- the more we expect. However, the ebb and tide of the recovery process usually, if we are lucky, gives you two steps forward and one step back. If we aren't lucky, then one step forward and two steps back. As we often say at PSST, we learn from failure.
Also, sometimes we have to make the same mistakes over and over until we get it. In recovery people talk about "getting sick and tired of being sick and tired."
The positive thing for most of the teenagers of our parents that come to PSST is that when our teenagers make mistakes, they usually don't get away with it. We apply consequences for bad decisions. We allow the natural consequences for bad decisions to take place, refusing to rescue our teens from the predicaments in which their bad judgment or drug abuse has put them. That helps the learning from failure thing to work.
One question that comes up a lot is this: Why, if they knew they would probably get caught, do they do it anyway? And searching for that answer sometimes leads one to surmise this: there must be something bothering them, that if we could just figure out what that is, and sort of fix it, address it, treat it, whatever it, and then they would not relapse.
Let's look a bit closer at this logic. They relapse. Therefore we didn't get to the real issue. "None of the rehab people were able to get my teen to talk about what was really bothering him. If he could talk about what was really bothering him, if someone could just get him to talk about it- he could stay clean." What makes this logic a tough nut to crack, is that there is some truth to it.
Yes, indeed there are issues galore. No, the teenager had not talked about all the issues. Would it help his recovery if someone could help him talk about all these issues? Probably. However, in recovery from highly addictive drugs, we must factor in one other huge thing to this equasion: EUPHORIA.
The extreme high that the addict feels is such a powerful reinforcer that it can outweigh the certain consequences that will follow. At the time the teen wants to get high, he doesn't care about the consequences because he knows that for a short time he will experience the bliss of drug use. The drive to get high can also be more important than whether or not certain issues have been resolved.
So, what are we left with? Are we powerless over our teen's recovery from addiction? Yes, of course. Only our teenager can decide that they want to change their life.
But are we powerless over our own parenting activities? Hopefully not. We can send powerful messages to our teen addict by the actions that we take or fail to take. And sometimes that can help. For example, since we know that recovery from highly addictive drugs happens more often when the addict is working a strong 12-step recovery program, we can devise parent-strategies geared to enhance or support the recovery process. Can we work our teenager's recovery program for him? Of course not. But if we know that our teenager is not serious about his recovery, we can see the relapse coming down the road. If a parent chooses not to address this- then all one can do is wait for the relapse. Of course we all know how risky that can be. Each relapse is not only devastating in so many ways but each relapse runs the risk of death.
If the addict is taking two steps back, they're pleading for rescuing can accelerate. As the addict becomes more and more desperate to continue his addiction he needs a prime enabler. This can be misinterpreted by his loved ones who are also his potential prime enablers. In other words, it can look a lot like the addict finally 'gets it' when, in fact, all he really gets is that he has to be more insistent, more urgent, and more manipulative in order to keep getting enabled.
Keeping in mind how powerful euphoria is, the consequences, both those provided by parents and/ or by life has to be at least equally as powerful. If it doesn't cost the addict anything, he will not change. Even if he has epiphany after epiphany, he may continue to abuse drugs and participate criminal activity.
"People change because they feel the heat, not because they see the light." (Ed from Gateway Greentree.)
It all comes down to this: the actions that a parent takes to stop enabling are the most important acts of love. Sometimes it's actions and sometimes it's just doing nothing at all except not rescuing. In either case, stopping enabling could be the hardest thing one does, watching while the addict tumbles and/ or spirals out of control.
1. To stop having too large of an opinion of myself. I am not able to answer every one's problems. I am not that powerful even though sometimes I wish... I have to let people struggle with their own problems and offer help only within certain limits, and remember that if I'm trying to work on some one's problems harder than they are working on their own problems, something is wrong.
2. To remember to have confidence in people. When I assume that I'm the only one that can help, then not only have I exaggerated my own place in life but I have cast a vote of no confidence in others. They can rise to the occasion. They will find a way and especially they will find a way if I stop trying so much to find it for them.
