Hot Day for Conversations
It was so nice to see ya'll at today's meeting. I still get so much help at PSST, so I keep coming for that reason and for the donuts and good coffee too!!
Thank YOU, Jerry, for being a special guest today. You were an integral part of our PSST meeting. Your insight is so valuable.
When we got home today, I suggested to Rocco that he and I put on our scrubby clothes and wash the cars. Rocco went out first to start vacuuming the vehicles and I decided to have a short conversation with Cisco. He was home on a pass and anxious to go out with some friends.
I intended that the conversation would be short and sweet and go like this:
Moms: You said in the car on the way home today that Jerry feels you did your program well and that it would be good for you to get an apt or move home. You made $30.00 this week and if you are serious about getting an apt. or coming home you should let me put a little bit of that money away for you. How about if you give me $5.00 to put in a savings account?
Cisco: Good idea mum, here take ten it will accrue more interest. I'm going to Terri's and will call ya later so don’t worry about me tonight. Love ya.
Moms: Love you too, have fun!
That is what I hoped for but this is what happened:
I decided at the last moment to try to accomplish two things, (one) Interject that IF he comes home his father will be in charge and what his dad says will be what goes. (two) Get him to save a few bucks
Note: I should have stuck with just trying to get him to save a few dollars for his future.
Mom: Cisco you know that I have been married to your dad for a long time and I respect his opinion. Dad and I talked about if you came home and.........
Cisco:[cuts mom off]: If I come home? SO dad doesn’t want me to come home!?
Mom: I cannot say what dad thinks or feels but I can tell you what I feel, sometimes I want you to come home and sometimes I do not. I am on the fence about it. However, if you do come home I want you to know that dad gets the final say on things. Dad is in charge.
Cisco: I don’t think I can come home. You are hard to get along with. I have trouble getting along with you. You tell me things that I already know and when I say “I know” you just keep telling me anyway.
Mom: You are right, Cisco, if we cannot hold a simple conversation I don’t see how we can live in the same house. You respect Jerry enough that you have conversations with him and you listen to each other.
Can we try that?
Cisco: Jerry does not always have a ‘retort’ every time I say something, plus he understands me.
Mom:: I’m glad you pointed that out to me. I do have something to say every time you say something to me and even if I don't try to, you sometimes think I am being sarcastic. [said with sincerity] I will work on that.
Cisco: [a little more settled] You have to understand that I have been institutionalized for a long time and I get edgy.
Mom: [Mom shakes her head in understanding then moves on to point number two] Let’s talk about saving a few dollars for an apt. Will you give me $5.00 to put away for you?
Cisco: I only have $28.00 left how about if I give you two? [pulls two dollars out of his wallet]
Mom is thankful to get two dollars for savings [remember: baby steps] and records the amount in notebook and puts money in an envelope.
- END OF ROLE PLAY
Kathie and I had a productive meeting this week and she sure knows her stuff. She had some excellent suggestions for job and skilled labor training opportunities for Cisco. Kathie also had some suggestions for living arrangements.
It is probably best for Cisco's next step to be learning a skill and then holding down a job. Rocco and my role as parents of a nineteen year old is to lay out some suggestions for our son and then let him choose the roads he will travel.
I bet I should take Lloyd’s advice which is: Let the fact that Cisco wants a different place to live be Cisco’s problem which requires Cisco’s solution. Lloyd is wise. He wrote a post on this titled: Solutions vs. Problems What Do Our Teenagers Need the Most. Click here to go to that post.
I went out and helped wash the dirty cars and talked with Rocco. He liked the idea of letting Cisco solve his own problems and he liked another idea that Lloyd came up with recently:
If our teens want to come home they need to apply for the privilege. They should write down reasons why we should allow this to happen. (Basically have them write their own home contract and then negotiate the terms with them)
Then Rocco squirted me with the hose and a new battle began! It was such a hot day and the cool water felt good.
Hot Day for Conversations ~ Sally
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 03, 2011
S.O.S. Families Anonymous Meeting - Tuesday Night - Squirrel Hill
Posted by:Rocco--Saturday, September 03, 2011
TEENAGE ADDICTION CONCERNS? NEED SOME MORE PARENTAL SUPPORT? ARE YOU NOT SURE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP?
