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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Message of hope
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, July 15, 2011
 I just got this email today from a mother who attended PSST regularly a few years back. I'm not sure if she ever had a pen name. Let's call him Bryson and we'll call her Donna to protect anonymity.
-----Original Message----- From: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 9:40 AM
To: Woodward, Lloyd
Subject: Bryson
3 years clean and sober today!!!! His business is thriving and he is engaged. His fiancee has a 3 year old daughter which he loves as his own child. On June 30th he became a father. Thank you again for the part you played in his recovery. I am so incredibly proud of him.
-----Original Message-----
From: Woodward, Lloyd
To: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Cc: Ketter, Valerie ; Woodward, Lloyd
Sent: Fri, Jul 15, 2011 9:44 am
Subject: RE: Bryson
I saw his clean date came up on my calendar today and I was going to give him a call! Can we post anonymously on our blog? Do you ever check our blog out still? Thanks a million, Donna- you did a great job playing a no-more-enabling parent. I will cc Val- she will be thrilled to hear this :-)
-----Original Message-----
From: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 9:49 AM
To: Woodward, Lloyd
Subject: Re: Bryson
You sure can post on the blog. Parents need to know there is hope!Bryson still has the same # and I do still check the blog.
-----Original Message-----
From: Woodward, Lloyd
To: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Cc: Ketter, Valerie
Sent: Fri, Jul 15, 2011 9:49 am
Subject: RE: Bryson
Thanks Donna!
-----Original Message-----
From: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 9:54 AM
To: Woodward, Lloyd
Subject: Re: Bryson
I'm THINKING about writing the story of my journey for your blog. I will e-mail it to you and you can decide if you can use it.
-----Original Message-----
From: Woodward, Lloyd
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 10:03 AM
To: [removed]@aol.com [mailto:[removed]@aol.com
Subject: RE: Bryson
I'm sure we would use it. We have four parent-editors now. WE love to print stories. Did you ever have a pen-name for purposes of the blog? That has made it much easier for parents to share their stories with us. Your story is a really really good one- what a miracle!
Note from Lloyd: This is very encouraging. There are times at PSST when it seems like everyone is sort of stuck in the process. Donna was like that too. She made a strong commitment to do what she could to help, but to no longer enable Bryson. Bryson spent a long time in placement.
Once he was released, he relapsed to Heroin. Donna insisted that he move into a 3/4 way house after he was released from inpatient. Then, there was more relapses. There is a lot more to the story and it is truly inspiring. Finally, Bryson signed himself into Alpha House. He completed the program and three years still going strong...
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There is confusion about Home Contracts developed by parents separately from Probation Contracts. Is a Home Contract the same as the Conditions of Supervision developed by the Probation Officer for teenagers who are on Probation or on Consent Decree? No. Are they related? Yes. This is how the two work together although I'm sure that different Probation Officers might have different views on this. The goal of this post is to see how the two can compliment each other.
First, one of the Conditions of Supervision should refer to following rules set by parents. I am thinking of adding this one to the standard ones that I use; however, number 17 of my standard COS states this:
17) Make sure that a parent approves of all activities and plans. Complete tasks set by parent. Do not carry more than $20.00 cash. Parents should manage all money by saving monies in excess of 20.00. No overnights at friend's houses. Get up by 9:00 AM or earlier each morning.
(New Clause) The above has been replaced with: Follow parent-rules and/ or Home Contract. Accept consequences from parents. Make sure that a parent approves of all activities and plans; avoid unaccounted blocks of time. Treat parents with respect. Complete tasks set by parent. Parents should assist money-management. Do not carry large sums of money. No overnights at friend's houses. Get up by 9:00 AM or earlier each morning.
Probably, some of the confusion is that I didn't spell it out clearly enough before that the teenager needs to follow rules set up by his parents. That has been added. Even if you have an older contract, you can see that if a parent needs to "approve of all activities and plans," and "complete tasks set by parents", that the Probation Contract is already very supportive of any contract set up by parents.
I also explain to each of my probationers that parents, not me, will do the heavy lifting when it comes to holding teens accountable for their behaviors, decisions, etc. So, if there is a curfew violation, parents hold teenagers responsible. PO may advise. Parents need to take an action to let the teenager know that this behavior is unacceptable.
However, there are times that I as a Probation Officer step in to hold teenagers accountable. I spell this out for the teenager and now since I've gotten so many good questions about this I'm going to add it in writing on my Probation Contract. When does a Probation Officer step in?
For the following events the Probation Officer will admit the Probationer to Shuman Center and not release before a Detention Hearing is held. At that time, anything is possible from release, one-week boot camp, Electronic Home Monitor, House Arrest or Detain and hold for appearance within ten days before a Judge.