3. To have faith that things are working out the way they are supposed to work out. This is part of Desiderada by Max Ehrmann: "Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
4. To set an example for my loved ones by taking better care of myself. I can be healthy, work out more, eat less, offer more love, and still do it while protecting myself with good boundaries from the people that I love. Remember that unconditional love does not mean that I have to be a door mat.
I will remember that it is often better to say "no" and feel the guilt than say "yes" and feel the resentment.
5. To remember to learn from everyone. Everyone has something to teach. I need to focus more on what I can learn from others rather than on what I can teach. It's nice to teach but the lucky ones are those of us that never stop learning. It's ironic that our teenagers are often our best teachers, even though what we learn from them may not always be what they intended to teach.
6. We say it all the time, but this year I'd like to do a better job of accepting things I can't change. When I close a door it helps God know that I need a window.
7. To remember that the only person I can REALLY change is myself. And no doubt, that is "the universe unfolding as it should."
8. To appreciate what I have. Focus more on that and don't let a longing for what I don't have take over.
"A grateful addict won't get high." Hopefully, a grateful co-dependent won't enable. To finish this thought I once again will quote from Desiderada:
"Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful." 9. Don't focus on should-a, would-a, or could-a. My daughter taught me this when she was ten years old but I think I need to work on it some more. Of course I have regrets but I can't wallow in the past without missing the present.
The important thing is did I recover from the mistake, did I admit the mistake, did I make any amends on the mistake, and did I learn enough from making it that I didn't keep making the same one again and again? This is what will show my character.
Dude #1 who just made it into the afterlife: Wow! I think I'm in heaven! Or not. It's hard to tell. What do you think?
Dude #2 who just made it into the afterlife: I dunno. Look at that sign, man!
Sign says: "All ye who would enter here must leave all regrets at the gate. If you can not leave all regrets here, you must carry them with you until you learn to leave them behind."
Dude #1: I knew that was important! Aaaaaaaagh. I tried to leave my regrets, daaarn it I just knew this was important! Now it's going to keep me out cause I never could quit wishing that things had worked out differently. I made so many mistakes, garsh, what am I going to do now!
Dude #2. Just drop em now. It doesn't look like it's too late!
Dude #1. I used to like that Sinatra song, you know where he casually sings, "Regrets, I've had a few - too few to mention." What does he mean by that? How can he drop em if he can't even mention them? I've got regrets, too many to mention so I never really did get that song.
Dude #2: Well, we've got another chance now to just drop em. I'm going in. I must have done OK if I got this far. Good luck, man, I'm going over.
Dude #1: [watches Dude #2 walk over the threshold and disappear] Ohhhhh crap, I should have gone when he went, now I'm all alone. I don't know what to do I'm afraid I'm carrying too many regrets to just 'drop' them now! Oh darn, I should have dropped these all along like we're supposed to do- now I'm afraid I just have too many. I'll never drop them all right here- but I'm going to try.
[Dude #1 sits down, makes a list of all his regrets. It takes up fifty pages. He reads each one of them and makes conscious decision to let each one go. He even imagines a pair of wings around each regret and he then visualized each regret flying away. Finally, he believes that he has purged himself of all regrets. It has taken three days. He stands up and tries to walk into heaven. He hits an invisible barrier and bounces back, trips and lands on his rear-end. Suddenly he hears Saint Peter's voice.
St. Peter: You are still regretful!
Dude #1: No! I let each and every regret go. I'm sure I got them all!
St. Peter: Just one big one here that apparently you couldn't let go of.
Dude #1: Was it leaving my first wife? That was a HUGE mistake and I paid for that one the rest of my life.
St. Peter: No, you visualized that one flying away- good job on that one.
Dude #1: Was it betting my house that the Pens would win the Stanley cup without Crosby? That one was really stupid.
St. Peter: Nope- you managed to get rid of that one!
Dude #1: Aaaaaaaagh, I don't know, it could have been any one of a hundred! Was it that relationship I had with my secretary years ago?
St. Peter: H'mm, interesting enough, you don't seem to regret that one too much at all! No, apparently, you aren't able to stop regretting that you carried all these regrets with you for years!
