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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
A question from Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 04, 2011
 Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it to the meetings in the last couple of months. However,I have a question for our Parents and Professionals. My 16-year old nephew was recently arrested for possession of a small (according to him) amount of marijauna. He lives in and was busted in the city. He wasn't taken to Shuman but his dad had to pick him up at one of the local police stations. This all happens the day after his mom comes home from the hospital (she was in over a week) after undergoing major abdominal surgery. Of course to him this is all a big joke and he tells his parents that nothing is going to happen to him-basically he thinks he will get off scot-free. He is still posting on his facebook pics of him smoking weed.
I of course am trying to prepare my sister for what possibly will be the reality and that is he may get (hopefully) probation and have a drug and alcohol probation officer. I have also told her he might possibly be sent to an in-patient facilty (we can only hope) I also have been trying to get her to understand that she and her husband can speak up in court when the time comes especially since Cool J has been out of control. There have been many other incidents with him but this is his first arrest. I am also trying to get her to come to a meeting!
So, my question to our parents and pros is this: Generally, what events/process can my family expect once Cool J's case goes to court. I know every case is different but I thought getting an idea what possibly can happen would be helpful.
The arresting officer did tell the cocky teen that if he is busted again he will become acquainted with Shuman. This is the cousin my son, Bam Bam, recently was hanging out with.
Thanks for any information/advice/thoughts you may have.
Wilma
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 Hot Day for Conversations
It was so nice to see ya'll at today's meeting. I still get so much help at PSST, so I keep coming for that reason and for the donuts and good coffee too!!
Thank YOU, Jerry, for being a special guest today. You were an integral part of our PSST meeting. Your insight is so valuable.
When we got home today, I suggested to Rocco that he and I put on our scrubby clothes and wash the cars. Rocco went out first to start vacuuming the vehicles and I decided to have a short conversation with Cisco. He was home on a pass and anxious to go out with some friends.
I intended that the conversation would be short and sweet and go like this:
Moms: You said in the car on the way home today that Jerry feels you did your program well and that it would be good for you to get an apt or move home. You made $30.00 this week and if you are serious about getting an apt. or coming home you should let me put a little bit of that money away for you. How about if you give me $5.00 to put in a savings account?
Cisco: Good idea mum, here take ten it will accrue more interest. I'm going to Terri's and will call ya later so don’t worry about me tonight. Love ya.
Moms: Love you too, have fun!
That is what I hoped for but this is what happened:
I decided at the last moment to try to accomplish two things, (one) Interject that IF he comes home his father will be in charge and what his dad says will be what goes. (two) Get him to save a few bucks
Note: I should have stuck with just trying to get him to save a few dollars for his future.
Mom: Cisco you know that I have been married to your dad for a long time and I respect his opinion. Dad and I talked about if you came home and.........
Cisco:[cuts mom off]: If I come home? SO dad doesn’t want me to come home!?
Mom: I cannot say what dad thinks or feels but I can tell you what I feel, sometimes I want you to come home and sometimes I do not. I am on the fence about it. However, if you do come home I want you to know that dad gets the final say on things. Dad is in charge.
Cisco: I don’t think I can come home. You are hard to get along with. I have trouble getting along with you. You tell me things that I already know and when I say “I know” you just keep telling me anyway.
Mom: You are right, Cisco, if we cannot hold a simple conversation I don’t see how we can live in the same house. You respect Jerry enough that you have conversations with him and you listen to each other.
Can we try that?
Cisco: Jerry does not always have a ‘retort’ every time I say something, plus he understands me.
Mom:: I’m glad you pointed that out to me. I do have something to say every time you say something to me and even if I don't try to, you sometimes think I am being sarcastic. [said with sincerity] I will work on that.
Cisco: [a little more settled] You have to understand that I have been institutionalized for a long time and I get edgy.
Mom: [Mom shakes her head in understanding then moves on to point number two] Let’s talk about saving a few dollars for an apt. Will you give me $5.00 to put away for you?
Cisco: I only have $28.00 left how about if I give you two? [pulls two dollars out of his wallet]
Mom is thankful to get two dollars for savings [remember: baby steps] and records the amount in notebook and puts money in an envelope.
- END OF ROLE PLAY
Kathie and I had a productive meeting this week and she sure knows her stuff. She had some excellent suggestions for job and skilled labor training opportunities for Cisco. Kathie also had some suggestions for living arrangements.
It is probably best for Cisco's next step to be learning a skill and then holding down a job. Rocco and my role as parents of a nineteen year old is to lay out some suggestions for our son and then let him choose the roads he will travel.