1. A strong suspicion of drug abuse. We have zero tolerance for drug abuse and that of course includes alcohol. Some teens have been known to beat me to the punch by admitting themselves to short-term inpatient drug rehab. Still, upon release they may have to make the shuman trip but perhaps not.
2. A pattern of contacts with old people with whom they used drugs. (The first several violations can be handled by parents. Parents help the PO to know when is the right time so say enough is enough.)
3. When the teenager is outside of parental control or if the parent requests that PO takes action.- e.g., parent holds teen accountable and teen refuses as in “you’re grounded” followed by “the hell I am- I’m out of here!” This also reinforces the parental contract. Parents hold teens accountable, if the teen won’t let the parent do that, then they deal with me. If they won’t let me do that, then they deal with police/ judge type of thing. If the parent requests that PO take action the teenager is probably outside of parental control.
4. Criminal behavior that results in, or could result in, new charges. For example, taking a parent's car without permission is criminal behavior. Even if the parents would rather not press those charges, it is still alleged Unauthorized Use of Motor Vehicle. The last time that happened we scheduled a Walk-in Detention Hearing. The youth was sanctioned but not detained; however, he was almost detained.
5. Failure to adjust or complete an inpatient treatment program or Court Placement. This could be a voluntary program paid for by insurance where the teenager is discharged for noncompliance or it could be a Court Commitment that is paid for by the County. Halfway Houses and 3/4 Quarter way Recovery Houses are included in this category.
I think this covers everything. Of course suicidal behavior and suicidal ideation is a concern. Usually, a 302 or Voluntary commitment accessed by the Emergency Room of a hospital is preferable to Shuman Center. Upon discharge, however, a trip to Shuman may be in order depending on whether there are other violations and/ or if this also constitutes a Failure to adjust (complete) a inpatient treatment program.
It can be difficult for parents to be honest with Probation. Parents become afraid that the teenager will be taken to Shuman Center. Still, keeping secrets for the teenager is very dangerous. Any keeping of significant secrets regarding Violations of Probation OR violations of Home Contracts almost always lead to more violations. For more on this click on BEST WAYS TO STOP ENABLING: WHAT TEENS IN TREATMENT TELL US.
Also, if you read the five scenarios in which someone would be taken to Shuman you can see in that as long as teenagers are allowing their parents to hold them accountable, that probably won't happen. Even if a teen is taken to Shuman he might be released at a Detention Hearing albeit under tighter supervision of some sort. On the other hand, sometimes Shuman is just the ticket for keeping someone clean, safe, and alive.
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In the last news article I shared with those of you who are PSST (enter in the search bar "It's The Dopamine, Stupid " to read), one of the top addiction researchers in the country (if not the world) shared undeniable evidence of why addiction needs to be classified as a disease, and sobriety treated in a way similar to a cancer patient in remission; with on going follow-up. It is the hope that the entire medical and legal community accept this evidance as fact, so it may positively affect courses of treatment, insurance coverage, and improve social attitudes in the community and the workplace. I was thrilled to read in this mornings' paper the following article. Medical schools are stepping up to the plate, having Addiction Medicine as an accredited specialty, in which a resident may train and practice. Addiction is a disease that must be managed over a lifetime, with on-going support similar to diabetes management. If only these people would come to a PSST meeting, we coulda told them!!
MED SCHOOLS OFFERING RESIDENCIES FOR ADDICTION
By Douglas Quenqua, The New York Times
There is an age-old debate over alcoholism: Is the problem in the sufferer's head -- something that can be overcome through willpower, spirituality or talk therapy, perhaps -- or is it a physical disease, one that needs continuing medical treatment in much the same way as, say, diabetes or epilepsy?
Increasingly, the medical establishment is putting its weight behind the latter diagnosis. In the latest evidence, 10 medical schools have just introduced the first accredited residency programs in addiction medicine, where doctors who have completed medical school and a primary residency will be able to spend a year studying the relationship between addiction and brain chemistry.
"This is a first step toward bringing recognition, respectability and rigor to addiction medicine," said David Withers, who oversees the new residency program at the Marworth Alcohol and Chemical Dependency Treatment Center in Waverly, Pa., just north of Scranton.
The goal of the residency programs, which started July 1 with 20 students at the various schools, is to establish addiction medicine as a standard specialty along the lines of pediatrics, oncology or dermatology. The residents will treat patients with a range of addictions -- to alcohol, drugs, prescription medicines, nicotine and more -- and study the brain chemistry involved as well as the role of heredity.
"In the past, the specialty was very much targeted toward psychiatrists," said Nora D. Volkow, the neuroscientist in charge of the National Institute on Drug Abuse. "It's a gap in our training program." She called the lack of substance-abuse education among general practitioners "a very serious problem."