Wishing PSST and everyone a challenging meaningful exciting intense year that has enough exhilaration to balance out the disappointing things. I hope you all feel more alive and that each one of you smell the opportunity to find or remember that special thing in yourself that you value.
I wish you all to be surrounded by loved ones when you feel lonely, to be alone when you feel crowded, and to be at peace with yourself and with God, whatever your conception of him (or her) happens to be.
If you would like to share one of your resolutions or comment on these nine, please do so.Read More......
Posted by:Cheryl, Jim, Andy + 3 Stooges--Friday, December 30, 2011
"What we need to overcome adversity in 2012 is a seven-letter word. Can you guess what it is? William Ward said "Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records." If you have it, you can slay your giants too. But first have you guessed what the seven letter word is? Of course, it is COURAGE! Courage challenges the unbeatable, dares the unthinkable and achieves the unattainable. Dare to get out of bed with a positive attitude. Dare to begin again with grace after a moral failure in your life. Dare to back up and apologize to somebody you have hurt. Dare to do what is right when everybody else is doing what is wrong. Dare to dream even when life seems like an unending nightmare. You can defeat any giant in the New Year, IF you will but have the courage to pursue your dreams! Max Lucado said, "Concentrate on God and your giants will tumble. Focus on your giants and your feet will stumble." excerpts from message to USMC 2/9 families from Navy Chaplain in Afghanistan 12-29-2011
We posted this last December and feel it is important enough to re-post.
This link needs to be passed onto everyone who has keys to a vehicle (especially our troubled teens).
This is one of the most intense Public Service Announcements ever made.
It was made by the "Transportation Accident Commission" of Australia.
Australia should be complemented on having the courage to "Show it like it is" to all drivers and to air it on TV...it is very moving and very life like...it has a very strong impact.
CAUTION: THIS AD CONTAINS VERY STRONG CONTENT
- IT SHOWS THE RESULTS OF DRINKING AND DRIVING GRAPHICALLY!
Click on the full-screen view at the bottom right corner of the screen.
Editor's Note:As we had warned previously; as quickly as authorities can outlaw these imitation drugs, the greedy manufacturers and dealers [this includes your friendly neighborhood smoke shops and convenience stores] will develop a different formula so they can keep raking in money on the backs of our families and children.
Parent Alert – New Dangerous Synthetic Drugs - from The Alliance @ www.drug-alliance.org
New synthetic drugs are now being marketed in Pennsylvania.
A new product named, “Jewelry Cleaner” (synthetic cocaine) is on the shelves of head shops and some convenience stores. It comes as a power in a vile.
Two that we know of are called “Eight Ballz” and “Cosmic Blast.”
There are probably others. These are very dangerous chemicals and can cause hallucinations and body temperature increases up to 108 degrees.
Disguising drugs by marketing them for other use is beginning to be big business and the drug dealers continue to roll in the cash while many of our young people become sick, addicted, and sometimes die.
Drug dealers are continuously coming up with new ways to create substances that can be used to get high. Synthetic drugs like the newest version of cocaine are circulating and this one is labeled 'Jewelry Cleaner'. Disguising drugs by marketing them for other use is beginning to be big business and the drug dealers continue to roll in the cash while many of our young people and adults become sick, addicted, and sometimes die.
The new synthetic cocaine that's circulating today is called Cosmic Blast that contains MDPV which is a hallucinogen and Naphyrone. MDVP is a designer drug that's structured similar to MDMA and is found in the dangerous bath salts that people have been abusing in the past year.
People have died using bath salts and some by taking their own lives. It's just a matter of time before the newest version of synthetic cocaine begins to take hold and destroy more lives.
Naphyrone is a crystalline white powder that can be found under the brand name MRG-1 or Energy1. Naphyrone is a stimulant drug that has similar effects to mephedrone. According to a Toxicologist Naphyrone can create changes throughout the body that last for days.
These changes in the body can cause a person's temperature to reach as high as 108 degrees. If your brain reaches temperatures that high it can fry your brain and you will never be the same.