I bet I should take Lloyd’s advice which is: Let the fact that Cisco wants a different place to live be Cisco’s problem which requires Cisco’s solution. Lloyd is wise. He wrote a post on this titled: Solutions vs. Problems What Do Our Teenagers Need the Most. Click here to go to that post.
I went out and helped wash the dirty cars and talked with Rocco. He liked the idea of letting Cisco solve his own problems and he liked another idea that Lloyd came up with recently:
If our teens want to come home they need to apply for the privilege. They should write down reasons why we should allow this to happen. (Basically have them write their own home contract and then negotiate the terms with them)
Then Rocco squirted me with the hose and a new battle began! It was such a hot day and the cool water felt good.
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TEENAGE ADDICTION CONCERNS? NEED SOME MORE PARENTAL SUPPORT? ARE YOU NOT SURE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP?
"S.O.S. FAMILIES ANONYMOUS GROUP" Squirrel Hill meets, Every Tuesday night from 6:00 - 7:30PM
 We hope you will join us at:
Gateway Rehab Squirrel Hill
5818 Forbes Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15217
Click Here For Map
Near the intersection of Forbes Ave and Murray Ave
CALL: (412) 697-0928
What exactly is Families Anonymous? - click on Read More
Families Anonymous is a 12 Step Support Group for Anyone whose life has been adversely affected by another person's use of drugs, alcohol, or related behavioral issues.
NO Fees - NO last names used - NO forms to fill out
NO formal sign-up – NO obligation – NO commitment
NO saying “I’m Sorry”
Families Anonymous is a group of concerned parents, relatives and friends whose lives have been adversely affected by a loved one's addiction to alcohol or drugs.
Every one of us has made the same statement at one time or another...
"But I'm not the one who needs help!"
It was obvious that someone else near to us was the one with problems.
Many of us were amazed, annoyed, saddened or shocked that our children refused our help, maybe even resented our efforts to help and would not acknowledge that they have a problem.
Families Anonymous is dedicated to doing something constructive about our approach to our loved one's problems. We learn from our own experience, but we can also get a great deal of benefit from the shared misery and foolish mistakes we make while trying to do the best we possibly can do.
That realization, in itself, goes a long way in helping us to start feeling good about ourselves... and, amazingly, sets the stage for the recovery for both of us in many, many cases.
Please join us on Tuesday nights from 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Allow Families Anonymous to Help You on Your Road to Recovery.
Click on Families Anonymous for more information on who and what we are.
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Jerry Stradford from First Step Recovery will be our guest at tomorrow's PSST. Over the years Jerry has worked tirelessly with recovering adults in the halfway house type setting of First Step Recovery. First Step houses recovering adults and provides group therapy and support for 12-step recovery. While Jerry will primarily coming to observe a PSST meeting, he will of course be able to answer questions from parents as well. Jerry has a strong background in addictions and has developed an expertise in counseling people in recovery. Jerry has worked with several teenagers from Juvenile Probation as well as older adults.
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 Myths About Alcohol from Adolescent Substance abuse Knowledge base (adolescent-substance-abuse.com)
Stop thinking of your children and their friends as either "good" kids or "bad" kids. Good kids drink too! Most kids experiment with alcohol and drugs, no matter what their background, intelligence or level of responsibility. This, in and of itself, does not make them "bad". It makes them "kids!"
"Alcohol is the number one drug of choice among our Nation's youth. Yet the seriousness of this issue does not register with the general public or policymakers." - Dr. Enoch Gordis, M.D., Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIH)
Some parents breathe a sigh of relief when they find their child is "just" drinking alcohol and not using drugs, but it is a myth that alcohol is a "better" drug. Alcohol abuse, drunk driving, and alcohol-related diseases take a major toll on our society, and children who begin drinking at a young age are at much higher risk of developing problems.
Alcohol is by far the drug of choice among adolescents.
It is the most used and abused mood-altering substance among pre-teens and teenaged children. Although some teens report it is easier to get illegal drugs than buy alcohol, the overall social acceptability of alcohol and the pervasive advertising that suggests alcohol creates a positive and rewarding experience often leads both teens and their parents to think drinking is simply a rite of passage with little danger over the long run.
Some studies suggest that there could be as many as four million alcoholics under the age of 18, three years younger than the legal drinking age. The age when children begin drinking alcohol has decreased over the last few decades.
Many children are already experimenting with alcohol in the fifth grade, many more than were just 10 years ago when teens were more likely to start drinking in eighth or ninth grade.