"S.O.S. FAMILIES ANONYMOUS GROUP" Squirrel Hill meets, Every Tuesday night from 6:00 - 7:30PM
We hope you will join us at:
Gateway Rehab Squirrel Hill
5818 Forbes Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15217
Click Here For Map
Near the intersection of Forbes Ave and Murray Ave
CALL: (412) 697-0928
What exactly is Families Anonymous? - click on Read More
Families Anonymous is a 12 Step Support Group for Anyone whose life has been adversely affected by another person's use of drugs, alcohol, or related behavioral issues.
NO Fees - NO last names used - NO forms to fill out
NO formal sign-up – NO obligation – NO commitment
NO saying “I’m Sorry”
Families Anonymous is a group of concerned parents, relatives and friends whose lives have been adversely affected by a loved one's addiction to alcohol or drugs.
Every one of us has made the same statement at one time or another...
"But I'm not the one who needs help!"
It was obvious that someone else near to us was the one with problems.
Many of us were amazed, annoyed, saddened or shocked that our children refused our help, maybe even resented our efforts to help and would not acknowledge that they have a problem.
Families Anonymous is dedicated to doing something constructive about our approach to our loved one's problems. We learn from our own experience, but we can also get a great deal of benefit from the shared misery and foolish mistakes we make while trying to do the best we possibly can do.
That realization, in itself, goes a long way in helping us to start feeling good about ourselves... and, amazingly, sets the stage for the recovery for both of us in many, many cases.
Please join us on Tuesday nights from 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Allow Families Anonymous to Help You on Your Road to Recovery.
Click on Families Anonymous for more information on who and what we are.
Jerry Stradford from First Step Recovery will be our guest at tomorrow's PSST.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, September 02, 2011
Jerry Stradford from First Step Recovery will be our guest at tomorrow's PSST. Over the years Jerry has worked tirelessly with recovering adults in the halfway house type setting of First Step Recovery. First Step houses recovering adults and provides group therapy and support for 12-step recovery.
While Jerry will primarily coming to observe a PSST meeting, he will of course be able to answer questions from parents as well. Jerry has a strong background in addictions and has developed an expertise in counseling people in recovery. Jerry has worked with several teenagers from Juvenile Probation as well as older adults.
Read More......
Myths About Alcohol - A.S.K.
Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, September 01, 2011
Myths About Alcohol from Adolescent Substance abuse Knowledge base (adolescent-substance-abuse.com)
Stop thinking of your children and their friends as either "good" kids or "bad" kids. Good kids drink too! Most kids experiment with alcohol and drugs, no matter what their background, intelligence or level of responsibility. This, in and of itself, does not make them "bad". It makes them "kids!"
"Alcohol is the number one drug of choice among our Nation's youth. Yet the seriousness of this issue does not register with the general public or policymakers." - Dr. Enoch Gordis, M.D., Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIH)
Some parents breathe a sigh of relief when they find their child is "just" drinking alcohol and not using drugs, but it is a myth that alcohol is a "better" drug. Alcohol abuse, drunk driving, and alcohol-related diseases take a major toll on our society, and children who begin drinking at a young age are at much higher risk of developing problems.
Alcohol is by far the drug of choice among adolescents.
It is the most used and abused mood-altering substance among pre-teens and teenaged children. Although some teens report it is easier to get illegal drugs than buy alcohol, the overall social acceptability of alcohol and the pervasive advertising that suggests alcohol creates a positive and rewarding experience often leads both teens and their parents to think drinking is simply a rite of passage with little danger over the long run.
Some studies suggest that there could be as many as four million alcoholics under the age of 18, three years younger than the legal drinking age. The age when children begin drinking alcohol has decreased over the last few decades.
Many children are already experimenting with alcohol in the fifth grade, many more than were just 10 years ago when teens were more likely to start drinking in eighth or ninth grade.
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 40% of ninth-graders report that they tried alcohol before the age of 13 and had used alcohol within the past month.
One of the detrimental consequences of this increase in drinking among children still in elementary school is that it has a greater effect on cognitive development at this young age. Students who use alcohol remember much less of their academic work than those who do not use alcohol.
Also, statistics clearly show that the younger a child is when he or she begins drinking, the more likely they are to develop problems with alcohol as adults. According to a report in the Journal of Substance Abuse, more than 40% of individuals who start drinking before the age of 13 will develop alcohol abuse problems later in life (Grant, BF, & Dawson, DA. 9:103-110, 1997).