The other form of synthetic cocaine that has made headlines for the past year is Bath Salt that's marketed under names like Ivory Wave, Purple Wave, Red Dove, Blue Silk, and Vanilla Sky.
The dangerous fake Bath Salt also contains the hallucinogen MDVP and Mephedrone. These new designer drugs mimic the effects of cocaine and because when they first come out they're legal many of our young people want to see what they're like.
Many people have been taken to the emergency room or called poison control due to the symptoms they receive when using fake bath salts to get high.
The synthetic designer drug causes your heart rate to increase and beat rapidly, intense hallucinations are experienced, and intense paranoia sets in. Due to the paranoia and hallucinations some people have even taken their own lives.
I worry about our young people today because they're so inquisitive, trusting and naive. They don't realize that drug dealers depend on them and their curiosity to make themselves rich.
Drug dealers don't care if a young person ends up in the emergency room, if they overdose, commit suicide, causes an accident or dies.
They bank on the fact that there's a lot more young people out there just as curios, willing to take risks, and just as trusting.
All they care about is not getting caught, getting people addicted, and spending their cash.
It's sad to think that many young people will try this synthetic cocaine Cosmic Blast just to see what it's like and they'll never be the same again if they live through it.
At a recent PSST meeting, Lloyd (of “What Would Lloyd Say” fame) asked for a few parent volunteers to form an informal committee to act as liaison between PSST and other organizations, such as CISP, who may seek parents to speak at a meeting, participate in a panel discussion, host a booth/table at a conference, etc. A committee member would be responsible for talking with the contact from the other group, then preparing an email and/or a short notice for the PSST blog with the details (what, where, when, why, . . .) and asking parent volunteers to help out.
In the past, Lloyd (“WWLS”) would coordinate these requests, but due to scheduled and unscheduled parent rescues, crisis interventions, mundane court paperwork, and various close-encounters of the weird kind, the requests sometimes fell through the cracks until shortly before the event, at which time Lloyd would exclaim “OH NO … (or something similar) … that event is tomorrow night …!”, then frantically call for parent help. In an effort to reduce a small amount of the stress on Lloyd (gee, hasn’t he done a lot of that for all of us?), help is needed. Any volunteers??? Please contact Brad and we will muddle through this together.
Ken, I hope that you don't mind but I am taking the liberty to re-post it as:
"What I Have Learned at PSST"
I have learned that...
...I wasn’t alone through all of this and there is a good support system out here. When I reached out and had a chance to talk with others I realized I wasn’t going crazy.
...taking care of myself is just as important as helping my addicted child recover. I had to get better so the cycle of enabling could be broken.
...Addiction occurs in any type of family. It is not just something that happens in dysfunctional families. That being a role model or even a great parent role model is not enough to stop the disease of addiction.
...the longer I wait to get help for my child to begin their recovery process the better the odds that my child will be hurt, hurt someone else, get arrested or die.
...this disease has a huge impact on the entire family; it is very important to make sure that everyone gets the help they need as soon as possible.
...it is extremely important to see that everyone involved in a child’s recovery (all parents, family members, counselors, probation officers, school officials and others) are on the same page and updated at all times. Never agree to keep secrets, not even little ones.
...there is a strong spiritual component to recovery from this disease; church can be a significant resource for me, my spouse or partner, my child and my family. Our recovery comes from faith in a Higher Power.
...I need to “Let go and Let God” as soon as I am able (the sooner the better). I cannot want someone's recovery more than they do. Recovering from the impact of addiction in the family is a process that takes time and is different for each person.
...my addicted child will go toterrible lengths (lying, manipulating, stealing, violence, threats, running away and much worse) to obtain drugs. Valuables need to be removed from my child’s grasp before the family heirlooms end up in the pawnshop never to be seen again.
...there is a difference between encouraging my child and enabling my child. Enabling can result in spending hundred or thousands of dollars on drugs and replacing/repairing items over the years. I understand now that I must NEVER pay my child's fines or restitution. Even as a minor it is their personal responsibility to either pay off the their court costs or to work them off with community service.