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 40% of ninth-graders report that they tried alcohol before the age of 13 and had used alcohol within the past month.
One of the detrimental consequences of this increase in drinking among children still in elementary school is that it has a greater effect on cognitive development at this young age. Students who use alcohol remember much less of their academic work than those who do not use alcohol.
Also, statistics clearly show that the younger a child is when he or she begins drinking, the more likely they are to develop problems with alcohol as adults. According to a report in the Journal of Substance Abuse, more than 40% of individuals who start drinking before the age of 13 will develop alcohol abuse problems later in life (Grant, BF, & Dawson, DA. 9:103-110, 1997).
Some major factors that influence a child's decision to begin drinking are:
- the number of peers within their immediate environment who have started to drink
- the number of adults they have regular contact with who have an alcohol problem
- the amount of the time the child is alone in the home (limited supervision)
Exposure to alcohol advertising also influences children by creating a positive attitude toward alcohol use. If children view alcohol in a positive light, they are more likely to drink at a younger age.
Children who start drinking at a young age are more likely to experiment later with illegal drugs. Yet, many children report that although they learn early on about the dangers of drugs, many do not learn about the dangers of drinking alcohol (The Weekly Reader National Survey on Drugs and Alcohol. Middleton, CT: Field Publications, 1995)
What keeps children alcohol-free?
- Children who have strong communication with their parents are less likely to drink.
- Children whose parents set clear rules and expectations are less likely to use alcohol.
- Children whose parents discipline them when they break the rules are also less likely to use alcohol.
If you know, or even suspect, that your teen is using alcohol, drugs or any mind altering substance please come to our next PSST Meeting. There is no cost and no commitment.
Hosting Teen Parties: What's Your Liability?
I know what you're thinking: "This doesn't apply to me. I didn't 'provide' the alcohol because I told those kids they could not drink it." This slight technicality will probably matter little to a jury staring at a paraplegic victim. You were in the best position to ensure Johnny didn't drink your beer.
To read the rest of this article click on: What's Your Liability?
For more information on teen substance abuse from A.S.K. click on ADOLESCENT SUBSTANCE ABUSE KNOWLEDGE BASE
For more info click on: "Alcohol Can Kill; Alcohol Poisoning"
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 Personality Disorders and Drug & Alcohol Abuse
I have been reviewing the laundry list of licensed social workers, psychologists & psychiatrists we have seen over the past 6 years with Andy (now 18) and all of the diagnoses he has received.
A specialist in dual disorders stated:
*a personality disorder as the underlying force driving all negative behaviors.
*It is illegal to diagnose a personality disorder in anyone under 18 years of age but a disorder may be hinted at.
"A person must be at least 18 years old to be diagnosed, though the pattern can begin in early childhood or adolescence. Called 'conduct disorder' in children and 'antisocial behavior' in adults, this untreated and unresolved behavior pattern can develop into sociopathic behavior."
Click on Causes of Sociopathic Behavior for the complete article.
One psychiatrist stated ‘Bi-Polar Type 2 with Mania’. The Mania stems from a stable emotional balance for 3 months and then self destruct for a period of 5-7 days and then level out again for another period of 3 months.
Other Licensed Social Workers, Counselors and Psychologists have given their opinions of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder' (ODD) with 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' (ADHD); anxiety and depression with an addictive personality.
All Educational Psychologists have concluded that Andy is in the near genius level of intelligence. He graduated with a 4.0 his senior year of high school because he was in placement and off of alcohol and drugs.
We were so very proud of Andy as he even tutored other residents in the facility!
Whose opinion do you trust? What do you want to believe and especially what diagnosis do you truly NOT want to believe, but must, for the sake of your family and the community?
I decided to do a little more research on my own today and found three facts listed below that apply to personality disorders and drug & alcohol abuse:
1 - Those with antisocial personality disorder lack normal feelings of responsibility and compassion and thus have little motivation to restrain their reactions.
2 - Alcoholism and other addictions, like pot/marijuana, prescriptions drugs, cocaine, etc, are the result of a personality disorder.
3- Addiction is extremely toxic, and greatly worsens the effects of a personality disorder. But if the substance abuse stops, the underlying personality disorder is still there. http://www.livestrong.com
Unfortunately, we as parents of a child with a personality disorder have experienced these three facts for 15 years (Oh, the first three years were wonderful; he didn't begin talking until the age of three as he had three older brothers to talk for him!)
