We are saddened to announce that Mary (Hackett) Challburg; a long-standing attendee of the PSST meetings has passed away. She gave hope and encouragement to many parents and she wrote on the PSST blog.
We will miss you, Mary.
May you rest in peace.
In Appreciation of Mary's Life and Her Contributions to Us...
We have Included this Song Click Here
MARY (HACKETT) CHALLBURG
Age 48, of Mount Lebanon, on Tuesday evening, July 19, 2011.
Loving mother of Eric, Alexa and Jennifer Challburg; daughter of the late Patricia Hackett and Daniel A.; cherished sister of Jean (Tom) Dugan, Cathy (Jeff) Kennedy, Dan (Joah) Hackett, Janet (Joseph) King, Tricia (Bob) Stocker and the late John P. Hackett; also survived by her husband Scott; and 21 nieces and nephews.
Mary graduated from the University of Pittsburgh with a Bachelor of Science degree in Social Work. She was employed as a social worker and therapist with Wesley Spectrum Services.
Friends will be welcomed at LAUGHLIN MEMORIAL CHAPEL, 222 Washington Road, Mt. Lebanon Friday 1-4 and 6-9 p.m. Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated in Saint Bernard Church, Saturday morning at 10 o'clock. Interment Queen of Heaven Cemetery.
If desired, memorials may be made to Wesley Spectrum Services, 221 Penn Ave., Wilkinsburg, PA 15221.
www.laughlinfuneralhome.com
Send condolences at post-gazette.com/
Click Here to Link to Mary's Post - A Mother's Letter to the Disease
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In Sympathy ~ Mary (Hackett) Challburg
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, July 21, 2011
Grounding the Helicopter Parents! ~ Written By Cheryl
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Grounding the Helicopter Parents! ~ Written By Cheryl
Parents and children are naturally inside of one hula-hoop from beginning to end. An unbroken circle of love, trust, loyalty and honesty.
How do you step out of your son’s hula-hoop, at the advice of career specialists in dual disorders, when normal human parental instinct, from their first prenatal kick says “I will be there for you, unconditionally, in the good times and the bad?”But this is our child, it is our job to raise him, guide him, instill morals, good work ethics and character and, most importantly, love him until our last breath
How do you process the information on your sons recent, multiple, E.R. visits who has been in placement for 12 months?
But we have been there for his broken nose at age 3, first bee sting, first tooth loss, multiple strep infections, broken arm, Western Psychiatric Adolescent Unit admission and annual wellness check-ups. We have recorded every pound our four sons have gained, every inch they grew from birth to 17.
How do you step back and listen to counselors, doctors, placement staff, and probation officers who seem to know your child better than you do?
But this is our sacred space! How did all these people get into our hula-hoop?
How do you rationally explain to an eighteen year old that his parents will no longer financially support him?
But Dad and Mom have always been there to supply the most basic needs in life; shelter, clothing, food and, yes, many wonderful extras. It’s their responsibility, right? However, to supply funds means supplying an alcohol and drug habit that is a non-negotiable line item.
How do you tell your eighteen year old child that he may no longer live in the home with his parents, siblings and pets?
But it is our job as parents to provide for our children…..
Many long, agonizing, years of behavior disorders, substance abuse and lies had us hovering over our child with each step he took, every decision he made; home, school and legal repercussions. We have spent hours driving to and from family counseling sessions, out-patient facilities, court rooms, detention centers and in-patient facilities so our son would not feel forgotten or un-loved.
We are attempting to ground our helicopter instincts, although today the blades are whirling after yet another “I’m leaving this facility, I don’t care if I go back to Shuman” phone call last evening.
Our hula-hoop now contains our other three sons with an additional small hula-hoop for our dual-disorder child. We will always visit and help guide his life decisions regarding mental and physical health, living conditions and work; but he needs to have a separate hula-hoop from the rest of our immediate family until he can manage his disorders and life; less the legal systems involvement.