...I enabled my child to use drugs when I lied for him, made excuses, paid his fines and protected him from other consequences. Codependency allows your heart to rule your decisions instead of your brain. You are not helping your child by protecting him from the consequences of his actions no matter what your heart tells you.
... I actual learned how to feel good about my child being in jail or placement because he was safe, warm, fed and not using drugs. If he is out on the streets or at a "friend's" house I don't know what he is getting.
...I FINALLY learned to listen to that little whisper from my heart that told me my child was using drugs. Do not dispose of, or destroy, drugs or drug paraphernalia that you find. Bag it, label it, date it and put it in a safe place where your child cannot get to it. Save it to use as evidence to get your child into the system A.S.A.P.
...I need to watch for the standard warning signs: dropping grades, withdrawal from sports and school activities, disappearance of old friends (the “good kids”), new friends who have first names only, no parental contact, missing items (i.e. DVD players, video games, cameras, jewelery) increased secret activities, not being where they told you they were, sneaking out...etc...and act on them.
...I need to step up and be the parent, not my child's BFF. He will hate me for a time, and will let me know it in many ways, and that is okay. I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive and clean and I will let him know that in many ways.
…this IS NOT “Just a Phase”, NOT "Just marijuana",NOT "Just alcohol", or NOT "Just an adolescent right of passage.” Understand how to distinguish between normal teenage behavior and drug related behavior.
...I accept that drugs are available in ALL communities and schools (lower, middle and upper class - Drug Dealers are Equal Opportunity Destroyers). Unfortunately most parents, are Ignorant of the drug problem with a capital “I” in our community and schools. We need to educate ourselves about street drugs, their potency and symptoms of use, as well as the potential for the abuse of prescription drugs, over the counter medicines and other chemicals that we have in our homes.
...I need to listen to the clues given by teachers and the school principal. Many people knew or suspected my child’s drug use before it was acknowledged at home.
...drugs are literally everywhere including churches, schools, recovery meetings, rehabilitation centers and places of employment.
...I will not waste my time having long circular arguments with my child. When they tell me that I cannot give them one good reason for my decision(s) I will agree with them. "You're right! I could explain my reasons until I turn blue and you would never get my logic. So I will not waste our time. Thanks so much for pointing that out, you really know me better than I thought."
...even when I tried to make my child safe by “grounding” them that drugs could easily be “delivered” to the house.
...when they will not take a simple "No" for an answer I will use the PSST Ask Me Again Method.
"Can I go out?"
"No, but listen, this is the fourth time that you ask so I know it is really important to you to keep asking, so go ahead and ask me again."
"Huh? Can I go out?
"No, but if you really need to, please, feel free to ask me again."
"Oh, I get it, that's more of that PSST $#%@ again. You guys are like $@#% zombies or something..."
...no matter how much I loved my child, how much I cried, how much I hurt, how much I bribed, how much I punished, I couldn’t make my child stop using drugs.
...I know now and accept that treatment is not a one-shot deal and it is not a cure.
...recovery from addiction is a really long process (sorry to say but it can be years not months) and that after abstaining from drug use it takes an addict a long time for my child to catch up with their peers intellectually and socially even though they want so much to be normal.
...all recovery meetings are not the same and I need to shop around to find the right program for my child. I now realize that I know my child better than anyone else and I have a right and a voice in their recovery process. I am my child's best advocate. I will stand up for them when they are accepting their recovery and do everything I can to get them the help they need when they are using.
...to never gave up on my child. Recovery takes time. “Just for today” are watchwords. What a difference the years make! There is not a good reason to give up hope (discouragement and anger are part of the process - use outside resources to help yourself - do not try to get through this on your own).
...I can challenged the educational professionals at school more. There is a truant officer at some schools to support efforts to keep your child in school but you have to ask. There are alternative education programs and other resources at schools that you are paying for but you have to ask.
...I can Question the doctors and the experts more. Addiction can masquerade as depression. The age of your child is an issue in treatment. Techniques that work well with a 23-year old may not be appropriate for a 13-year old.