Jim & I love Andy dearly (our children are Our Hearts walking on this earth.) We can’t punish him anymore; the legal system has had to take over that end of parenting, but we can love Andy, counsel him on his future decisions if he is willing to listen and want our input.
That is up to Andy, and we are sure he will tell us when to get lost.
Carry on Soldiers!
Cheryl, Jim & Andy
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In September we celebrate, National Recovery Month.
America celebrates recovery from alcohol and other drugs – testimony that Recovery Benefits Everyone - that life’s defeats can be reversed and made into victories benefiting individuals, families and communities. Recovery celebrations occur across the country.
The Institute for Research, Education & Training in Addictions 8th Annual Recovery Sports Link is sponsoring the National Anthem at the Friday, September 9th Pirate game.
Our goal is to bring awareness to the disease of addiction and the stigma associated with it.
Our group is asking everyone associated with us to wear a light blue shirt to identify our group.
We are also selling light blue t-shirts for $9.00 per shirt that will have the pictures of our loved ones who have fallen victim to this awful disease.
If you are interested in purchasing one of our group shirts to support our cause, please contact Lucy at lucy@myjadewellness.com - We will need to know a size if ordering – youth or adult – s, m, l and xl.
We are still trying to figure out a meeting spot for a picture to bring awareness and create impact. As more details are available, we will update you.
If you can’t make it, please forward this invite to anyone else you think may be interested.
Thank you for your help in such a great cause.
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 I got this quote in an e-zine that I get from Diana Fletcher, coach. Here is her website: www.dianafletcher.com
The first words that came to mind when I opened my eyes on Monday morning were, "Every day is a good day to start over."
These words reassured me that it was going to be ok. I didn't need to berate myself, I didn't need to feel bad...all I had to do was start over.
The past didn't matter.
The future wasn't here yet.
I have right now.
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"Honey, I didn't know Tommy had a homepass today!?"
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) – A moderate earthquake hit Virginia Tuesday afternoon and the tremors were felt hundreds of miles away. The epicenter of the 5.9 magnitude earthquake was about 87 miles outside of Washington, D.C. around 1:51 p.m.
The tremors were felt as far north as Massachusetts and as far west as Cincinnati. Dozens of viewers called into the KDKA-TV newsroom minutes after the ground shook in the Pittsburgh area. Click here for complete article.
Parents who attend PSST meetings in Pittsburgh for the most part seemed not to be concerned. When asked about why PSST parents took the earthquake so lightly, one parent put it this way:
PSST parent: You see, with our teenagers we feel tremors ALL the time.
Interviewer: You mean, like an earthquake?
PSST parent: Oh yeah, are you kidding? It's like Jurassic Park, you know when they could feel the T-Rex stomping around and see the ripples in the glass of water? I feel tremors all the time at my house when my teenager starts stomping around, hitting walls and throwing things.
Interviewer: But surely that's not like the earthquake?
PSST parent: Well, all I can tell you, and our teenager is in placement right now, that when the earthquake hit, I was in the living room and I felt the strong vibrations and it seemed like things were moving sideways, and I yelled out, "Honey, I didn't know Tommy had a home pass today?!!" But come to find out, I could relax because it was only an earthquake and I just went back to watching TV.
Interviewer: Sounds like you're sort of inoculated against earthquakes!
PSST parent: Well, we've had plenty of experiences with vibrations, that's for sure!
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 "THE PSST ZONE" -- SUMMARY OF THE AUGUST 13 PSST MEETING IN WEXFORD - By Sally & Rocco
This week’s PSST Meeting was held in Wexford at Trinity Lutheran Church. We had the expertise of Val and Lloyd of Allegheny Juvenile Probation and Kathie T and “The New Look” Justin of Wesley-Spectrum.
There was also a roomful of understanding and compassion with the presence of 17 concerned parents.
ROCCO & SALLY'S DISCLAIMER: This is an attempt to summarize our latest PSST meeting. We don’t always have the chance to get it done quickly and we sometimes cannot read Rocco’s handwriting [or even imagine what it was he was trying to write] so: Please feel free to edit, elucidate, correct, amend or add to our summary as required in the comment section below. We will not be offended.
Joan did an excellent job at keeping the meeting on track as our group leader this week.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Max reminded the group that the S.0.S. Chapter of Families Anonymous meets on Tuesday evening from 6:00 p.m. until 7:30 p.m. at Gateway Squirrel Hill. (Forbes Ave.) This twelve-step program focuses on helping parents become less co-dependent. All are welcome to attend these helpful meetings. There is No Cost and No Commitment.