Coming to terms with re-inventing our family in order to protect the health and well being of the rest of us is a difficult mournful process. Our helicopter still has a full tank of fuel but for today…the skies are too threatening to take off…
Cheryl, Jim & Andy
Beaver's in the Driver's Seat - written by June
Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Upon reflection of my recent behavior at home, I have realized something. As a single mom, I have been having an extremely hard time letting Beaver "figure it out". "June, why are you beating yourself up [again]?" I asked myself, tapping my high heels and twirling my pearls. It finally dawned on me that if I let Beaver do something that caused him to perhaps fall flat on his face, that I would be pegged as a failure at being a Mom.
Beaver has not been at home very much the last couple of years due to placement(s) in various rehab facilities. The fact that he is now home, working, and 18 [wahoo], with a dual diagnosis [another wahoo] has made the protective mother bear in me very prevalent. I do not want to see my son fail, no way—no how.
"June, pull your head out of your behind," I said to myself. Side note - I am pondering whether I should permanently dye my hair brown, because of where it seems to be residing much of the time. Anyway……when I finally identified the reasons why I am feeling the way I do, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. And, it also helped me realize why I always feel the tears coming when I talk about this. My feeling of being a failure [which I’m not] leads to feelings of sadness [which is just plain stupid]. I got hold of my big girl pants and gave a mighty upward tug. YAHOO! I am not a failure—I am helping Beaver become an adult who can make positive decisions, learn from mistakes, and not fall apart in the interim.
Two letters to the Court reprinted from our blog archive.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, July 17, 2011
Pen-names have been used instead of real names:
Victim Impact Letter - by a PSST Mother
Originally Posted by:Sally--Sunday, December 05, 2010
Jane comes to the PSST meetings regularly. Her son, Elroy has a court hearing this week. Jane would like to read the following letter to the judge. We hope the judge takes this into account and that Elroy gets the help he so desperately needs.
"Here is what I know:
"Our family has been devastated, fractured, and nearly destroyed by drug abuse. We have been dealing with this for 10 years starting with my step-son who is now incarcerated in a state prison due to his actions while being under the influence of drugs. His drug problems began after his 18th birthday and he refused treatment. The chaos that has ensued has literally nearly destroyed our lives, our marriage, and our home.
"As Elroy’s mother I see a similar pattern forming in his behaviors:
• He has been suspended from school, skipped classes, had numerous detentions, his grades have deteriorated, where he once talked about going to college, he now displays no interest or motivation and was most likely too impaired from being out all night to even show up to take a scheduled SAT exam. .
• He has been cited several times for disorderly conduct, possessing drug paraphernalia, curfew violations, stealing, and cheating in school.
• He has put himself in dangerous situations where he has been assaulted and sustained one if not 2 concussions, requiring an ambulance ride to the ER.
• He has no respect for the rules of our home and most often will “disappear” at least one night of every week-end and not come home, nor will he call, and we have no idea where he is, what he is doing, or if he is alive.
• I have found drug paraphernalia in my home including, pipes, marijuana, papers, lighters, numerous empty Visine bottles, home made bongs/pipes made from pop cans and bottles, “grinders”, and toilet paper rolls stuffed with dryer sheets…all of which I still have in my possession and will utilize, if needed, to press charges. I have found blunts on my second floor roof that he has thrown out the window from the 3rd floor, ashes and seeds on my bathroom floor, and attempts at germinating marijuana seeds in our home.
• He has stolen liquor and beer from our home and often he is “too sick” to go to school after being up late vomiting. He has had the poor judgment to video tape himself on my camera bragging that he drank an entire bottle of wine and later, that same evening took our vehicle without our permission. He also taped himself smoking a pipe of marijuana on a neighbors back patio.
• He has distanced himself from the good relationships he had previously had with his grandparents and other family members, all of which love him dearly and worry about his safety. His current circle of friends has similarly had legal troubles and will be lucky if they graduate from high-school.
• He has stolen money and personal property from our home.
• As his mother, I will do whatever it takes to save his life. I will fight to do what it takes despite the anger, resentment, and the possible estrangement that may ensue to make sure he has a chance for a safe, productive life.