...I can Learn about Act 53, a government funded program to involuntarily court order a child into treatment without a criminal record. File for Act 53 A.S.A.P.
...I am not afraid to contact Juvenile Probation authorities and file charges against my child. Getting him into "the system" can give you the support that you need to get him the help that he needs to begin his recovery. Yes he WILL meet other users, drug dealers and thieves but guess what? He already is best friends with other users, drug dealers and thieves - check his cell phone contacts regularly.
...that cell phones are drug paraphernalia and my child does not need a cell phone. My child has access to numerous cell phones anytime he wants to manipulate - er, um, that is - contact me. If for some reason they have to have a cell phone I have the right to read text messages and check contacts on a regular basis and have a right to confiscate the phone at any time (even if they paid for it). I do not allow drug paraphernalia in my home and I will save the text messages and contact numbers as evidence to file charges against my child.
...any access to the internet is to allowed ONLY under my close supervision when I allow it (this includes cell phones, I-Pads and X-Box Live). Your child may need access to the internet for a school project but you have a right to observe them while they are on the internet (They can access drug purchases including K-2, how to beat drug test and how to use other mind altering substances for example). ...I know that drug tests can be manipulated. Go ahead and type it into Google.
...that there are other parents going through exactly what I am going through and they are willing to listen to me, help me and support me at PSST.
On Monday the Fifth of December Rocco and I kept our promise to Cisco.
Cisco has been living at home since October 17th. He is holding down a full time job and seemed to be getting it, however, the weekend preceding that Monday Cisco went to a bonfire and relapsed.
With Rocco's quiet and unfaltering strength we were able to keep our promise....
...We had told Cisco (19 years old) before he re-entered our home from placement that he cannot stay in our house and use drugs or alcohol. After a couple of days of discussion and planning Cisco let us know that he needed his freedom to "do it his way". He could not live under our house rules. So Rocco asked Cisco to pack his bags. Rocco offered Cisco a ride to Resolve, back to his halfway house or 'where ever'. He gave Cisco a medical card, his bus pass and a hug and Cisco was gone.
The interesting and hopeful thing about this is our ability to detach from working Cisco's recovery. I think letting go was easier for me because Rocco handled all the tough stuff. I kept myself busy with other things. Rocco worked from home all that Monday and dealt with Cisco. Luckily, it was a busy time for me at the office and I kept focused. I also had a paper to write for a college course so I immersed myself in that.
This is the first time in five years that I changed my priorities. Cisco's addiction and/or recovery always was number one. In the past, I never was able to focus on a critically informed paper well enough to receive an excellent grade. Now I can.
I am hopeful because I truly know what "Detaching with Love" means. I have spoken to Cisco this week but I am not enabling him. As far as I know he is clean. Cisco has all the tools and contacts that he needs to stay clean; he now needs the desire. The desire not just to stay clean; Cisco needs the desire to work his recovery. There is a significant difference.
I am certain that if Rocco did not ask him to leave.... he would have stayed here and spiraled downward.
It is rather ironic after five years of counseling, placements and therapy that he needs to lose the comfort and safety of his home to stay clean and find his own way on the road to his recovery.
He still has his job and he is living one day at a time.
"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”Gilda Radner
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Valerie and her supervisor, Mary Hatheway on 12-13-11 after receiving Allegheny County Supervisor of the Year!
Some would say this is long overdue. Parents who attend PSST regularly would be some of the ones saying it! I'm sure that those of us that work for Valerie and work with her are the other ones.
Without Valerie's commitment to PSST there would be no PSST. She did more than set this parent support/ education program as a priority in her unit, she rolled up her sleeves and jumped in to help. She not only attends almost every meeting but she works tirelessly with any desperate parents who wander through the PSST doors hoping against hope that finally someone somewhere can do something to put the brakes on their teenager's slide to destruction.
When Valerie first became a Supervisor and transferred to the Drug and Alcohol Unit of Eastern District Probation PSST was in it's infancy stage. In fact, PSST was more of an idea than a reality. We had started monthly meetings and we had a handful of parents interested, but they didn't all show up all at the same time. Back then, (about eight years ago) three parents and two Probation Officers was a big meeting.