LET’S TALK
Joan spoke about her daughter Melissa who is living at a ¾ house and has 90 days clean. Joan has been trying to concentrate on her own life but is not having an easy time of it.
Keep working your recovery Joan. You have worked hard for and you deserve a stress free home.
Jim and Cheryl are dealing with their 18 year old son, Andy, who is currently in the County Jail for car thefts and a few other related charges. He walked out of his Adult Halfway House. Apparently he went to Rave where he got high on ecstasy.
He drove away in cars that had keys in the ignition to escape from the police. We were all relieved to hear that nobody was hurt and we all understand that any of us at PSST could easily be in their shoes.
Please note that prior to this incident, Jim and Cheryl stood up in court to fight to get their child the help he needs and deserves. He had eleven months clean through their commendable efforts.
Jim and Cheryl expressed that they will continue to fight against their son’s addiction. I marvel at the strength and resolve that draw from each other and from their faith.
Lindy Lou has been attending meetings probably as long as Rocco and I have. She was busy lately with other endeavors while her son, Drew, 19, was away for seven months at an inpatient recovery facility (IRF). Drew did well there and liked the physical aspect it offered.
Lindy Lou also noted that after five years, eight schools and three placements he has earned his high school diploma. He graduated and is ready for college. Lindy Lou is feeling that natural touch of anxiety as she contemplates his return into their home.
We wish Lindy Lou and Drew and their family well.
Max took the floor next and spoke about her 16 year old son, David, who has been away at an out-of-state therapeutic boarding school. He has thirteen months clean not only from drugs and alcohol but also clean from tobacco. He is now coming home and Max expressed thankfulness that she and Mel took the measure to send him out of town and away from persons, places and things at an early age.
Their older son Michael, 19, has completed his G.E.D., his juvenile probation and is currently living at home and working part time. He is supposed to be looking for a full time job so that he can eventually get his own apartment. Max said that they have informed him that as of September 1 he is expected to start paying rent to live at home.
Max mentioned that it may be time to revisit Michael’s home contract but that as of this time his worst offense appears to be laziness.
Good luck Max and thanks for reminding us that our children’s recovery does not end when they get out of a program; it does not end when they get off of probation; it does not end when they get a diploma or a G.E.D.; in fact our child’s recovery does not end. It is something that they will need to work on for the rest of their lives. We can be there to support them but we cannot work their recovery for them.
Tess and Danny’s 18 year old son Linus has been in an IRF for about a month so he has his 30 days of clean time. He has not quite adjusted and talks about leaving [as most of our kids do]. He has hearings on 3 different charges pending.
Tess and Danny hope to take a vacation this week – We all hope they can do it and have some quiet time for themselves. While our kids are clean and safe in an IRF, it is a good time to relax and begin our own recovery.
Gracie and George have a son Ronnie, 19, who has returned home from an adult IRF and has 60 days of clean time. Ronnie wants to live at home.
George sent a very powerful message to Ronnie by nailing shut his 3rd floor room and letting him know that he will be sleeping in the basement in the open. This sends a couple of messages to Ronnie: he cannot return to his familiar “places”; he have very little privacy; but most of all that George and Gracie are in charge.
When Ronnie got angry about his living arrangements George locked him out on the front porch until he was ready to accept his terms.
Gracie and George, None of this is easy but we as parents need to establish that we have the power in own home. You guys have done a good job with your son and we hope he continues well in his recovery.
Lloyd reminded us that, as much as most of want it, it is not a good sign when our children over 18 years old want to live at home. It is normal for adolescents to want to move away from their parents. If they do want to stay home you need to establish standards for them to follow including not using any drugs or alcohol, attending school or having a full time job or both.
Sally and Rocco’s 19 year old son Cisco is working his recovery and is currently in an adult halfway house. Cisco wants to get an apartment; Sally and Rocco want him to get the skills for a good job; and “The Counselor” wants us all to slow down, take it easy, take it “One Day at a Time” and let Cisco work his recovery first.
Cisco is now doing well with his weekend passes and is attending one or two meetings every day. We occasionally have that dream of Cisco returning home and being the “Old Cisco” but we realize that this will probably never happen.
But just in case he does return, even temporarily, we are taking back and converting Cisco’s former downstairs bedroom (with its own entrance and bathroom) into Rocco’s office and model train room [minus the purple walls and posters of course].
Jenn and Brad’s son Dylan has been in an IRF since the end of April. He is in better shape both physically and mentally with almost 4 months of clean time. He is doing pretty well at managing his anger - never the less - he missed his home pass do to behavioral issues. On the good side he showed some maturity in accepting the blame and taking the consequence (working with the other boys involved on some manual labor).