"What I fear the most:
* That without the opportunity of treatment that this downward spiral will continue and that instead of receiving a phone call that my son has been injured and arrive at the scene to find him being placed in a neck brace and on a back board before being transported to the hospital in an ambulance, that I will arrive on the scene to find him being placed on a gurney with a sheet over his face and being transported in a Coroner’s vehicle. I am here pleading to save his life."
Editors Note: So far, since finishing treatment Elroy has stayed clean. He has had issues that his mother and probation are working together to address, but so far the progression of his disease has been arrested. Every day clean is one more day that Elroy's teenage brain does not suffer from the toxic effects of drugs.
Editors Note2: If you want more of Jane's story, simply put "Jane" into our search window. For example, Visit 2 with Elroy is one of several that will show.
Letter Two:
YOUR HONOR, TODAY I SPEAK AS A CONCERNED LOVING PARENT...
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, September 07, 2007
This letter was read to one of our Juvenile Court Judges in 2007 by a PSST mother. We also borrowed this scenario at a PSST meeting for a courtroom role-play. Much thanks to the brave parents who granted permission for this letter to be posted. Both parents were present and gave testimony at the hearing.
Apparently, the hearing took quite a while for the Judge to sort out and the teenager's Public Defender argued for a less restrictive disposition. However, the Judge in the case ordered inpatient treatment and he directly confronted the teenager about the seriousness of his drug problem. Below is the actual letter. Only the teenager's name has been changed and the name of a drug treatment program has been deleted.
"Your Honor, Today I speak as a concerned loving parent, not a Drug and Alcohol professional. As I perceive the situation there are two Jarred's in this courtroom- the Jarred before drugs and the Jarred that has become a chronic Marijuana user.
"The Jarred before drugs was an A-B student, played sports, was trustworthy, interacted with our family and made us laugh. Once the chemical took hold of Jarred- we see a completely different child. One who begins to fail school, one who requires approximately 45 minutes to be awakened in the morning that leads to Jarred yelling and screaming, kicking and fighting with us. We now receive numerous phone calls and letters from the school informing us that Jarred's grades are falling and even though he is in school he is constantly late for his First Period Class. He is also sleeping in class and being required to attend multiple behavior modification programs and in-school detentions and suspensions. He doesn't play any sports and really shows no interest in any activities. He verbally abuses us, lies to us and steals from us. He certainly wants almost no interaction with our family. We are so sad now and tried to help him with 2 outpatient programs, two inpatient programs, four drug and alcohol therapists, a psychiatrist, and ICM, and Cactus.
"DESPITE ALL THAT WE ENDED UP HERE!
"We do not feel Jarred is a criminal or a bad kid. He has just made some poor choices and needs some direction to the right path. Whatever is decided is out of our hands. I would just like to say that we do not feel comfortable sending Jarred to the the [name of facillity deleted] inpatient facility, since the last time he was there he ended up in the hospital due to getting possession of a razor blade and trying to tattoo his upper arm. We feel that the supervision was inadequate.
"We miss the old Jarred and would love to have him back, but through this crazy journey with him we understand that the ultimate choice is up to him- no matter what is decided today.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!"
Editors Note3: This young man stayed clean from marijuana and drugs after his release from rehab. He had other issues, but today he is clean, graduated from high school, and is employed fulltime and doing very well for himself. His parents, who attended a lot of PSST and one year were chosen as Parents of the Year in Allegheny County still ocassionlly attend PSST. They would be the first to admitt it took a long time to turn Jarred around, but it all was worth it in the end.
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FYI: Download Brochures Section updated
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, July 16, 2011
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| Click picture to enlarge. |
If you have any trouble downloading these leave a comment or email me at lloyd.woodward@alleghenycourts.us.
If you are downloading in word (.doc) format you may have to save the brochure to your computer before it will open. PDF brochure should just open up.
Now you can email our brochures or print them out for people. Thanks for your patience becasue since we got the new location in Mt. Lebanon our brochures have been outdated. Read More......