You might even say that PSST was born prematurely. We didn't have any funding. We had only a handful of parents interested. And most importantly we didn't have any time to really make this idea a reality. Lloyd Woodward was about to pull the life supports on baby PSST and admit that it was a good idea, but one whose time had not yet come.
Valerie changed all that. She thought this baby was more than worth the time. She thought it could be a critical never-before offered service for Allegheny County and by making PSST a priority project, it could end up saving lives. She never doubted that PSST was well worth the time and effort. Her enthusiasm was contagious right from the start!
I recall having this conversation with my new supervisor:
Lloyd: I don't think we can keep PSST going.
Val: Why not?
Lloyd: Well, for one thing I just don't have the time this project deserves. I'm trying to put all my extra time into it now, but I just don't seem to have much extra time.
Val: Well, that's what we need to change.
Lloyd: Excuse me?
Val: I just don't think we do this on "extra time" because obviously you don't have any extra time, do you?
Lloyd: Ah, no, I don't.
Val: Well then.
Lloyd: Well then what?
Val: Well then, we have to make this kind of project a higher priority and maybe some other things have to wait while this gets done.
Lloyd: Oh.
There was kind of a pause here and I must have had a troubled look on my face.
Val: Something else bothering you?
Lloyd: Well, yes.
Val: What?
Lloyd: I never planed on being the only group facilitator. I wanted to share it with another Probation Officer, preferably a female officer. I think it is ideal to offer both a man and a women as group facillitators since we'll be having both mothers and fathers attending. Anyway, I just lost my partner. You know, she transferred out leaving me in the lurch.
Val: That's no problem.
Lloyd: It's not?
Val: Not at all! I'll be happy to do it.
Lloyd: You?
Val: Yes, me of course.
Lloyd: A Supervisor?
Val: Do you have a problem with that?
Lloyd: Well, no not as far as it goes.
Val: What do you mean by that? [looking straight hard at me as if I might have offended her.]
Lloyd: Well, it's just that the meetings are on Saturday Mornings, and I don't think Supervisors work on Saturdays do they?
Val: I do.
Lloyd: You do?
Val: Yes, I would happy to come in on the weekend for a cause like this.
Lloyd: Well.
Val: Well what?
Lloyd: Well it's settled then.
And boy was it settled. My initial skepticism evaporated as Valerie Ketter became a working Saturday Morning Supervisor and, in fact, since then she has rarely missed a meeting.
I could not have predicted the impact that having a supervisor at our meetings would make. It spoke volumes to the parents about how important this project was to Juvenile Probation.
Soon it became apparent that part of PSST'S growing success was not just because we had "a supervisor" at our meetings but because the supervisor was Valerie Ketter. She not only brought with her an impressive background, having worked for years as a Counselor at Cornell Abraxas Center for Adolescent Females (an inpatient drug treatment facility) but she had also been a School-based Probation Officer at Shaler Area High School. As such she was no stranger to teenagers with drug problems. Valerie was a big hit with Shaler Area High because she routinely loaded up a van with probationers and transported them from the school to the local Police Department for drug tests.
Another big plus was that Valerie Ketter understood our Juvenile Court system. No doubt her commanding encyclopedic knowledge of Juvenile Probation made her a good selection for Probation Supervisor. Now, it made her the perfect coach for PSST parents. Of course, Valerie could do more than just coach. She could move things along for parents "in between" meetings, especially if the parents were frustrated with the pace or the direction of their teenager's case.
Empowerment of parents has from the beginning has been a primary goal of PSST. It soon became apparent that nothing empowered parents like knowing that they had Supervisor Valerie Ketter on their side and that she would do everything she could to see that PSST parents had the best chance to save their drug-addicted teenager's life.
It seems like these last seven years have gone by so fast. We have grown to where not three parents, but 24 parents, two Juvenile Probation staff and one or two Wesley-Spectrum In-home therapists make up a big meeting. Now our partnership with Wesley-Spectrum in the Drug and Alcohol Treatment Unit is taken-for-granted because it's such a brilliant match. But back in the day, it was my supervisor who was always clamoring:
Valerie: Have you referred that case to Wesley-Spectrum yet?