Jenn and Brad first came to PSST in January and weren't sure what to do with Dylan or themselves. Now Dylan, Jenn and Brad are well into their recovery. It is still a long road but all of us at PSST will be here to support you.
Brigitte and Francois’ 17 year old son Pierre successfully completed his and came home form his IRF with 100 days clean. His first day home went well and then his anxiety hit him.
Like almost all of our kids in recovery the realization that they need to change people, places and things is very tough to accept, especially "people". Even though they managed very well on their own to dump their "clean" friends for their "using" friends they swear there is no way they can go on without their "using" friends.
Anyway Pierre argued that he had no desire to get high but he needed to be back with his old friends. Despite Brigitte and Francois’ objections he went out at 11:00 at night and drove around for 2-1/2 hours. When he came back home he appeared to be clean but was agitated and argumentative. Brigitte said it was too late at night and she was too tired to handle this. She had the feeling that she was right back where they had left off prior to Pierre's program and just wanted to go to bed.
We discussed this a while and will discuss the role play later in this post but basically it came down to the consequence of Pierre losing his driving privileges, indefinitely, Brigitte and Francois are comfortable with his recovery.
Brigitte and Francois have done a great job not just with Pierre but with their other two boys. But like many of us with our families in recovery they hit a wall and need a break. Hang in there guys we at PSST are here to support and listen to you.
Kitty has two sons in recovery, Carlyle is 18 and Cat is 22. Cat is a heroin addict who is 7-1/2 months clean, attending meetings and living in the basement. Unfortunately he is not motivated to do much else at this time.
Talking while driving him to a meeting recently Cat said Kitty was to blame for his problems. Kitty told him “Your right, but I did the best that I could at the time.”
Carlyle had a hearing last week and is on house arrest. He is now attending an I.O.P. (Intensive Outpatient Therapy). He told Kitty that he has enrolled in Community College but she has not seen any evidence of it (i.e. bill, schedule, etc.) in the mail.
On a good note, Carlyle took the blame for violating his probation and did not blame his mom for turning him in.
Kitty you have a way of appearing “Calm in the storm” and have been a good ear for the rest of us at PSST. Thanks for being there and for the delivery of the beautiful flowers.
STAY TUNED – THE PSST ZONE WILL BE CONTINUED
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This inspirational story is also about a man's relationship with his mother.
Matt got sucked under a bus riding his bike, given less than 5% chance of surviving first night.
If this mother refused to enable this man can we do less for our sons and daughters?
Share
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Allow Me to Introduce Myself
I really hate when those people interfere in your family’s private issues. I hate when you go to those stupid meetings. I hate those people thinking that they know how to handle your child better than you do. I hate it when they make you feel uncomfortable. I hate when they blame me and tell you to get rid of me.
Remember me? I make you feel comfortable. I am the one that is here to reassure you. I am the one who brought you to where you are.
Tell all of those people to go away and leave us alone.
Allow me to introduce myself:
I am your ever present Codependency. Cunning, baffling and powerful, that’s me. I have stopped thousands of people from seeking the help that they need.
I love to catch you with an element of surprise. When you least suspect it, POW, here I am.
I enjoy pretending that I am your best friend. I have always given you comfort, haven’t I? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely and confused? When you wanted to keep everything quiet, stop the debate, make it all go away, didn’t you call me? I was there right away, wasn’t I? I agreed that it was the best thing you could do.
Yeah, I might make you hurt. I might make you cry. I might make you so numb that you can’t hurt or cry. Hey, that is when I am at my best. I will give you whatever you ask for and all I ask of you is a little bit of long-term suffering.
But I’ve always been there for you, right? When you wished everything could just be like it used to be, you invited me. When you said that we could handle things by ourselves now, I was the only one who would side with you. Together we were able to ignore all of the guidance and counseling that we didn’t like or agree with.
You know people don’t always, like, take me seriously. Anxiety and stress they take seriously, headaches they take seriously and high blood pressure they take seriously. Like, how dumb are they? Don’t they know that without my help a lot of these things wouldn't be possible sometimes? Funny, they always tell me that they hate me and yet I never come in uninvited. They choose to keep me in their lives. So many people have chosen me over reality and peace. I am so much easier, ya know.
More than you hate me; I hate all those goofy twelve-step programs. Your programs, your meetings, your Higher Power; they all weaken me and I can’t function in the manner that I am accustomed to.