Schools offering the one-year residency are St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital in New York City, the University of Maryland Medical System, the University at Buffalo School of Medicine, the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine, the University of Minnesota Medical School, the University of Florida College of Medicine, the John A. Burns School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, Marworth and Boston University Medical Center. Some, like Marworth, have been offering programs in addiction medicine for years, simply without accreditation.
The new accreditation comes courtesy of the American Board of Addiction Medicine, or ABAM, which was founded in 2007 to help promote the medical treatment of addiction. The group aims to get the program accredited by the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education, a step that requires, among other things, establishing the program at a minimum of 20 schools. But it would mean that the addictions specialty would qualify as a "primary" residency, one that a newly minted doctor could take right out of school.
Richard Blondell, the chairman of the training committee at the ABAM, said the group expected to accredit an additional 10-15 schools this year.
The rethinking of addiction as a medical disease rather than a strictly psychological one began about 15 years ago, when researchers discovered through high-resonance imaging that drug addiction resulted in actual physical changes to the brain.
Armed with that understanding, "the management of folks with addiction becomes very much like the management of other chronic diseases, such as asthma, hypertension or diabetes," said Daniel Alford, who oversees the program at Boston University Medical Center.
Central to the understanding of addiction as a physical ailment is the belief that treatment must be continuing in order to avoid relapse. Just as no one expects a diabetes patient to be cured after six weeks of diet and insulin management, Dr. Alford said, it is unrealistic to expect most drug addicts to be cured after 28 days in a detoxification facility.
Increasing interest in addiction medicine is a handful of promising new pharmaceuticals, most notably buprenorphine (sold under names like Suboxone), which has proved to ease withdrawal symptoms in heroin addicts and subsequently block cravings, though it causes side effects of its own. Few addiction medicine specialists advocate a path to recovery that depends solely on pharmacology, however.
Equally maligned is the idea that psychiatry or 12-step programs are adequate for curing a disease with physical roots in the brain. Many people who abuse substances do not have psychiatric problems, Dr. Alford noted, adding, "I think there's absolutely a role for addiction psychiatrists."
Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11192/1159630-115-2.stm#ixzz1Rnla8Kst
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It seems there is an endless supply of people with “good intentions”, who have made it their mission to “fix” me.
I do understand I have plenty of issues that could use some fixing but not by people who have not walked in my shoes, which are not so big right about now.
They truly believe that if only I follow their advice my life will be “fixed”.
Do they not know that I live my life morally with values so I could demonstrate direction for my sons in choosing between right and wrong.
Do they not know I gave consequences for bad behaviors.
Do they not know I how hard I tried to pick up the pieces left from their fathers suicide.
Do they not know it’s hard to smile all the time when you live with the demon of addiction.
Do they not know that I still get up each day and pray about the things I cannot change.
Do they not know how hard each relapse can be.
Do they not know that even though my son is an addict he is still a person with feelings.
Do they not know I do not want them to pretend my son is dead.
Do they not know I am learning not to enable and to detach with love.
Do they not know I need support not criticism.
Do they not know I sometimes just want a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.
Do they not know I carry enough guilt (warranted or not) on my own, without their help.
Do they not know I have tried everything I know to help my son and myself to live not just exist.
Do they not know I understand that to live does not mean you’re alive.
No, they do not know.
As I think about how these issues affect me. I have to also remember I have been guilty of some of them myself in dealing with my son.
On this path of addiction I have learned from many of you, to listen more to what my child is really trying to say and act instead of reacting. Although I am not doing that so well right now with the good intentioners.
My hope is that people will realize that just because my son is an addict does not mean I was an absentee parent.
I was there to change his diapers, to stay up all night when he was sick, for his first steps, his first day of school, his first surgery, his first broken heart, the first lie I caught him it, the first bag of weed I found, the first pill, the first heroin stamp, the first relapse, the first court appearance, the first stay in Shuman..
No they do not know….
It’s easy to judge from the outside in (isn’t that an inpatient placement place?) which is something I have learned from our journey. I have made a conscious effort to try and not succumb to that temptation with not only people I meet, but also my son.
I believe that I am stronger now, able to stand but every time I get knocked down by a good intentioner, it takes a little longer to get back up. As an addict's mother, I have learned, again from many of you, not to back down. They have stood me up at the gates of Hell (where families of addicts all have seen) but I WON’T BACK DOWN.
I read a saying that time heals all wounds, but even healed wounds leave scars, which will be with us forever. I pray for healing of my wounds so I can start dealing with the scars.
Although I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, I believe I do see a glimmer. So for today I will walk towards it and hopefully someday I will be out of the tunnel and into the sunshine with my boys at my side.
Violet
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 Friday marked day 8 since Bam Bam came home from his placement.
It has been a roller coaster week. Before we were even in the car he started up about wanting his cell phone and that he wants to upgrade to a smart phone.