Lloyd: Not yet.
Valerie: You're not going to wait until you're ready to close it are you?"
But back before we even had this blog we had something else. Valerie Ketter was determined that we would send a letter out before each meeting to PSST and to prospective PSST parents. These letters NEVER would have gotten sent out without Valerie Ketter reminding me, "Lloyd, we have to print and get that letter out today! C'mon! I'll help you fold and seal the envelopes. Now make sure it doesn't go over two pages!"
Many of those early letters were typed into this blog by Ken Sutton, the parent who started this blog and who apparently saved every letter. Later, when the blog started taking off the old two-page letters fell by the wayside (can you imagine me keeping something I write to two pages!).
In summary, without the driving force and enthusiasm of Supervisor Ketter, baby PSST would never have gotten off of life-support.
Well, our baby outgrew the life-supports and as you readers know, we are no longer the best kept secret in Allegheny County. People we run into all over the state are envious of PSST and are always asking "How the heck can we start something like this?" I always answer that question with another question: "Do you have any supervisors that will work Saturday mornings?"
Finally, Valerie Ketter's contributions and skills will no longer be one of Allegheny Counties best kept secrets either! I wish to congratulate Supervisor Valerie Ketter for her much deserved Supervisor of the Year Award and on behalf of PSST parents and teenagers everywhere whose lives you have helped save, THANK YOU SUPERVISOR KETTER!
Let's Sing About Losing Friends Who Still Get High ~ by Jessica
We are planning Herman's return from placement, and the need to change people, places and things is very important, Just today one of his best "friends" asked one of his siblings when he will be coming home. It seems like he is still pining for Herman after all this time, He still must not realize that he can no longer be in Herman's life. I was hoping that this old friend could find somebody new to get high with, and leave Herman alone !! ;-)
I was in the car, when the song "Someone Like You" by Adele came on. I am not sure if you heard it, but it's about breaking up, moving on.... AND FINDING SOMEONE NEW.
Click Here to go to a YouTube of " Someone Like You" by Adele
Well, my answer to life's dilemmas is to write a song about it, So here goes my remake (parody) of Someone Like You. I wrote it from the using friend's perspective to my son who is starting his recovery.
Someone Like You
I heard that you've settled down That you found recovery and your clean now I heard that your pee's clean too Guess rehab gave you things, I couldn't give to you
Old friend, why don't you get high ? Ain't like you to hold back, you partying guy
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me,it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but some "fun" for you, too...
Don't forget me I beg I remember you said, sometimes you have to change your places, things and friends Sometimes you have to change your places, things and friends.
You know how the time flies Only yesterday getting high was our lives
We were daily baked in a "Grade A" haze Bound by the surprise, of your placement days.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me , it isn't over Never mind I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but that you'd get high too
Don't forget me I beg I remember you said, "my home contract doesn't list you as my friend" Your home contract doesn't list me as your friend.
You say nothing compares, no worries or cares Regrets and mistakes, they're amends to make
Who could have known how bittersweet your recovery would taste to me
Click on the PSST logo in the top banner of this page, to make sure you are on the PSST home-page, before using this search option.
Upcoming Meetings and Events
**** PSST meetings will be discontinued for the next several months. Once we have determined a re-start date for the meetings, we will post that information on this website. ****
Want new blog posts delivered to your email?
Email your story to us.
Email your story to one of our volunteer PSST editors for posting. To protect you and your teenager's anonymity we suggest that you choose pen names. gopsst@gmail.com
This blog is intended solely to share the things we come across that inspire us. If we have posted a copyrighted image, video or a portion of a copyrighted article, we have done so only to the extent necessary to comment upon or discuss it; we will always include a link to the original source if that source is online or acknowledge the source if it is in print. If we have posted anything here that is copyrighted and you want us to remove it, please do not hesitate to contact us and we will do so right away.
Pageviews last 30 days
Credits
This layout (edited by Ken) made by and copyright cmbs.
