PSST meetings are so very helpful, not just for learning techniques and
skills in working with your teens in a non-combative and non-physical
way - but for helping the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and
guardians learn to cope with the constantly changing scenarios these
teens go through.
The incident occurred while I was on vacation with family and Jim only told me over the phone after I had asked a direct question regarding Andy. We all know that feeling of our hearts moving from our chest to the new position - at our feet on the floor - when we hear disappointing news about our children. Addicts or not!
Jim & I chose not to visit Andy in the Juvenile Detention Center. He needed to sit and reflect on his actions and life track he has forged since 2009.
I was dead set on not visiting Andy at his new facility for a few weeks until I had the title role in the PSST Role Play session. After going back and forth with Andy (wonderfully played by Lloyd) regarding who, what, when, where and why this recent incident occurred and where were all the coping skills he has learned in the placements he has been in since 2009. I realized - I WAS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM! I am sick and tired of learning the new rules, levels, steps of placements, visiting time and days, phone privileges, etc. I just don't want to do this anymore; Andy please fix yourself and let us all go on with our lives.
Impossible! Andy cannot fix himself; if he could I am sure he would have done it by now. NO ONE wants to be an addict or have a mental disorder. Andy is very comfortable and happy at his new residence and is always upbeat and pleasant during our phone calls and visits.
Andy is doing just fine! I am the one with the problem...hmmmm...who is the adult here? The role play helped me put my anger and disappointment aside and be the parent Andy needs me to be. Jim & I are all he has. We ALL came to the conclusion last year that we would no longer go toe-to-toe with the dual disorder behavior and resulting legal actions. The three of us will stand beside each other through our life struggles.
I went with Jim the next day to visit Andy and I am so happy I did. I got to tell Andy exactly how I was feeling and that I wasn't going to visit him until I was an active participant in a role play and realized that I was the one with the problem regarding his new residence. Our visit was very nice and the three of us got to talk about some very important issues.
Plan to attend any of the meetings and see for yourself the brainstorming and role playing that takes place each week - The next meeting is Saturday - August 4th at the Juvenile Probation Office in Wilkensburg. ALL ARE WELCOME!
3 comments:
Thanks Cheryl, Your roleplay was so powerful. The room was silent as you told "Andy" exactly how you felt. We are praying for you as you continue the journey. Stay strong!
Alice
Thanks for sharing this post, Cheryl. Your role-play was a learning experience for all of us.
When you take responsibility for your share of the problem you set a strong example for Andy. Sometimes that is the best gift for a teenager. I forget who it was that said, "Our teenagers will often fail to do what we tell them to do, but they will never fail to imitate us."
Cheryl,
I was there when you did the role play and it was very powerful! You were so honest about your feelings and it came through loud and clear. I learned so much that day. Thank you for sharing the results and so glad that it turned out positively.
Brigitte
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