Some major factors that influence a child's decision to begin drinking are:
- the number of peers within their immediate environment who have started to drink
- the number of adults they have regular contact with who have an alcohol problem
- the amount of the time the child is alone in the home (limited supervision)
Exposure to alcohol advertising also influences children by creating a positive attitude toward alcohol use. If children view alcohol in a positive light, they are more likely to drink at a younger age.
Children who start drinking at a young age are more likely to experiment later with illegal drugs. Yet, many children report that although they learn early on about the dangers of drugs, many do not learn about the dangers of drinking alcohol (The Weekly Reader National Survey on Drugs and Alcohol. Middleton, CT: Field Publications, 1995)
What keeps children alcohol-free?
- Children who have strong communication with their parents are less likely to drink.
- Children whose parents set clear rules and expectations are less likely to use alcohol.
- Children whose parents discipline them when they break the rules are also less likely to use alcohol.
If you know, or even suspect, that your teen is using alcohol, drugs or any mind altering substance please come to our next PSST Meeting. There is no cost and no commitment.
Hosting Teen Parties: What's Your Liability?
I know what you're thinking: "This doesn't apply to me. I didn't 'provide' the alcohol because I told those kids they could not drink it." This slight technicality will probably matter little to a jury staring at a paraplegic victim. You were in the best position to ensure Johnny didn't drink your beer.
To read the rest of this article click on: What's Your Liability?
For more information on teen substance abuse from A.S.K. click on ADOLESCENT SUBSTANCE ABUSE KNOWLEDGE BASE
For more info click on: "Alcohol Can Kill; Alcohol Poisoning"
Personality Disorder as the Underlying Force Driving All Negative Behavors - by Cheryl
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, August 29, 2011
Personality Disorders and Drug & Alcohol Abuse
I have been reviewing the laundry list of licensed social workers, psychologists & psychiatrists we have seen over the past 6 years with Andy (now 18) and all of the diagnoses he has received.
A specialist in dual disorders stated:
*a personality disorder as the underlying force driving all negative behaviors.
*It is illegal to diagnose a personality disorder in anyone under 18 years of age but a disorder may be hinted at.
"A person must be at least 18 years old to be diagnosed, though the pattern can begin in early childhood or adolescence. Called 'conduct disorder' in children and 'antisocial behavior' in adults, this untreated and unresolved behavior pattern can develop into sociopathic behavior."
Click on Causes of Sociopathic Behavior for the complete article.
One psychiatrist stated ‘Bi-Polar Type 2 with Mania’. The Mania stems from a stable emotional balance for 3 months and then self destruct for a period of 5-7 days and then level out again for another period of 3 months.
Other Licensed Social Workers, Counselors and Psychologists have given their opinions of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder' (ODD) with 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' (ADHD); anxiety and depression with an addictive personality.
All Educational Psychologists have concluded that Andy is in the near genius level of intelligence. He graduated with a 4.0 his senior year of high school because he was in placement and off of alcohol and drugs.
We were so very proud of Andy as he even tutored other residents in the facility!
Whose opinion do you trust? What do you want to believe and especially what diagnosis do you truly NOT want to believe, but must, for the sake of your family and the community?
I decided to do a little more research on my own today and found three facts listed below that apply to personality disorders and drug & alcohol abuse:
1 - Those with antisocial personality disorder lack normal feelings of responsibility and compassion and thus have little motivation to restrain their reactions.
2 - Alcoholism and other addictions, like pot/marijuana, prescriptions drugs, cocaine, etc, are the result of a personality disorder.
3- Addiction is extremely toxic, and greatly worsens the effects of a personality disorder. But if the substance abuse stops, the underlying personality disorder is still there. http://www.livestrong.com
Unfortunately, we as parents of a child with a personality disorder have experienced these three facts for 15 years (Oh, the first three years were wonderful; he didn't begin talking until the age of three as he had three older brothers to talk for him!)
Jim & I love Andy dearly (our children are Our Hearts walking on this earth.) We can’t punish him anymore; the legal system has had to take over that end of parenting, but we can love Andy, counsel him on his future decisions if he is willing to listen and want our input.
That is up to Andy, and we are sure he will tell us when to get lost.
Carry on Soldiers!
Cheryl, Jim & Andy