So for now I will just lie here quietly. You won’t hear or see me but I will always be here.
When you're ready to go it alone again; I will be ready to live your life for you. When you are ready to live your life again; I will be here, all alone. But I will be here.
So until we meet again...
...I wish you would tell all of those people to go away and leave us alone.
Editors Note: Thanks to NA for providing the basis for this piece.
Come to our next PSST Meeting and learn all about dumping your Codependency.
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THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION 
I recently attended a recovery meeting where the leader went over the basics of what the Disease Of Addiction is. As one of our PSST parents said “I never wanted to visit the world of addiction but now that I am here; I will learn all that I can to help myself, my family and my child in our recovery.”
Following is a recap of the handout from the meeting.
Addiction is a disease which can be clearly defined and described. It is present when the use of mind altering substances causes any kind of continuing problems in any area of a person’s life. Even though their use of drugs / alcohol has harmful consequences on the individual emotionally, socially, mentally, physically and spiritually, he or she continues to use.
Addiction takes precedence over all [and devalues relationships] in life; God, family, friends, self and community.
ADDICTION IS:
1. PRIMARY – Addiction is NOT just a symptom of underlying problems, but a disease in its own right. Addiction treatment is successful, in part because it treats addiction as a primary illness.
Addiction causes mental, emotional, physical and spiritual problems – it is NOT the result them. These problems cannot be addressed, until the substance use stops. Some addicts do have emotional problems, which need treatment, but this is a separate issue from the addiction and must be treated as such.
2. PROGRESSIVE & PREDICTABLE – Once addiction starts it will get worse without treatment.
Addiction has a start and an end; addiction moves through a series of stages. If the addict stops using and then starts using again, they do not go back to the beginning, they pick up right where they left off.
Occasionally a crisis [i.e. school suspension, medical issue, job loss, arrest] may trigger a leveling off, or even an improvement, but over time and without treatment the disease of addiction will inevitably get worse. The problems that that addiction causes will become closer together, more intense and will spread into more areas of the addict’s life.
3. CHRONIC & PERMANENT – Once you have this disease you will always have it.
Addicts are able to lead normal lives, if they accept and maintain a solid program of recovery; but the disease remains present in remission and will become active again if the addict lets go of his or her sobriety program.
”One is too many; and One Thousand is never enough.” – recovery meeting saying
4. FATAL – ADDICTION KILLS, whether from a heart condition, high blood pressure, liver trouble, bleeding ulcer, suicide, overdose, car accident, bar fight or a drug deal gone bad - IF THE ADDICT CONTINUES TO USE.
Editor’s Note: There is a recovery meeting saying “Addiction will end in either Recovery, Jail, Institutionalization or Death.”
At our meeting the leader correctly pointed out that that saying can simple be shortened to “Addiction will end in either Recovery or Death.”
5. TREATABLE – The addict who is willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober can be given the necessary tools to maintain sobriety.
Editor’s Note: The addict is THE ONLY ONE that can work his or her recovery program. Parents, spouses, partners, children, family and friends can assist and support the addict – very often they want recovery more than the addict does – but you cannot work the program for them.
SIGNS & SYMPTOMS Following are signs and symptoms of the disease of addiction:
1. TOLERANCE – The state of progressively decreasing responsiveness to a drug. This results in the need to use increasingly greater amounts of drugs to obtain the desired effects.
Tolerance results in physical alterations to the central nervous system and the liver to function while under the influence of the substance.
2. WITHDRAWAL or abstinence syndrome. The physical symptoms relating to a declining amount of a substance in the body; this begins when the level of the drug in the body declines, not just when the substance is removed.
3. CRAVING & COMPULSION – The chain of thoughts, feelings and behaviors which tend to progress in severity and intensity unless they are interrupted. The following is a representation of that chain:
Dreaming > Conscious Thoughts > Arguments with self about using > Intrusive thoughts about using > Daydreams about the pleasurable aspects of using > Obsessive Thinking > Plotting to Use > Experiencing Powerful Withdrawal > Getting the Drug and Using It
Cravings begin at "Dreaming Level" and will progress over days, or weeks, until it sticks at the “Obsessive Thinking > Plotting to Use” Levels. This is where the addict must make their choice to put their recovery tools in place to stop their relapse process [i.e. attend meetings and ask for help / contact their sponsor] or to complete the chain and eventually relapse.
4. LOSS OF CONTROL
5. CONTINUED USE DESPITE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES - This is the hallmark of what it means to have the disease of addiction.