This had already been discussed and isn't happening for several weeks but he didn't want to let it go. I know that the phone is a huge status symbol for teens but for our teens it is more than that. It is drug paraphanalia. I already have smart controls on his phone so that up to 30 numbers can be blocked, the times he uses it can be controlled, etc. And we've told him, to even contemplate a smartphone he has to pay for the new phone and the monthly data plan (at least 2 months payments, in advance) and insurance. Now, this kid doesn't have a job, no money and even though in this first week he has filled out applications none of them have been submitted. I did take him to get his ears pierced with some birthday money he'd gotten so he did get to fulfill at least one life dream! The tatoo can wait until he is 18!
Before discharge his counselor thought that he should be rewarded for doing a good job and we should bend the rules about no friends for special occasions like 4th of July. We went along with her recommendation on this.
Well, he came home July 1st and then got to spend all day on the 4th with friends. I really don't know all what he did and where he was. He SAID that he was at community days celebration in a nearby borough. He told me he that at least one kid offered him weed but he said 'no' and said that his friend JC told him he shouldn't.
He let it slip that he spoke with Eddie (the kid I most want him away from and that our local police told me that my son needs to stay away from) and then kind of caught himself and said it was on someone's phone. I'll never know for sure.
On his discharge sheet it was recommended that he attend 90 meetings in 90 days. His counselor told him and us that she would be happy if he did at least 3 a week. Well, he hasn't been to any. He says he needs his phone to get contact numbers from people. Fred told him he could use paper and pen but he wasn't going for it. So we'll see if ever makes it to to one.
On Thursday his friend Weezy was going to cut his hair. He had asked me if he could then hang out with him for a couple/few hours and I told him maybe, I would have to think about. Nothing more was discussed. Then on Thursday he does get his hair cut but then he ends up "chillin" with JC, sends me a text message (Fred has generously given Bam his phone) telling me he'll be home at 10. WHAT! He is not even supposed to be out at all. But of course Fred gave him his blessing. I was furious. We get him on the house phone with me on one extension, Fred on the other and of course Bam on the cell phone (which I might add DOES NOT have any controls so Bam Bam can call and text anybody he wants.) and we are talking.
Bam is staying very calm, I'm not (which Fred points out later) and he says his dad said he could be out until 10:00 or 11:00. Fred said he said 9:00, I said he was only supposed to be with Weezy for a haircut and we NEVER finished the conversation on whether or not he could hang out.
Bam Bam of course didn't hear any of that.
He never heard Fred say be home at 9:00 and then Fred is thinking "did I say that??" In frustration I get off the phone and go outside to swim and hopefully work off my frustration. Within 20 minutes Bam Bam is at the fence letting me know he is home
(I found out later Fred went and picked him up at his request).
He is really concerned that I know he came home of his own accord and that he doesn't have to go to court. His 2nd ACT 53 is on Tuesday and hopfully his case stays open.
Friday he had his first aftercare counseling appointment with a therapist that supposedly does dual-diagnosis. We make a follow-up appointment for the next Friday. This place does not do drug testing so I have to do it myself at home or get scripts from his doctors to go to a lab. I do have one from the psychiatrist. The pediatricians office said I can call them when I need one and I can pick it up at the office. I was hoping for a stack of scripts.
Today, he tells me this counselor isn't helping (AFTER ONE APPOINTMENT!) and he wants to do something else like Gateway or something like it (which he failed miserably at). I try to get a test from him but of course he can't comply so maybe later. He tells me it will be o.k. and we told him that's good-he can prove that he is clean.
Meanwhile, during the week he was asking me to buy him NIACIN to help with weight loss. I told him absolutely not and wonder if he has relapsed and wants to try and get it out of his system. I have heard this doesn't really work but the kids think it does.
Anyway, we have had ups and downs this week and now will have to see what happens next. I don't want to seem too negative but I don't think he'll be able to withstand the peer pressure and he is not giving up any of his friends.
He asked me today about when we can get Eddie here to talk to (that is supposed to be the plan-Eddie has to prove himself to Fred and me before Bam can hang out with him.)
Well, how can I prevent them from being together when Bam Bam is out in the community, out of my control? He took a walk yesterday and was in this kids neighborhood. I think he told me so that if anyone saw him I would have heard from him first. Of course, he was going to another kids house. He decided to take a walk while both Fred and I were out of the house.
Back to the work thing-he did try and work for a friend of ours as a laborer but Bam is basically lazy and a hypchondriac so the first day he complained that his back hurt and came home (job was in walking distance) and didn't go back. Our friend gave him another chance and he lasted 2 hours. So goodbye to $10 an hour.
We will see what happens next.....
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I just got this email today from a mother who attended PSST regularly a few years back. I'm not sure if she ever had a pen name. Let's call him Bryson and we'll call her Donna to protect anonymity. 
