I AM 18. I AM AN ADULT. DOES ANYBODY CARE? - Jim
As Cheryl and I (Jim) have walked life’s path with our teenage addict, Andy; we’ve learned (much to our dismay) to navigate through the Juvenile Probation system.
Although, some may think that the “system” is harsh (reference Shuman), we’ve always found that it is very understanding (sometimes too much so) and eager to provide some form of program or assistance in an attempt to put our juveniles back on the right track.
This world of forgiveness and “do-overs” creates a cocoon of false security that it will always be this way for the juveniles, no matter what they do or how much trouble they get into.
Is this wrong?
I think not, because it gives the juvenile a chance to learn from the errors of their invincible, hormone driven ways without a permanent record.
Then comes their eighteenth birthday, a day of reckoning as they “legally” pass into adulthood. They cross this threshold without seeing or feeling the removal of the cocoon, nor our ability (as parents) to effectively intercede on their behalf. It is a cruel and rude awakening.
Suddenly, all of our past warnings of what life in adult jail would be like become their reality. Andy’s endless eye rolling and heavy sighing (are you done preaching yet?) are replaced with his tears and fears.
Tears that are shed during the daily fifteen minute collect calls and having to cover his face to hide his emotional weakness from his fellow inmates. Our once supposed self proclaimed tough street kid is now nothing but a scared little boy. So far out of his element, he is often afraid to leave his cell.
The newly incarcerated “adult” spends awhile in denial that this new “burden” is going to stick and hope that somehow they will once again escape with a slap on the wrist and a pat on the bum.
Denial gives way to anger that we as parents are not rescuing our little angels as we’ve done in the past…in a large part because we cannot and another part that we will not!
Anger turns to self loathing because of their (finally, now apparent to them) stupidity to have broken the law. Finally, deep remorse sets in. They have nothing to do but expend every waking hour contemplating their future, or lack of it. Their new despair anticipating the worst possible fate leads them to periods of great depression.
I’ve never been to the Allegheny County Jail, but recently I’ve talked to enough people that have been inside to believe that it is as nasty and gruesome as it is purported to be. Andy wouldn’t even submit a visitors list to be approved because he didn’t want us to see him there.
He now realizes after experiencing the adult system that nobody in jail cares about him as an individual.
Nobody cared when they stripped searched him.
Nobody cared that he didn’t shower or brush his teeth for five days while he waited in processing.
Nobody cares that he doesn’t have basic hygiene products.
Nobody cares that they only issued one inmate jumpsuit and underwear to him.
Nobody cares that he has to do his laundry while showering and hang it in his cell to dry.
Nobody cares!
I have lived my life believing: “Everything happens for a reason, it is always for the best, it just may not seem like it at the time.”
As we continue to learn the adult justice system (again, much to our dismay), we will continue to try to help Andy to the extent that the system will allow us.
The only positive aspect to this experience may be Andy’s negative memories in jail will override his desire to break the law in the future. Andy tells us that he would rather die than live in the jail.
Lesson learned? Only time will tell.
WHEN THE JUVENILE BECOMES AN ADULT ~ by Jim
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 10, 2011
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
Posted by:Rocco--Friday, September 09, 2011
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
We remember and pray for the innocent victims of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for the survivors of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.
We pray for our fire fighters, police, EMT, rescue workers, nurses, doctors and all public service personnel and for their loved ones that support them.
We pray for our U.S. Military men and women that dedicate their lives to protecting our freedom and for their loved ones that wait for their return.
We pray for our great nation; that tragedies, though terrible, bring us closer together not tear us apart, and continue to show the love and compassion we Americans are all capable of.
We pray for those who are tempted to think that violence accomplishes anything of lasting value in this world, in our country, in our cities, in our towns, in our neighborhoods or in our homes.
We pray for the peacemakers in the world. 
MAY GOD, WHO IS PEACE, BLESS AMERICA
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.
It's a Dog's Life
Posted by:Cheryl, Jim, Andy + 3 Stooges--Thursday, September 08, 2011
It’s a Dog’s Life!
In setting up rules for Andy, Jim came up with the analogy to our two dogs Zoe & Gizmo. *
Zoe is older & wiser at 8 years of age with 100% freedom in the house and outdoors.
Gizmo is 1 ½ years old, caged in the house while we are away from home and on a leash when outside.
On several occasions Jim has asked Andy how he would like to live his life at home and out in the community with two simple options:
1) Like Zoe, if you obey ALL the rules and make good decisions in your life you will be rewarded with the benefits of freedom regarding social life, curfews, additional privileges, ...
2) Or you can be Gizmo, who has yet to obey all rules/commands set for him and is getting into trouble 24/7. He can’t be trusted alone or while under our watchful eye; therefore when we are away from the home he must be placed in a kennel (cage) to prevent negative behavior. When he is permitted to go out with his friends (Zoe & Finnegan) he must be kept on a leash at all times to keep from running away.
It’s up to Andy, or any other teen that is pushing the envelope of house & society rules.
How does your teen want to live their life under your roof?
*Editors note: names have been changed to protect Gizmo's privacy!
Cheryl, Jim, Andy, Zoe & Gizmo
Read More......
Tom Workman to be guest this Saturday at PSST (Wexford)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, September 07, 2011
We've been having interesting guests of late. This Saturday will be no different as Tom Workman, Director of Liberty Station Halfway House, will be our guest. Primarily, Tom wants to observe; however, there are some changes at Liberty Station of which he wishes to advise our group.
Tom has many years of experience at Abraxas Center for Adolescent Females. EVERYONE seems to agree that Tom has brought badly needed changes to Liberty Station, where dicipline, structure, and accountability is more important than ever.
Also, thanks in part to assertive PSST parents, (you know who you are) Liberty Station is updating and "following" it's own handbook!!!!!
Type rest of the post here
A question from Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 04, 2011
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it to the meetings in the last couple of months. However,I have a question for our Parents and Professionals. My 16-year old nephew was recently arrested for possession of a small (according to him) amount of marijauna. He lives in and was busted in the city. He wasn't taken to Shuman but his dad had to pick him up at one of the local police stations. This all happens the day after his mom comes home from the hospital (she was in over a week) after undergoing major abdominal surgery. Of course to him this is all a big joke and he tells his parents that nothing is going to happen to him-basically he thinks he will get off scot-free. He is still posting on his facebook pics of him smoking weed.
The arresting officer did tell the cocky teen that if he is busted again he will become acquainted with Shuman. This is the cousin my son, Bam Bam, recently was hanging out with.
Thanks for any information/advice/thoughts you may have.
Wilma