6. DENIAL / DISTORTED THINKING -- This is an addict’s defense mechanism to convince/justify to themselves that whatever it takes to procure the drug is normal and is worth the time and money invested. Denial allows them to put their addiction ahead of their family, friends, work and social responsibilities.
7. BLACKOUTS
GOOD NEWS: THERE IS HELP HERE FOR PARENTS & GUARDIANS
Please be aware that this is a very serious and potentially deadly situation that you and your child are involved in.
If you know, or even suspect, that your teenager is using controlled substances please attend one of our meetings or seek help with another group, facility or agency.
This is not something that you should attempt to resolve on your own. The longer that you wait to find assistance the more serious the consequences may be for you and your child.
Understand that your child's life and their future are more important than your community social standing, what your family, friends, boss or co-workers might say or think about you, your child's High School activities and graduation, and what college they may attend.
Many of us here at PSST once used these same excuses to delay looking for the help that our children needed.
PSST is here to EMPOWER YOU, THE PARENTS of teenage substance abusers with the support, information, skills and techniques a parent needs to help their teenager to save their life.
While there are no quick fixes, at the PSST Meetings we learn from other parents and professionals how to cure our codependency and how to end our enabling behavior.
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WHAT BAM BAM DID THIS SUMMER
As you may know my son Bam Bam was released after 60 days on July 1st. He had been placed into an in-patient recovery facility through ACT 53 . His discharge instructions included that he attend 90 meetings in 90 days. His counselor said she would be happy if he did at least three a week. He hasn't gone to any.
His 2nd ACT 53 hearing in July court-ordered him to mandatory, random drug tests at Juvenile court. I was ecstatic that I wouldn't have to administer them. However, when I took him to the first one (he didn't give me any trouble going downtown to court) he couldn't provide a sample even though there was a male screener with him. He told one of the workers to just to mark him as positive rather than wait.. She told him is she did it would show positive for 6 drugs.
He said he didn't care.
He then became belligerent with me. He was getting mad because he had to wait (only one person ahead of him) which was unavoidable as one of the workers was having problems with the camera.
There were a few other minor issues that got him more agitated. I had it and told him I was leaving and he could find his own way home. He followed me out and I noticed a deputy sort of following us probably thinking a fight was going to break out!
We called the act 53 case manager from the lobby and she said that if Bam provided a sample with a trusted male witness (he decided he could do this in front of his dad) or would consent to a blood test (he refused) we could do that.
However, the judge will know at the next hearing in September that he refused at court. So far he has had one 12 panel test and one weed only test and they have been negative. I intend to also screen for alcohol.
He is hanging out with his same friends and I'm sure at same places though they have been "going fishing" a lot. I did see a photo on his friend, Eddie's, Facebook showing him with a fish down by the river so maybe they are really fishing at least some of the times.
Bam's dad, Fred, spends a lot of time chauffeuring Bam and his friends around as they all don't drive.
Today Bam called home very upset to tell his dad that one of his friend's who was here this afternoon stole beer from our basement refrigerator (Fred had not removed it but did count it yesterday so he knew that this kid, I'll call him Celo, took 11 beers). I have told Fred his beer should be locked up but.....
They went out the back basement door so Fred didn't see them. Now, Bam said he didn't know about it. I'm not so sure but Fred believes him [of course]. However, now there is no key kept by the back door and ALL backpacks will be checked at the front door.
Bam is scheduled to go back to school at his home school as a senior at the beginning of September. I am hoping this works out as Cyber-School was a miserable failure.
EDITOR'S NOTE / OPINION: I do not know of a case of a child abusing drugs [including our son Cisco] that is able to handle the demands of Cyber-School. Don't waste your time.
We have a had few minor issues lately and Bam has been very good about following his curfew.
His 16-year old cousin that he is close to was arrested last week for possession. Bam said he needs to talk to "Cool J" to help keep him out of trouble but it's a little late for that. Maybe he will be joining some of our PSST campers soon.
Anyway, that is where we are for today.  Unfortunately, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope it stays on!
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Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it to the meetings in the last couple of months. However,I have a question for our Parents and Professionals. My 16-year old nephew was recently arrested for possession of a small (according to him) amount of marijauna. He lives in and was busted in the city. He wasn't taken to Shuman but his dad had to pick him up at one of the local police stations. This all happens the day after his mom comes home from the hospital (she was in over a week) after undergoing major abdominal surgery. Of course to him this is all a big joke and he tells his parents that nothing is going to happen to him-basically he thinks he will get off scot-free. He is still posting on his facebook pics of him smoking weed. 
